Weak but in a cheerful mood, Nan exclaimed over the soft fineness of the cashmere throw Julia gave her and over her Christmas presents from Brader. Then, Julia and Brader attended the vigil service at the small parish church with Mrs. Elliott.
Finally, they were alone.
“Brader, I am so sorry.” Never had she spoken more heartfelt words.
It was past midnight, the very first hour of Christmas Day.
Julia sat in the middle of their bed, her hands clasped in her lap. Dressed in her white lawn gown, her hair down and curling around her face and shoulders the way he liked it, she blushed, suddenly aware of how contrived she must appear in her role of penitent.
She’d caught him off guard. He stopped in the doorway of their bedroom, frowning. He’d just made a tour of the house to ensure that all doors and windows were fastened for the evening.
Brader shut the door behind him. “You have no need to apologize.” He was dressed in the figured cashmere dressing gown she’d given him for Christmas, the loose trousers he wore for sleeping, and flat, heelless slippers.
“Yes, I do. For that silliness with Peter today.”
Brader looked embarrassed. “I know you didn’t encourage Carberry.” He kicked off the slippers under the bed but didn’t move toward her.
She rose up on her knees, pleading with him. “Then what is it? You’ve been so quiet, so contemplative ever since Peter came. You smashed that figurine in the sitting room, and tonight during the church service you held my hand as though you’re afraid I’ll run away. Even your mother asked me if you were feeling well. Brader, I swear to you, I had no idea Peter was going to appear with that ludicrous offer, and if I had I would never have let him past the front door.”
“Julia, that’s not it.” He stood at the end of the bed, the robe opened to reveal his bare chest in the lamplight. He looked like a Turkish pasha, virile, masculine, and just as distant.
“Something is bothering you,” she insisted. “Please tell me. I want everything to be the way it was before Peter came.” She rocked back on her heels, begging him with her eyes.
His jaw tensed and Julia could feel his indecision. She sat very still, wishing she could guess what he was thinking. Finally, he turned, went to his wardrobe, and from a small drawer removed a wooden box no more than a few inches square. He turned it thoughtfully in his fingers before he returned his attention to her. He studied her a moment, appeared to brace himself by squaring his shoulders, and crossed over to her.
He sat on the edge of the bed, facing her. Julia slid closer to him, leaning on her right hand.
“I have a Christmas gift for you.”
“Another? The lovely sapphire necklace you gave me over dinner was more than enough.”
He smiled, a self-deprecating smile she’d never thought to see on his face. “Well, that was insurance.”
“Insurance?”
“In case you don’t admire what I’m about to give you.”
The wind rattled the windowpanes and played with the lamplight. The flames from the fireplace flickered, dimming and brightening the room as was their wont. Julia leaned even closer to Brader, savoring his warmth and his unique male scent, mixed with sandalwood. “Whatever you give me I will cherish.”
“Will you?” He asked the question in dead earnest. He was so serious, he made her nervous. She wanted to reach out, touch the corner of his mouth, and tease him out of whatever weighed heavy on his mind. But knowing Brader’s pride, she held her tongue.
Looking down at the wooden box, he flipped open the lid on its tiny hinges, turned the contents out into his palm, and held his hand out to Julia. The lamplight caught the glow of a thin gold wedding band.
It wasn’t expensive, perhaps not even solid gold. The light played on its burnished edges.
She raised her gaze from the band to meet his eyes. The intensity burning in their depths and the firm set of his mouth frightened her.
As if sensing her fear, he forced his mouth to curve into a tight smile. “This is the only legacy my father left me.”
The information took her breath away. Julia lowered her head and stared at the band.
“It’s not much, is it?” he said. “He should have given her his name. Instead, this ring was to serve as his promise. A promise there was no time to fulfill before—” Brader broke off his sentence, frowning. Finally he said, “Before they hanged him.”
Julia waited for him to say more. He didn’t. “Where did you get it?”
“From Mother. She gave it to me right before our wedding.”
