by Lily Ryan
“He ordered his dinner from Supreme Salads.”
He straightens up, I can see the tension in his body.
“How do you know?”
“I was at the office a little late and he offered to buy me dinner. Of course I said ‘No.’”
His entire body relaxes as he pulls me against his chest. “Thank God. If that was you in there …” His voice cracks. “I’d lose my fucking mind.”
“Hey,” I pull back and place my hand on the side of his face. “I’m fine. I’m just sorry you’re going through this.”
“Me, too.”
“How’s Stacy taking it?”
“Like I give a fuck,” He looks around the waiting area. “Did she go for a walk or something?”
“I thought she was in there with you.”
“She was, but I asked for a few minutes alone with him. I thought she came back out.”
“Since she seems to have disappeared, I’ll come in if you want me to.”
He shakes his head. “Nah, I’m fine. Go home.” He pulls his keys out of his pocket and holds them out for me. “Take my car.”
“Lucas, I want to be here if you need me.”
He nods. “I know you do. And when it’s over, I’ll come home. As mad as I’ve been with him, you’re right. Death isn’t something you get a second chance at.”
“You’re that sure he won’t make it?”
“I guess anything is possible, but it’s not likely.” He looks away, over his shoulder, “Um, I should go back inside.”
I squeeze my arms around him tight, hoping he could feel my love through the embrace. “Call me and I’ll come pick you up.”
“Okay.”
I press the elevator button as Lucas goes back inside. The light above the elevator dings, but it’s going up. I think about taking it anyway, waiting till it gets to the top floor and then pressing the lobby button, but decide against it. Normal visiting hours are over. I don’t think I’ll be waiting long for another one.
The elevator dings again. This time the light with the arrow pointing down is lit. I feel terrible leaving, but if he doesn’t want me here and Stacy won’t let me inside, I could just as well wait at home for an hour or two and then come back.
Before the doors from the elevator open, I hear someone exit the ICU unit. I check to make sure it isn’t Lucas with a change of heart. Instead, I see Stacy with two uniformed policemen.
“There she is,” Stacy points at me. “She’s the one that I was telling you about. She works in the office for him. She’s been doing everything she can to get close to my husband.”
My heart sinks, my stomach along with it. What is she trying to do? I hope she isn’t thinking of trying to pin this on me. While I want to get on the elevator and leave, I know it would look like I’m running away from something. I have no reason to worry or be afraid, but still, I don’t like what she’s trying to insinuate.
I step back into the waiting area and walk right over to Stacy and the officers. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop. Can I be of any help?” I keep my eyes on her the entire time and make sure to force a smile on my face.
“Do you mind if we ask you a few questions?”
“Of course not.”
“If you need me, I’ll be in with my husband.” Stacy sniffles at the end. As if anyone is buying it. I can’t speak for the cops, but I’m not.
“Let’s start with your name.”
Chapter 58
Lucas
There’s something about the constant repetition of the mechanical hitch of the breathing machine I find comfort in. It’s regular and as long as I hear it without any alarms sounding I can pretend his condition hasn’t changed, that he’s stable. But each time I look at the numbers being displayed and find they dropped, I know the time is coming near.
I hate being here, but there’s nothing worse than being here without Olivia. I wanted her to stay, and if Stacy wasn’t here, she would be by my side where she belongs.
I could’ve pushed the issue, but I don’t want to waste time arguing or mediating between the woman that destroyed me and the woman that brought me back to life. While I don’t want to be here, I understand this is the last time I’ll ever be able to speak to or spend time with my father while he’s alive. If you can call this living.
Facing his imminent death, I don’t want Olivia more than an arm’s reach away. I know that’s unrealistic and can’t actually happen, but it would be nice. Together we can get through anything. She always seems to know what to say or do to keep me grounded.
I flash back to the uninvited guest that showed up at her apartment. To think in the moments that followed, I questioned her feelings for me, and mine for her.
I can’t blame her for what happened with Nate tonight any more than she can blame me for what happened with Dr. Stinner’s wife.
If I would’ve known he was bringing his wife, I would’ve asked Olivia along, and then the whole evening would’ve been different. No Nate. No Mrs. Stinner.
At least she would’ve thought twice before being so forthcoming. I hope. I thought I could escape her when I excused myself and headed for the men’s room. I never imagined she’d follow close behind.
I know what she wanted. I saw the look in her eyes at the dinner table. She hung on to my every word, and when I felt her foot rub against my leg, I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt. One glance in her direction, I could see whatever she was doing under the table was no accident.
I got up for the sole purpose of creating distance. I wanted to send a clear message this was a game I wasn’t willing to play. Just as my hand was on the bathroom door ready to push it open, she called out from behind me in a throaty voice.
“If you’re serious about the funding, maybe we can set up a private meeting and go over just how you plan on turning a profit.”
I turned around to face her, wishing her husband would suddenly appear. “I thought it was laid out pretty straight forward.”
