One night while studying for a psychology test, Lisa noticed that I hadn’t turned a page in the past twenty minutes. Hopping off her bed, she grabbed two red cups and a bottle of wine she had smuggled in.
“Alright, space cadet, it’s wine time,” Lisa said plopping down in the chair across from me.
I looked up, surprised to see her sitting there. I was so lost in my thoughts, I didn’t notice her until she shoved a red cup of wine at me.
Sitting back in the chair, her feet propped up on the desk, she asked, “Are you going to tell me who you were spacing out about?”
“I was concentrating,” I said just before I took a sip of wine.
“Yeah, you were concentrating. What’s his name?”
“Who’s name?”
She shook her head. “The guy you cry about at night in the bathroom.”
Her words caught me off guard. “I didn’t know you heard me. I went in there so I wouldn’t bother you. Sorry.”
“So spill.”
“Nobody, really.” I was ashamed of myself for saying those words. Noah won’t ever be a nobody to me, even if I never see him again. “I mean, he was someone very special, but isn’t in my life anymore.”
“I got to call bullshit on that one. We’ve been here over a month and I’ve heard you crying at least once a week and…um… what’s with the sleeping around?”
I choked on my wine when I heard the words come out of her mouth. “Excuse me?”
“I just didn’t peg you as being a sausage biscuit.”
“A what?”
“A sausage biscuit. You seem to open your biscuit for every sausage you meet.”
“No, I don’t!” I wasn’t really offended by her. I was more shocked that I gave out that impression. I wondered if other people thought that.
“You and I have gone to four parties since we’ve been here and you’ve already hooked up with three different guys that I know of. You’re either trying to forget someone, get even with someone, or you’re just a good old fashion sausage biscuit. I add the crying into the mix and I figure you’re trying to forget someone.”
I took a long sip of wine and tried to decide whether I wanted to share all that was Noah with her. I’ve always had a hard time opening up to people. Noah was the only person I did that with. Maybe if I talked to Lisa, get it out in the open, the pain would hurt less.
“His name was Noah, we grew up together as best friends, and now we’re not.” I took a gulp of wine. It felt good to open up.
She sat up and pointed her finger in my direction. “You listen to me, beotch. I did not open this five dollar bottle of wine for the abridged version of your high school heartache. Details. Now.”
We stayed up late that night, drinking wine and talking. I told her most of the details of my life with Noah. It was a relief to talk about it. Lisa was great. She listened, but never judged.
I had slept with two guys and made out with one since moving here. I met all of them at frat parties that were thrown every weekend. I had moved in the weekend before classes started. Lisa was a sophomore, so she already knew a good many students here. She invited me to a party one of her friends was throwing. I went only because I thought it would be good bonding time for us. Besides, I needed a Brad replacement. I still craved that momentary relief that came with being with a guy.
I didn’t have to necessarily get drunk when I was with Brad, although it did help. These college parties were pretty overwhelming and I didn’t know anyone besides Lisa. A few drinks helped loosen me up, so it had become a weekly activity. It didn’t interfere with my grades, so no harm was done. I had no problem approaching guys after a drink or two. I didn’t just pick random guys. I would study the crowd for a little bit. I had to be attracted to them somewhat and feel reasonably safe.
I met Matt at the first party I went to. He was cute. Black hair, dark brown eyes, tall, fairly good body. He didn’t have muscles and wasn’t toned like Noah or Brad, but that didn’t really matter. He was kind of funny, at least he thought he was. The first weekend I was here we met, got drunk, and hooked up. There was no awkwardness in the morning because I was out of his room before he woke up. Matt was a junior theater major, so we rarely, if ever, crossed paths during the week.
The next weekend I met Jacob. Again, he was cute and we hooked up, but the next morning Jacob was under the impression we were in a relationship. Bye, bye, Jacob.
Then there was Thomas. He was a little creepy, so I just made out with him all night at one of the parties. I went back to Matt. He was tolerable, uncomplicated, and would do for the time being.
Matt and I started hanging out more than just the weekend hook up. I suppose you could say we were dating. I liked him, alright. I would never love anyone except Noah. He was the love of my life, my soul mate. No one would ever replace him.
Lisa was not happy with my choice in boyfriends. To say she hated Matt would be an understatement. She tried at least once a week to convince me to breakup with him.
“Where are you off to?” Lisa asked.
I hesitated for a minute and threw on my jacket. “Matt is picking me up and we’re going for a bite to eat. You want to go?”
I knew exactly what she would do. She’d roll her eyes, shake her head, and try to get me to come to my senses.
“Hell no, I don’t want to go eat with that asshat with his asshattery ways. Anything I ingested would come right back up if I sat across the table from him.”
“I don’t understand why you hate Matt so much. You said you didn’t know him before he and I met and he’s always been nice to you.”
“I don’t give a shit if he’s nice to me. What I don’t like is how he treats you.”
“He treats me okay.”
My stomach started to quiver. There had been a few times that Matt had been mean to me in front of Lisa, but he was under a good bit of pressure with classes and a theater production he was in.
