by Lily Ryan
She nods. “It’s been a long day. I have to go to sleep.” She pulls her hand away from me and looks out her window.
This time I don’t argue. I don’t protest. And I can’t shake the feeling that this is a crossroad that will change our relationship forever.
Chapter 43
Olivia
I have five messages on my answering machine. I don’t bother listening. Most likely they’re from my pissed off parents. I felt the vibrations of my cell phone through my pocketbook in the car. You’d think when they realized I wasn’t going to answer, they’d stop calling.
If they haven’t stopped yet, chances are they won’t until I answer. At least if I do, I can hold the phone away from my ear and let them rant.
“What?”
“Livie? Is that you?”
Oh, shit.
The voice is familiar. My stomach drops, like a broken elevator from the penthouse to the basement. Normally hearing his voice sends me into a tailspin of excitement and anxiety. Not this time. I have enough to think about, this barely even blips on the radar.
“You’re old number didn’t work, and I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for a long time.”
“What do you want?”
“I want to wish you a Merry Christmas.”
“Great.”
“I miss you.”
I don’t answer. My mouth is dry. Why is he calling now? Tonight?
“Can we go to dinner? It’s been such a long time and I have so much to tell you.”
“No deal.”
“Baby, please. I miss you, and I want you back.”
“I’ve got to go.”
“No, Livie, wait!” I hear the desperation in his voice. How many times did he pull me, like a magnet, back to him with that half-panicked-half-I’ll-do-anything-for-you voice? Not now. Not anymore.
“Don’t call back. I have nothing to say to you.”
Without waiting for a response, I press the button to end the call. I don’t need to deal with any more drama at the moment. And Nate is drama squared. The last time I walked away from him had been tough.
I was crushed. Shattered. I didn’t stop crying for a month. But it was the right thing to do. I promised myself I’d never go through anything that painful again. Nate needs to stay where he belongs, in my past.
Hearing his voice does something good for me. It helps me realize what a bonehead I am. I hurt Lucas. Not on purpose, but I saw the hurt in his eyes when he left. I don’t want to hurt him. Under any circumstance.
Lucas is my future. If anything, this phone call solidifies that. I think about calling and asking him to come back to my apartment. I don’t really want to be away from him. My father just made me so angry. He made me question my judgment. It’s not like we’re getting married in a month. We didn’t even talk about setting a date. He could’ve congratulated us and then pressed the issue another time.
Either way I shouldn’t have let my dark mood color my relationship with Lucas. I lay in bed wondering how I could make it up to him, until a very serious thought crosses my mind and I know it’s time to go to sleep. Maybe Lucas is right. Maybe we should elope.
Chapter 44
Lucas
I toss and turn all night. My bed feels huge. It seems so big and cold without Olivia next to me. I miss her. Just a few hours apart and I feel like I lost a part of myself.
I didn’t like the way we left off and consider calling her in the middle of the night just to say “I love you.” She needs to know we’re doing the right thing. But I don’t want to smother her, so I lay in the dark trying to force sleep to come.
I think about how much my life changed over the last few months. I never thought I’d consider marriage again and yet here I am, engaged. I swore I’d never step foot in my father’s house, yet I did. And I survived. I even faced Stacy with a small amount of dignity intact.
I owe it all to Olivia.
The life I’m planning with her promises to be complete and fulfilling. Since she entered my life everything has changed. I went from being an insincere douche to being me again.
And I’m happy.
I didn’t think I’d know happiness again. I owe her so much. Why can’t I bend once more? Why not have one more encounter with my father just to make her happy?
Because the thought of the son-of-a-bitch sends ice through my veins. But one smile from Olivia could melt the largest iceberg. One dinner. In a public venue. I can handle that.
Maybe.
*
The morning can’t pass quick enough. I need to see Olivia. I need to make things right. I have a plan and hope it satisfies her.
I adjust my schedule so I have an extra hour for lunch. First I stop at a florist and buy a bouquet of mixed flowers. I know they’ll make her smile. It’s a start. I park my car outside my father’s office and sit for twenty minutes struggling with my conflicting emotions.
In the end, what she feels outweighs my anxiety. I force myself out of the car. If I take one step at a time I can do it. I look around before walking through the front door searching for something. I just have no idea what.
I find my courage once more and enter the building. With long strides and flowers in hand, I approach the receptionist.
The same middle aged, overly made up, petite blonde I spoke to a few weeks earlier mans the welcome window. I hope she won’t remember me. My embarrassing exit felt more like a murderous getaway than a casual walk out of the office.
“Hello.” I smile, flashing my dimples her way. “I’d like to see Dr. Stillwell.”
“Are you a patient?” She asks looking down at her schedule, not making eye contact.
“No,” I answer steadily in spite of my throbbing heartbeat.
“Do you have an appointment?” This time she looks at me, a trace of annoyance on her face.
I lean my forearm on the counter between us and shift my weight forward. I speak low so only she can hear, making sure to keep the smile glued on my lips. “Dr. Stillwell isn’t expecting me.”
