“Tell me about your book,” he said quietly, keeping her close enough so that she could easily hear him.
And she did. She was ordinarily circumspect about her work. It was a very private thing to Annabeth Sparks, writing, but with Kirk, she felt like she could tell him, and he’d understand. As they waited in line, in no hurry to snake forward, she described the intricate plot. He asked enough questions to show that he was listening, and not so many as to be annoying.
By the time they’d reached the top of the queue and stepped into a car of the Ferris wheel, she realized she’d been talking so long that she’d let him buy the tickets.
“Hey!” She playfully slapped his leg as the ride lurched forward, just far enough to load another passenger. “I meant to get those.”
He slanted her a teasing look. “You can get them next time.” Deliberately, he lowered his gaze to the pulse point that was beating like a trapped butterfly beneath the fragile skin of her neck. “Or pay me back using whatever means are at your disposal.”
Her eyes were heavy, her heart racing, her lips parted. She shifted in the seat, so that she was facing him more fully, but in doing so, she brought her legs into complete contact with him.
“They were two bucks apiece?” She asked breathily, wanting him to kiss her more than anything in the world.
He furrowed his brow. “I wasn’t serious. About wanting you to pay me back.”
Her smile was slow and heavy with suggestion. “I know.” She reached into her pocket and pulled out ten dollars. She handed it to him.
“Now I owe you,” he said thoughtfully.
“Exactly.” She nodded. It was the worst possible idea. Wasn’t it? Possibly. But she couldn’t stop herself from wanting him. Wade was safely at home with Cassandra, and Kirk was here, now, locked in a private car on the Ferris wheel, zooming towards the stars and heaven with her, and only her.
She sighed into the balmy summer’s night. She needed him to kiss her with every single cell in her body.
“I must have some loose change somewhere,” he murmured, leaning imperceptibly closer.
“Nope. Money won’t cut it.”
Kirk sighed, pulling her against him. But it was a hug. A bear hug. A friendly grip, rather than the passionate kiss she desperately wanted. Only the hard and fast beating of his heart beneath her gave any sign that he was as moved as she.
“Beth, you’re the one who said we can’t do that anymore. And you’re right.” He couldn’t believe he was hearing the words coming out of his mouth. “It’s too complicated.”
Disappointment seared her soul as though she’d been burned.
She nodded jerkily, glad he couldn’t see her face. “You’re right,” she whispered. “You’re not just someone I can have uncomplicated sex with. Guilt-free kisses on the Ferris wheel. That was stupid of me.”
“No,” he shook his head, pressing another kiss against her hair. “Not stupid. This feels like the most natural thing in the world, and if there was no Wade, then maybe you and I would be able to work through the past.” He thought of his own backlog of secrets and lies, the truth of who he had become, and all that he hadn’t told her, and he shut down his heart.
“But there is a Wade.”
“Right. And we can’t get him caught in the middle of something while we work out what the hell we want.”
“I know, I know.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. But she knew what she wanted. She wanted her life back, and her life was nothing without Kirk in it. The last five years, she’d done her best to build a meaningful, satisfying existence, and for the most part, she’d succeeded. On paper, she had everything she could ever want. A great group of friends in a lovely community, a relationship with her dad that was better than ever, and a beautiful boy who was healthy and clever and loved her to bits. But Kirk was the cherry on top, and finally, she understood that.
“I heard a rumor you’re staying in town a while,” she said, fingering a small tear on the knee of his jeans.
His stare was direct. “You heard right.”
Hope raced inside of her. Surely he wouldn’t stay in town unless he wanted her, too?
“I plan on being in Wade’s life, Beth. I’ve already missed so much.”
She looked away. Wade. Of course he wanted to be a part of their son’s life. That had nothing to do with her.
And she was selfish to be thinking only about her body’s hunger for this man instead of the life they’d created. “What do you want to know?”
He frowned, stroking her gently as he thought about it. “Everything.” His smile was sardonic. “I wish I’d known. I’m so sorry, Beth.”
