by Candy Harper
LATER
I don’t know why anyone ever cooks anything ever. It takes a lot of time and effort and in the end you might as well just buy it at Tesco. Except I have spent the cake money on ingredients so Lily will not be getting one of those nice fluffy supermarket cakes with the perfectly smooth icing.
She will be getting my effort.
Which has more of a rustic look.
LATER STILL
I heard Dad go into the kitchen and say, ‘Flaming Nora! There’s a dead animal in our kitchen!’
I assumed that it was a rat, attracted by my mother’s vast supply of beans and grains, but then he said, ‘It’s crawled on to a plate and died. I think it sneezed its guts up. I’ve never seen so much slime!’ and I knew he was referring to my culinary efforts.
Maybe chocolate cake with green mint icing wasn’t such a good combination.
SATURDAY 31ST MARCH
On our way to Lily’s gathering Megs said, ‘You and Ethan looked very friendly after debating.’
I shrugged. ‘Things are still a bit weird between us.’
‘Maybe you should unweird them. Then perhaps the rest of us won’t have to put up with all this nonsense.’
‘What do you mean nonsense?’
‘Faith, we all know that you’ve always had a thing for Ethan.’
‘No I haven’t! I mean, Ethan is a very clever young man. And he is good-looking. And there is something really appealing about his dark sense of humour . . . Oh all right, maybe I have had feelings for Ethan in the past, but recently we haven’t been so friendly.’
‘Why not?’
‘Things aren’t quite the same as they were before. I don’t think he likes me any more. I think he thinks I’m an idiot for going out with Finn.’
‘You are an idiot for going out with Finn, but I don’t think that Ethan has gone off you. Anyone who has a strong enough stomach to get keen on you in the first place isn’t going to be scared off by your first bit of nonsense.’
‘And I’ve been meaning to tell you what a great girl you are too, Megs.’
‘Don’t get stroppy; I’m just telling it like it is. You really ought to sort things out with Ethan.’
I wasn’t expecting to have a great time bowling, but I decided to make sure that Lily enjoyed herself because that’s what counts when you give up on your own happiness and just live for others.
Lily wore a T-shirt with a picture of a dog and a cat getting married. She really doesn’t seem to care about looking glamorous around Arif. The general effect of this seems to be that he adores her.
Ethan turned up late. I didn’t mean to be pleased to see him, but I really was. I ended up having a lot of fun. I love the way that Ethan and I can build on each other’s jokes. It makes me feel smart and funny, and like I’m part of a secret club. I’ve got to admit that I may have started wondering what it would be like to touch his lovely messy curls, but then Megs spoiled everything by taking a good look at us and saying, ‘Why don’t you two come out with me and Cam next Saturday?’
Obviously, that was too much because Ethan said, ‘Sorry, I’m busy next week.’
And after that he was a lot less chatty.
I could kill Megs.
I didn’t do brilliantly at knocking down pins, but fortunately Angharad is a bowling wonder and you can always rely on her to keep the girls’ average score up. She was making yet another strike when Megs said, ‘Isn’t that Icky over there?’
It was. Two lanes over Icky and her gang of brainless followers were posing and shouting and generally bringing down the levels of attractiveness in the place. They were accompanied by about twenty boys. Twenty boys. Not only is Icky mean, she’s also greedy.
I tried to ignore them, but it was pretty difficult. Icky was strutting about in a pair of bright pink jeans as if she owned the place. She obviously thought that she was important enough to ignore the rules because instead of proper bowling shoes she was wearing a pair of spike heels almost as ugly as the ones she wore to the club night.
I watched Westy dancing about like a ballerina, but still only managing to take down one pin, then I saw the guy from behind the counter tap Icky on the shoulder.
‘You can’t wear street shoes in this area,’ he said.
‘It’s all right,’ Icky said in a stupid throaty voice. ‘I’m not bowling.’
‘If you’re on the lane, you wear the shoes.’
