She felt a surge of joy sweep through her body. Every part of her tingled with new awareness. She wanted to laugh and shout for joy. She wanted to grab Gerard's hands and dance with him like gypsies around the garden. Her body trembled with the force.
She threw back her head to look her love in the face, and he stared down at her astonishing beauty, the feverish excitement in her eyes and a guarded look crept into his own.
'Gerard,' Kate whispered dreamily. 'Oh, Gerard, I . . .'
'Sssh!' he broke in, silencing her. 'Don't say it, Kate. Don't!'
'But . . .' She didn't finish, there was no need to. A horrible chill crept over her heart, icy-cold needles bursting her bubble of happiness. She felt cloaked in despair as reality hit her in the stomach, making her feel quite nauseated. Gerard didn't love her and was saving her from making a fool of herself by confessing that she loved him.
He set her away, his broad hands clasping her shoulders. 'Have a safe journey, Kate,' he said gruffly.
Kate nodded and smiled bravely. All she wanted now was to get away. Somehow she managed to give Matthew another hug and when she felt his tears against her cheek and his little arms around her neck, she had to bite hard on her own trembling lips to keep from crying herself.
But Matthew sensed the change in her and with a child's instinct knew something was wrong. He refused to let her go, clinging to her legs, his old insecurities raging to the surface as he clung pathetically to her. Gerard had to prise him loose and Kate stood helplessly by the car, her face etched in misery as Gerard signalled for her to leave.
She didn't want to. How could she go while Matthew was so upset, while she was so miserable? Pain tore at her heart. If only Gerard would accept her love, trust in her, then she wouldn't feel as she did now, as though she could breathe in but not out. She was suffocating!
'Gerard . . . Matthew,' she said hoarsely, her hands outstretched as she moved the few steps towards them, but Gerard shook his dark head brusquely and his eyes warned her off. It was all too much for Kate. A strange sound tore from her throat and then she found herself behind the wheel of her car, her hand .shaking as she started the ignition and the unreal feeling, tearing from the driveway, as though she couldn't quite believe she had left her loved ones, that they had let her leave!
Gerard's warning blue eyes and Matthew's pathetic sobs chased her through the seemingly endless fields of swaying sugar cane, through the leafy streets of Bundaberg, past the quaint old town of Childers and on and on until the flat canefields gave way to the rolling green hills of Gympie where some still believed there was the promise of gold in the distant hills.
The painful lump in her throat stayed with her until at last she found herself at her flat. She dragged her suitcase from the boot of the car and fitted her key in the lock, opening the door. Her eyes moved slowly around the lounge. Everything appeared the same, exactly as she had left it.
There was the magazine she had been reading the evening before she had left for her holiday still on the beige sofa. In the pretty pink and white kitchen she found the glass she had rinsed and left standing on the draining board. In the bathroom was the bright yellow towel she had used after her shower and placed over the rail to dry. The only change had been in herself.
Kate wandered slowly back to the lounge, picked up her suitcase and carried it into her bedroom. The familiar bed greeted her, the cover matching the pale blue curtains hanging against latticed windows., Her flat was beautiful. She had lived in it for five years now and had decorated it herself. It had been her refuge and her sanctuary, a safe harbour to enter after a particularly stormy day when nothing had seemed to go right. It was a good place to be now!
Or was it? Kate sat down on the edge of the bed and tried desperately to rid herself of that painful lump in her throat before it managed to choke her. Perhaps a cup of tea might help.
Sitting at the kitchen table with her elbows propped on the surface and her hands holding her chin, she stared down at the dark liquid in her cup. Finally she forced herself to take a sip of the steaming hot liquid. She coughed and almost choked while tears scalded her eyes. She gave in to them, letting them drip down the sides of her cheeks and splash on to the table. She wept silently for several minutes, but the tears weren't enough to wash away her despair.
She had been a fool to let herself fall in love with Gerard, she realised that now. But it was too late to do anything about it. She loved him with her whole heart, her whole being. She couldn't just switch off her feelings as if nothing had happened. But Gerard didn't want her, didn't want her love! Her shoulders shook with helpless sobs. He knew she was going to say she loved him, he knew it, but he hadn't wanted to hear the words.