Julia looked up at him sharply. A thought struck her, so surprising and wonderful she was afraid of it. There had been no wedding ring in their ceremony. Nor had she looked for one, absorbed as she was in a wealth of tumbling emotions over her family and the animosity she felt coming from her husband. How far they’d traveled together since the moment of their wedding! But it was not so far that the wrong word could not destroy their fragile relationship. She remained quiet.
He continued speaking, his eyes focused not on her but on the thin band. “Mother wanted me to give it to you, but I didn’t. I had a difficult time explaining to Mother that our marriage was more of a business transaction than a—a marriage.”
Cold dread stole up her spine. Julia straightened. “Brader—”
“Listen to me, Julia, because I don’t know if I’ll have the courage to say this if I don’t do it this moment. I feel like the pauper boy in the fairy tale who has a chance to capture the beautiful princess.” She started to speak but he laid his finger against her mouth, silencing her. “No, don’t speak. This is for me to say.” Intently, he traced the curve of her bottom lip and the line of her cheekbone and twisted one curl from against her neck.
“And I have captured you, haven’t I, Princess? I know you will never disgrace me. Your sense of honor is such that I never need doubt you. You are all the wife any man could ask for.”
Those words gave her hope. Julia relaxed the tenseness in her shoulders, but her eyes did not leave his. She stared into them as if mesmerized. There, in those deep, dark depths, she read something she had never thought to see in Brader: vulnerability.
She held her breath.
“I believe my father loved my mother very much, and if circumstances had been different he would have married her. Instead, he gave her this ring. I married my woman, but I have never given her the ring.”
She started to speak, to reassure him that what they had between them was more than enough.
Brader shook his head. “No, not a word. For tonight, Julia, listen.”
He lifted her hand then, holding it out palm down between them. “I could have destroyed you. I tried to abandon you…and I never trusted you. Yet you trusted me and expected me to honor our wedding vows, vows I made with no intention of fulfilling.”
Julia gave his fingers a squeeze, afraid even to take a breath.
“This ring isn’t very much,” he said. “I could have purchased something more worthy in London, but I didn’t realize how much you meant to me, or what my life would be like if you left me, until that idiot Carberry made his declaration today.”
Julia smiled at his description of Peter. Brader had not been angry with her, this afternoon, but jealous. She wanted to kiss him. She wanted to kiss that “idiot Carberry”!
“And I won’t let another moment pass between us until I do this right.” He held the ring out over her index finger. “I don’t know the right words, Julia, but I don’t ever want to lose you because I didn’t say them. You must believe that what I am about to say comes from my heart and is more binding than any vow repeated before a clergyman.”
He looked down at her hand,
“I promise to cherish”—he lightly touched the ring to her index finger—“to honor”—he moved the ring to her middle finger, touching it lightly—“and to love you”—he slipped the ring down and in place on her ring finger—“for all my living days…”—he raised his head, his A
dam’s apple moving along the strong contour of his throat, his eyes dark and sincere, and finished—“until death us do part.”
The old gold on her hand winked at her in the lamplight. She closed her fingers around it, enjoying the alien feel of wearing a ring where she’d previously worn none.
“I love you, Julia.”
Julia caught her breath in stunned silence. Tears welled in her eyes. Never had she thought to hear those words. Brader loved her! He was hers. She brought her hands up on either side of his face and kissed him with all the longing, gratitude, and joy she felt in her soul. And he kissed her back, confirming his words. Brader was hers.
She broke the kiss. She didn’t know what to say. “Brader—”
“I know you don’t love me.” He lifted her fingers to his lips and kissed the tips. “I don’t ask it and I’ve accepted it. Don’t ever say anything to me you don’t mean. I value your honesty…and I do understand.”
Julia expelled all the air inside her at one time. She’d never thought about loving Brader. She admired him. He grew more handsome in her eyes every day they shared together. She certainly loved what he could make her body feel. Was that love?