“Not quite, dear,” she took a step closer to me. “I see how the children benefit, and I see how this works in your interest.” She inched closer so that my back was flush against the door. If anyone opened it from the inside to come out I would’ve fallen on my ass onto the bathroom floor. She licked her lips. “What I’m left to wonder is how I would profit. I mean what exactly is in it for me?”
A few months earlier I would’ve considered pulling her inside and giving her what she wanted. Before Olivia I would’ve been glad to deliver. But, not now. Although she’s an attractive woman, she’s married. And I’m not interested. The only one I want is Olivia. She satisfies me in every way.
I think of what happened with my father and Stacy, with Olivia and Nate, and how aggressively Mrs. Stinner pursued me. Can it be me? Am I ignorant and old fashioned to believe in ideas like marriage and monogamy?
Chapter 59
Olivia
The police are interested to hear about the recent events that happened at the office. I explain the details Stacy neglected to give them, like I am engaged to Dr. Stillwell’s son. The son she mentioned that walked back into his life after years of estrangement.
What a bitch.
She tries to make it look like I’m some sort of obsessed, love-sick girl with a thing for her husband. And like Lucas walked back into his father’s life looking for a handout.
Once they understand I’m there to try and offer support for Lucas, and that Lucas won’t accept a penny of the money his father offered him, the cops want to know if I know of anyone that has an ax to grind with Dr. Stillwell.
I describe the scene with Sandy in as much detail as I can. After another half hour of questioning and a stern warning that we’re all suspects, I’m free to go.
By the time I walk through the door to my apartment, my cell phone chimes with a text message from Lucas. Tears sting my eyes as I read that Dr. Stillwell passed. I don’t bother sending a message back. I call Lucas directly. I need to hear his voice, t
o know he’s okay.
“Hey,” His voice is low and broken.
“Are you okay? I can be there in fifteen minutes.”
“Don’t.” His response is short and clipped.
“Lucas, please. Let me be there for you.”
“You are. I just need to do this part alone. The hospital is going to have a car come pick me up and drive me back to his office. I’ll take his car from there.”
“You shouldn’t be driving right now.”
“I’m fine.” He’s stern and curt. “After that I’m going to go back to his house. Stacy doesn’t have the combination to the safe and I know he pre-paid for funeral arrangements years ago. We need to tell the hospital where to send the body.”
“If you change your mind …”
“I won’t. Olivia?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.”
“I love you, too.” I hope he can’t hear the tears streaming down my face.
“The only reason I don’t want you to come is I’m trying to get through all this as fast as I can and come home to you. Please don’t be upset.”
I try not to get too mushy while we are on the phone. He needs to keep it together for now, and there will be time to hold each other and cry later on.
I grab the bag I packed earlier in the night and head to Lucas’s house as I promised I would. It’s my first time using my shiny, new key. As I turn it in the lock, I let the tears fall freely from my eyes. I don’t know if I’m crying for Dr. Stillwell, Lucas or me. All I knew for certain is that nothing will ever be the same.
Chapter 60
Lucas
Stacy never made it back into the room before my father died. The nurse let me stay in there, stay by his side after they called the time of death. I’d been holding his hand when it happened.
I expect his skin to already take on a cold icy feel by the time the nurse and doctor finish checking his vitals, but he’s still warm, and that makes it hard to believe.
The breathing machine, like the other monitors has been turned off. The room is quieter than it has been all night. I hear the click-clack of Stacy’s heels as she comes back into the room. I don’t look at her. My eyes are focused on my father, taking him in for the last time.
Stacy stops, and the wailing begins. I don’t want to be here for this. While my emotions toward my father are mixed, I feel nothing good for Stacy. It isn’t only that she hurt me. She destroyed my family, and made it near impossible for me to trust anyone.
“Oh, Lucas,” she sobs, coming around to my side of the bed. “I’m so sorry.”
Funny, those words never left her lips before, and I can’t help but wonder what she’s sorry for. Sorry my father died and we’d lost years together? Sorry for what she did? Or sorry that in the grand scheme of things, she’s the one to get truly fucked? She places her hand on my shoulder.
“Let’s put the past behind us. We need each other now.”
I slap her hand away. “I don’t need you. Not now. Not ever.”
“Please, can’t we be civil?”
“This is civil. Don’t touch me.”
“Lucas, you’ll never know how sorry I am for hurting you. If I could go back in time …” She manages to quell her tears long enough to speak.
“You’re kidding me, right? My father …” I squeeze my eyes closed and pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to keep in control of the anger racing through my veins with every beat of my heart. “Your husband just died. His body isn’t even cold yet. We won’t help each other through this. In fact, after today, I don’t ever want to see you again.”
The dam bursts, and the uncontrollable crying ensues. “Please.” Her body racks with sobs. “My parents won’t speak to me. And your family hates me. Please … Please help me make the calls. They deserve to say goodbye.”
I stand. “You can leave messages for them.”
“I already did. No one, not one person bothered to call me back or show up here. No one, but you.”
It hits me like a baby grand falling from the sky. She’s right. Where are his sisters? I haven’t spoken to them since I found my father and Stacy together. They begged me to forgive him, but where are they now? And their kids? Did they all cut my father off for his transgression with Stacy?