Her voice cracked with a weight of sadness. “Why didn’t you read my letters, Kirk?”
He paused a beat. “Honestly?” He looked down at her and felt the familiar lurch in his stomach. “I knew I’d change my mind.”
She frowned. “About us?”
He nodded.
“And that would have been bad thing?”
“Yeah,” he agreed, remembering the moment when he’d been informed, for the first time, that his body would never work again. The moment he’d realized he’d just be a burden to Beth; beautiful, young, energetic, loving Beth, who’d fallen in love with the high school sports star. No way could he let her end up with a husband in a wheelchair.
“Why? What am I missing?”
He wanted to tell her. He wanted to tell her everything. But it was such a long story, he didn’t know where to start. And once he’d told her, then what? Would she still love him out of a misplaced sense of duty? He stifled a groan. “War changes people. In ways you can’t imagine.”
“So make me understand,” she pleaded, squeezing his leg.
“Why? So you can feel sorry for me?” He had made sure to sound light hearted, but inside, he was filled with self-derision. It was exactly what he’d wanted to avoid. He couldn’t see pity in her eyes. Once upon a time, she’d looked at him as though he was the man who could save the world from disaster. She had thought him strong and fearless and powerful. No way could he have her look at him now and see the extent to which he was weary and broken.
“No. I don’t know. Would I feel sorry for you?”
He slanted her a thoughtful look. “You’d feel sorry for anyone and anything, Beth. Your heart’s too soft.”
She leaned back in the vinyl bench seat and stared down at the revelers far beneath them. He was wrong. Her heart was only soft for Kirk. She’d always been a sucker for him. She was now, just as much as ever.
“I’m glad you’re staying around. For Wade’s sake.”
He didn’t meet her eyes. “Me too.”
As the Ferris wheel continued upwards, lifting them almost to the top of the circular ride, she remembered something. “Don’t you have a wedding to go to tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” he smiled. “Rosie wouldn’t have missed this for the world though.”
“She came here the night before her wedding?”
“Yeah. She and Cam aren’t really traditional. She said she’d rather spend the night before their wedding dancing with the man she loved than getting girly pedicures and shit.”
Beth rolled her eyes at Kirk’s expression, but then, she laughed. “I think she sounds like a smart girl.”
“Yeah, she’s a catch.”
“How’d they meet?” She was glad to be talking about something easier. Safer ground than their pot-holed past.
“Work. Cam’s my CFO and Rosie was one of our architects. They butted heads, in a big way, over the cost of a project we’re doing in Seattle. Sorting it out involved a lot of weekend trips and apparently, somewhere between budget meetings and planning sessions, they realized the reason they were fighting so much was because they were in love.” He shrugged off the overly-sentimental story. “He’s happy.”
“Yeah, he seems it.” She’d only met Cam a handful of times. He’d been a serious, study-focused person in the past. If he’d met someone who could
make him relax and enjoy life, then she was happy for him.
“Everything all sorted for the wedding?”
Kirk laughed. “The Navy could learn a thing or two from Rosie’s military precision. You should see the checklist I’ve been given. I’m pretty sure every minute of my day is accounted for tomorrow, from sun up onwards.”
“Sounds like fun,” Annabeth teased, bumping her shoulder to his.
“You should come.” He blurted the words out, and even as he said them, he wondered what the heck had come over him.
“Oh.” Fear grabbed at her heart; panic, too. She shook her head. “Thanks, but it’s not really my place.”
She swallowed and looked away. She didn’t belong at a family wedding. Not with Kirk. She was just some girl he used to know. Some girl he’d got pregnant and forgotten about.
The Ferris wheel spun downwards, bringing them back to earth. As they got close to the starting point, she stuck her hand out and waved, to get Muddy’s attention. Just about everyone from the town had been pressed into service in some way or another. Muddy was helping with the rides. “Hey! Can you let me off?”
“Sure thing!” He called, giving two pudgy thumbs up in further recognition.
“Hey, Beth, did I say something…?”
