I nod my head again. Ocean is being way too cool, calm, and collected for my comfort. I decided to push him in order to dig out the truth and some real feeling out of him. “So, how do you feel about being a father?”
He was quiet for a long while and I wasn’t sure if he was thinking about the answer or just flat out refusing to answer me. I went with the later after five minutes went by.
As I turned to walk back into the living room, I froze when he started talking.
“Law, honestly I’m freaking out inside. When I look at her, I feel happy and she gives me a peace that I’ve never felt before…but being a father. Actually being responsible for a life...it’s fucking traumatizing to a guy like me. I can’t even get through my own shit in life. How am I supposed to teach my daughter or son how to deal with theirs? I’m unpredictable, resort to coke when shit gets too much for me to handle, and I have so many demons that I’ve lost count. Liv doesn’t deserve that. She deserves someone like you or even Santi. I’m just a fucking nut job who thinks that with her by my side, everything will be okay; that life will be okay, but it’s not. It never is.”
I listen to his explanation and hear nothing but excuses of why he thinks he doesn’t deserve Sunshine, this baby, and a good life with both of them in it. I turn my head to see if the girls are in the living room. I can only see Blue still cooking breakfast in the kitchen, so I walk up to Ocean. “Hey look at me bro…”
When he turns his face in my direction, I straight up smack the shit out of him. Not once but twice. Using the palm of my hand as well as the back. Straight evil stepmother bitch-slap style and that shit felt too good. I had to shake my head to refocus myself. Damn, why have I never smacked his dumb ass like that before?
While I’m lost in thought, he shoves me back by my shoulders. My back smacks into the concrete wall behind me.
“THE FUCK LAW!”
“I should have broken your fucking nose, asshole. Are you freaking kidding me right now? You have Livie. The woman that holds your heart, soul, and dick in the palm of her hand and you don’t think you deserve her. What the fuck is wrong with you? I know you have issues; shit I know I have issues too, but if you think for one second that you do not deserve her or this baby, you’ve officially lost your goddamn marbles. Ocean wake the fuck up. Hawthorne men DO NOT feel sorry for themselves! We see what we want and WE TAKE WHAT WE WANT! We hold on to that shit and never let it go! Ever! Do you want another man raising your son or daughter?”
“Hell no!” His glare turns ice cold as he works the muscles in his jaw.
“Do you want another asshole fucking your wife and making love to her when you know it should be you?”
“FUCK NO!”
Ouch-okay may I shouldn't have said it like that. I'm surprised he hasn’t thrown my ass over the terrace.
“Then wake the hell up man. You own Sunshine and she owns you, it’s that simple. Black and fucking white, zebra style. If I ever hear you talk shit like this again-doubting yourself and what you do or do not deserve-I will shoot you in the fucking dick! Afterwards when you’re dickless, I’ll take Sunshine for myself. I think Blue is into kinky shit like that.”
I step up to him, clasping my hands onto his tense shoulders. “You are my brother. Fuck being cousins. We've never really been just cousins, we're bigger than that. Ocean, I will not let you or anyone else ruin what we deserve and have a damn good life. With Sunshine and Blue as our wives and with as many rug rats as our wives will bless us with. You are not your mother. Stop trying to accept what isn’t right and fight for your family. I’m going to fight for mine, but I need my brother with me.”
He stared into my eyes for a while before finally seeing a shift in his stare. The wall he was hiding behind was crumbling and the real Ocean was rising again. “Lay off the Dr. Phil reruns, fucking bitch.”
I winked at him, pushing out my lips for a kiss as he smacked my hands off his shoulders.
“You’re right fish lips Liv is mine. Don’t ever bitch slap me again either asshole! I understand English perfectly fucking well. So what’s the plan you have cooking in that screwed up head of yours? I know my BROTHER didn’t come out here to just complete a psychiatric evaluation on my sorry ass.”
“Have I ever told you that I love it when you talk dirty to me? You make my panties wet, Ocean.”
That landed me two seriously heavy jabs to the gut as we both laughed.