But surely he had felt something. Kate refused to believe he hadn't. She had felt him tremble in her arms, had felt his desire and his urgency. She had marvelled at his control and knew what it had cost him. And all along she had thought he hadn't committed that final act out of respect for her because he had been married and divorced and he considered her an innocent. She had thought he hadn't wanted to take advantage of her.
That was what she had thought, but now of course she knew the truth: Gerard simply didn't care enough for her to want total intimacy.
Kate stood up from the table and tossed the cold tea from her cup into the sink. She turned on the taps and watched the liquid dilute itself and disappear down the drain as if it had never been.
'I'll just have to make myself forget him,' she whispered tragically to the empty room.
But even as she said the words she knew she couldn't. Gerard Hunter would remain in her heart for as long as it continued to beat.
CHAPTER SIX
Brisbane loved Christmas!
And it dressed for the occasion. The Queen Street Mall was decked out in all its finery. Enormous bells, floating angels, beaming Santas and dancing impish elves flitted, floated or rang through the sub-tropical city. Carols pealed out from almost every shop and buskers stood on street corners merrily competing in the general goodwill. Shoppers flocked into King George Square to view with awe the gigantic Christmas tree laden with decorations and lights which quite defied the imagination. It was a time of peace, a time to be happy and merry, a time to spend with loved ones.
And Kate was caught up in this spirit the way she was every year. She just couldn't help it. It was part of her nature to be happy, and her biggest joy was in seeing others happy. It acted like a tonic on her and was far more effective than any drug. Besides, Gerard had rung her at home after her first day back at work!
She had returned to her flat after an exhausting day of reporting with the desire to do little more than prepare a light meal, have a hot bath and go to bed. When the telephone rang she thought it would concern the segment they had filmed which had caused some turmoil. A sexist group wanted Santa Claus to shave his beard!
But it wasn't the manager of the television studio. Kate would recognise Gerard's deep voice anywhere, and her face lit up with instant pleasure while her heart pounded with new hope.
'Do you usually work this late?' he growled into the telephone. 'I've been trying to reach you since five-thirty.'
'You have?' she asked breathlessly. 'Is everything all right? How's Matthew and -'
'Where have you been till this hour?' he cut in.
'At work. I've only just got home.'
'At work! Until this hour? It's eight o'clock!'
Kate smiled at his tone. He was concerned about her and she loved him for it.
'Uh-huh, and I'm exhausted.'
'Well, I don't like it, Kate.' She pictured the dark frown on his face as she listened to it in his voice.
'It's not so bad,' she confessed softly, knowing that if she was with him she would be removing that frown with her lips. 'How is Matthew?'
'He's fine.' Tiredness crept into his voice. 'He misses you.'
Kate chewed her bottom lip. 'I miss you both!' she said in a voice so low she felt Gerard couldn't have heard.
>
But he had. She could almost see him dragging his hand through his hair and when he spoke his voice was gruff. 'It's hell here without you, Kate. I can't believe you've only been gone a few days.'
She wanted to ask, 'Do you miss me?' but instead she said, 'I'll be home at Christmas.' She had said home.
'I ... Matthew can't wait that long.' A heavy pause. 'We're flying down to Brisbane on Wednesday. If there's time, perhaps we could get together for lunch?'
Her heart thumped wildly. She hadn't expected to hear from him, let alone see him before Christmas.
'I'd like that. Where should I meet you?'
'I'll pick you up from work. I know the place. Would one o'clock suit?'
'That will be perfect,' she agreed happily.
'Good. Now here's Matt. It was his idea we phone you.'
Matthew's idea or Gerard's, it really didn't matter to Kate. It was enough that he had called. After all, he must have liked Matthew's idea or he wouldn't have rung.
Matthew's childish voice bubbled across the wire and brought a fresh smile to her face.
'Hi, Kate. Guess what?'
'Hi, ol' Matt, what?'
'Mr Kit-Kat comes here to our place for his snack.'
