by Lea Darragh
I approached Blake in the cellar, and, as he usually did in my presence, he smiled.
‘Busy day?’ I said as I perched myself up on an empty wine barrel as he slid bottles of wine into allocated slots.
‘Your husband’s a whip-cracker,’ he said as he stopped work. ‘But I can take a break for a pretty lady.’ I liked being spoken to like that again. I couldn’t help but dip my head and blush — I’d had no reason to do that in a while and I liked that too. ‘What can I do for you, Cate?’
I cleared my throat. ‘I have a proposition for you.’
‘Oh,’ he laughed. ‘I don’t know if I like the sound of that,’ he lied, ‘your husband would cut me to pieces and feed me to the dogs.’
‘We don’t have any dogs,’ I smiled.
He stepped closer to me and pulled himself onto the barrel to my right. ‘I guess I have nothing to worry about then.’
I let out a short breath. ‘Ok, here goes—’
‘Wait,’ he said with a halting hand. ‘It’s not illegal is it?’
‘Why would I ask you to do something illegal?’
‘Who knows with you women? Sometimes you do some crazy shit.’
I didn’t know what he meant by that. ‘It’s crazy, but not illegal,’ I assured him. ‘But you have to know before I ask you that if you say yes, nothing is real between us. I am doing this to get my husband back and that’s it. I love Nick and I’m doing this for him, not for you.’
He held his hands mockingly to his chest. ‘Wound my pride, why don’t you?’
I threw him a look. ‘I’m serious.’
He laughed again. ‘Go on then.’
‘It’s Nick, he’s forgotten that I exist, I think, and I want to remind him that I do.’
‘I’ve noticed.’
‘I thought that you had.’ I was all business now. ‘So, I need your help.’
‘Why my help?’
‘Because you were able to make his blood boil once…’
‘And you want me to do it again?’ he guessed.
‘Yes. Would you mind if I used you like that?’
‘Used me? You’re exploiting the fuck out of me.’
‘We don’t have to do this.’
‘Are you kidding? It’s a man’s dream to be exploited by a beautiful woman. Do as you please. You can use me any which way you like,’ he said in a low voice that was too husky for my liking; but again, like the lovely comments a few minutes ago, I found myself liking his sultry words.
‘Thank you.’
‘So, what would I have to do?’ he asked as he took a big drink from his water bottle.
‘Well, I’m not sure yet. We could start with dinner.’
Suddenly water sprayed from his mouth. ‘Dinner! Not just more obvious flirting or even a smack on your arse, then? You really want to fuck him up that much?’
I thought I might cry at the belated realisation; he was already broken. What if I completely ruined him? ‘I just want to make him look at me again.’
‘Fuck, Cate. Is it really that bad?’
I couldn’t hold them back any longer; my tears fell whether I wanted them to or not. ‘It’s really that bad.’
Blake jumped from the barrel and rounded to face me. He lifted me off and held me against him. I wrapped my arms around him and let him hold me, and even though it felt so wrong, a small part of me wouldn’t let this safeguarded feeling go.
‘Come on. Let’s go make this lunatic boss of mine—’ Both of our heads whipped up and I pushed myself out of Blake’s embrace as the cellar door was opened wide.
‘Oh, sorry,’ Lucy said as if she’d walked in on an intimate moment between lovers. ‘I didn’t mean to barge in.’ She turned to leave.
‘Wait,’ I raced to stop her but she was already halfway to the restaurant by the time I reached the cellar door.
‘She’ll tell Nick.’ Blake came to stand beside me as we watched Lucy practically run across the lawn and past the blossoms.
My heart beat out of my chest and my on-edge nerves made my whole body shake. I thought that I might throw up.
This had better be worth it.
‘And so it begins,’ I said.
Chapter 21
In the office late that night, Nick sat stretched back in the leather chair behind the desk, rolling a pen over his fingers. He seemed light years away and I felt it necessary for the first time ever to knock before I entered.