When Beth looked at him, all of the grief she felt was on her face. “I don’t know what to do, Kirk.” It was a whisper. “I want you in Wade’s life. I really do. But I can’t have you in mine without feeling… confused as hell.”
He nodded, completely understanding what she felt.
“It kills me that I don’t belong at a family wedding. You’re the only man I’ve ever loved. The only man I’ve ever made love to. We have a child together. But I’m nothing to you now.”
“Hey,” he put his hands on her face, stroking her cheeks. “Not nothing.” She was everything, but how did he even start to explain that? That she meant so much to him he’d stayed away for her sake?
“Forget about it,” she said, her voice shaking.
“No, I don’t want to. I just need… hell. I don’t know. Come to the damned wedding, Beth. You belong there. You belong with me.”
Hope inside of her was quickly extinguished. She hadn’t wanted him to stay with her just because of a child, and she didn’t want him inviting her places out of pity.
“Here you go,” Muddy said, opening the slide gate.
Gratefully, Annabeth pushed out, bursting back into the crowd in the hope of getting some space from Kirk.
He caught her easily. “Hey, don’t run out on me.”
“What choice do I have?” She yelled, feeling like her heart was breaking into a thousand new pieces.
Choice. Life was all about choices, and in that moment, staring down at Beth’s beautiful, anguished face, he made his.
“Come with me. I need to show you something.”
CHAPTER TEN
“What is it?” She asked breathlessly, as he pulled her behind him, away from the crowds. There was a wall of tents, with fairy lights strung between. He ducked between a row. They were alone. In the midst of all the madness, it was just the two of them. Somewhere out there, the carnival atmosphere continued, the noise swirled, the lights flashed, and people laughed. But in the darkened alley he’d pulled her into, the world had ceased moving.
“What is it?” She repeated, curiosity taking over every inch of her body and soul.
His voice was made rough by emotion. “There was never anyone else, Beth,” he said urgently, releasing her hand and staring down at her.
Confusion swamped her. “What… what do you mean?”
“I lied.”
“Why? Why did you break up with me then?”
He heaved out a ragged breath. “You know what I trained in, right?”
She shuddered. “Yes. Bomb disposal.”
“Well, yeah. Explosive Ordnance Disposal Tech. But same thing. Bomb disposal.” He furrowed his brow, choosing his words wisely. “I had a knack for it, Annabeth. Still do. I run training in Annapolis once a month.”
“I thought you discharged?”
He nodded. “From service, yes. My role now is academic.”
“You always wanted to be in the Navy.”
It was the only thing he had loved as much as Annabeth. “Yeah, well, shit happens.”
“What happened?” She demanded, not going to be put off by his vague rhetoric.
“I’m getting to it,” he promised. He put his hands on his hips and stared up at the starlit sky.
Annabeth waited, trying to be patient, but she had to strangest sense of certainty that she was about to get the missing piece of the puzzle.
“They called me Killswitch, because I never met a bomb I couldn’t undo.” His smile was pained. “Until that last time.”
His eyes locked on hers, and she saw a glimpse of how tormented his soul was.
“Kirk?” She whispered, reaching out and putting a hand on his arm. “What last time?”
“If I’d had another minute,” he spoke quietly, staring into her eyes without seeing her. “But the bomb was at an airport. We had to go through every suitcase, every wall; it was a nightmare. Just me and a few other guys.”
“What happened?” Her heart flipped over in her chest.
Kirk took a step backwards and lifted his shirt, pulling it over his head.
His chest was just a wall of ridged abdominals. Perfect enough to take her breath away. Slowly, hesitantly, he began to turn around.
She only caught a glimpse of his scarred, reddened back before Emma burst through the same gap in the wall of tents that they’d walked through moments earlier. But what she saw made her gasp in horrified response.
Kirk’s skin, so golden and caramel, was hideously marked. All down his back, there were scars and twists, tears in the fabric of his body. Tears sprung to her eyes.
