Jean Luc looked at the river, its muddy surface sliding past them. “I don’t know what to do.”
“We’ll be back in Cape Girardeau by Christmas Eve. Why don’t you plan on going to the church service? Your sweet Anna should be there.”
“I can’t.”
Mrs. Naomi squinted at him. “I don’t understand what happened between you and that young lady, but I know how much you care for her. And it seemed to me she was taken with you, too.”
“That was before her brother told her about my past. He knew me when I was a different man. I tried to hurt him and his wife. And I almost succeeded in getting all three of us killed.”
“I see.” Mrs. Naomi put a hand on his arm. “I have to admit that sounds pretty awful.”
Jean Luc grunted as the knife in his hand slipped and pinked his thumb. A dot of red appeared in the fleshy center of the appendage. He concentrated on it to keep his emotions at bay. When he was sure he could speak without betraying himself, he looked at her kindly face. The captain’s wife had been a good friend to him, almost a second mother. But how could she understand? “It was—and is—inexcusable.”
“You have given your life to Jesus, haven’t you?”
He shrugged. “I guess so.”
“No.” She shook her head. “There’s no guessing when it comes to this. Either you are a child of God or you are not. Jesus died on the cross because He is committed to saving you from eternal damnation. If you’ve asked Him into your heart, He’s washed away your past sins. Even God does not see them anymore.”
“But the earthly consequences are still there.”
“Yes, and you have to face up to those. But always remember that Jesus loves you. He knows not only what you did but also every thought inside that thick head of yours. And He still has His arms wide open to you.”
A faint hope entered Jean Luc’s chest. In the turmoil of having to admit his past, he’d neglected Christ’s love and acceptance.
Mrs. Naomi winked at him. “As soon as we dock, I want you to go to that girl and lay your heart in front of her. If she rejects you, it will hurt, but you can survive her rejection with God’s love to sustain you.”
Jean Luc flattened his palm and studied the spread wings of the bird he’d whittled. He could feel his own heart soaring with the freedom Mrs. Naomi’s words were bringing to him. “You’re a very wise woman.”
“I couldn’t sit still and let the devil convince you with his lies. He’d like nothing better than to separate you from God, but don’t you let him get away with it. No matter what happens in Cape Girardeau, you can always lean on Him.”
He offered the seagull to her, but Mrs. Naomi shook her head. “You’re going to need a gift to give your girl for Christmas.”
Jean Luc smiled. For the first time since seeing Blake and Lily, he began to believe everything might turn out all right.
“When are we going back to Mississippi?” Camellia looked down at her feet as they walked the path to the church on Christmas Eve.
Lily thought for a moment her younger sister had returned to the immature girl she’d once been, the girl who thought of nothing beyond the next social occasion and the newest fashion plates. Then the likely reason for Camellia’s question occurred to her. “Are you missing that handsome Captain Watkins?”
“No, that’s not it.” Camellia lifted her skirts to avoid a puddle. “I would like to see Jane of course.”
“Of course.” Blake joined the conversation as they walked three abreast.
Lily frowned at him before returning her attention to Camellia. “I’ve been so impressed with you, Camellia. You’ve always had a tender heart when it comes to taking care of others, but now you’ve turned that talent into a calling. You’ve learned so much about healing and effective treatments. You should be proud of yourself.”
“That’s just it.” Camellia sighed. “Blake’s father is getting better now. He really doesn’t need me anymore. I want to be useful. I want to make a difference. If you’re right and God has given me a calling, I need to find a way to use it. I thought I was helping Anna, but now look at her. She’s practically walking on air since Jean Luc showed up this afternoon.”
“I know.” Lily glanced toward the couple walking a few yards ahead of them, their heads inclined toward each other. “Isn’t it romantic?”
“I don’t see why everyone else is so pleased to see Jean Luc and my sister together,” Blake complained. “Have all of you forgotten what he did?”
