by Judith Pella
Victoria teetered on the edge of her seat in order to peer out the window and take in the Washington sights. She’d only made this trip on three earlier occasions, and it had been well over a year since the last one. Carolina decided not to chide her for her conduct. She was only a baby, after all, and there would be plenty of time for growing up and accepting adult edicts. She thought of Maryland, who drove their mother to near-panic by running up and down the grand staircase at Oakbridge. Margaret had feared that Mary would one day die from a broken neck after taking a tumble down those stairs. No one had expected yellow fever to steal the child away on a peaceful summer’s night. Carolina touched Victoria’s dark curls, as if in touching them she could bring back a pleasant memory of her sister.
“I mentioned apologizing,” James said, suddenly opening the conversation. “I meant that. I was harsh and narrow-minded when last we spoke. I hope you will forgive me.”
Carolina lowered her face. “It is I who should apologize. I was unthinkably rude to suggest the things I did. You had every right to get angry.”
“No, I didn’t.” James’ voice compelled her to look up. His eyes locked on her face and refused to look away. “You were very right in your concerns.”
Carolina felt her breath quicken. “I was?”
“Yes. The problems you suspected . . .” He paused and glanced at Victoria as if trying to decide how much to say. “The problems with the P&GF were valid.”
“They were?” She could scarcely believe he was saying these things. To admit them was to incriminate his own father.
“Unfortunately they were. However, I intend to find a way to straighten out the entire mess. That was the other reason I had wanted to see you in Baltimore. I realize now is hardly the time or place, but rest assured, I intend to arrange a meeting with you and your father to discuss the matter. I doubt seriously my father will attend, but nevertheless, we will endeavor to set the record straight.”
“I’m stunned. I . . . well, that is . . . I appreciate your honesty, James.” She relaxed against the plush leather upholstery.
“I owed you that much,” James replied. “And much more.”
Victoria grew bored as they passed from city to country. With a yawn, she leaned back against Carolina. “How much farther before we get there?”
“Quite a few miles, and the roads are a bit mucky, it appears,” Carolina answered.
“Yes, we’ve had several rather heavy rains, but it seems dry enough. It will only slow us a bit,” James said, smiling at the young child. “You are a very pretty girl, Miss St. John, and may I say that your coat and bonnet are quite fetching.”
Victoria beamed under such praise. “My mama picked them out for me. She said green suited me.”
“And indeed it does,” responded James.
Carolina looked down at the new coat and bonnet and laughed. “Most colors suit Victoria, but she outgrows them nearly as fast as I can hand over the coin to pay for them. She’s already grown two inches this last year.”
“Well, you shall be a very handsome woman,” James said with genuine affection, “just like your mama.”
Carolina felt her cheeks grow hot and pretended to fuss with Victoria’s bonnet. “Why don’t you rest against me while we travel, Victoria. Perhaps a nap will pass the time more quickly.”
“I don’t want a nap,” Victoria pouted, even while struggling to hide another yawn. But it wasn’t long before her eyelids grew heavy and the rhythmic rocking of the carriage lulled her to sleep.
James watched them for a time before speaking. “I hope you know I meant that compliment.”
Carolina looked at him and saw the sincerity in his expression. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“And I really am quite sorry for my anger during our last meeting.”
“I, too, apologize,” Carolina said, seeming to surprise James. “I suppose I just wanted to hurt you.”
“Hurt me? But why?” He was genuinely intrigued.
Carolina swallowed hard. “I suppose revenge. I wanted to get back at you for hurting me.” At his puzzled expression she held up her hand to ward off his question. “I know it was childish, but it hurt me very much when you went away without a word.”
“I tried to tell you that I was leaving. I even went in search of you, but my father was demanding that we leave—”
“What are you talking about?” Carolina asked.
“The day I left Oakbridge. I truly tried to find you and explain my feelings to you.”
Carolina smiled. “I was speaking of when you left Washington and my sister.”
“Oh.”
The silence hung painfully between them. Finally Carolina summoned up her courage and whispered, “Why did you leave?” He met her gaze with such intensity that Carolina felt her cheeks grow warm.
“Because I was in love with the wrong sister,” he said simply.
Carolina felt her heart pound harder in anticipation of her most secret thoughts becoming spoken declarations. James had loved her. He’d just said it. She felt woozy and weak inside. Surely for the first time she had a hope beyond the despair that had followed her from the night of her coming-out party. He loved her six years ago. But was it too late now? Was there someone else?
As if reading her thoughts, James chuckled bitterly. “Oh, what a mess. If only I’d been honest and forthright. If only I’d been truthful with you then, it might be my ring and not St. John’s that graces your finger.”
Carolina felt her eyes grow wide. He didn’t know! He didn’t know that she was a widow—that St. John was dead. Barely able to breathe, she knew words were impossible. Instead, she pulled off her left glove and held up the ringless hand.
He looked at her for a moment as if trying to decide what it all meant. His expression was such that Carolina’s next words came out in a mere whisper. “St. John is dead. Ours was only a marriage of convenience for the sake of this precious child. I never loved him, nor did he love me. That’s why I will not wear widow’s weeds.”