Brader’s arms started to take her in their embrace but she stopped him, holding his arms at the wrist. Studying him, she drank in every nuance, every detail of his strong face with her eyes. He was hers. Suddenly, the realization made her feel powerful, wonderful, alive.
She pushed doubts from her mind. No doubts, not tonight. He’d given her a precious gift and she wasn’t going to question it. Instead, she wanted to give to him in return and she only knew of one gift he’d accept.
Slowly, Julia leaned toward Brader until her lips barely touched his. Her heart hammering in her chest, she traced his bottom lip with the tip of her tongue.
Brader reacted exactly as she’d anticipated. Ticklish, he gave a chuckle and moved to wrap his arms around her again, but Julia pulled away slightly while pushing his arms away from her body. “No. Now it is my turn to give.”
He frowned, a frown she canceled with a devastating smile, but she refused to let go of his wrists. When his expression turned to one of wariness, she leaned forward again and brushed the firm, hard nipples of her swelling breasts in slow circles against his bare chest.
Brader drew his breath in sharply, as if the body contact, even through the material of her nightdress, seared his skin. She dipped her head down to kiss and nuzzle the hollow of his shoulder, licking his warm skin. She nipped gently from where his pulse beat wildly at the base of his throat, along the curve of his neck, and up to his ear, a move she knew threw Brader over the edge.
His body tensed. She stopped, a hair’s breath away from his sensitive lobe, until she felt his lips curl into a smile of anticipation, before she whispered in it the way he liked. Only tonight the words were not soft and meaningless but very specific promises.
The glow in Brader’s eyes turned predatory. His weight shifted, and he lifted her up into his lap before she knew what to expect. When he moved to take the initiative, Julia pressed her palms against his shoulders.
Brader’s expression changed to one of sensual appraisal. He smiled slowly, and in that slow smile Julia could feel the growing strength of his arousal against her.
She slid one leg around his hip on one side, until she could cradle his body with her legs. Her nightgown rode up around her hips. Used to being the hunter, Brader reached for her once more, but Julia stopped him, recapturing his wrists and holding them out to his side. She kissed him with all her heart and soul.
Brader moved beneath her hips, a slow dance, touching, teasing, coaxing her, but Julia wasn’t about to give in easily. He loved her. A man as unique and marvelous as Brader Wolf loved her! Her.
And she was going to repay that love with a night he’d never forget.
Pressing him back onto the bed, Julia proceeded to kiss every muscle, every hair, every stretch of flesh. Her lips teased, cajoled, and honored while her hands slid the clothing from his body. Slipping her palms underneath the waistband of his loose trousers, she slid them down his thighs and over his calves. Her hands caressed the heavy muscles; her tongue tickled the bend of his knee.
Julia worshiped him with hands and mouth. He shivered, his skin burnished by the golden glow of lamp and hearth. Julia warmed him, rubbing her hands, arms, and legs against his gorgeous male flesh.
He was hers.
Reaching his lips, her tongue entered his mouth, exploring, begging, discovering. Brader moaned. He wrapped his hands around her breasts and begged her for more with his mouth.
Julia had never felt so aroused. He’d reach to embrace her or take over the lead, but she would slip from his hands.
She traveled down his body pressing tiny kisses, her full, tight breasts brushing against him. She kissed down his rib cage, her hands stroking the indentations of his buttocks.
Raising himself on his elbows, he watched her journey. Her lips hovered over his body, the silk of her hair brushing either side of his hips. Brader became very still. Putting her lips together, Julia gently blew against his aroused flesh, smiling when she heard him gasp her name.
He was hers.
Ever so slowly, she lowered her lips until they touched the petal softness of steel hard male. His body quivered beneath her touch. She wanted to possess him, to love him completely and fully, as she bent her head to take this, the very essence of him. Her name was torn from his lips in a hoarse cry.
Strong hands came down to her shoulders, pulling her up his body to his face. He kissed her, a deep soul-satisfying kiss, and Julia was surprised to discover she trembled with a need as strong and vibrant as Brader’s.