Lily planted her feet in the path and tugged on his arm to make him face her. “Your sister is happier right now than she’s been since the day she discovered who Jean Luc really was.”
“I always thought you had a soft place in your heart for that man, but you’re letting your emotions rule your head.”
“That’s like the pot calling the kettle black.” Lily heard Camellia mutter something and move away. She waited a moment until she was sure no one would overhear her words. “If you’re wondering whether or not I ever loved Jean Luc Champney, you can rest easy. Yes, I did have a bit of a soft spot for him. His parents tried to force him into their idea of a proper future the same way my aunt Dahlia and uncle Phillip tried to do to me. But that’s all it ever was.” She pointed a finger at him. “You’re the only man I’ve ever loved.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“While we’re on the subject of Jean Luc, I want to point out a few things for you to consider. First is that he has lost a lot more than you or I have. Sure, we lost the Hattie Belle, but I thought you were happy on the Water Lily. I know I have been. And God has blessed us abundantly. We have family and friends and a life that has not been spent hiding from our past.”
She could see that her words were beginning to get through to her husband. He was finally starting to understand why she’d been so put out with him lately. She had waited for him to discover these truths for himself, but maybe she should have been more direct back when they first found out whom Anna had fallen in love with.
“So you think he should be forgiven? Allowed to escape the consequences of his actions?”
“What I think is that we are not supposed to judge him. Anna has told us he’s a Christian. He is our brother as surely as Anna, Camellia, and Jasmine are our sisters. By taking on the role of judge, you are inviting bitterness to creep back into your soul.” She took hold of one of his hands and held it to her cheek. “You have only recently rooted out the bitterness you had against your father. Can’t you see that you are inviting more pain into your life—our lives—by holding on to this anger against Jean Luc?”
He raised his other hand and cupped her face. “You’re a very smart woman, Lily Matthews.”
“That’s right.” Happiness brought a wide smile to her lips. “And don’t you ever forget it.”
Blake laughed with her, dropped a light kiss on her lips, and grasped her hand in his larger one. “I have the feeling that if I dare to forget, you’ll remind me.”
Henrick read the story of Christ’s birth from the Gospel of Luke to the church that evening. As he spoke of the wonder of that night, the promises of the host of angels, and the birth of the world’s hope, Blake closed his eyes and prayed.
He laid at Christ’s feet the anger he’d been carrying toward Jean Luc and the worry that his sister had fallen in love with the wrong man. He asked for forgiveness and felt Christ’s answer deep inside. Peace and reverence filled him.
By the time the service was over, he knew what he had to do. As they left the church, he asked Henrick to take all of the girls home while he talked with Jean Luc. He could see Lily’s worried frown and Jean Luc’s fear, but he smiled at both of them, shooing his wife away as he waited for the church to empty.
“I’m sorry about what I did to you and Lily.” Jean Luc shuffled his feet and looked at the door with longing.
Blake sat down in one of the empty pews. “I’m sorry, too. I’m sorry you felt cheated and that you had to pay such a high price for your immaturity.”
As the words rolled off his tongue, he praised God inwardly. It was only through His power that Blake could utter such phrases and mean them.
“Thank you for understanding.”
“You are the one who sent me that note about my father, aren’t you?”
Jean Luc nodded. “I didn’t know she was your sister. Not until the day she told me that she wished her brother was here in Cape Girardeau. When she told me your name, I couldn’t believe it.”
Blake tried to imagine what the man must have felt. He wondered if he would have done the same thing if he’d been in Jean Luc’s shoes. “It must have been a hard thing for you, knowing you would have to face your past.”
With a sigh, Jean Luc sat in the pew opposite Blake. “I knew I had to do it. I still hoped to evade you, you know. I stayed away from Devore’s for several months, even when the Catfish docked here. I wasn’t sure Anna would still be here.”
“Why did you come back?”
“I love your sister.”