“Okay so here’s the plan…”
Chapter Four
Livie
When my eyes finally open, I let an awkward relief wash over me. I was relieved that I would get to start a new day all over again. Mornings were precious to me now because no matter how the previous night ended, I always got to start over.
Peeking at the radio clock, it was 9:34 a.m. I scrunched my nose because I never slept past six o’clock. The rehab programmed me to be up at six and ready for the world by seven, regardless of how I felt or what emotional pity party I was going through. I liked the habit so I didn’t bother on trying to change it after leaving.
I could smell breakfast seeping in from underneath the bedroom door and I knew Dulce was in the kitchen. The space next to me was empty so I guessed Ocean went out for his run or to the studio not wanting to wake me up.
I sat up looking down at myself. Last night was weird. Sitting on the sofa at two in the morning eating junk food and watching live births was hella disturbing to me. I looked down at my breasts that felt hot and heavy, a feeling I have never felt before. Then again, I’ve never had so much sex in my life so it made sense to me.
I stood up, making my way to the bathroom when the bedroom door quietly opened and Ocean stepped through. He was dressed casual with a navy polo designer shirt, a really nice pair of cargo khaki’s, and a pair of squeaky clean white high tops. That is when I remembered our trip to visit my parents’ and Stormie’s graves.
My hand flew to my mouth as the guilt of oversleeping, something I never did, slapped me across the face.
“Oh shit, sorry Ocean. Why didn’t you wake me up?” I looked up at his face and realized something else.
He looked different. The smile in his eyes and the devilish smirk on his lips reminded me of the care free, balls to the wall, fuck what you think, intense, possessive, and dangerous Ocean I met for the first time at Law’s house. Not the person he has been lately. Not the pensive, quiet, accepting all that is Ocean.
“We’re still going baby, don’t apologize. I was coming in to wake you up.”
His eyes were fucking me in every which way he already has and in ways I could see he was making up in his beautiful mind.
I planted my hands on my hips, enjoying his playful attitude. After his mom showed up, he usually spent every morning burning himself out with exercise before the day even started. Sort of like what I try to do and get scolded for once he finds out I’m trying to lift sixty pound weights.
“Like what you see?” I ask, using my hands to advertise my naked body standing in front of him.
He laughs low and rough. My clit immediately responds to him by pulsing and throbbing in my body’s natural hormone crazed rhythm. My pussy was doing the freaking samba.
“Baby I love what I see, but mostly I love who I see.” He closes the distance between us, dropping his arms around my shoulders and neck hugging me tight. “Baby unless you want me to put you to sleep again and sentence you to spend the rest of your day in orgasm overdose zombie land, I suggest you get your sexy ass in the shower NOW.”
“Roger that.” I say, feeling his erection press against me through his khakis.
He walks me backwards into the bathroom, letting me go when I cross the threshold. While brushing my teeth, I watch as he plugs in his iPhone on my dock. Drake’s song, Hold on We’re Going Home, comes on and that is all it takes for me to fall apart. The tears instantly appear as I continue to brush my teeth.
Rinsing my mouth out and turning off the water, Ocean comes up behind, links his arms around my bo
dy, and holds me tightly against his chest. He kisses my neck, blowing on the wetness caused by his sweet kisses.
“Don’t cry Liv, you have me and I’ve got you. I more than got you babe. No more drowning baby…just us, okay.”
I stare into the mirror, looking into his eyes. He had that same look in his eyes the night he saw my scars. The same look that had me convinced he was the one and there was no turning back from him or his scorching passion and love.
He kissed the side of my face and I melted. His eyes lit up as he eyed my body’s reflection in the mirror. Whispering into my ear he whispers, “Baby you’re going to be amazing.”
I opened my mouth to ask him what that was supposed to mean, but he ripped me away from the sink and slapped my ass hard sending me stepping into our shower from the powerful sting of his generous palm.
Laughing, he turns the cold water on, quickly adjusting the shower head on me, and makes a run for the door. I couldn’t help but laugh until I started crying for no real reason…or so I told myself…until there were no more tears left to shed.
