His instinct to reach out and comfort her had shaken him. He must take more care—she had revealed more of her heart than she realised, and that must act as a warning to him to ignore his desires. Leah was happy here at Dolphin Court. She considered it as her home. He would never forgive himself if she felt obliged to leave because he could not control himself. He was her employer; in a position of authority over her. His honour as a gentleman would not allow him to take advantage of such power.
If he were to follow his natural desire and seduce her, the only remedy would be to offer marriage and—quite apart from his own resolve to never wed again—how could he do that to a woman who had just confided in him her ideal marriage was a love match? He was incapable of love. Incapable of making any woman happy.
I would drive her to despair, just as I did Rebecca.
He picked up his glass and tipped the remaining contents down his throat as Leah set her spoon down and rose to her feet.
‘If you will excuse me, I am very tired, sir, and so I shall say goodnight.’
He’d noticed dark circles around her eyes had formed over the past week, suggesting she was not sleeping well—was she still troubled over whatever she had discovered at that meeting in Bristol at the end of January? Maybe he would ask her again about it, but not this evening. He would choose a more suitable time and place.
‘Of course. Goodnight, Miss Thame.’
Chapter Nine
Leah’s cheeks were still burning when she reached her bedchamber. She lit her candle, undressed swiftly, donned her nightgown and climbed into bed, shivering until her body warmed the chilly sheets. What had she been thinking, to reveal so much to Dolph? Her stomach churned and she felt tears scald her eyes. What on earth had she been thinking?
Of all the nights for Lord Hinckley to be absent, this must have been the very worst. She had already been unsettled by Aurelia’s letter when she came downstairs. Sally, the housemaid, had delivered it to her just as she was leaving her bedchamber, having dressed for dinner, and she had returned to her room and read it quickly, her heart thumping with excitement and hope—and joy at having a sister...two sisters...in this world.
But the letter had also reminded her the day was fast approaching when she must leave the children and Dolphin Court. And leaving Dolph—she had found herself, in the weeks since his return, thinking of him by the nickname George used—would also be a wrench, despite knowing there could never be anything between them, for she already cared for him and she had, in recent days, found herself longing for the right to soothe away the grief that still shimmered in his eyes in unguarded moments.
So by the time she had gone downstairs, her emotions had already been in turmoil with that mixture of joy, excitement, dread and pure misery, and then Dolph had unsettled her further with his teasing questions about the letter and then utterly disarmed her when he had revealed his fear the children would never forgive him. Her heart had gone out to him, and the wine had lulled her, and he had been so kind, so understanding when she’d spoken of Mama and Papa, that she had almost forgotten she was talking to him. To Dolph. Her brooding, handsome, rugged employer. It wasn’t until her emotions had threatened to overcome her, and she had felt his hand on her shoulder, offering comfort much as she would do for the boys, that she had come to her senses, eaten her pudding in record time, gabbled an excuse and escaped.
This evening had served as a warning, though. The spark of attraction she’d felt on that first night had not sputtered out but was now a steady flame. Her feelings for Dolph had grown, and she now dreaded saying goodbye.
A feeling of hopelessness washed through her. She had recognised the occasional gleam in his eyes when he looked at her. He desired her, strange as that was to believe. Although she had little experience of men, she did know they seldom found women like her—tall, red-haired and freckled—alluring. Peter and Usk had taught her that when they discarded her after she ceased to be of any use to them—Peter after Papa died, and Usk as soon as he won his wager.
Leah huddled deeper under the bedclothes. She closed her eyes, willing sleep to overtake her, but still her mind whirled with the many changes fast approaching, and her many worries about her future. If she met the conditions of Lady Tregowan’s will, then by this time next year she would be wed. What if her husband turned out to be a scoundrel? Was her judgement of the true nature of men sound enough to protect her and keep her safe, and to sort the decent gentlemen from the rogues? Her record to date gave her little confidence—her experiences with both Peter and Usk proved her lack of good judgement.