I nudged Megs, but she was already watching. I nudged Lily instead.
‘Do I really have to?’ Icky simpered. Her whole crowd was watching this exchange and I really think she thought she was going to charm him into letting it go.
‘It’s the rules.’ He was starting to sound seriously annoyed.
Icky batted her eyelashes. ‘But you’re not wearing bowling shoes.’
‘I work here.’
By this point, an awful lot of people had stopped bowling so that they could watch what was going on.
Icky pouted. Things weren’t going her way and she didn’t like it. ‘It doesn’t really matter; the floor’s all marked anyway. This isn’t exactly a world-class bowling alley, is it?’
The guy shook his head in disgust. ‘Put the shoes on or leave. Now.’
Icky scowled. ‘Fine! I didn’t want to stay in this disgusting place anyway.’ And she turned her back on him ready to strop off. But she really shouldn’t have spun round so hard in shoes with no grip because she lost her footing, staggered backwards with her arms windmilling and landed smack on her behind with her legs in the air.
As Mrs Webber is fond of pointing out, I’m unable to let the opportunity to say something smart go by so, while other people were sucking in their breath or giggling, I dashed forward and grabbed Icky by the ankle.
I screwed up my face. ‘Phew! Don’t worry, Vicky, even if you’re not wearing bowling shoes, your feet still smell like you are.’ That got a loud laugh and while people were clutching at each other I planted a smacker on Icky’s foot.
I leant down to her level. ‘That’s my side of the bet kept. You wanted an audience, you got one.’
She was absolutely seething. I think she’d been hoping for a situation where she wasn’t the one who looked like a total idiot, but there was nothing she could do because I had definitely completed my forfeit. Her face turned the same colour as her jeans. I thought her head would go off like a party popper.
Everyone agreed that it rounded off the birthday celebrations nicely.
LATER
I’m really happy about Icky getting what she deserves, but I keep going over my conversations with Ethan. Why did he turn down Megs’s suggestion? Is he really busy? Or doesn’t he like me? I wish I knew what was going on inside his head.
LATER STILL
No one ate much of the cake except Lily. She said, ‘It’s like a giant inside-out After Eight. I love it.’
At least I always know what Lily is thinking.
APRIL
SUNDAY 1ST APRIL
Sam wouldn’t stop staring at me while I was eating my Coco Pops this morning. ‘What is it, you pustule?’ I asked.
‘I’m ready,’ he said.
‘Ready for what? Nursery school?’
He folded his arms. ‘I haven’t forgotten that it’s April Fool’s day and I’m telling you, you can’t trick me.’
‘I don’t go in for all that April Fool’s day stuff. I think it’s a bit sad if a sister has to wait for a special day to show her little brother how much she enjoys making him look like a loser. I like to laugh at you every day of the year.’
He narrowed his eyes.
‘Seriously,’ I said. ‘It would be unoriginal and unsatisfying for me to try to trick you today.’
He didn’t reply, but I noticed that his shoulders relaxed a little.
Big mistake.
At teatime Sam was left with a plate full of tomato sauce because I’d loosened the top on the squeezy ketchup bottle.
He snarled at me and said, ‘I thought you said
it would be unoriginal and unsatisfying?’
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘It is.’ I leant back and stretched out my arms and legs in contentment. ‘But it’s also still really funny.’
MONDAY 2ND APRIL
On Thursday everyone will be in Juicy Lucy’s to celebrate the end of term.
‘Do you think I should be worried that Icky will try to pay me back in front of an audience?’ I asked Megs.
‘I heard she’s so embarrassed she’s going to give it a miss.’
‘So who will be there? Is Eth— I mean, are all the boys coming?’
She nodded in an annoyingly knowing way, so I said, ‘There’ll be loads of boys from Radcliffe there, though, won’t there? Probably Year Eleven boys too. I’m thinking that maybe I’d be happier with a more mature boy.’
‘Never mind Year Eleven; it’s about time you and Ethan got it together.’
