She stood from the table.
“Ok, so that is my sign to leave.” She said turning and heading for the door.
“You wait a damn minute.” I said to her back.
She stopped walking and slowly spun around to face me.
“I am committed to doing what I have to do to keep my family together. You are too young to understand what a commitment is. You won’t even be around for very long. Don’t you see? Do you really think he really wants to divorce me and take you home to his traditional Italian mother? Show off his black whore? I am the only permanent fixture around here. When he is finished with you, he will find another slut to sink his teeth into. It’s just sex.”
I could tell now she was livid.
“If that were true you wouldn’t be here offering me this stupid ass deal.” She said walking back over to me.
“Because of what I did, I am going to excuse the fact that you just called me a whore, a slut and not good enough because I’m black. I am trying to be civil and nice because you are Mikey’s mother and I do love him dearly.”
She sighed placing her hand on her hip.
“You say your family is important to you. What you didn’t say is that you love your husband and that you are here to fight for him. What YOU need to do instead of bringing me here trying to blackmail me into convincing Michael that this dumbass deal is worth taking, is be a wife to your husband and get rid of the need for me.”
It was at that point I lost it and my image was the last thing on my mind.
“You stupid bitch! If you loved my son as much as you say you do, then you would not be sleeping with his father and ruining his family.”
She had the audacity to laugh.
“Look, I didn’t come here to fight. I know what I did with Michael was wrong. I should never have gotten involved with a married man. I am so sorry for that. But you are focusing on the wrong person. You don’t know how many times I have tried to call Michael off, to end it with him. ”
I looked around and noticed the other diners in the restaurant were staring at us. A few of them I knew. I was mortified. I grabbed her arm and guided her out the dining room and out the door.
Once outside, I resumed the conversation.
“Just take the deal.” I said folding my arms across my chest.
She let out a loud audible breath.
“Do you love your husband?” She inquired softly.
I was getting really tired of this conversation.
“You listen, do you think that if I didn’t care for my husband I would be here with his mistress working out a deal. My main concern is his happiness.”
She laughed.
How dare she laugh at me!
“You care for him? That’s it? Wow you are a piece of work. I can say it. I love Michael. I love your husband.”
I was so angry I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to lash out at her but I was trying to keep my cool. This was not how this day was supposed to turn out.
She turned away from me and walked towards the parking lot.
“You didn’t answer my question.” I asked.
She stopped and turned with her hands on her hips.
“You didn’t answer my question either.” She said
“And what question would that be?”
“Do you love your husband?”
I was beyond angry and frustrated. I felt like I was begging here. I kept thinking about Selena and I knew that I was not ready to go down that road. As long as I had Michael in my life I knew I could keep my mind focused and my legs closed around Selena. I dared not think of what I would do if he were not around…
“Excuse me? Do you love your husband?”
“Look you smartass. I don’t have time for this.”
She hung her head for a second.
“No, I won’t let you do this. I can’t let you do this to Michael.”
I was confused.
“What are you talking about?”
“Michael told me how awful you treat him. He doesn’t believe you love him and I refuse to help you trick him into staying with a woman that treats him like garbage.”
“You have no idea what you are talking about.”
I could not believe that Michael told her I treated him like trash. I was taken aback. He was confiding in his mistresses now? He was unbelievable.
“Just tell me you love him and I will think about the deal.”
It should have been great news but for the life of me no matter how hard I tried to say it…I couldn’t say the words. Plus, what did I need to prove to her.
I watched her shake her head.
“The deal means nothing. But if you really need an answer,” she said walking back towards her car.
“My answer is no.”
***
I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking about things, my life in general. I couldn’t let everything that I worked for just disappear. My family would never forgive me if Michael and I divorced. As much as I hated to admit it, Maxine was right. This is not just fun for Michael; he really truly wants to end this marriage.
But what do I want?
I had spent hours reliving my childhood and searching myself to see what I wanted. I realized Selena was not entirely wrong.
I was starting to have feelings for her. Feelings that I didn’t think were possible to have for another woman. The last time I felt like this for a woman, my mother found out and made me swear that I would never pursue my sinful ways again. I devoted my life to swallowing those feelings and pursuing the life from which my family would benefit.