One thing was certain... Once she was wed, everything—her life, her future, her inheritance—would depend upon that one man. Her husband.
But she had no choice but to go to London and to try.
Leaving Dolphin Court, and all the people she had grown to care about, was bad enough, but the other side of that coin was what awaited her in her future. How would the three half-sisters be received in Society? Their wealth would help to smooth their paths—money always proved an excellent lubricant—but, as Aurelia had already discovered, there would always be some to peer down their noses at three down-at-heel gentlewomen joining their ranks.
She almost wished she had never gone to that meeting... Then she could continue her life here in blissful ignorance and would not be plagued by this ceaseless uncertainty.
Except...then I wouldn’t have met Aurelia and Beatrice.
Only the thought of her two half-sisters buoyed her spirits. For the most part. Because even that godsend was two-edged—what if they did not like one another? Or what if Aurelia and Beatrice became friends but disliked Leah? She had been so happy to receive the letter from Aurelia, but a pleasant letter did not guarantee an amicable relationship in person, and Aurelia had struck Leah as somewhat confrontational at that meeting with Mr Henshaw. Beatrice seemed more amenable, although mayhap a touch timid.
Leah could only pray the three of them would become friends because, if not, then her greatest fear might come to pass—that she would leave here and that she would end up alone.
* * *
The following day Dolph was in his study, reading a treatise on animal husbandry, when Nicky burst into his study from behind the secret panel that led to one of the secret passages with which Dolphin Court was blessed. Nicky slammed to a halt, his eyes wide with dismay as he saw his father. In his hand he clutched a carved wooden horse: a toy Dolph recalled from his own childhood.
‘Nicky...’ the breathless voice sounded from within the secret passage ‘...you know you are not meant to come this way.’ Leah appeared in the opening in the panelled wall. ‘Oh!’ Her hand went to her hair, which had worked free from the hairpins that normally held every strand strictly in place, and her cheeks flamed. ‘I am so sorry we disturbed you.’
‘You are not disturbing me, Miss Thame.’ But that was untrue. Loose tendrils of hair formed an auburn halo around her head, enticingly, and an image formed in his mind’s eye of her hair tumbling loose around her pale, freckled, naked shoulders. He swallowed, thrusting that image away. ‘This paper is so dull I am in danger of falling asleep. Nicho—Nicky...will you allow me to see your horse?’ Nicky approached him and handed over his toy. ‘I used to play with this when I was a boy.’ Dolph examined the carving. ‘The saddle and bridle were painted blue, and I called him Thunder. And there was another one, with red saddlery, called Lightning.’
‘That is Stevie’s pony.’
‘Ah, of course; you would have one each. Have you given them names?’
Nicky nodded. ‘Mine is Bullet and Stevie’s is Peg’sus. He says that’s what he will name his real pony when he gets one. But he says I can’t have one yet ’cause I’m too little. But I can ride Billy as well as he can.’
‘I noticed Old Billy is still around, but I should think he’s a bit wide for your little legs, Nicky.’ From the corner of his eye he saw a
smile flicker around Leah’s lips as she nodded approvingly. ‘Well...’ and he wondered why he had not thought of it before ‘...I should think it is time for both you and Stevie to have your own ponies—ones the right size for you. I shall make it my priority. After all, it is important for a gentleman to learn to ride from a young age, is it not, Miss Thame?’
‘It is,’ she said. ‘Now, Nicky, let us leave your father in peace. Stevie is no doubt wondering where we can have hidden so successfully.’
She smiled at Dolph. No longer distracted by her hair, he realised the shadows under her eyes were even more pronounced than before.
‘Stevie will not ignore my instructions to avoid that passage, unlike this little imp.’
She ruffled Nicky’s hair and started to shepherd him from the study as Dolph pushed the secret panel shut with a click and wished he could behave half as naturally with his sons.
‘Papa?’
‘Yes, Nicky?’
‘I’m going to be in the cavalry when I grow up. I’m going to fight with the Duke of Wellington and beat Napoleon.’