The four words were spoken with an intensity Blake could not ignore. He remembered too well the feeling that he had to get back to Lily no matter the cost. He held his hand out to Jean Luc, who took it after a brief hesitation. “You’re invited to come back to our home tomorrow and have dinner with us.”
Jean Luc’s hope shone as bright as the sunrise. Even the scars on the right side of his face couldn’t detract from his joy. “Thank you, Blake. I promise to make your sister happy.”
“I still have hope she’ll turn you down.” Blake clapped him on the shoulder and rose, smiling at the other man to show that his words were not to be taken seriously. He had the feeling his sister was going to accept Jean Luc’s offer, and he was beginning to find peace with the idea of welcoming him into the family.
The food on the Matthews family’s table was as sumptuous as any of the meals Jean Luc had eaten with his parents, but the atmosphere was very different.
Anna presented him with a platter filled with succulent slices of meat. “Did you try any of the roast duck? It’s one of Aunt Tessie’s specialties.”
Jean Luc patted his stomach. “I couldn’t eat another bite if I had to.”
She nodded and returned the platter to an empty space on the far side of her plate. “I’m glad you came.”
“I’m happier to be here than you can imagine.” He touched his napkin to his mouth. “It’s the best Christmas I’ve ever enjoyed.”
“Excuse me.” Blake stood and tapped his water goblet with a spoon to get their attention. “Now that we’ve all enjoyed a wonderful meal, my wife and I have an announcement to share with you.”
Camellia, sitting on his left, squeaked and put both hands over her mouth. Did she already know what Blake was about to say?
Jean Luc turned his attention to the foot of the table as Lily stood next to her husband, her gaze locked on his face. Blake took her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles in an open display of affection that surprised Jean Luc. He loved Anna. He knew that for certain. He could not imagine a future without her in it. But he wasn’t sure he would ever feel comfortable letting others see his feelings so clearly.
Lily blushed and tugged her hand away, apparently sharing some of Jean Luc’s discomfort. But the affection in her eyes never dimmed.
Blake turned his attention back to the other diners. “Lily just told me this morning that we’re going to have a baby.”
The room filled with noise. The women squealed and pushed back their chairs, even Anna. They surrounded Lily and practically carried her out of the room, their eager questions and exclamations trailing behind them.
“Congratulations.” Lily’s father raised his glass to Blake. “Having a child is one of the most rewarding, challenging experiences you’ll ever have.”
Blake’s father nodded. “I’m happy for you, Son. I know you’ll be a good father.”
“Coming from you, Pa, that means a lot to me.” Blake cleared his throat, and Jean Luc thought he saw the sparkle of a tear in the man’s eye.
Jensen cleared his throat and stood, offering a hand to Blake. “Congratulations.”
“I’m happy for you.” Jean Luc added his voice to the other men’s. “You’re a lucky man.”
“Not lucky.” Blake exchanged a glance with him. “I’m blessed beyond imagining.” The joy radiating from Blake was nearly as warm as the fire in the parlor as they joined the ladies.
Anna looked up as Jean Luc approached her, her expression shifting between uncertainty, excitement, and affection.
“Could you show me the way to your father’s library? I wanted to look for a particular volume he mentioned during dinner.” Jean Luc knew his excuse was weak, but it was the only way he could think of to separate her from her family for a few minutes.
Anna nodded and rose from her chair. As she put her hand on his arm, he could feel the weight of Blake’s gaze. He smiled in what he hoped was a conciliatory way. “We’ll be right back.”
The lamp in the hallway flickered as they passed it. Anna stopped long enough to pick up one of the tallow candles lying next to the lamp and light it before leading him to a door at the end of the hall. “The library’s in here.”
Instead of entering the room, Jean Luc reached in his pocket and drew out the carved seagull, holding it in his open palm to present it to her. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t find a box to hold this.”
Her mouth formed an O of surprise. “For me?”
“Yes.” His throat closed up. Jean Luc swallowed hard and wondered what to say next.
