by Ginn Hale
"I'm not embarrassed, I'm disgusted. And I'm angry at you." Kiram cut himself off short. His feelings were still too raw and too tangled with memories of Musni. He wasn't ready for this argument.
"What did I do?" Javier demanded with an arched brow.
"Nothing. Never mind. I'm just really tired," Kiram finished lamely.
Javier gave him a hard look and Kiram knew he wasn't going to let the subject drop.
"If you're just tired then come to my bed." Javier gripped his arm and pulled him closer. Kiram resisted him, but Javier was strong and insistent. "What the hell is wrong with you? A few hours ago you couldn't wait to be with me."
"Well, a few hours ago I hadn't watched some drunk whore suck your cock."
Javier suddenly released his grip, and an expression like pain flickered across Javier's face. Then it was gone. "She was nothing. What she did was nothing."
"It wasn't nothing," Kiram replied. "It was exactly what you and I did. More. You probably had sex with her."
"Of course I did. What else was I supposed to do?" Javier asked. "Decline on the grounds that I'd prefer to bend you? That would have gone over well with the rest of the Hellions and let me assure you Master Ignacio would have been delighted to hear of it as well."
Kiram said nothing, because he knew there was nothing to say. Nothing could have been different. Javier had done exactly what he should have. His position in Cadeleonian society, his very freedom depended on it. This was exactly what Rafie had warned him about and what Kiram had cursed and sworn against on his long walk. It was exactly what he didn't want to think about because he knew where it led.
Some woman-a whore, a mistress, eventually a wife- would always be there between them. She would have to be there to shield them from prosecution. It wasn't Javier's fault but it wasn't something Kiram wanted to accept either.
"Well, tell me," Javier demanded. "Tell me what I should have done differently."
"You should have left me out of it." Kiram had no anger left, only a terrible defeat. Even this argument seemed futile now.
"I tried to send you home." Javier's tone softened a little. "But Atreau and Morisio made that impossible. So you came along and saw what goes on. I'm sorry, but that's the way things are, Kiram. Duke or not, I wouldn't survive if anyone thought I was-" Javier couldn't seem to find the words to define himself and instead pressed on, "And where would that leave you? Your safety at the Sagrada Academy is dependant upon me. If anyone knew what was between us, you know what they'd do to you."
"Yfes, I know. This is how things have to be." Kiram couldn't bring himself to look at Javier. "It's the way things will always be, because you're a Cadeleonian and a nobleman. You'll never be able to dance with me or share a house with me or call me your lover."
At first, Javier didn't seem to know how to respond to Kiram's acknowledgement, then confidence flickered over his features and Kiram guessed that he was hoping that he'd made his point and won. Kiram supposed that if he, too, had been a Cadeleonian and had known of no other way for two men to be together he might have accepted the situation. Perhaps he could have been satisfied with what little he could get.
All at once, Kiram understood the longing in Elezar's expression when he had gazed up at Javier. For a Cadeleonian a few stolen hours together would be enough.
But he wasn't Cadeleonian. He'd seen his uncle and Alizadeh dancing in each other's arms. He'd flirted openly and had been courted by charming men who offered their whole lives to him. He could have so much more than the pittance Javier offered him.
"I don't know…" Kiram's heart ached but he went on. "I don't know if this can work between us."
A bewilderment came over Javier. "What? Why? Because of one whore at the Goldenrod?"
"No, it's because it can't just be one. There will be others."
"But you've known about the Goldenrod since early summer," Javier objected.
"I knew," Kiram admitted, but that was so different from being there and realizing that this could be the rest of his life. "But being there tonight made it different. Before it was just some kind of vague joke but now…it's not funny. It's sickening." He could vividly picture the whore's mouth sliding over Javier's erection, her hands clutching his hips. All the while Javier's friends and peers reveled in the same debauchery with unbridled enthusiasm.
Alienation, as much as jealousy, swept through him. He turned from Javier and stared at the embers of the fire. They looked as if they were dying before his eyes.
"I'm sorry. I just can't."
"No!" Javier spun him back around. "You will not just turn your back on me! I'm not some mechanism that you can toy with at your leisure. First you tell me that you find me attractive but you won't let me touch you. Then you give me one night and you say you want to stay with me and now you change your mind again? No! I do not accept it. I know you want me. You fought to stay with me." His hands dug into Kiram's arms.
"I fought to stay in the Sagrada Academy."
