by Peter Styles
After I walked back to my truck, I wasn’t a whole lot closer to figuring things out. The road I had mapped out for myself so long ago now seemed empty and lonely. As Tempy grew up and away from me, it would only get lonelier. All around me I saw friends and relatives finding relationships I had never anticipated. Austin and Benji, Caleb and Ethan, Grayson and Dylan. And those were just a few. What the hell was my problem?
I didn’t end up in Gaton. I ended up at the gazebo in the park where I had met Vance a couple of weeks ago. The coolness of the shade inside was a relief. I texted Ethan to let him know I’d be picking Tempy up earlier than usual. The way things had been going lately, she’d probably be pissed I wanted to spend a little time with her. It seemed to be the story of my life.
Shock of shockers…she made no protest when I showed up earlier than usual.
“I’m in the mood for some pizza,” I told her as I put the car in gear. “Want to pick some up and take it home?”
We ran by her favorite go-to for pizza, picked up a large and some drinks and headed back to the house. As we sat at the kitchen table stuffing our faces, I asked between bites about school and homework. History was harder this year but way more interesting since they were learning about their own state.
“Everybody keeps teasing me about our family founding Worthington.”
I nodded. “The Worth family was a lot better off in those days. We actually had money and land to go with the name.”
“Well, we couldn’t have been too famous, not like Sam Houston or Stephen Austin, or Worthington would be a lot bigger than it is.”
Her logic made me smile.
Tempy stretched her hand over and touched mine. “Are you okay, Dad? You don’t act like you feel well.”
My heart just about burst out of my chest. I turned my hand and held hers. “I’m okay.” I shrugged. “Been a bug going around…maybe I’ve got a touch of that. I’ve taken off work for a bit. Hey…maybe we could play hooky tomorrow and go see a movie?”
The temptation of my offer was there in her expression, but then she shook her head. “I probably shouldn’t miss any more school, Dad. Even with the make-up work Mr. Waite brought by, I’m still playing catch-up in some of my classes.”
Well, damn. I supposed I had to call that a parenting win. I definitely didn’t want Tempy to realize I was disappointed, and honestly, I was proud of her for making such a mature decision on her own. “You are one smart kid, you know that? You just passed one of the biggest tests of this school year.”
She eyed me curiously. “What’s that?”
“Making the right decision when it would have been a lot more fun to do the wrong thing.”
She shook her head, and grabbed her books. “Well, right now the right decision is taking my homework upstairs and getting it done.”
She leaned over and gave me a kiss before leaving. I brushed my fingers over the spot where she’d kissed my cheek. My little girl was growing up. The truth kind of finally slapped me in the face. Maybe it wasn’t Tempy I needed to figure out, maybe it was me.
She was making the adjustment from girlhood to womanhood just like every other kid ever had. Sure there were some ups and downs, but overall, she was making good decisions. Honestly, I couldn’t even fault her for popping that Smallwell kid. She’d been defending herself and her family.
No, it was me who was struggling to come to terms with the fact that she just didn’t need me in the same way she once had. And because I had entirely devoted my life to my business and her…now that she didn’t need me as much, I had no other life.
And it hadn’t had to happen this way. I had pushed the only other person I cared for out of my life twelve years ago, so freaking concerned about what people might think or say, so righteous in the idea that I needed to do it all on my own. Elaine would never have asked that of me. Now that I was finally ready to let Vance in… he was the one shutting the door. Just how the hell did I fix that?
17
Vance
It’s one thing to tell yourself that you’re moving on. Actually doing it sucks…big time. Since Wyatt had walked out the door at my request, I had vowed to find someone else. If it couldn’t be a long-term relationship, I could at least find someone to have fun with, go out on some dates, and… Somehow my mind always skittered to a stop at the sex part.
So, pushing myself a bit on this moving forward resolution, I downloaded a dating app to my phone. It was… less than satisfactory. It felt a little bit like those cheesy online dating ads. Hot, local guys are waiting for your call. Before I could even get through finishing my profile, I deleted the app.
Then, a half hour later, I added it again. I mean, I did need to meet some different guys, right? By the time homeroom started, I had downloaded and deleted various dating apps about five or six times. Maybe more. Who was counting? Maybe Upton knew someone. He’d tried to set me up with Sawyer once before, he was definitely the matchmaking type.
Let’s see, it would need to be someone a little older, had to be in great shape. Kids were okay. Someone settled, kind… maybe a little gruff on the outside, but underneath it all a real teddy bear.
Shit. I had just done a wonderful job describing Wyatt.
I needed to get my head back in the game. While I knew I needed to be more present for my students, I ended up giving them math problems with promises of extra credit on their next quiz if they could do them all and show their work. I was one stop short of handing out packets of worksheets. If that happened, it was time to turn in my teaching credentials.
I texted Upton during lunch. His response was quick.
“I will forego expressing the I told you so,” he texted back.
Somehow, it still felt like he’d expressed it all too well.
“I’m officially available if you know anyone,” I replied, deciding to ignore whether he had actually texted an I told you so. As soon as I sent it, I wished I could take it back.
It felt like cheating.