“Fine. I’ll help you make the calls, but that’s it. After that, I don’t know you. And I just want to make one thing perfectly clear, I’m doing this for him, not you.”
*
I don’t know how agreeing to a few phone calls got turned into retrieving his car, and opening the safe as well. I only agreed to fetch the car because it bought me time away from Stacy, and I won’t have to bother Olivia to come pick me up. Besides, someone has to be at the office when it opens to deliver the news. I recognize Joan, the former receptionist when she gets out of her car. I know from Olivia she’s running the show since Sandy’s termination.
After fulfilling the duties assigned to me, I go home. My heart leaps as I pull up and find my car in the driveway. Olivia’s here waiting for me. I just want to crawl into bed and hold her.
I open the front door and step into the living room. Olivia shoots to an upright position on the couch. She must have fallen asleep waiting for me. Before I know it, her arms are around me, and I’m safe in my sanctuary.
I bury my face in her sweet smelling hair. She always smells so good, like strawberries. I lose myself in her because I know I can, without fear of judgment or rejection. She holds me. She loves me. We don’t need words. Just each other.
Clinging to her, I don’t mean to cry, but the tears stream out of my eyes. Before I saw my father lying so helpless on his death bed I didn’t think I even cared if he lived or died. But she knew better, and holding her, feeling her soft, warm body against mine, I’m overwhelmed with emotions.
“Is there anything I can do? Anyway I can help?”
She pulls her head back just enough so that I can look into her eyes. I move my hands to the back of her neck under her hair. My thumbs come around and brush the soft skin of her cheeks.
“You already have.”
I pull her head to my chest. I just want to feel her heart beat against mine. And know that we’re alive and safe, and full of love for each other. After a few minutes, I follow as she leads me by the hand to the bedroom.
Chapter 61
Olivia
I pull back the cover and sheets on his bed. I look at him with a raised eyebrow and nudge him to sit on the side of the bed.
“Olivia, I’m not …”
“Shh,” I kiss his cheek. “Just relax.”
I get down on my knees in front of him, look up, and meet his grey eyes. They are so pained. I wish I could make it better. I know a lot of that pain has to do with everything that happened with Stacy and all the years they lost because of her.
I pull his shoes off and massage his foot. Lucas doesn’t wear suits to work. In thinking about it, I haven’t seen him in a suit since the night we met. Staying in the same clothes all night long is bad enough but to have to stay in shoes for over twenty-four hours, I’m certain his feet are aching, even if he’s too numb to feel it.
“You don’t have to do this.” His arms come around my shoulders.
I smile at him. “I know,” I feel an outpouring of love for him. My heart is so full it’s overflowing. I’m cool with that as long as I use the excess to shower him with love and affection. “I want to.”
As I move up to remove his shirt, I notice that it’s buttoned properly. I pause a moment as I wonder, with his father sick and dying before his eyes, how did his miss-buttoned shirt even register?
I feel a twinge in my stomach as I imagine Stacy fixing it for him.
I know anything happening between Lucas and Stacy is as unlikely and ridiculous as anything happening between Nate and me. While both are possible, an igloo in the arctic would have to boil over before it happened. I pull his shirt off him and toss it to the side of the bed.
I push Lucas down.
He takes hold of my arms and squeezes his eyes tight. “Olivia, I can’t.”
“You don’t have to do anything but close your eyes and rest.”
“Rest?” He looks confused.
That’s just like him, his mind is always on sex. Only, he just said no. Sex is his vice. Shouldn’t he be looking for a release? Unless he already had one. I force the thought out of my head. There’s no way. I’m being paranoid, and I know Lucas would never do anything to hurt me.
Not with her.
I run my hand through his wavy hair, “I’m thinking you had a rough night and I want you to get some rest.”
He pulls me down so hard I lose my balance and fall on top of him, then he rolls me over so I’m on the bed next to him. “Only if you’re with me.”
“No place I’d rather be.”
*
We spend most of the day lying in bed together holding each other. Lucas’s eyes are closed for most of the time, but I don’t think he sleeps more than an hour or two. I only leave him for short intervals. Each time I return, I find him sitting up in bed texting with someone.
I go into the kitchen to prepare food. We haven’t eaten all day, and since it’s already after three o’clock the meal I am preparing is likely to be all we eat.
I offer to bring the food to Lucas, but he insists he’s fine, and he wants a change of scenery.
“Is everything alright?” I ask as I toss the omelet I cooked from the pan onto a plate.
He nods. “You told the cops about Sandy?” He asks, narrowing his eyes.
“Yes.” I stop what I’m doing and give him my undivided attention.
He releases a long, exaggerated breath, “She’s dead.”
“What?”
“Seems like she killed herself. She left a note behind with her written confession. She poisoned my father because she was in love with him.”
“It doesn’t make any sense; then why would she kill him?”
His jaw clenches. I watch his chest expand as he fills it with air. “She was jealous of you. She said she stood on the sidelines as she watched his marriage disintegrate the first time, and wasn’t about to stand by again and watch him self-destruct over you.”