“Well then, I’m sorry. I can make an appointment for you, or you can leave your number and a message,” she picks up her pen and notepad.
“That’s not necessary.”
I reach out and touch her hand. It’s a move that often brings me results. Girls get giddy when they think I’m flirting and will gladly hand over what I want. This woman is older. A little more experienced than my usual target. She wears a quizzical look, trying to figure out if I’m being kind or hitting on her.
“Pardon me?”
“Perhaps I should introduce myself,” I continue with my voice low so only she could hear. “I’m Lucas Stillwell.”
A look of surprise and recognition washes over her face.
“I haven’t seen my father in some time and hoped to surprise him. I’ll just be a minute.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry, sir.” Her heavily mascaraed eyes grow wide and twinkle as my words sink in. “It’s so nice to meet you, Mr. Stillwell.” She stands and shakes my hand. “Of course we can make an exception for you. I know the Doctor will be thrilled to see you!”
“Thank you.”
“He’s never too busy for you. That was the first thing he told me three years ago when I started working here. If you came to the office, he was to be interrupted no matter what.”
“Thank you very much.” I give her hand a tiny squeeze, still smiling in spite of the lump in my throat.
“He’s in a meeting now, but he should be finishing up any minute. Shall I show you back to his office?”
“That’s okay,” I wink. “I know the way.”
I head past the receptionist into the back, past the waiting rooms with patient files sitting neatly in their holders on the doors, straight to my father’s office.
The door’s closed. I swallow hard contemplating cutting my losses and running, but decide against it. I could handle an encounter with my father, especially if I keep my mind focused on the reason for it. Olivia. There
’s nothing I won’t do for her.
Poised to knock I hesitate. Someone’s speaking. A woman. I recognize the voice coming from within the office.
“Please sir, I am not at all comfortable being in here with you,” the soft female voice says.
A cold chill paralyzes me. I know that voice. It’s her.
“I’m sorry, Olivia. Have I done anything to make you uneasy?”
My heart pounds loud and angry. I think it’s going to explode. I can’t breathe. I feel like I’ve been kicked in the groin by a Clydesdale.
He made a move on her. That son-of-a-bitch made a move on my Olivia. I want to tear him apart, but I can’t force my feet to move. I stand frozen and eavesdrop.
“Of course not. I just know this would upset Lucas. And that’s reason enough for me.”
I swallow hard. Oxygen fills my lungs. I can breathe again.
He didn’t do anything. She won’t give him the opportunity. Just like she promised.
“Understandable. When I heard the news I wanted to offer my congratulations. That’s all.”
Footfalls approach the door. I panic and look around searching for someplace to hide. Olivia can’t find me here listening. She’ll think I don’t trust her.
I see the employee’s only sign and dart into the bathroom door along the wall perpendicular to my father’s office. I make it inside seconds before he and Olivia step out.
Standing in the dark I try to calm my racing heart. Shielding myself behind the door, I know I’ll make it look worse if I get caught from breathing heavy. Still I can’t help myself. I watch through the crack of the door jam. I look and listen to the rest of the interaction, praying no one finds me here.
“If you don’t mind my asking, was it worth losing your son?”
I can’t believe my ears.
My father forces a sad smile, “Nothing in this life is worth losing your family. Especially the family I had.”
“I’m sorry, I have no right to …”
He interrupts her, and places his hand on her shoulder for reassurance. “My dear girl, you have every right. You are going to marry my son. That gives you the right to call me on the carpet when I deserve it.”
Olivia hesitates before continuing, “Why did you do it? I mean, you’re a good looking man. You’re a doctor. I’m sure you could’ve had anyone you wanted, why her?”
He shakes his head. “I’m not going to try to justify what I did. It was wrong. End of story.”
“I didn’t mean to offend you.”
“You didn’t. I’m just stating the facts. Why her? I can’t answer. I used poor judgment and allowed her to play on my insecurities.”
“So she pursued you?”
Wishing I wasn’t hearing this conversation, I wonder why she wants to know. Is she interested in him as well?
My father shakes his head. “I’m not going to make excuses for what I did.”
“Fair enough.”
“Olivia, I love my son and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to make up the pain and humiliation I’ve caused him.”
“If that’s true, let’s make certain we’re clear on a few things. I will not be a messenger for you, so please don’t ask again.”
“Agreed.”
“Nor will I be an information source. Any and all interaction between us will be work related. And since we didn’t have any cause for direct contact before you knew about my relationship with Lucas I expect the same to hold true now.”
My chest swells with pride. God I love her. I came to make things better for her, and here she is trying to improve the situation for me.
My father smiles, and strokes her hair gently. “My son is very lucky to have you. I can’t express how happy I am for you both.”
Every muscle in my body tenses as I watch him touch her. He’s at it again! I hold back from jumping out and pummeling the old man.
“Thank you, sir,” Olivia smiles sweetly. “And one more thing. Please, don’t touch me. There’s no reason for it, and I’m sure nothing good could come of it.”
My father chuckles as she walks away. He stands outside the examining room closest to his office, picks up the file and shakes his head before entering.