҉҉҉҉
Walking into the bedroom, Ocean’s phone was still playing music and I let it lift my spirits after my long and tearful shower. I danced my way to the closet to the sick beats of Mario and Nicki Minaj’s new song. I personally couldn’t stand the Barbie-Bitch, but I couldn’t deny the beat to this song was sick.
Flipping on the lights, I glance around my side of the closet. I giggle to myself taking in the change of wardrobe I’ve adopted recently. I was actually the proud owner of dresses- both short and long-casual and dressy. I owned heels and sandals, not just my amazing assortment of high-tops and Nike special additions sneakers. It was truly a sight I thought I would never come to witness.
It was September in Dunlap so the weather was warmer in the mornings, growing cooler into the night. I grabbed a pretty halter maxi dress from a near hanger. Maxi dresses were starting to become my favorite choice of clothing. It covered up my scars on my thighs and still allowed me to feel like a girl-like an attractive young woman.
I grabbed a hooded long sleeve jean jacket to cover up my arms. It didn’t bother me much anymore that people looked at my scar running from my elbow down to my wrist. It was more for my own security.
I dressed with ease and made my way towards the kitchen where the smell of eggs and bacon were calling to my now salivating mouth and empty stomach.
“Morning prima.” I say, giving Dulce a quick hug and kiss on the cheek.
She looked as beautiful as ever with her wavy brownish blond locks and her perfectly tanned skin. I told her I was going to send pictures of her to Shakira and accuse her of stealing Dulce’s good looks because the girl was straight up beautiful. She wore a cute sundress with a pair of shiny gladiator style sandals.
“Hey prima, you wouldn’t believe what happened to me this morning.” She said to me as she flipped an omelet onto a plate and handed it to me.
This had to be good because her neck and cheeks broke out into a red rash of blush and embarrassment. I hoisted my ass onto the kitchen counter, grabbing my plate ready for the juicy details. When she looked up at me and my no doubt expectant dumb expression, she coughed out a laugh.
“What? You can’t just stop the embarrassing story before it even starts. I’m listening so spill!”
She glanced around us and I followed her eyes to the terrace where Ocean and Law were talking. They looked really into whatever it was they were talking about. As Ocean felt me looking at him, he turned his face, winked at me, and returned his attention to Law.
“I was stepping into the shower, when I remembered that I used a tampon last night. When I went to reach for the string this morning, I didn’t feel it. So I had no choice but to plunge into my own holy goodness.”
I choked on a piece of egg I just put in my mouth as she continued. She was the type of person that talked with her hands and facial expressions so this was fucking hilarious.
“I searched for about thirty minutes and I couldn’t find the piece of shit string. That and my back and arm were starting to cramp up from the awkward position I was standing in. So I panicked and jumped Law while he was sleeping.”
“He got it out for you?” I asked, intrigued to know his reaction to such a comical and embarrassing situation.
“Beja, he got it out and gave me the orgasm of the year! Aye dios mio, it was the best eye finger fuck ever! I will think I might lose my tampon more often because that shit was sexy as hell. You should try it.”
I laughed at her expression because I could see her reliving that pleasure as her tongue ran across her lips. I looked up and back out to the terrace as my laughter died down. I hadn’t really thought about my period lately or when I last had one.
I could feel Dulce looking at the side of my face, studying me. “Sunshine, I’m going to the hospital to see Layla and talk to her about birth control, you want to come with me?”
Suddenly, my heart felt heavy and sluggish. I could feel my body trying to tell me something but I just couldn’t make sense of it right now. “Yeah. Of course.”
I replied absent-mindedly as I stared at Ocean’s back. I could see a long white envelope peeking out of his back pocket and the sluggish heart I felt just moments ago jolted to a flat out sprint.
Chapter Five
Ocean
Liv and I walked downstairs joined at the hip. She had her arms wrapped around my hips and I had my arm wrapped around her shoulders, hugging her tight.