“Amanda, he treats you like shit. The way he talks to you, calls you to go out then never shows up, flirts with other girls in front of you. God only knows what he’s doing behind your back.”
“Do you know something?”
“No.” Lisa walked over to me. “I don’t mean to hurt your feelings. It’s just, you deserve better than that asshat.”
I gave her a slight smile as she drew me into a hug.
Pulling back from her, I said, “Thanks, but I really don’t.”
There was a knock on the door. Lisa crossed the room and opened it.
Over her shoulder she said, “Amanda, the asshat’s here.”
“It’s always such a pleasure to see you too, Lisa,” Matt said sarcastically. “Hey Stick.”
That was his nickname for me. He thought I was stick thin. He gave it to me one night after we had slept together.
Rolling off of me he said, “Fucking you is like fucking a stick. Hey, I just stuck my stick into a stick. That’s your nickname, Stick.”
He thought it was hilarious. I hated it. In fact, I cringed every time he said it.
“Is that what you’re wearing?” he asked.
“Yeah. Why?” I had on jeans, a blue sweater, and my black and gray peacoat.
“It would be nice if you fixed yourself up sometimes. Danielle always looks hot even when we’re just at rehearsal.”
Danielle was the female lead in the play Matt was in.
“I think I look nice,” I said.
“Nice is stretching it a bit. You look okay.”
Out the corner of my eye, I could see Lisa gearing up to let him have it. I quickly grabbed his elbow and rushed out the door before there was a bloodbath.
Like most young girls, I bought into the fantasy of finding Prince Charming, your knight in shining or plastic armor, your hero. You’re told that one day, you will find him and your world will be filled with rainbows, pink ponies, and lollipop fields.
The thing no one ever mentions is the definition of “fantasy”. By the time you figure out that
rainbows are rare, pink ponies don’t exist, and lollipops don’t grow out of the ground, you’re screwed. You kiss frog after frog waiting for him to turn into a prince, but a frog only knows how to be a frog.
It was the weekend before Thanksgiving break. One of the fraternities, I never knew which one threw the parties I went to, had one final big blowout before we all left for the holiday. As usual, the people were packed in the house like sardines, the music was loud, and the beer was flowing freely.
Matt and I had been there for about an hour and we were already pretty drunk. We made our way around the house, stopping to chat with some friends. Actually, Matt chatted with his friends. I was so happy when I finally found Lisa in the crowd. She was as drunk as I was.
“A-MAN-DAAAA!!” she yelled, wobbling towards me.
We hugged each other like old friends who hadn’t seen one another in years.
“I love this girl! She’s my girl! Not in a lesbionic way. Fellas, I’m still up for grabs and grabbin’!” she slurred.
“You’re so drunk.”
“Damn straight, baby. I’m seeing three of you right now. Hey, where’s asshat?”
“He’s right behind me.” I turned to grab Matt’s hand, but he wasn’t there. “He must be getting us another drink or talking with someone,” I said.
Just then a strong muscular tattooed arm snaked around Lisa’s waist, pulling her back against a chiseled naked chest. The guy buried his head in the crook of her neck and started kissing it. She let her head fall back on to his tatted shoulder.
“Who is that?” I asked in a loud voice.
“I have no idea, but I’m about to find out.”
She turned and faced him. He picked her up, her legs wrapped around him, and they disappeared into the crowd.
Two more beers and forty-five minutes later, I was still looking for Matt with no luck. I passed Lisa and her tattooed mystery man twice. I didn’t know if she ever found out his name, but from the looks of it, she was getting to know him very well.
I was tired and ready to leave with or without Matt. I would just walk back to my dorm. I staggered through the crowd heading for the door when I felt a hand grab my arm and jerk me back. I fell into Matt’s arms.
“Where have you been?” I asked.
“Right here.”
His eyes were glazed over and he had a permanent grin painted on his face. He backed me up into a corner and started feeling his way up and down my body while kissing my neck.
“Matt, are you high?”
“Just a little,” he said against my skin. I could smell it on him now that we weren’t in the middle of the crowd. I pulled away slightly. “That’s why you left me, to go get high?”
“No. I left you because I saw Danielle. She looked awesomely hot. I needed to ask her something.”
“For almost an hour?” I asked, getting more annoyed.
He took a handful of my hair and studied it. “Have you ever thought about getting those highlighty thingys in your hair like Danielle? They might make you look hot.” I shoved on his chest, but he didn’t budge. “…er, hotter. I forgot the er.” He started laughing as he leaned into me, taking my lower lip into his mouth. Then I heard it.
“Everything” by Lifehouse floated through the room and hit my ears. I jerked my head away from Matt. I had to get out of there. I hadn’t listened to that song in over five months.
“Matt, stop it. I want to go.”
“Well, I don’t. I want to take you in the bedroom and fuck your brains out. Come on.”
He grabbed my wrist and started tugging me through the crowd towards the back of the house. I struggled to pull my arm free.
“Matt, I don’t want to!” I yelled.
“Come on Stick. Don’t be mad because I hooked up with Danielle a little bit. She primed me up. All you got to do is lay there.” The grip he had on me had gotten so tight my arm started to burn. “You want me to get rough with you like before? You liked that. I know you did.”