I entertained the possibility of a divorce and immediately dismissed it. I have worked hard to be a good catholic woman, a good mother and wife. Whenever I visited my family, they were proud to see how well Michael and I were doing and I cannot give in to my fantasies.
My family would disown me if Michael and I got a divorce. I would be blamed and my mother would always wonder if I screwed it all up because of my deep dark secret.
I was at home sitting at the kitchen table lost in my thoughts when he entered. He headed straight for the refrigerator and retrieved a carton of orange juice. He set the juice on the counter, reached in the cupboard, pulled out a glass and began to fill it.
Not one time did he acknowledge me.
I watched him drink his orange juice and waited. He finished his drink and placed the soiled glass into the sink. Finally he turned slowly folding his arms across his chest.
“You look as if you have something to say to me.” He said nonchalantly.
Since he has confessed he wanted a divorce, he doesn’t even try anymore to be nice to me. He was snippy and barely said two words. I have for the past two weeks spent dinner either alone or with Mitchell.
“I was just wondering when you were going to acknowledge your wife.”
He sighed.
“I haven’t had a wife in so long I wouldn’t begin to know how to address her.” He said coolly.
I took another sip of my tea crossing my legs.
“Wow, why so snippy? You act as if I cheated on you.”
He smiled.
“The jury is still out on that one.”
I hated when he talked to me like that.
“Are YOU accusing me of cheating? That is the funniest thing I have heard all day.”
He rubbed his hands over his eyes. He walked over to the table and took a seat next to me.
“Maria, I found a pair of your panties in the kitchen.” He chuckled.
I dropped my eyes and just stared at my tea. I was hoping he would not read much into that.
“Maria, do you want something from me?”
There were so many things that I wanted. I wanted to keep my secret buried. I wanted my life back. I wanted my self-respect back, but what did I want from Michael?
“Yes, Michael I have a proposition for you.”
His eyes narrowed.
“What kind of proposition do you have in mind?” He skeptically ask
ed.
This was it I thought. This was my last chance. This was my last resort. I need this marriage to work. The cover it afforded me allowed me to make my family happy and keep my secret locked in this little box forever. I needed him to stay.
I cleared my throat.
“Well, it seems the main issue in our marriage centered on sex.”
He chuckled a little and shook his head.
“Dear, let me finish.”
He sat at attention folding his arms across his chest.
“Ok. I want to offer you a way to have your cake and eat it too.”
He smiled.
“I do not see that as a possibility. Maria, would you stop beating around the bush and get to the point? I have an appointment in a few minutes.”
“With Maxine?”
He froze. He started to say something then stopped. I took a sip of tea.
“Yes Michael. I know about your little dark beauty. She is quite something if you like that sort of thing.”
His eyes, finally showing some emotion, flared.
“If I like that sort of thing, huh? How did you find out about Maxine?”
I uncrossed my legs.
“Well, I went through your things and found her number tucked away in your desk drawer, in your second cell phone and I read every text message that you two sent to each other.”
He started to speak.
“Oh dear, I knew you would be angry, but I had to see who got you so worked up.”
His green eyes were full of fury.
“And…” I said standing, taking my mug to the sink. “We had a very nice chat at lunch today.”
I am certain he is no longer just angry. He is livid.
“You had lunch with Maxine?”
I smiled.
“Oh yes dear. It was a very interesting conversation. For some reason we talked an awful lot about you and I even offered her the same deal.”
He ran his fingers through his hair.
“What is this proposition Maria?”
I walked back over to the table and took a seat.
“I am proposing you continue this sexual relationship with Maxine on a confidential basis and also continue to be a good father and husband to me and your beautiful sons.”
He chuckled.
“So you want me to stay with you and have Maxine on the side for the rest of our lives?”
“Yes.”
He leaned back in his chair folding his arms across his chest with a smile on his face.
“There are quite a few problems with this deal.” He pointed out.
How can there be a problem? I am offering him every man’s dream. What could possibly be an issue?
“What could you find wrong with this deal?”
He leaned in across the table.