Rising and straddling his body with her knees, she lifted the hem of her nightdress and pulled it up over her head. Pride surged through her as his eyes turned to the midnight black of desire.
He loved her. Love made her powerful, beautiful, alive.
In one slow, continuous movement, Julia took him into her, her eyes never leaving his, only to discover she was the one snared. She’d turned into a flame, hot and bright, ready to fan hotter still…but Brader had to give her what she needed, what she could not exist a moment longer without. Her head thrown back, her curls cascading down her back, she cried his name.
Inarticulate words escaped his lips. His hands came to her hips and he set a pace that drove Julia to bone-shaking madness. His name on her lips was her grace, his love her salvation. She knew his needs and responses better than her own. She gave and gave and gave until, with a glad mindless cry, Brader took her into his arms, turned her onto the bed, and, with a passion and a force that were overwhelming, brought them together to an exploding, dazzling climax.
Never had it been this good, this complete.
Satiated, Julia lay in his arms listening to the pounding of their hearts, certain the world had changed forevermore. They had become one.
The future held no fear.
Life held meaning.
He loved her.
Julia didn’t know what woke her. Groggily, she looked around the room, taking in the darkness and the dim glow of the lamp before catching a glimpse of movement.
The edge of the bed gave slightly under the weight of another person. Cold air nipped at her bare skin and Julia realized it was the lack of warmth from his body that had awoken her. She forced herself to wake further and was surprised by a dressed Brader pulling on his top boots. “Where are you go—?”
He silenced her question with a kiss. “Merry Christmas.”
The very sound of his voice had the power to arouse her. She stretched her arms over her head, purring like a cat, and demanded, “Come back to bed.”
“I can’t.”
She frowned. Brader crossed over to the desk and turned up the lamp wick. Julia squinted against the brighter light. “Where are you going?” she repeated.
Reaching up to the top shelf of his wardrobe, Brader pulled down a low brim beaver. “A messenger arrived.
Mrs. Elliott heard him knocking on the door. Perceval wants to see me.”
Julia came completely awake and sat up, hugging the bedclothes around her. “The Prime Minister wants to see you now? On Christmas Day?”
“World affairs don’t wait. Go back to sleep.”
Brader wiped at a piece of dust on his hat brim. Julia sniffed. “If you had a valet, you wouldn’t have to worry about that.”
“If I had a valet, I wouldn’t have him in here right now.” He let his eyes roam over her sheet-clad body for emphasis.
Julia gave him a shrewd look. “What do you do for the government that would call for sending out a messenger in the middle of the night?”
Brader shrugged. “Many things. I don’t know. I only answer when I’m summoned. In fact, I’m curious too. It does seem odd for Perceval, although the War Ministry never sleeps, not with the Continent in an uproar.”
A premonition swept through Julia. A warning. She sat up. “Brader, don’t go.”
“I have to go.”
“Then don’t go alone.”
He smiled at her and picked up his greatcoat, shaking his head. “I gave Hardwell a week’s holiday. I’ll be fine.”
“I’m serious, Brader. Something doesn’t seem right. Call me silly but please, I’d feel better if you didn’t make the journey alone. I’d feel even better if you didn’t make the journey at all.”
Brader sat down beside her and then leaned forward to place a kiss on the swell of her breast above the sheet. Julia captured his face with her hands, cupping his square jawline. She raised his head up so that she could look him in the eye.
“Please?”
“What are you afraid of?”
She frowned, feeling foolish. “I don’t know. Fate, maybe. Every time matters appear to go my way, something happens. I don’t want to run the risk of losing you.”
He hesitated for a moment and then reassured her. “You won’t lose me, not ever. But if it will make you feel better, I can take one of the stable boys, since I will be riding.” He stroked her cheek. “I have every intention of returning by nightfall. Will you be all right until I get back?”
All Things Beautiful Page 24