There was this unspoken question and answer parading over our heads. I’m pretty sure she could feel that something was up, that something in her was changing but she was fighting it hard.
I only hope that when Aunt Layla tells us, Liv will be happy… but that was wishful thinking. I felt it in my gut; it was going to tear another fucking gaping hole in my heart watching her freak out on me. “You want to drive your new whip? You haven’t even touched it since I brought it home.”
“I would love to drive Ocean. Only problem is my Lucy got sold to a horny sixteen year old!”
I bit back my laugh. She was beyond pissed when Law told her he sold her car to a sixteen-year-old kid on the street. She didn’t talk to him for a solid week, I think maybe even longer.
“You sure you don’t want to drive her? She’s one bad bitch baby. The way she hugs curves and purrs when I man handle her while shifting gears. She’s fucking sexy baby, drive her.”
I pull her in front of me to eye the machine parked in front of us. After Law told me he sold her car, I went straight to the dealer and bought her a candy apple red black double striped limited turbo edition Infiniti G37. I knew she loved it because when I pulled up in it she just about dry humped the hood of the fucking car. I was jealous as fuck that night!
I could feel her hesitation in taking the keys I was dangling in front of her. “Ocean, were you describing the car or me because if it’s the car you’re talking about I’d like to bust the damn windows and headlights now please.”
“Come on don’t be like that baby. You know your curves are the only ones I love to ride on. Drive her you’ll like it.”
She whined out loud. “I. Don’t. Want. To. Can you please drive me?”
That was a loaded question and I couldn’t help but to laugh. “Fine. I’ll drive, but only if you’ll let me drive you in the back seat before the days over.”
She pushed her ass into my crotch and I cupped her pussy over her dress poking my finger into her over the cotton fabric. She moaned into the open air and I couldn’t help but smile. I was one spoiled fuck.
Her tiny hand gripped my forearm as she dug her nails into my skin. Between gritted teeth she ground out, “Let’s. Go.”
Just as we’re about to step off the curb, a shadow cuts across the pavement at a jog and my head snaps up to see an approaching man…guy. Whatever!
I take a quick glance down at Liv who’s effectively shielding her face with her silky hair and immediately my blood runs ho
t. Real fucking hot!
The approaching guy looks familiar in an unfamiliar kind of way and the smile he has on his face; which is by the way one hundred and ten percent directed towards MY LIVIE makes me jerk my neck to the side, cracking out from the building tension.
The fact that the approaching asshole has no shirt on and has a lean cut body is also driving me up the fucking concrete walls of the condo buildings.
“Hey Livie. I thought that was you. How are you guys?”
I let Livie go slightly, but keep her body in front of me hands firmly planted on her hips. Liv laughs nervously more than knowing that I’m seeing all shit loads of the color red. “R-a-a-a-mon, er-wow, I’m good how are you?”
When he reaches us on the side of the curb, I swear I growl in my mind but it might have slipped because the familiar stranger’s eyes jerk to mine and he’s taken back. Probably from my death glare. Good. Fuckin idiot!
Wait Ocean-you don’t even know the guy to be all upset…fuckin idiot!
“Oh? Hello.” The fuckin idiot guy says to me with his bullshittingly handsome Latino accent, ignoring my annoyed expression. “I thought you were Lawrence. I’m sorry. My name is Ramone. I work here at the condominiums. I usually service the pools around this community.” He extends his hand after I open my mouth to suck in as much air as I possibly can.
Pool boy? So she wasn’t joking about a motherfucking pool boy being around.
FUCK ME! SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!
When I don’t extend my hand right away, I get an extremely healthy elbow to my abdomen. My right hand shoots out and I shake Ramone's hand a lot harder than I should but whatever.
“Sorry.” I say, clearing my throat. “I’m Ocean. Liv’s husband.”
So back the fuck off asshole!
His eyebrow raises and looks down at Liv. “Oh? I must have missed the celebrations. Congratulations Livie. I don’t mean to hold you up. You two look like you’re about ready to head out for the day.”
No shit…fucking idiot!
Hawthornes Calm Manuscript Page 4