Tempy slid me a glance as she found her seat for fourth period. I’m sure a lot of my students were wondering what was going on. Handing them a period full of problems and promises of extra credit was way out of my norm.
Once everyone had settled down to work, Tempy approached my desk.
“Can I go to the nurse, Mr. Waite?”
She looked a little flushed.
“Of course you can,” I said and reached for the pass to the nurse’s office.
“I’d really like you to take me down there,” she whispered. “I’m not feeling good.”
My brow knit as I looked at her. While she was a bit flushed, she didn’t seem like she was ready to faint or anything. Still, she must have a reason. Maybe it had something to do with Kirk Smallwell again.
“Certainly. Wait for me out in the hall.”
After she stepped outside, I stood and cast my teacher eye around the room. “I need to step down to the office. Keep working. I’ll be asking Ms. Mann to keep an ear out for you.”
Wide eyes gazed back at me before I got a couple of nods and a smattering of yes sirs. I stepped out, leaving the door open behind me. After sticking my head in the English teacher’s room to ask her to watch my class, I turned my attention back to Tempy.
I started to get a little suspicious when she scuffed the toe of her pink sneaker on the linoleum. “I’m not really sick, Mr. Waite,” she confessed, but when she raised her gaze to mine, I could see that she was upset. “Something’s wrong with my dad.”
And just like that, I felt as if my world had slipped sideways. I grasped at what tiny bit of composure I had left.
“We can go to the teacher workroom to talk. It should be vacant.”
She nodded. It was just a couple doors down, a glassed-in room with a copier, a table and a couple of chairs, but it would afford some privacy without being an issue. Teachers had to be so careful about speaking to students behind closed doors. In this case, though, I was probably more desperate than Tempy to have this
conversation. My heart pounded and my brain conjured all kinds of dire problems.
Once we were seated, I asked, “What’s going on?”
“He’s really sad. I’ve never seen him like this before, not even when Caleb’s wife, Viv, died, and she was one of Mom’s best friends.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, but… there’s not really anything I can do, I’m afraid. Sometimes, adults get sad for a while. Most of the time, they figure it out, a lot like kids do.”
She pursed her lips and tilted her head. “First of all, I am not a ‘kid.’ I’m twelve. Second, you said you loved my dad. When you love someone, you do what you can to make them feel better, right?”
I shifted uncomfortably, hoping Tempy didn’t really know just how much I might be the cause of Wyatt’s sadness.
“Sometimes it’s more complicated than that…”
“I don’t see how.” Her gaze was downright steely. “Either you love my dad and want to help, or you don’t. How complicated can that be?”
“There’s a lot of space between do and don’t,” I told her, hoping like hell that Tempy would never have to understand all that gray area, but she probably would. “Love is… it’s rarely as straightforward as it might seem.”
Her gaze narrowed. “That’s sounds like one of those stupid things adults say to make kids feel like we don’t know anything. It is simple, and if you’re not going to help then fine. But you shouldn’t say that you love my dad, if you really don’t. If you’re just going to let him be sad, then obviously you don’t love him.”
Before I could try to salvage the situation, she pushed her chair back and stomped out of the workroom back toward class. I braced my elbows on the table and ran my fingers back through my hair.
What was it with the Worth family that they could just tangle me up in knots with a few words? Shit. And now, what was even worse? My stomach was twisting, aching with the knowledge that Wyatt was so bad off from my kicking him out that even Tempy could see his pain.
I had eased his pain twelve years ago. Even at nineteen, I knew that I was—at least at first—just a surrogate. I had been a substitute for the wife he missed so desperately. But I had fallen so fast and so hard, it didn’t matter.
He had been so gentle with me that first time, his hands trembling as he stroked my sides and my hips. He’d cried then, too, but I had held him, comforted him, and shed my own tears only after he had fallen into an exhausted sleep. I think I’d known even then that what we had begun wasn’t going to end well.
Wyatt had been right. He hadn’t been ready for another relationship. It seemed that our timing was always destined to be wrong. Even twelve years wasn’t enough for him to be able to step out and publicly claim me. As much as I wanted to be able to help Wyatt, and help Tempy, I couldn’t stand in the shadows. I wanted a life and a family, not stolen moments and lies.
I stood and headed back to the classroom. I had students depending on me. I had a career I loved. For now that would have to be enough even if my heart felt as cold as lead inside my chest.
18
Wyatt
So taking time off from work was a lot better in theory than in practice. The idea might have been for me to sit back and do nothing, but that was easier said than done. What it opened the door to was way too much time on my hands to think about Vance.
I tried going to the diner, but it was running just fine without me. Todd and the rest of the crew seemed determined I should take some time for myself. Right, because everyone needs hour upon hour to think about how they’ve screwed up their personal life and hurt one of the people they love the most in this world.
Before I drove home, I called James, usually ready for a beer and conversation that would be anything but maudlin or sappy. That was exactly what I needed.
Not what I got.
“You’re shittin’ me, right? It’s too damn early to get started drinking, Wyatt. I got chores to do. If you’re looking for somebody to help you cry in your beer, I’m not the one to ride down that slippery slope with.”