‘Now, Nicky.’ Leah flashed a smile at Dolph. ‘You know Napoleon has already been beaten, and I doubt the Duke will still be fighting battles when you are old enough to join the cavalry.’
‘But I want to fight. Stevie doesn’t even want to, and he’ll only be an earl when he grows up and that’s boring. Like lessons.’
Dolph bit back a laugh as his younger son’s scornful gaze scanned his desk. ‘Nicholas. Apologise to Miss Thame, if you please,’ he said. ‘It is impolite to call her lessons boring.’
Nicky hung his head. ‘I’m sorry, Miss Thame.’
‘I accept your apology, Nicky. Now come.’
They went out into the hall, but before Leah could close the study door, Nicky peered back around its edge.
‘You will not forget about our ponies, Papa?’
‘I won’t forget.’
‘Can I tell Stevie?’
‘Yes, of course you may.’
‘Hurrah!’
Dolph heard the scamper of feet as Nicky ran off. On the spur of the moment, he called, ‘Miss Thame?’
She reappeared in the study, her eyes wary. ‘Sir?’
‘I should like to speak with you—a matter I cannot discuss in front of the children. Would you arrange for someone to watch the boys for a short while, and come back here?’
Better to quiz her about what was causing sleepless nights here, in the daylight, than risk another too-intimate conversation after dark.
An anxious frown creased her forehead. She inclined her head. ‘Of course. I will take the boys up to the nursery. Cassie will watch over them.’
* * *
Fifteen minutes later, having left the boys in Cassie’s care and scraped back her wayward hair, pinning it ruthlessly in place, Leah descended the stairs and crossed the large entrance hall to the study door. She couldn’t quell her apprehension as she paused and smoothed her palms over her hips. Had he noticed her infatuation with him last night? She’d tried to hide it, but that proved trickier without Lord Hinckley to provide a distraction.
Or was he unhappy with the way she cared for and taught the boys? She believed she struck the right balance between work and play—and he’d seemed to take their invasion of his study in good part—but many parents failed to recognise the necessity of physical activity for boisterous lads.
What if he sent her away? She wasn’t ready to leave. Not yet. She pushed aside the sly inner voice that whispered maybe it would be for the best if he did send her away—from him. He was part of the reason she was still reluctant to leave, but she also hated the thought of leaving the children before she absolutely must, even though they were already more relaxed around their father. That excuse for delay was rapidly receding.
She sucked in a steadying breath, straightened her shoulders, lifted her chin, knocked on the study door and entered.
Dolph was at his desk, writing. He raised his head and smiled briefly. ‘Do take a seat.’ He indicated the pair of wingback chairs set either side of the fireplace. ‘I shall be with you in a minute.’
Feeling calmer, certain if he intended a reprimand he would do it at his desk, Leah sat as bid. But that sense of calm did not last, as her worries over the future once again scurried around inside her head.
‘Have you discussed your dilemma with anyone yet, Miss Thame?’
His Lordship’s quiet question interrupted her constantly circling thoughts. His grey eyes studied her, and she saw nothing other than kindness and concern in their depths. Appalled, she felt her throat thicken. Sympathy... She could cope with anything other than sympathy. She swallowed down her emotion and stretched her lips in a smile.
‘You are mistaken, my lord. There is no dilemma.’
He raised one brow and indicated Leah’s lap. Looking down, she saw her fingers busy pleating and repleating the wool of her gown. She released the fabric and smoothed her skirts, her face heating.
‘Or perhaps it is my fault?’
Her gaze flew to his as her stomach turned a somersault. Had he indeed noticed she had developed a tendre for him?
‘Do I make you nervous?’
‘No!’ Instinctively, she touched the hard shape of Mama’s ring beneath her gown.
A smile played around his lips. ‘I thought not, judging by the way you usually speak your mind. Look... Miss Thame... I do not suggest myself as confidant, but I hope you will take my earlier advice and confide in a friend—perhaps Miss Strong? You deny the existence of a dilemma, but my observations of you since my return tell me you are increasingly troubled.’