‘Wine?’ I asked as I grasped a bottle of sauvignon in one hand and my fingers wrapped around the stems of a couple of glasses in the other. I was wearing a pair of short denim shorts and a pale pink shirt that was buttoned to allow my cleavage to slightly spill out. He was a sight himself. The heat had dictated that he strip out of his shirt, and he had thrown it on the chair opposite him, leaving him wearing a pair of long shorts and a white Bonds singlet. My insides hungered for his strong arms to be wrapped around me…holding himself up as he moved over me… If the look in his eyes was more inviting and less would you just leave me the hell alone we may have taken one look at one another and it would be all over; we’d be naked and panting on the floor.
Perhaps the type of seduction I was going for was a little too subtle for him as he sat seemingly unaffected by my efforts.
I sat on the chair with his shirt even though he didn’t answer. It was painful to smell his scent and not be able to taste him.
‘Good day?’ I attempted to entice a conversation. I held my breath hoping that he’d answer with something more elaborate than a shrug.
He did shrug, and then taking me by surprise, he spoke. ‘Did you have a good day?’ he asked.
It took me a moment to formulate a response. Were we about to have actual dialogue? ‘It was ok, I guess. The new labels look good, and I noticed the sign for the restaurant finally going up. It took the sign writers long enough, didn’t it?’
The pen continued to roll over his fingers. After a thinking minute he spoke again. ‘Lucy is very informative.’
Without missing a beat I remarked, ‘Good. She’ll make a great waitress.’
He put the pen down and sat forward, leaning slightly toward me. ‘I…’ he began.
I sat praying, praying, praying…
The leather chair stretched, as did Nick, when he sat back again and let out a deep tired breath. ‘I have a lot of work to do in here. It’s probably best if you just go up to bed.’
‘I don’t want to go to bed, Nick…unless you want to come with me?’
‘I’m busy.’
I sat deliberating whether to say what I wanted to. ‘I see that you haven’t paid too much attention to Lucy’s information, then.’
‘Do I have a reason to?’
‘The choice is yours.’
He sat mute and began rolling the pen once more; if he had made a decision I was not privy to it.
‘Please come to bed with me, Nick. I miss you.’
The pen rolled uninterrupted. ‘I said no.’
‘So that’s your decision then, is it?’ I stood to leave before frustrated tears fell and he saw me cry because, of late, it only compounded the pain when he did nothing to stem the flow.
‘Cate,’ he said.
‘What?’ I whirled around but the sight of him stopped me from shouting. His eyes were wet and his chin quivered as he tried to stop his own pain from escaping him.
I prayed and prayed and prayed for him to say something that would urge me to put an end to my ridiculous plan.
‘What is it, Nick?’ I ventured.
His mouth opened and closed but, ‘Good night,’ was all he said.
I turned and left the office and by the time I’d reached the side door to the kitchen my determination built and I’d practically booked my first date with Blake.
Nick was in the restaurant when I dressed for my “date” with Blake. I wore a short, yellow dress that flowed around my mid-thighs as I walked. It was seven o’clock and still humid outside so I opted out of wearing the jacket, leaving my
shoulders bare. My hair was loosely flipped and held in place with a clip at the nape of my neck, allowing the honey tendrils to fall lazily down my back. Nick would have loved the way I looked and in the past, back when he paid attention to me, he would have swept me from my feet and made love to me still wearing the barely there yellow fabric.
I descended the stairs as I fastened a pair of large hoop earrings into my lobes and at the front door I slipped into my white thongs. Opening the door let in a cooling breeze and it worked well at lowering my body heat. It didn’t last long, though, as I unhurriedly ambled past the restaurant and saw Nick behind the bar. My returning body heat prickled with my deception and I thought that I may throw up, but I kept my feet moving.