“Yeah. Well, it was a thought, James. I’ll catch you later sometime.” After ending the call, I stared out the truck’s windshield. I needed something to get my mind off Vance.
I drove home, dragged out the vacuum and began running it from one room to another. Satisfying until it was done because the rest of the house wasn’t in bad shape. Neither Tempy nor I were very messy, so most of the time our house stayed in pretty good order. Tempy was in charge of the dusting and did an excellent job of it.
So I was once again twiddling my fingers.
The hours ticked by with unrelieved monotony. I was never taking time off again. And, somehow, I had to figure out how to fix my existence.
I was relieved when I could finally drive to school to pick up Tempy. And if I was both hoping and dreading to catch a glimpse of Vance in the process, who could blame me? However, only Tempy stood waiting on the sidewalk for me to make my way through the line of vehicles waiting to pick up the car riders.
I unlocked the door as I pulled up next to her. As she opened it and tossed her backpack behind the seat, I greeted her. “Hey, babe. Good day?”
She shrugged as she fastened her seatbelt. “It was okay.”
She was a little quiet as we drove along the tree-lined streets leading back to our neighborhood, but that was kind of par for the course. Another sign I guess of her growing up. I glanced at her a couple times on the drive home. Nothing seemed to be out of order. Maybe I needed to let go of the problems she’d had with that Smallwell kid. She was evidently past it.
When we entered the kitchen, she headed straight for the fridge. “Okay if I get a snack, Dad?”
“Sure.” I hung the keys up next to the back door. “What do you want for dinner?”
Another shrug as she carried a glass of milk and some crackers to the table, setting them next to her backpack. “Everything you make is good.”
Wow, praise from my preteen. I glanced over to see that she was rooting around in the front pocket of her backpack for something. No doubt some of the endless trail of paperwork coming home from schools—calendars, fundraisers, community events. My thoughts ground to a standstill as I looked at the wrinkled photo cradled in her hand.
Tempy sucked in a deep breath as she held it out, her hand trembling slightly. There weren’t many of those photographs around. No one had been there to take them. No one but Vance. I knew immediately where she’d gotten it. But it was more than that flooring me right now. First, I couldn’t believe that Vance had kept it all these years, and second that he had given it to Tempy. They had talked about my relationship with Vance.
Obviously, I was a little out of this particular loop.
I took the picture, staring down at the wrinkled image. He must have carried it in his wallet all this time. It hit me like a punch, robbing me of breath and leaving me feeling a little weak. As I leaned up against the counter for support, I studied the picture. I looked young…and exhausted. Yet, Vance had kept this image…not just of me, but of the two of us. Tempy and me. I closed my eyes as a fresh wave of pain washed through me at how stupid I had been. It had never been just about Vance and me.
“I know you didn’t cheat on my mom, Dad. I talked to Mr. Waite. He defended you like you wouldn’t believe.” She put her hand on my forearm. “He told me how much you loved me, how much you wanted to be the best father…and you have been, Daddy. You’ve been the best dad anyone could ever have.”
I had to blink back the tears that had sprung to my eyes. All these months I had been so worried that I had done something wrong, that Tempy would never love me as she had…but it wasn’t true. She just loved me differently.
“The thing is, Dad,” she continued, her voice a little tight. “I’m pretty sure you love Mr. Waite, and I’m pretty sure he loves you back. You shouldn’t ignore that.”
“Tempy,” I began, ready to launch into my big speech about how she was my main focus. I had plenty of time onc
e she was grown, but she halted me with a squeeze of her fingers.
“I know you mean well, but honestly, for the past couple of years it sometimes seems like you still think I’m a little girl—this tiny baby in the picture—who still needs you all the time. But I’m not.” She shrugged, her own eyes just a bit moist. “I love you and everything. I mean, you’re my dad. I just sometimes feel like it’s just you and me and no one else. Sometimes that gets a little smothering.”
“That’s not my intention, baby.” My voice was a bit hoarse.
“Well, it’s been bothering me because lately it’s been pretty obvious that you’re depressed, and I think it’s because of something that’s happened between you and Mr. Waite.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but she shot me a look that was so much Elaine’s that Tempy could have been channeling her from beyond the grave.
“Let me finish. I just want you to know that if you’re all alone because you think that I need you all to myself, or you’re alone because you think that’s what Mom would want, or whatever... well, that’s just dumb.”
My baby had grown up.
“I want you to be happy, Dad,” she went on. “It would be great if you had someone else to spend time with, so I don’t feel like I have to be here all the time to keep you company. I think Mom would want that too.”
So maybe I was getting the pep talk I had asked for when I visited Elaine’s grave. Looking at Tempy right now was like looking at Elaine’s reincarnation. I pulled her into a hug and kissed her forehead.
“Baby, if I was to get together with Vance… people might talk.”
She leaned away and rolled her eyes. “And that’s dumb too. Who cares? Uncle Austin is with Benji, Caleb and Ethan are together. Nobody cares about that anymore, Dad. I don’t. If anyone says anything… well, I’ll just punch them in the mouth.”
I laughed a little before giving her another kiss. “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but I don’t want you punching anyone.”