"You could give a shit about the academy." Javier pulled Kiram closer to him, his expression both angry and strained. "You wanted to be with me. Admit it!"
"I don't want to be with you now!" Kiram tried to jerk free but Javier wouldn't let him go.
"Yfes, you do." Javier leaned so close that Kiram could almost taste the white ruin on his lips. The thick perfumes of the Goldenrod still clung to his skin.
"Release me," Kiram ordered.
Javier's grip tightened, turning painful, and then he shoved Kiram away. Kiram stumbled back.
"Fine," Javier ground the word out. "You want to sleep alone? Then sleep alone. But when you change your mind again you're going to have to get down on your knees and beg to come to my bed."
Javier strode out of the room, slamming the door closed behind him. Kiram dropped limply to the floor. He sat there for a long while, watching the last embers of the fire dim to darkness. End of Part One List of Characters Alizadeh Lif-Moussu: Bahiim holy man, husband of Kiram's uncle Rafie. Atreau Vediya: Third-year student, Hellion, Nestor's upperclassman. Blasio Urracon: Scholar of mathematics. Calixto Tornesal: Tornesal ancestor who opened the white hell. Chebli: Dauhd's friend and member of Haldiim Civil Guard. Chilla Urvano: Second-year Sagrada student. Cocuyo Helio: Fourth-year Sagrada student. Dauhd Kir-Zaki: Kiram's sister, second daughter of Mother Kir- Zaki. Donamillo Urracon: Scholar of natural law. Elezar Grunito: Third-year student and Hellion. Enevir Helio: Fourth-year student Fedeles Quemanor: Javier's cousin, heir to the dukedom. Fiez Lif-Worijd: Kiram's mother's secretary. Genimo Plunado: Future Count of Verida and third-year student. Hashiem Kir-Naham: Haldiim son of a respected pharmacist. Hierro Fueres: Fourth-year Yillar student, future Duke of Gavado. Hikmat Kir-Zaki: Kiram's mother, a wealthy Haldiim business woman. Holy Father Habalan: Sagrada clergy and history teacher. Ignacio Nubaran: Sagrada master of war arts. Javier Tornesal: Third-year student, Duke of Rauma. Kiram Kir-Zaki: First full-blooded Haldiim admitted to the Sagrada Academy. Ladislo Bayezar: Second-year student. Majdi Kir-Zaki: Kiram's brother, Captain of the Red Witch. Morisio Cavada: Third-year student from a scholarly family, Hellion. Musni Rid-Asira: Haldiim friend of Kiram Kir-Zaki's. Nakiesh: Irabiim Bahiim. Liahn: Irabiim Bahiim. Nazario Sagrada: Historic king, committed atrocities against the Haldiim. Nestor Grunito: Second-year student, Kiram's friend, Elezar's brother. Nugalo Sagrada: Royal bishop and second son of the king. Ollivar Falario: Second-year student, Elezar's underclassman. Rafie Kir-Zaki: Kiram's uncle on his mother's side. Riossa Arevillo: Common Cadeleonian girl, daughter of a judge. Sevanyo Sagrada: Heir to the Cadeleonian throne. Shukri Kir-Zaki: Kiram's inventor father Siamak Kir-Zaki: Kiram's eldest sister Timoteo Grunito: Eldest of the Grunito sons, recently taken clergy vows. Vashir: Haldiim Bahiim, distant cousin of Alizadeh Yassin Lif-Harun: Historic half-Haldiim scholar. Places and Peoples Anacleto: Costal trade city, home to the oldest and largest Haldiim district of Cadeleon. Bahiim: Ancient Haldiim holy order that traces its history back to the original Jhahiim. Cieloa
lta: Cadelonian capitol. Circle of Red Oaks: Holy Grove in Haldiim district of Anacleto. Circle of the Crooked Pines: Irabiim Holy Grove. Haldiim: Naturalized minority descended from Jhahiim. Irabiim: Nomadic tribe descended from Jhahiim. Jhahiim: Tribe from which both Haldiim and Irabiin descend. Mirogoths: Cadeleonian name for a vast number of northern tribes, the majority of whom are led by witches and shapeshifters. White Tree of the Red Oaks: The center of the Red Oaks Holy Grove and a symbol of the Bahiim power; oaths and spells are bound by its light. Yuan: An exotic kingdom far across the South Sea. Days amp; Hours Primiday: First day of the week. Dosiday: Second day of the week. Mediday: Third day of the week. Levaniday: Fourth day of the week. Traviday: Fifth day of the week. Auguiday: Sixth day of the week. Sacreday: Seventh day of the week. Bells: A system of time keeping by sounding off loud or softer bells, which divide summer days into fourteen brassy day bells and ten wooden night bells. Winter days consist of only ten day bells and fourteen night bells. Brief Cadeleonian History 1000: The Sagrada fortress is built to stand against the first waves of Mirogoths. 