I lean against the wall trying to catch my breath. I didn’t get caught and she set my father straight. With my pulse still racing, I don’t know which I am most thankful for. Once I’m certain the hallway is clear, I sneak out of the bathroom and head back to the receptionist.
“Dr. Stillwell seems to be busier than I thought at the moment. I’d still like my visit to be a surprise, so I’d appreciate if you don’t mention I was here.”
“Of course.” She smiles.
With a quick look around to be certain Olivia isn’t within eyeshot, I dash out of the office.
Chapter 45
Olivia
I sit at my desk and stare at my engagement ring. It’s beautiful. I shouldn’t have been surprised that Dr. Stillwell wanted to talk about the engagement. It just goes to show how fast office rumors spread.
On the upside, he’s happy for us. Finally, one of our parents is. But I know the good feeling I have spreading through me will end as soon as Lucas finds out about being called into his father’s office. But I promised I’d tell him. Everything.
I don’t want to though. Only because I don’t want to go through the, “I want you to quit routine,” all over again.
My phone vibrates. Another text message. Ava and I have been going back and forth all morning. She sides with Lucas and me, and is feeding me bits and pieces of the conversation between my parents from last night and this morning.
Just as I thought. My mother isn’t completely convinced Lucas is the devil. Unlike my father, she thinks we should talk rationally about it. Ava agrees and tried to sweet talk my father into giving Lucas a chance, but even she isn’t able to sway him.
You need to tell him.
I let out a long sigh and wonder why I bothered to tell her Nate called me last night. I wanted to tell someone, and since she’s the only one that knows the truth about me and Nate, she’s the one I turned to.
He won’t understand.
He won’t. Not after everything that happened with his father and Stacy. After trying so often to convince me to quit my job, there’s no way in hell Lucas will be rational and understand what happened with Nate.
I think you’re setting yourself up for a world of hurt if you don’t tell him.
Some part of my rational mind knows Ava’s right. If he’s going to find out, it should be from me. I’ll tell him. Just not now. The timing isn’t right. I’ll wait for a better time to confess the little pieces I failed to mention already. Besides, there’s no way Lucas will find out without me telling him.
Not unless Ava spills the beans. And since, as she explained, he serves as something fun to look at during boring family dinners, I don’t think she’ll try to scare Lucas off. Unless she has thoughts of seducing him herself.
I’m sounding as paranoid as Lucas.
Chapter 46
Lucas
Alone in my car I wonder how my plan went so wrong. I meant to do something good, to surprise Olivia. Make her happy. Instead, I almost blew everything to shit. I speed out of the parking lot, my wheels screech as I turn onto the main road. I know I’ll be in the clear if the blonde keeps her mouth shut.
If she blabs Olivia will be furious. She’ll jump to the logical conclusion and accuse me of spying on her. It’s true though, regardless of my intent. Once I chose to hide in the bathroom, I chose to spy on the woman I love and give her reason to believe I don’t trust her.
Why do I feel so guilty? I didn’t do anything wrong. At least I didn’t set out to. In the end intent doesn’t mean a whole lot. I’m fairly certain my father didn’t intend on bedding and marrying my fiancé. But he did.
My phone rings and my stomach drops. I look down at the number of the incoming call and my stomach flops. Olivia. She knows I should be with a client and doesn’t call me
when I’m in session. The receptionist must’ve said something.
“Damn!” I hit the steering wheel trying to think up a good excuse for being there and leaving without seeing or speaking to her. There is no good excuse. None.
My mind won’t function. I can’t process. The phone keeps ringing. I have to answer. I can’t avoid her. And I know the longer I put off answering, the more difficult the situation will get.
I clear my throat before accepting the call.
“Hello.”
Silence. My heart swells in my throat.
“Hi, Lucas,” her voice is low and devoid of emotion.
“H … Hey beautiful. What’s up?” I try to sound as normal as possible.
“Are you alright?” She asks.
“Yeah, sure. Why?”
“You sound strange.”
“Oh.” I force a laugh feeling a morsel of the tension in my body melt away. “Everything’s fine.”
“Lucas.” she hesitates.
The tension returns tenfold.
“Do you have a minute?”
“For you? Always.”
My nerves get the best of me. I can’t concentrate on what I’m doing. In the spirit of being safe, I pull the car over to the shoulder of the road.
“I need to speak to you.”
Shit. Her tone holds something I’m not used to, distance? Anger?
“Okay, talk away.” I wonder if she hears the emotion in my voice that I feel choking me.
I trace my pointer finger over the stitching of the leather steering wheel. Why am I playing this game? Why pretend I don’t know what she’s about to say. She’ll lace into me and I deserve it. Why go down the path of self-preservation? Why not take the high road and apologize first?
“Lucas.” Again she pauses. “You’re not going to like this.”
I want to stop her from speaking, from saying the words I fear most. She’s come to her senses and now she wants to end it. She realizes her father’s right, and doesn’t want to spend her life living with someone from such a morally depraved family. I feel like an adrenaline junkie at the end of a wild, and dangerous ride wishing for more.