“For starters, we no longer make each other happy and there is no way Maxine would agree to be on the side for the rest of her life.”
“Does she not want you that badly?” I said.
Though I needed him to take this deal, a part of me wanted to push his buttons.
He reached over and grabbed my hand.
“Do you really want to stay in this unhappy marriage? I know I do not and will not. I care about you Maria. You are the mother of my children and you will always be a part of me, but I cannot do this anymore.”
This conversation was not going the way I planned. He stepped from the table and started to walk out. I could not let him leave. A wave of new emotions took over and I could not control myself. I grabbed him and he swung around to face me.
“Don’t you dare walk away from me!” I screamed at him.
Tears started to cascade down my face.
“You are not just going to leave me.”
Concern clouded his green eyes and he wrapped his arms around me as I cried. This was the first time in a long time that I let him touch me. Maybe it was because I knew it wouldn’t lead to sex. We stayed that way for a few minutes then he sat me in a chair at the table.
“Look, Maria. You have to finally be honest with me. I need to know. Are you truly still in love with me? I need to know.” He said searching my eyes for an answer.
I wanted to tell him that I did love him. That I needed him to stay, but for some reason, the words never made their way out my mouth.
“If you truly love me Maria, say it and I will stay. I will stay and we can keep on trying to work it out. Screw any other woman. I will be the man and the husband that you need. Just say the words.”
I was stunned by his words. Those were the same words Maxine wanted me to say earlier. I was still struggling.
“Do you still love me?” I said softly
He sighed
“I love you. You are the mother of my children. I will never stop caring or loving you. All you have to do is say it. Say that you love me and I won’t go anywhere.”
He reached over and softly caressed my cheek.
“I love you Michael.” I knew that those words would keep him here and keep our family intact. I needed him to stay.
I closed my eyes. I felt him lean over and kiss me. I kissed him back for the first time in months. I felt his tongue find mine and something occurred to me.
Kissing him did not satisfy me the way it did when Selena kissed me.
I had to know. I had to know if what I felt for her was real. I moved and straddled Michael. He seemed surprised, but did not stop me.
He lifted me onto the table and continued to kiss me softly. I didn’t object when he unbuttoned my blouse exposing my white laced satin bra. He placed kisses down my neck and slowly let his tongue flick in and out. I was done with the foreplay so I grabbed his pants and unzipped them.
He must have felt my urgency so he released his hard throbbing cock and slipped his hands under my skirt slowly stroking me through my panties. He pulled them down my legs and tossed them onto the floor.
When I felt his tongue gently graze my clit I felt a sense of déjà vu. It felt so good, but it wasn’t the same. When he entered me I was not prepared. I held on as he thrust in and out.
He felt such passion and pleasure. I could see it in his face. Right before he came inside of me, he called out my name and told me how much he loved me.
I watched him as he sat in the chair catching his breath.
“Wow that was amazing.” He said smiling.
I didn’t move.
I don’t think he noticed that I felt disgusting.
“I’m going to go clean up.” He said.
He kissed me on his way out
I never cried harder in my life.
Maxine
Driving in my car, I noticed spring was settling in beautifully. The trees were lush and fecund and the birds were back singing happy tunes.
On this day in particular, I would have went to the park with Julia, but Michael called and he wanted to meet me.
Lately when he called I would come running it seemed.
Over time, I have gotten used to having him around. I longed for his voice, his smile, and the sensations he gave me when I was near him.
It turned from a “good fuck” to “making love” quite quickly. Even when he called me and asked me to meet him, I was giddy. Giddy? I have not been “giddy” in years.
Sigh.
I swore after my last relationship, I would not fall for anyone. After Timothy, the sun didn’t shine so bright anymore. I spent my time locked in Mikey’s apartment moping around and crying for days. When I finally emerged I was different. I was a different woman and someone I didn’t recognize.
Being with Michael has begun to put me back in touch with the person that I used to be and I love him for that.
That’s right. I love him.
I was in denial for a while, but after meeting with his crazy ass wife I knew that my feelings ran deeper than just sex. I also realized why he was running away from this woman. I had to admit she had balls for offering me a deal like that, but she’s still crazy.
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