‘Yeah, just remember what happened the last time you tried to push him into a date with me,’ I said. ‘He was like a startled rabbit. So keep your nose out. Anyway, I don’t even know how I feel about Ethan. He’s totally unpredictable and he thinks he’s so clever.’
‘Sounds like someone else I know.’
I walloped Megs as if I didn’t have a care in the world, but I really don’t understand Ethan. Sometimes he’s all friendly and sometimes he gives me the brush-off.
‘Maybe I do like him,’ I admitted. ‘But I don’t like it when he makes me feel like an idiot. I’ve already got Ramsbottom to do that. And there was all that showing me up when he started pointing out that Finn had let me down.’
Megs folded her arms. ‘Has it ever occurred to you that the reason he was so off with Finn is because he likes you?’
‘If he liked me, he wouldn’t make me feel so stupid for going out with Finn.’
‘He would if he’d rather that you were going out with him.’
‘He told my boyfriend off right in front of me!’
‘Yeah, because he thinks you deserve better. He was thinking about you.’
‘If he thinks I’m so great, why did he look horrified when you suggested a double date?’
She didn’t have an answer for that one.
I’m confused. I do want Ethan to like me, but do I want a relationship now? What if it all went horribly wrong again? Perhaps I should stick to my plan of giving all this boy stuff a rest for a while.
TUESDAY 3RD APRIL
It was Skye’s last class at the community centre today so this is the end of my babysitting for Toad.
I thought we might as well enjoy ourselves so I let Toady have a little bit of everything his mum says he can’t have. We started with sugary cereal and moved on to cartoons and electronic toys. By the time Skye came home, he was running round in circles.
‘Someone is happy!’ Skye said.
‘Oh yes,’ I said. ‘He’s bursting with the joy of life.’
Skye asked me to have a cup of tea with her. I nearly told her that I can get twig tea and hippy chat at home, but I suddenly felt strangely reluctant to say goodbye to Toad, so I stayed.
‘You’ve done a great job, Faith,’ Skye said. ‘I know that Tolde has really benefited from having your young energy in the house. He’s going to miss you.’
I was thinking how I’d miss the money, but then Toad held out his pudgy hand to me and when I leant forward to take it he snatched it away and thumbed his nose just like I taught him. That’s when I realised that actually I am going to miss the little toadling.
When I finally left, Skye tried to pick Toad up, but he arched his back and threw his arms about so she had to put him down. Then he flung his arms round my legs. I bit my lip.
‘Do you think maybe I could come and visit Toa— I mean Tolde sometimes?’ I asked.
‘Of course. I was going to ask if maybe you could babysit in the evenings occasionally?’
I nodded. A lot. It’s funny how stuff you really don’t want to do can end up being enjoyable.
I had to go before I started snivelling. I patted Toad’s head. ‘Bye-bye then, Tolde.’ I bent down and whispered in his ear. ‘Don’t forget what I told you. You can achieve anything if you whine hard enough to get someone else to do it for you.’
WEDNESDAY 4TH APRIL
I’ve found myself thinking about Ethan all day. He really is very funny. And fit. And maybe Megs is right about him fancying me because things between us have definitely been more charged this year. In fact, he’s only really been weird since I started dating Finn. I just don’t know what to do.
Normally, I’m a very decisive person, but last night Mum offered me the choice between her vegetable moussaka and her vegetable crumble (I have mentioned that maybe one day we could go crazy and eat something that isn’t made entirely of vegetables). I found myself in a strange position: I didn’t know which to choose.
Mum said, ‘Come on, which is it?’
‘I don’t know. I mean, I think I like crumble at the moment, but what if I choose it and then later on I realise that I’m not so keen? Will I still get to be friends with the crumble?’
Mum looked at me. ‘We’re not talking about my cooking here any more, are we?’
I shook my head. ‘Although, before we move on, I’d like to suggest that we explore a third way and go for chips. Which, if you think about it, is about as much pure vegetable composition as you can get.’