“I thought I saw you guys come this way,” Emma called, and Kirk immediately pulled his shirt back down. He kept facing away though. His heart was racing. He needed a second to compose himself.
Annabeth wasn’t sure she could talk. When she spun around, her face was drawn, her skin pale. Emma didn’t notice. “Oh my God, guess what?” She squealed, and for once, she didn’t stare daggers at Kirk.
Annabeth tried to smile but her mouth felt like she’d eaten a mound of sawdust.
Emma looked over her shoulder, towards a beaming A.J following her.
“What is it?” Annabeth finally found her vocal chords.
“We’re engaged!” Emma jumped up and down on the spot.
“Oh, guys, that’s great,” Annabeth said in a voice she hoped rang with enthusiasm. Though she was genuinely ecstatic for her best friend, her brain was obsessively focusing on what Kirk had just shown her. What he’d started to tell her.
“I know! I was so surprised! I just can’t believe it!”
Annabeth pulled them into an embrace. She’d never seen Emma so completely overjoyed.
“You’ll be my maid of honor, of course?”
“Of course,” Annabeth agreed without a moment’s thought.
“And can we borrow Wade as a Page Boy?”
“He’d be honored,” Annabeth said, a wink at A.J.
A.J’s chuckle was indulgent. “Lots of time to plan out the details, angel.”
“I know, I know! I’m just so excited!” Emma kissed A.J., and completely lost herself in the moment. Annabeth waited, but after a while, it became evident they’d forgotten she was there. Emma and A.J. were alone in the privacy of their love.
She turned around, to suggest she and Kirk find somewhere far more quiet to finish their conversation, but he was nowhere in sight. With a sinking heart, she said one last, whispered ‘congratulations’ to her in-love friends, and went in search of her ex-fiancé.
He was nowhere in sight. After almost half an hour of searching, she came to the conclusion that he must have left the festival.
“Damn it,” she muttered, frustration rushing through her. S
he had been so close to comprehending; to untangling the mess that ran between them. She closed her eyes and saw his back, and fear tore through her. “Shoot!” She ran back to the main stage, where A.J was about to start his performance. Emma was, of course, standing in the front row of the assembled crowd. “Me, can I borrow your truck?”
“Sure. I’ll get a lift with A.J.”
Emma didn’t even look at Annabeth as she handed the keys over. Her eyes were glued to the man on stage.
Annabeth ran from the festival, towards the dusty field that had been turned into a makeshift car park. She revved the engine and left the celebrations behind.
She had to see him.
She drove to La Cachette in record time. Everyone seemed to be at the show; the roads were deserted.
She cut the engine and stared up at the mansion. A solitary light beamed out to her. Kirk’s room.
Annabeth ran up the front porch and pushed in the door. “Kirk?”
He stood up from his bed, catching the ball he’d been pitching back and forth against the wall in one hand.
Of course she’d come to him. She wasn’t going to leave things as they were. Deep down, he’d known she wouldn’t be able to let it go.
He pulled his door open just as she appeared.
“What are you doing here?”
“Oh, God, did you think I wouldn’t come?” She pushed into his room, and stared at him.
“I saw your face, Annabeth. You’re disgusted.”
“Yes!” She agreed, walking back to him, and putting her arms around his waist. “Damned right I’m disgusted. I’m disgusted that you got hurt like that. I hate that it happened to you.” Tears stung in her pale blue eyes.
He disentangled her hands and moved away from her. “No. My back disgusted you.”
She frowned, wiping at her eyes. “No. That’s not true.”
“I saw your reaction.”
“I was shocked! You’re completely scarred. I felt sorry for you, not disgusted by you.”
“I don’t want your damn pity!” He yelled, his eyes like ice in his handsome face.
Color slashed her cheeks. “Well, you’ve got it.”
“No.” He looked away from her, his profile autocratic.
“Kirk, I don’t care what you look like.”
Raising the Soldier's Son: So what if they share a history? That's in the past. And it's staying there. (Hometown Hero Series Book 3) Page 11