When I made it to the driveway I looked back over my shoulder to see if he’d bothered to look up, and I was surprised to see that he was staring at me with — what? I couldn’t tell. Dismay? Acceptance? Finality? I waved to say good-bye and he lifted his hand to slowly wave back. I stood unmoving and urged him to stop me, to not make me do this, but he didn’t; instead, he turned to Lucy, who handed him a drink order, and he began to fill it.
Tears of rejection streamed down my face and I dragged my heart along the dirt as I walked the distance of the driveway, where a man who wasn’t my husband was waiting to escort me to dinner.
I returned at eleven and saw that the light in the office was on, but upon discreetly investigating inside I discovered the room was empty. I left the room lit just in case Nick had planned on returning. I didn’t bother to try and find him to say good-night; instead, I decided to give my crying eyes a break and try to sleep. Whatever effect my outing had had on my husband could wait until the morning.
The house was quiet and seemed unlived in, except for a cup on the sink from my tea and a discarded glass half filled with orange juice that sat where Nick had left it earlier this morning. No music had been played for months and no lunches or dinners had been shared around the lonesome dinner table. And as I made the journey up stairs to the bedroom that had not been made love in for as long as I could remember, I began to cry; like Pavlov’s dog was conditioned to salivate at the sound of a bell, I had been conditioned to cry upon entrance to my empty, lonely bedroom.
The door was slightly ajar and the room was pitch black as I entered, with tears streaming as if not controlled by emotion, just by a reaction to knowing that I’d be sleeping alone yet again. I headed straight for the bathroom to make an attempt at cooling my skin before I would curl my body around a pillow in the huge king sized bed that was supposed to sleep two.
I turned the tap off and wiped my face on a fresh towel, then stripped off my dress, allowing it to drop to the floor. The night was hot and humid so I opted out of one of Nick’s oversized T-shirts and decided to sleep in only my underwear. My hand lifted to switch off the light, but before I did, something in the bedroom caught my attention. A long shape the size of my husband lay sleeping on his side of the bed, and, after the initial shock and the flip flopping of my insides subsided, for the first time, I felt uneasy being in his presence.
I swallowed down the lump of apprehension in my throat and flicked off the light, and then I crept around to my side of the bed. I climbed cautiously under the sheet so as not to disturb the mattress too much, as if I was encroaching on a space that I wasn’t sure that I was entitled to. I lay facing away from him though I contemplated reaching out across the bed, but then shoved the thought aside; I wasn’t up for any more rejection, especially not in my only private haven that I used to remedy my misery. Instead, in my cruel imagination, I felt his long fingers span across my naked back, reaching around my body to draw it into his. I could feel his lips on the nape of my neck, his breath on my skin initiating my heart into a sprint. I squeezed my eyes closed and cursed my brutal mind for conjuring such lovely, improbable thoughts.
My imaginings bated fractionally and I began drifting slowly to sleep, where I was then further punished with a dream…
I was wearing the yellow dress and I was running through the vineyard, crouching and darting from row to row so that I could remain hidden from him. He was panting, too out of breath to keep his position unknown from me, and I squealed with delight when I made a break for the blossoms and I caught his eye. The race was on. I ran squealing and laughing as he easily gained upon me, and when I made it to the row of pink blossom trees I shrieked over my shoulder, ‘I’m safe! I’m safe! You can’t touch me!’ He paid no attention to my pleas and as I turned, light-headed with anticipation and laughter, he advanced on me and caught me around my waist. I fought him when he swung me around, but let him tackle me to the ground, forever knowing that I would be safe in his arms.
‘I can touch you wherever and whenever I like,’ he groaned hungrily and devoured my mouth as his fingers inched their way up my dress…I was done for and he knew it.
‘I love you…I love you…I love you…’ I murmured as he filled me and my body writhed with pleasure…he smelled of hard work and musk…
‘Cate...’ his suddenly distant voice called to me, but I couldn’t answer because I was too lost in the moment tasting his impatient mouth. ‘Angel…’ he called again and I cried because I thought he’d forgotten… ‘angel…’ even unconsciously my unrelenting mind tortured me… ‘Please, don’t cry…wake up…’
When I opened my eyes I was wrapped in his arms and I immediately clung to him like a frightened animal.