Mum screwed up her nose. ‘Never mind your love of greasy food. Do you want to tell me what you’re worrying about?’
I sighed. ‘I’m trying to decide how much I like a boy. And, if I really do like him, is it a good idea for me to do anything about it?’
Mum pulled her sympathetic face. It’s similar to her trapped-wind face. ‘That’s a tough decision, but I can’t tell you what to do, my sweet.’
I nearly fell off my chair. ‘What do you mean? You’re always telling me what to do. Finish your homework . . . No, you can’t make home-made explosives . . . Stop strangling your brother. It’s an endless list of commands from you.’
‘I just mean that you have to follow your heart.’
‘Are you sure about that? My heart hasn’t got a great track record. Remember that time I dropped my Benny Bear in the swimming pool and I jumped in after him even though I couldn’t swim? It was my heart that told me to do that. Also, that time I lay down in front of the car of that primary school teacher I didn’t want to leave, and when I tried to give Megs and me matching neck tattoos. They all came from my heart.’
‘Hmm. But you’re older and wiser now. This is a bit different.’
‘Yeah, I just don’t want Ethan to turn out to be a red dress or a soggy teddy bear.’
Mum looked confused. ‘All I can say is that when it comes to relationships no one really knows whether things will work out, but sometimes you like someone so much that you’re prepared to take the risk of getting hurt.’
Which actually made a lot of sense.
Then she spoiled her profound words a bit by saying, ‘I think my heart is telling me to not bother chopping a lot of vegetables for you to push around your plate. It wants me to open a tin of spaghetti hoops instead.’
THURSDAY 5TH APRIL
All day I’ve been going back and forth, trying to make up my mind about Ethan. First, I’d imagine us hanging out saying hilarious things and no one mentioning sport. Then I’d picture trying to tell him that I liked him, and I’d see him pulling his superior face and turning me down flat. But, as I walked home from school, I thought about seeing Ethan at Juicy Lucy’s tonight and my heart started pumping harder and all I could think about was that time I thought he was going to kiss me and how I really wanted him to. And how I still do.
Mum’s right; I’ve got to go with my heart. Tonight I’m going to tell Ethan how I feel.
LATER
Before we got to Juicy Lucy’s, I was trying not to overplan things with Ethan. I thought we’d have a little chat where I made him laugh and then maybe we’d lose the rest of the gang and go f
or a walk together, and perhaps he’d confess that all of his sarky remarks over the last couple of months have been because he was insanely jealous of Finn, and I’d tell him that I really like him. Then he’d say that my intelligence makes him weak at the knees and my smile makes him want to kiss me . . .
So no specific plan.
Totally prepared to go with the flow.
But as soon as Megs and I were inside I spotted Westy and asked, ‘Where’s Ethan?’ before I could stop myself.
‘Not sure,’ Westy said. ‘He’s around somewhere. Do you want to sit next to me, Faith?’
‘Not right now. I just need to find Ethan.’
‘I could buy you something to eat. I’ve made up this brilliant new snack; you take a blueberry muffin, then you add a layer of ketchup—’
‘Maybe later, Westy.’ I felt mean brushing him off, but now that I’d made a decision I really needed to see Ethan.
Megs was having a whispery conversation with Cameron so I scanned the tables and the queue for Ethan. The place was jammed with people from our school and the boys’ school.
Megs grabbed me by the arm in an unnecessarily firm way and said, ‘Let’s sit down for a minute.’ And she dragged me off to a quiet table by the loos.
‘Listen,’ she said, ‘I think maybe we need to talk about Ethan a bit more.’
‘Megs, you don’t need to keep trying to convince me that we’re well suited. I’ve realised that you’re right.’
‘I don’t want you to get your hopes up too high.’
‘Don’t worry, I promise I’m being realistic. I’m not expecting a fairy tale; I just want to see how things go.’