Anna took the tiny bird and held it up. “It’s beautiful.”
“Not as beautiful as you.” Remembering what he’d planned to do, Jean Luc dropped to one knee in front of Anna. His heart threatened to explode out of his chest as he took her free hand in his, but he was determined to say the words he’d been practicing since Blake invited him for dinner the day before. “Anna, I have admired you since we first met. You’re dedicated, resourceful, hardworking, and a woman of abiding faith. When I look at you, I see the gentle side of Jesus, and I find hope for a happiness I know I don’t deserve. I love you, and I hope you’ll consider spending the rest of your life at my side.”
Silence answered him. Jean Luc’s pulse sped up further. Was she going to reject him? He looked up at her and saw tears in her eyes.
“Anna, why are you crying? Don’t you understand? I want you to marry me.”
“Yes, I understand, John—Jean Luc, and I would like to …” Her voice faded into silence, and she shook her head.
He could hear the resignation in her voice and knew she was about to turn down his offer. His heart clenched. “Do you love me?”
Anna nodded.
His pain diminished somewhat. If she loved him, surely they could work out any other problems.
“I’ll marry you—”
He stood and tried to take her in his arms, but Anna held him off with an outstretched arm. “Please let me finish.”
Jean Luc nodded and stepped back to give her some breathing room.
“I fell in love with you before I really knew who you were, and now that I do, I find myself concerned about the past you hid from me. I cannot marry you until you have dealt with that past.” Her gaze begged him to understand her words. “It’s not right for your parents to be grieving your death. As soon as the river opens up again, you need to return to them and let them know the truth. Then I’ll marry you.”
Now it was his turn to be silent. Could he do it? Could he return to Natchez and face them? Could he bear their condemnation? Calm filled him, the whisper of Christ reassuring him. He would not be alone no matter what happened. “I’ll do it.”
“Good.” Her smile of approval warmed him. “There’s one other thing.”
Jean Luc raised an eyebrow. “I’m beginning to feel like Jason and the Argonauts.”
Anna giggled. “I don’t need a golden fleece. I want to go to Natchez with you. I want to meet your parents
and be there to support you.”
This time when he moved to embrace her, Anna did not demur. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close to his heart. When he covered her lips with his own, emotion welled up in him. Love, tenderness, protectiveness, and a myriad of other feelings he couldn’t even name. All he knew was that he, like Blake, was blessed beyond all imagining.
Chapter Thirty-five
Camellia was tired of chaperoning “the lovebirds,” as Blake called Anna and Jean Luc. She’d been given that responsibility in Cape Girardeau when Jean Luc left his ship and took up residence at a boardinghouse in town. Now that they were back aboard the Water Lily, she could relax. There were way too many people aboard for the lovebirds to need an assigned chaperone.
Bidding Aunt Tessie and Reverend Matthews good-bye the day before had pulled at her heartstrings, but as soon as the paddle wheel began churning the muddy water, Camellia began looking forward to returning to Mississippi.
With an hour to fill and warm sunshine outside, she wandered up to the pilothouse to see what her father and Jasmine were doing. As she stepped onto the hurricane deck, she heard her little sister’s voice.
“Why did Jesus want to make people suffer?”
Papa was standing behind the wheel, but he took his gaze from the river and frowned at Jasmine. “Who told you Jesus wants anyone to suffer?”
“Blake’s papa said it yesterday in church.”
He frowned for a moment before understanding dawned on his face. “Oh no, Jasmine, you misunderstood what he was talking about. Jesus was not happy with His disciples because they weren’t letting some youngsters through to talk to Him. He told them to let the children come closer. That’s what it means when the Bible says, ‘Suffer the children to come unto me.’ And He reminded His disciples that all of us have to believe in Him with the same open faith that children have.”
Camellia didn’t know why she hung back a bit. She only knew she didn’t want to interrupt their conversation. She stood at the top of the stairwell, feeling the importance of this moment in her heart.
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