His observations of me?
Leah’s breath seized at the thought he had taken such notice of her. She moistened her lips and swallowed again, this time to try to quell the fluttering in her stomach.
‘I am surprised you would notice such a trivial matter when you have so many responsibilities.’
His smile was puzzled. ‘Would you rather I remain oblivious when someone in my household is troubled? Allow me to help. Please. Miss Strong is your friend, is she not?’
‘Yes, she is.’
‘In that case, if you would like to confide in her, you only need to say the word and I shall arrange for one of the servants to care for the boys during your absence.’ His grey eyes twinkled. ‘I fear, Miss Thame, I shall have to allow you yet another half-day off.’
His words kindled a warmth inside her. He was so hard to resist. He was kind. He talked to her as another adult, not as a servant, and he cared. Oh, not in the way she longed for him to care about her, but he did care for those around him. He was a good man. She felt it deep in her soul.
‘Thank you, sir. I shall think about it, and let you know what I decide.’ She rose to her feet. ‘If that is all, I must return to the children.’
* * *
After Sunday service the following day Leah noticed once again how Lord Hinckley danced attendance upon Philippa, paying her extravagant compliments, which, to be fair, she appeared to thoroughly enjoy. He also appeared on excellent terms with the Reverend Strong, who, in Leah’s opinion, really ought to discourage His Lordship for his daughter’s sake—could he really believe an earl would contemplate matrimony with a country vicar’s daughter?
Worried Philippa would be hurt, Leah garnered her courage to broach the subject with Dolph.
‘I know His Lordship is your friend and guest, but do you see now why I was concerned about his behaviour?’ she said, low-voiced, as they stood shivering by the carriage with the boys, waiting for Hinckley to join them.
The temperature had fallen dramatically over the past couple of days, the weather having turned cold and dry with bright, sunny days and a sharp frost every night. The village pond had already frozen over.
‘I do, and I admit I share your concern to a certain exten
t. I fear Miss Strong is unaccustomed to such casual flirtations as are normal within Society, and she might believe George’s attention to be genuine.’
Leah frowned. ‘He is lying to her, then?’
‘It’s not that simple. Gentlemen in our world are expected to flirt with ladies, and they often pay extravagant compliments that are without substance, but the ladies of the beau monde are worldly enough not to attach too much significance to such behaviour.’
The pitfalls ahead of Leah loomed large. She would be seeking a husband among men of a similar character and outlook as Hinckley, and she had already proved she was as unworldly as Philippa. Look at how she had fallen for the lies of both Peter and of Usk.
She watched as Hinckley bowed to Philippa, clearly saying farewell. They both looked rapt as they gazed at one another, and Leah frowned, doubtful all of a sudden. Could she be worrying over nothing?
‘They do look smitten with one another.’
‘Oh, I have no doubt George is smitten...for now. But he is a man who regularly fancies himself in love—it’s in his nature—and I have seen this too often to trust his adoration will endure this time. I have warned him to take care, however, and reminded him of her inexperience in matters of the heart.’
Anger stirred on Philippa’s behalf. In Leah’s opinion, Hinckley should take responsibility for his own behaviour. He was a grown man... What right did he have to treat Philippa as a convenient way to pass the time, leading her on? Leah liked Lord Hinckley, but this made him appear as no better than Lord Usk when he had fooled Leah into kissing him. Or, even worse, than Lord Tregowan, who had seduced Mama, an innocent, and then offloaded her onto another man like a second-hand coat.
Hinckley finally joined them and, as they climbed into the carriage for the journey home, Leah decided she would accept Dolph’s offer of time off to visit Philippa. The need to unburden herself to a friend had become almost irresistible, and she could at the same time warn her friend to treat Lord Hinckley with caution.
The Rags-to-Riches Governess--A Cinderella Regency Romance Page 9