1090-1105: King Nazario purges Haldiim from all of northern Cadeleon but dies before his forces can break the defenses of Anecleto and other southern cities. 1150: Civil war sends the Sagrada King into hiding in Rauma. 1190: The Restoration of the Sagrada rulership. 1200: Sagrada Academy is founded on the grounds of the old fortress. The school is dedicated to training the brightest nobles. Thirty years later the sons of merchants and scholars are granted admittance. 1226: The Yillar Academy is founded. Admittance is limited to Cadeleonian nobles and members of the high clergy. 1242: Second Mirogoth invasion begins in north. 1250: Calixto Tornesal opens the white hell and defeats the invading Mirogoth forces at the Sagrada Academy. 1253: Bishop Seferino pens his legal rulings on ethics, conduct and conversion. 1350: Kiram Kir-Zaki is the first full-blooded Haldiim to attend the Sagrada Academy. Acknowledgements First and foremost, huge thanks to Nicole Kimberling and Melissa Miller. I could not have written these books-or any books, honestly-without you.
I'd also like to thank Jemma EveryHope for wielding the Chicago Manual of Style so very tirelessly, and also for making the best tasting yoghurt I have ever eaten in my life.
I'm deeply indebted to Alex, ten, James, Josh and Sam, all of whom kindly informed and inspired so many of the characters in these books. I could not have hoped for any better examples of men of charm, strength, humor, artistry and honesty. My writing couldn't possibly do you all justice.
And last, but far from least, I have to thank all the readers and authors who have been so kind in their reviews, advice and insights. The fact that there are far too many of you to list on a single page reflects the deep generosity of our literary communities.
Thank you all. Excerpt from Lord of the White Hell Book Two Kiram ran hard and the curse rushed after him. He felt its pursuit, like hot breath and sharp teeth snapping at his back. Something sliced through his pant leg and slashed open his calf. The pain flooded him with an animal desperation and his body responded with a rush of speed.
In the back of his mind he knew he should return to the security of the dormitory, but the curse spread between him and the school, so Kiram wasn't going to turn around.
He abandoned the thought of reaching any destination; nowhere could be safe. All that mattered was escape. He had to keep moving. His muscles burned and his lungs ached as he threw himself ahead too fast to even see where he was going.
Flows of snow dragged at him. He fought through them. He tore across the grounds and raced through the orchard. Twilight shadows engulfed him as he crossed the bridge and sprinted between rows of bare apple trees.
Sweat soaked his shirt. His rapid breath pumped out like steam from one of his engines. At some point he lost the orchard path and found himself stumbling through deeper drifts of snow and surrounded by wild, old trees.
He tripped over a fallen branch and crashed into the snow. As he scrambled back to his feet, he caught a glimpse of the roiling black mass rushing through the twilight shadows towards him. He heard whispers like distant screams. Overhanging tree branches splintered apart the instant the shadow curse fell across them-ripped to shreds just as the groom, Victaro, had been.
Raw panic electrified Kiram's trembling muscles. He fought through the snow and raced into the darkness of the dense woods. From overhead came the cry of a bird. A crow. First one then another and another.
"Help me!" Kiram shouted, praying that this once Bahiim mysticism would serve him. "Please, sisters, help me!"
He didn't have the strength to waste waiting for a response. He kept moving; then suddenly black wings swept past his head. A crow circled him and then flew between the big pines on Kiram's left. Desperate for any hope, Kiram plunged through the undergrowth after the bird. Other crows swept down from the branches, leading Kiram and calling him, their harsh voices challenging the terrible growls and shrieks of the curse behind him.
Hard cramps bit through Kiram's legs. His lungs felt raw. He staggered blindly after the crows, running between towering trees and snow-covered brambles. Then one of the crows alighted in the bare branches of a huge oak. Kiram fell against the rough trunk of the old tree. His legs buckled beneath him.