He yanked on my arm one last time, causing me to fall against him. He pinned my hands behind me and started kissing my neck again. I kept struggling, but he had a strong hold on me. We didn’t draw attention from anyone around us. They were either drunk, high, or hooking up.
All of a sudden my hands were freed, dropping to my side, and I saw Matt stumbling backwards away from me.
“Shit! What are you doing, dude?!” Matt yelled.
I looked up and saw Noah standing there with a handful of Matt’s shirt.
“She doesn’t want to go with you, dickhead.”
Noah’s eyes were concentrated on me. They were warm and caring while his entire body was tense with anger.
Matt shrugged out of Noah’s grip. “I’m her boyfriend.”
“I don’t give a fuck who you are. She’s not going anywhere with you,” Noah snarled.
“Fuck you, dude. Come on, Stick.”
Matt reached for my arm. I stepped aside at the same time Noah grabbed his shirt, spun him around, landing blows to his stomach and then jaw. Matt stumbled and fell into the crowd of people standing behind him. Quickly grabbing my arm, Noah weaved us through the house and out the door.
Once we reached the front yard, I jerked my arm free and stopped walking. “Noah? What are you doing here?”
When I first saw him, I wasn’t sure he was real. Between the song playing and being drunk, I thought I was hallucinating.
He turned to face me. “Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?” I shook my head. “It’s cold, put this on.”
He slipped off his jacket and held it open for me. I slipped my arms through the sleeves and he wrapped it around me. I felt warm and comforted. It smelled like Noah, like an orange.
“I’ll go back and get your coat later,” he said.
“How did you know where I was?” I was in a daze. What were the chances of Noah showing up when I needed him, while our song blasted through the speakers?
“I didn’t. I had just walked in and saw you. Brooke came up here for a bachelorette party with some of her girlfriends.”
Oh my god, he asked Brooke to marry him.
I couldn’t say anything. I hadn’t been in contact with him for six months. You would think news like that wouldn’t impact me that much now, but it did. Our time apart hadn’t lessened my feelings for him in the slightest. Tears started falling from my eyes. Immediately I brushed passed him, walking quickly in the direction of my dorm.
Noah yelled after me. “Tweet!”
I was continuously wiping tears away. I hadn’t heard him call me that in so long. I started picking up speed until I was jogging across campus. I could hear Noah behind me. I picked up more speed until I was in an all-out run. I made a sharp right to cut across the grass in the courtyard. I got half way across when my left foot landed wrong, twisted, and caused me to crash to the ground.
I rolled over and sat up. As I rubbed my ankle, I started to cry harder, partly because of the pain in my ankle and partly because of the pain in my heart. Noah jogged up and fell to his knees next to me.
“Are you okay?” he said, trying to catch his breath.
“Just leave me alone, Noah.”
“I’m not leaving you alone out here. Why did you run from me?”
I struggled to stand up as best I could and tried to take a few steps. I winced in pain as I put the slightest pressure on my ankle. Noah got up and reached for my arm, but I jerked it away. I tried to take another step before falling into a heap on the ground.
“Would you let me help you?” He knelt down beside me.
“Noah, just go back to your fiancé.” The word caught in my throat like a cotton ball.
“Is that why you ran from me?” I didn’t answer. I just continued to rub my ankle and cry. “Tweet, she’s here for a friend. It’s not Brooke’s bachelorette party. I haven’t asked anyone to marry me.”
I wasn’t looking at him, but I could feel his smile. The bastard.
“Then why are you here?”
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“Travis goes here and has been asking me to come up. Brooke didn’t want to drive all this way alone. I figured it would be safer for her if I came, and…”
“How boyfriendy of you.” I couldn’t help how snide that sounded.
“…and I was hoping to see you.”
I lifted my gaze up and looked into his beautiful light blue eyes that I have missed so much I ache. He examined my face for a long moment. “God, I’ve missed you. You have no idea how much,” he whispered.
Moving in closer, he cupped my face in his hands, running his thumbs along my cheeks and wiped away my tears. “I hate when you cry, Tweet.” I gave him a shy smile. “Let me take care of you.”
He stood and extended his hand to me. When I placed my hand in his an electric jolt sped through my body. Not one thing had changed in six months. He still affected me just as much as he always did. Noah pulled me to a standing position. When I put a little weight on the ankle, there was pain.
“Can you walk?” he asked.
Biting down on my bottom lip, I just shook my head. The next thing I knew Noah picked me up, cradling me in his arms. My breathing started to accelerate and warmth traveled to every inch of my body. I had missed the feeling of his protective arms around me.
“Won’t Brooke be mad if she finds out you carried me all the way back to my dorm?”
He twisted from side to side looking around, swinging me back and forth. We both started laughing.
“I don’t see her around. Besides, she wouldn’t want me to leave you out here. She’s not like that, Tweet.”
I didn’t respond. I knew Brooke was his girlfriend and he was supposed to stick up for her like any good boyfriend would, but I didn’t want to hear him do it.
We headed toward my dorm. “Oh, by the way, I live on the fourth floor.”
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