Kate's grin became a chuckle. 'Why, that old so-and-so!' she exclaimed, 'I can't say I'm surprised, I could tell Mr Kit-Kat was taking quite a shine to you.'
'I think he loves me, Kate.'
Kate heard the almost desperate need in Matthew's voice and she had to swallow hard before answering.
'I know he does, Matt,' she answered softly. 'Now, you take good care of yourself because old Mr Kit-Kat isn't the only one who loves you. I do too.'
'And I love you, Kate,' he answered promptly, happily. 'Good night.' Strange clicking sounds came over the wire, followed again by Matthew's voice. 'Did you get those, Kate? They were kisses!'
And then there was only the sound of the dialling tone against her ear. Kate hung up and walked dreamily around her flat. Her men had called and she would be seeing them soon. She counted the hours.
She was waiting in front of the television studio when Gerard pulled up in a gleaming silver-grey Rolls-Royce at precisely one o'clock on Wednesday afternoon. He got out of the car and walked towards her, looking magnificent in an expertly tailored grey suit and crisp white shirt. Despite the heat of the day he appeared cool and relaxed. He greeted her with a warm smile, his eyes sweeping appreciatively over the pale silk dress which gave a sophisticated elegance to her slender figure, while the pastel shade of green brought out the deeper green in her eyes.
'Kate,' he said, taking both her hands in his and gazing deeply into her eyes. Kate's heart somersaulted in her chest. She wasn't aware of the curious glances nor the looks of admiration from her colleagues as they shuffled past them. Her world was in front of her in the person of Gerard Hunter.
'Gerard,' she murmured softly, while a thrill of excitement swept up her arm and all the way to her heart as he tightened his grip on her hand and led her to the waiting car.
It wasn't until Gerard was walking around to the driver's side that Kate realised Matthew wasn't there. Gerard climbed in beside her, his long legs stretching out with plenty of room in the spacious interior while his eyes caught and held her own. Suddenly a dangerous glitter appeared in the deep blue.
'Do you always wear dresses like that to work?' he asked accusingly.
A delighted smile danced across Kate's lips. 'Always,' she teased.
Black brows drew together in a dark frown. 'Isn't it a bit much?'
'Don't you like it?'
'I love it!'
Her fine brows arched enquiringly. 'Well, then?'
Gerard leaned towards her and cupped the side of her face with his large hand. 'Oh, Kate,' he said huskily, his thumb running lightly across her mouth. 'You just don't realise the effect you have on men.'
Abruptly he drew away and started the car steering it from the kerb and away from the studio. He glanced in the rear-view mirror. 'Curious mob, those.' He shot Kate a sharp glance. 'Have you been out with any of those fellows?'
She hunched her dainty shoulders in a shrug. 'A few,' she admitted casually, enjoying herself. She considered it a good sign that Gerard was displaying the green eye of jealousy.
His hands tightened on the steering wheel and Kate smiled a secret smile. 'Anyone in particular?' he growled. 'Anyone you especially like?'
'Not at the studio,' she answered mysteriously. His eyes gleamed down at her and her temperature rose dramatically. 'We're mostly just friends.'
Gerard's hands relaxed on the wheel and he sighed. 'That's good.' He smiled down at her upturned face. 'I really do love that dress!'
Kate chuckled and relaxed against the soft leather upholstery, grateful for the air-conditioning which fanned her warm cheeks. The winding road down from Mount Coottha where the studios were located stretched in front of them, the dappled sunlight from the stately trees splashing across the bonnet of the car and against the windscreen. She could imagine the whisperings going on at the studio and knew she would be bombarded with questions when she returned. Who was that tall, dark, handsome stranger? She knew people would ask, and she couldn't really blame them. After all, she would be curious too if one of the other girls had been picked up by someone with Gerard's imposing good looks, not to mention this car!
'Where is Matthew? Are we going to pick him up somewhere?' Her face was turned to his, her eyes devouring the handsome profile.
'He's at Bargara.'
Kate's eyes widened. 'Bargara?'