James shook his head. “It can’t be. I cannot believe it.”
Carolina, feeling rather shy, bit at her lower lip before answering. “It’s true enough. It’s just me and Victoria now. She has no one else.”
“I won’t pretend to be unhappy by this news,” James replied. “Is it too late for us to make amends for the past? Is it too late to start over and make a new life . . . together?” he asked, looking at her with such passion that Carolina thought her heart might burst.
“My father would say it’s never too late to make things right.”
James searched her face. “But could you love me? After all that’s happened. Could you forget . . . forgive?”
“I fell in love with you . . . without meaning to,” Carolina said, her voice trembling. “I knew you were intended for Virginia, and it made me feel so guilty. I felt scandalous, if not downright sinful, in losing my heart to my sister’s intended, but Granny always said you couldn’t choose who your heart picked to love. And my heart picked you then.” She smiled and squared her shoulders for confidence before looking back at him. “It picks you now.”
James’ face seemed to light up with a glow of triumph. “Then before I ask you properly to be my wife, I must tell you everything, lest there be any secrets between us.”
52
The Gloves
Carolina listened intently as the miles passed by. James poured out his heart and explained all that his father had done. She was angry, she had to admit, but her anger wasn’t directed at James. Nor, she assured him, did it change her feelings for him.
“I’m afraid,” he said, still finding it impossible to believe they were having this conversation, “that if we do not act quickly, your father’s good name will be ruined along with my father’s. Of course, I’d like to keep my own father from a hangman’s noose if it is at all possible.”
Carolina looked at him with sympathetic understanding. “I wouldn’t want that, either. As much as I resent you
r father risking my father’s capital and our dream, I don’t want that.”
“There is something else you should know.” James suddenly felt an urgency to share his newfound salvation with Carolina. “I’ve only recently reconciled myself to God. Some very dear friends helped me to see the error of my way and to find the truth in Christ. I must say, until that moment, the truth had never been of much concern to me. Getting by, easing my way in life—those were the important things. But now I see things differently. I see the value in seeking God’s will over my own and of following His plan for my life. I won’t promise to be perfect at this, but I am trying.”
Carolina surprised him by grinning. “You aren’t the only one who is trying, Mr. Baldwin. I reconciled my life to God after Mary died, but let me tell you it has been sorely tested ever since. I’ve made many mistakes in trying to learn about trusting God, and like you, I’m only coming to understand what truth is all about.”
“Then it would seem everything is settled between us. I’ve shared all matters with you that pertain to my secretive past.” He smiled and reached out gingerly to take hold of her hand. “I only wish I’d known sooner. I only wish it would have been me with you in Baltimore. I envy St. John.”
“Don’t,” she said flatly. “The man was incapable of love. He felt only anger and bitterness over the deaths of his wife and son. He’d have nothing to do with Victoria and disappeared from the house shortly after we married. I only agreed to such a thing because he threatened this baby.” Carolina used her free hand to gently stroke Victoria’s head.
James felt a surge of elation. “You mean, you and St. John weren’t . . . that is to say . . . he never . . .”
Carolina shook her head quite seriously. “Never, and now I suppose all of my secrets are out as well. I make a most unusual widow, wouldn’t you agree?” She allowed a rather coy smile to accompany her words.
James laughed boisterously, and Victoria stirred and moved away from Carolina to snuggle against the upholstered corner of the carriage.
Seeing that he’d nearly awakened the child, James quieted and asked, “So is all forgiven?”
“Forgiven and forgotten,” Carolina replied. “But before you ask your question, I have one to ask you. If we marry, can you love Victoria as your own? Will you be a father to a child who has never known a father’s love?”
James felt his heart swell with pride. Love that child? Without a doubt he could love her, if for no other reason than that Carolina cherished her as her own. “I would be proud to be her father, just as I would be proud to be your husband.” He slipped across and squeezed into the free space beside Carolina. Pulling her into his arms, he sighed. It seemed forever that he’d longed to hold her like this. Her sigh against his ear indicated her own sense of contentment.
“Marry me, Carolina. Marry me and make me the happiest man alive.”
“Will you let me continue to study? Will you teach me about the railroad and all manner of masculine things?” she asked teasingly.
James pulled back only a bit and leered a grin. “There are a great many masculine things I intend to teach you about.”
Carolina blushed crimson and lowered her face. “I’d rather have no other teacher.”
James lifted her face gently and lowered his lips to hers. “So long as I live, there will be no other teacher save your loving husband.”
He kissed her long and lovingly, feeling her melt against him, stirring his heart and soul to passion. He pulled back breathlessly, almost frightened at what he felt for her. The intensity of his longing was more than he’d expected.
Feeling moisture form on his brow, he reached into his pocket for his handkerchief, but his hand touched Carolina’s gloves instead. Remembering them now, he pulled them out and held them up. “I have no ring to place on your finger, at least not yet. But these belonged to you long ago, and I took them in hopes of finding a young, sorrowful girl who wandered in the orchard ready to bid farewell to her dreams. I intended to hold them up as a banner, as a symbol of the hope beyond her sorrow.” He smiled and took up her left hand in order to place one of the gloves upon it. Slowly, methodically, he eased her fingers into the stiff glove, kissing each finger before hooking the button at the wrist.