The black mass of the curse came up fast, rushing after Kiram. It arched up over the snow like a cresting wave. As its shadow neared Kiram a sick pain punched into his body. Something twisted through his intestines.
It must have blood, Kiram. Alizadeh's voice moved over him like a chill wind.
Then the crows dived from their perches, sweeping down over Kiram and the curse crashed across their backs. Burning feathers and blood spattered the snow and pelted Kiram. Crow carcasses fell, smoking, to the ground. The curse rose like a black steam from the mutilated birds. Kiram pressed himself back against the oak, not wanting even a wisp to touch him. The curse hung like smoke in the air.
Kiram held his breath, afraid on some primal level that the curse might somehow hear him gasp or feel him exhale. He stared intently as the black wisps slowly coalesced into the dark silhouette of a man.
Kiram recognized the long body with its broad shoulders and slim hips. The curse could have been either Javier's or Fedeles' shadow, suspended in the air before his eyes. It took a step closer to Kiram, one hand extending, but then stopped. Suddenly its featureless head turned back as if hearing a call. Its mass dropped to the snow and slithered back across Kiram's tracks. In an instant it was gone.
Kiram dragged in a breath of the frigid air. His entire body shuddered from both cold and shock. The blood streaming down his calf felt alarmingly hot and suddenly he felt aware of the scratches where the crows' bones had grazed his skin. Black feathers matted with blood spattered his arms and face. Pieces of skulls and bodies pitted the snow all around him. His own blood smeared out from his right leg in a rapidly cooling pool.
Impending sobs tightened his throat and tears welled in his eyes. He wanted to curl into a ball and have his mother tell him that everything would be all right. He wanted to be back home and feel his father's strong embrace and know he was safe. Kiram wiped furiously at his face, knowing that he only succeeded in smearing crows' blood across his cheeks.
He couldn't act like a child, damn it.
He watched his breath rise in white clouds and dissipate into the dark. No one was going to come rescue him-certainly not his parents-and if he didn't get back to the academy he was going to freeze to death.
Kiram pushed himself back from the old oak. A pang flared through his calf but the leg still took his weight. He followed his own tracks back towards the academy. Every time he heard a sound or saw a motion in the branches above him he froze in fear. An owl swooped past him. Some small creature shrieked and skittered over a tree limb. Clusters of blue jays watched him in eerie silence.
Snow began to fall in light streams at first, but then it grew heavy. Kiram's old footprints became shallow impressions. He struggled to follow his path back through the forest.
Huge flakes of snow se
ttled in his hair and melted against his skin. Kiram shoved his hands into his coat pockets. At first his feet ached, almost burned from the cold, but now they were numb weights. He couldn't stop shivering.
It couldn't be much further. Kiram thought he could smell oven smoke in the air. Just a little farther, he promised himself, but his steps were unsteady and he wasn't even sure of where he was anymore. Suddenly his boot caught on a buried stump and he tumbled down an incline, slamming into the trunk of a tree.
He struggled up to his feet, but the snow slipped beneath him, and he slid farther down the incline, this time only coming to a stop when his back and shoulder pummeled into the ragged stones of a crumbling wall.
Kiram lay still, too cold to care about his scrapes and bruises. Snow drifted down onto him. He was so tired and this fucking day just wouldn't let up. He tried to roll over but his arm wouldn't move; instead a terrible dislocated feeling shot through his shoulder. His calf seemed dead and he didn't have the strength to force himself up to his feet again.
He had to rest. Just for a few minutes, then he'd go on. Kiram closed his eyes. He imagined how he would brace himself with his left leg and use the wall to support his weight. He'd get up; it wouldn't be all that difficult. If he couldn't climb the slippery incline, then he'd follow the wall. It had to have been part of the academy grounds at one time. Doubtless it would lead him close enough that he could catch a glimpse of the dormitory. He'd probably be back in less than an hour.
With that thought a delirious calm settled over Kiram. He felt a little warmer, almost comfortable, now. Perhaps the snow was letting up. His muscles relaxed and he slept as blankets of snow settled over his body.
The hands that gripped him felt like heated brands. Kiram opened his eyes and for a moment saw nothing but brilliant light, then felt the sensual heat of the white hell.
Javier's black hair and dark eyes came into focus and slowly Kiram made out the rest of his features. He leaned over Kiram. Dark sky spread out behind him. High in the sky a crow circled.