Gerard glanced at her and chuckled. 'He's staying with Mrs Abbott for a few days.'
'At her farm?'
'Mm.'
Kate poked his arm. 'Come on, tell me, don't be such a tease!'
Gerard laughed. Two of Mrs Abbott's bantam hens have hatched some chicks. Need I say more?'
'I suppose not,' she grinned happily. 'Isn't it wonderful, the change in Matt? It wasn't so long ago that he wouldn't even speak to Mrs Abbott.' She sighed happily. 'He'll have a wonderful time at the farm.'
'Yes, and it was good of her to offer,' Gerard agreed. 'I have to be here for a few days and didn't know what to do with him. I have an apartment here but couldn't leave him for most of the day while I attended to business. On the other hand I couldn't expect Mrs Abbott to forsake her farm day and night for our sake . . .' He glanced down at Kate and sighed. 'Being a single parent isn't all that easy, you know,' and Kate smiled at his expression while she made a daring suggestion.
'Perhaps you won't always be a single parent. Who knows, you might decide to marry again.'
'Not very likely!'
Now it was Kate's turn to sigh. She dearly wished he hadn't been so adamant in his statement.
They pulled up to a fashionable restaurant which Kate had heard about but never experienced. The men she dated were mostly from the studio and their salaries were on a par with her own—adequate but not substantial. Gerard handed the doorman the keys and then guided Kate into the dimly lit interior where a table for two had already been booked. The head waiter called Gerard by name, as had the doorman, and Kate heard the deep respect in their voices. Gerard was obviously well known here and it seemed they couldn't do enough to please him.
'Everything is ready, Mr Hunter,' the head waiter beamed down at them after they were seated. From the shadows an ice bucket containing a bottle of chilled white wine was produced, and poured into their glasses, while avocados filled with fresh prawns were placed in front of them.
Gerard grinned at Kate's astonishment. 'I took the liberty of ordering for us when I made the booking. Hope you don't mind?'
'Well, no, I . . .' She looked down at the food on her plate. Several times at the beach she had made lunch for herself and Gerard and this was what she had served because both had admitted to having an insatiable appetite for avocado and prawns. Her eyes rose slowly to meet his and her breath caught in her throat. The small space separating them seemed charged with elect
ricity, sparking the magic which had driven them so many times into each other's arms.
The burning flame of desire smouldered in his blue eyes. Her heart soared at the sight of it as his gaze swept longingly over her. A fierce tension gripped them. 'Your lunch hour will soon be over,' he said almost crossly, breaking the spell. 'Better eat.'
Kate picked up her fork but she couldn't eat. Her pulses were racing and her senses were reeling. She marvelled that Gerard could sit so calmly as though nothing had happened, as though he had felt nothing while she knew with certainty that he had. She had seen it in his face, in his eyes. How could he just sit there and eat!
Achingly she watched him, her gaze studying the strong jaw and deep cleft, the firm line of his mouth, the wide brow framed by thick black hair, the laugh lines at the corners of his eyes which crinkled when he laughed, the deep blue colour of his eyes with those extraordinarily long lashes. A wistful sigh escaped her lips. He was so aggressively male and virile that her whole body throbbed in response to his nearness.
He looked up and saw her watching him. 'Eat up, Kate.'
'I can't.'
'Why not? Don't tell me you're not hungry, because I know you too well for that. You're always hungry, especially when it comes to your favourite foods.'
Green flecks shimmered in her very wide eyes as she stared helplessly across at him. A heavy silence fell between them, gripping the air with an unbearable tension. Kate dragged her eyes away and stared miserably down at her plate. She was torturing herself by loving him. There was no future in it. He had already admitted he would never remarry.
She should get up and walk out. She should never see him again. She should go somewhere else for her holidays. She should ...
'Kate?' Gerard's gentle voice broke into her wild thoughts and she lifted her eyes to his face. Slowly he reached across the table and covered her hands with his.
'Is something wrong? Aren't you feeling well?' She squeezed her eyes shut at the concern in his voice.
'Kate?' he continued to probe gently. 'Should I take you home?'
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