When he looked up again, there were tears streaming down her face. “I was taken away from you before I could explain,” he whispered, “but I’ll not be taken away now. These gloves represent both our past and our future. Will you marry me, Carolina?”
Nodding, she whispered, “Yes, James. I’ll gladly be your wife.”
53
New Beginnings
Carolina and James married at Oakbridge on the twenty-ninth day of October. Both had agreed that wasting any further time was in keeping with nothing but silly traditions and observations. Both knew, as well as Joseph, that Carolina’s marriage to Blake St. John had been a sham, and even Victoria was delighted at the prospect of having a new father.
The wedding was quite simple. Georgia and the Major arrived barely half an hour before the ceremony. Virginia, miserable that Carolina was marrying James, stood scowling with her husband while Lucy acted as matron of honor and York stood as best man. Virginia had made it quite clear that Carolina was jeopardizing the family name by marrying so soon after becoming a widow, but no one paid her any heed.
Carolina felt a sense of relief and accomplishment that her wedding should take place in the home she’d always known and loved. This was the place where she’d fallen in love with James; it seemed only fitting that she should seal her life together with his in this same house. She felt blessed to have her family gathered round her, and felt an honest sorrow that James’ parents could not be present for their celebration. Leland had refused to attend, whether because of his embarrassment at James knowing the truth of his deception, or his concern at leaving Edith in her illness. Edith’s health weighed heavily on James’ mind, and Carolina knew it was his deepest regret regarding their wedding day.
Her own regret came in the absence of her mother. Lightly fingering the satin of her mother’s wedding gown, Carolina felt her eyes well with tears.
“Are you ready, my dear?” Joseph asked in a joyous tone. Seeing her tears, his expression grew quite serious. “What is it?”
“Mother.” The simple word said it all.
Joseph nodded. “You look very much like her just now. I was taken back in time for a moment.” He touched her wet cheek. “She is here with you in spirit. Her mind may be confused by the sorrow of her loss, but her heart is unchanged in her love for you. Remember that.”
Carolina nodded and attempted a smile. “I will, Papa. I promise.”
“Now come. This is to be a happy day,” he said, taking hold of her arm and leading her to the doorway.
When they reached the parlor, she looked up to find James awaiting her, and this time the smile came more easily. “It is a happy day,” she murmured. “The very happiest day of my life.”
“But I don’t understand why you have to rush off,” Georgia declared from the refreshment table.
“I’ve already told everyone else,” Carolina said, radiant in her new status as Mrs. James Baldwin. “James and I are taking places on the B&O’s celebration trip to Cumberland. It’s our own informal honeymoon. We will hurry back to Baltimore and leave Victoria with Mrs. Graves, my housekeeper, then on the third of November, we’ll journey west and see exactly what they’ve managed to accomplish with the railroad.”
“How dull,” Georgia said, rolling her eyes. “The Major took me to Paris for our honeymoon.”
“I offered her the moon,” James laughed, “but if there isn’t a railroad to be had on it, Carolina wants nothing to do with it.”
“I’m surprised to learn that you’d have time for such folly,” Virginia said rather bitterly. “You never seemed to have time for such things when we were planning a wedding.”
A hush fell on the room as all stunned faces turned in disbelief to Virginia. It was impossible to
imagine even Virginia being so indiscreet.
“I think that’s enough, Virginia,” Hampton said, taking an obviously tight grip on her upper arm. “This is a day of celebration, and we wouldn’t want to dampen spirits by bringing up old memories.” He leveled a glare at Carolina, which told her he hadn’t made this announcement out of any sympathy for her cause. She rather believed it was more his own embarrassment that caused Hampton to put Virginia firmly in her place.
“Well, I for one shall miss you dearly,” Joseph said, raising a glass of punch to the happy couple. “To you and to James, I wish only the very best. It seems a long overdue happiness.” Everyone but Virginia raised their glass and drank to the couple.
“What about me, Grandfather?” Victoria asked, pulling on his coat.
“Yes, what about you?” Joseph said with a wink. He raised his glass again. “To my granddaughter Victoria, may you grow healthy and strong and keep your heart ever belonging to the Lord.”
She beamed him a smile and giggled. “Mama says that always loving God is the only way to be happy.”
“Your mama is a wise woman,” Joseph replied, catching Carolina’s pleased expression. “You know,” he added suddenly, “I believe it would be quite a treat for us if Victoria were to stay on here while you and James take your wedding trip.”
“Oh, could I, Mama?” Victoria questioned excitedly.
“I suppose we should ask your new papa. After all, he is in charge of our family now.”
James laughed. “As much as any man is ever in charge of a houseful of progressively minded women.”
Everyone enjoyed his jest, while Victoria came to take hold of James’ hand. Seeing the intensity of her expression, Carolina held her breath, wondering how James would respond to his new daughter.