‘Are you awake?’ he asked softly.
My voice came out as a sob. ‘God, I hope not…I hope so…’
Nick held me tighter. ‘I miss you, angel.’
I tilted my head back and he kissed me, but I pulled back. ‘I pray that I’m asleep if you’re going to leave me here alone.’
He kissed me as if it were the first time; slowly testing me. It barely took a second to reacquaint ourselves and the kiss became more urgent as if to make up for the millions of kisses that we’d missed. Nick rolled me onto my back and ensured that not an inch of our bodies were separated.
‘Make love to me,’ I whispered against his lips.
‘Angel…’
He pulled my underwear aside with his fingers and stroked my flesh to make sure that I was ready for him…what a dream it must have been…because with a single thrust he roughly slipped impatiently inside me and then quickly thrust once more. I cried out in both pain and pleasure.
‘I love you,’ he whispered at my ear. ‘I love you.’
I couldn’t speak because my mouth was busy tasting him, savouring him while my body wrapped itself around him like a constrictor clinging to prey; there was no way in hell or earth I was letting him go.
‘Slow down,’ I managed to say.
‘I can’t. I’ve waited too long for this…’
He’s waited this long? ‘Please,’ I breathed.
He slowed and I gripped his backside, pushing him deep inside me. I held him there in an effort to absorb everything that he was giving me, circling my hips and shaking my head when he tried to pull out. I circled my hips around him, my hands still clasped to his backside and he groaned deeply as I began to quiver, my climax beginning to stir.
‘Let me move,’ he groaned.
‘No.’
He kissed me deeply and hungrily sucked my bottom lip into his mouth, nipping it as he spoke, enunciating his words with authority. ‘Let me move.’
I eased my grip on him and he moved my arms above my head, his fingers clasped around my wrists. ‘You’re close,’ he crooned.
‘Yes.’
I couldn’t move; I was now the prey, and the more he moved little by little, in and out of me, my pleasure escalating, I was glad for his control.
‘Nick,’ I breathed as he rhythmically moved and my craving for him built further…and further…
‘Come, angel…’
‘I love you…’
My body let go and I cried out. I wanted to hold him as he came with me, but he still clasped my wrists with tightening fingers. I
wanted to constrict him so that he could never run away again. I couldn’t move an inch as his body slipped against mine and we felt every tremor as it moved through us. When he finally did let go of me my arms enclosed around his neck. As his body pulsed to a slow stop and we both could once again breathe, he encased me in his arms. His head was tucked deep into my neck.
‘I miss you, angel.’ Tears rolled silently from my eyes and into my hair, onto Nick’s face as he remained buried in me in every way. ‘Please don’t cry.’
‘Please don’t leave me.’
He gripped me tighter.
‘I’ll never leave you.’
‘Promise me.’
He faltered. ‘I will never leave you.’
When Nick lifted himself from me he didn’t go far. And when he allowed me to sleep I did so peacefully, dreaming only of a future where anguish and pain ceased to exist and where ridiculous plans were no longer necessary to win my husband back.
Chapter 22
The morning sun shone through the window and I smiled with the hope of a new day. I lay naked on my side of the bed facing the sun and my heart swelled as I reached back for my returned husband.
I couldn’t feel him.
Turning in the anticipation of seeing him only caused me disappointment, too, when all I saw was the small dent on his pillow where he’d slept, and when I touched it I felt that it was cold and I wondered if the house missed him as much as I did.
Maybe he had to start work early I thought as I remembered that it was Monday and that a staff meeting had been scheduled for this morning.
I tilted my head to see what time it was: nine o’clock, later than I thought. I pushed myself up to a sitting position, and became aware of the muscles in my body that I hadn’t used in a while; my arms ached, my thighs twinged splendidly with remembrance and I blushed when I replayed Nick’s attentive first encore…and the delicious, playful encore after that…