by Mary May
“Some things are exactly what they appear to be, Dad. I’m sorry. I know I should be saying all the right things right now. But I can’t. I can’t sit here and make up excuses for them. Nate is their son! He deserved better than to be abandoned and left!”
Charlie got up and walked toward the ladies room to try to get her raging emotions under control. A minute later the door opened up and her mom stepped inside, looking at her with concern. Sighing, she braced her hands on the sink, unable to meet her mom’s eyes in the mirror.
“Charlotte, how much of that speech was actually directed at the Jacksons?”
Charlie knew her mom was serious, for it was rare occasions, and usually when she was in trouble, that she called her by her real name. She turned around and faced her. “All of it…why?”
Sabrina shook her head. “Because I don’t think that’s the truth. I think that a lot of that was directed at yourself.”
“No. I wanted to stay. I tried to stay. Nate didn’t want me there. I have no reason to feel guilty.”
Sabrina didn’t reply; she just looked at her.
“I don’t! I did everything I could, Mom! I tried so hard to love and to help Nate, but he wouldn’t let me.”
Finally Sabrina nodded. “Yes, all of that is true. So, why do you feel as if you failed him some way?”
Charlie opened her mouth to deny her mother’s words…but she couldn’t. “I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t feel so guilty for leaving, but I do,” she whispered.
Sabrina wrapped her up in a tight hug. “Baby girl, you need to remember that we have an enemy out there that loves nothing more than to fill our heads and our minds with nonsense. He will steal your peace and your joy, but only if you let him. We both know that you did absolutely everything you could to help Nate. God will have to take it from here. Some things we can’t fix so we have to move out of God’s way and let Him work. I know that’s what is happening with Nate. God is going to take care of him, but you need to make sure that you are taking care of you. Guard your heart and your mind with the Word of God. Do you remember what Cleo said about keeping a strong gate at the entrance of your mind?”
Charlie nodded. “She said every gate served two purposes, to keep things in and to keep things out. But that we had to choose which was which.”
“That’s right. Now tell me, did you do everything in your power to help Nate?”
Charlie nodded with tears filling her eyes.
“Then you have nothing to feel guilty for. So you keep that thought in mind. The voice telling you that you should have done more, you keep that thought out! Now his parents have their own set of circumstances that they must deal with and, like Nate, the best thing we can do is to keep praying for them.”
Charlie nodded then hugged Sabrina tightly, so thankful to have such a wise, God-serving mama.
Chapter 12
Nate flipped over onto his back and floated weightlessly in the pool. It had been nearly a month since the first time Hattie brought him down here and while his physical condition may not have changed much, his attitude was much improved. Finding someone else who had gone through a similar experience and truly did understand a lot of his fears and frustrations helped him more than he would have thought possible. Hattie still wouldn’t let him get away with anything and pushed him some days past what he thought was his breaking point. But he hadn’t broken yet. The only thing they didn’t have in common was her belief in God. Nate wasn’t interested in her God. He might not blame God anymore for his condition, but that didn’t mean he wanted to get all friendly with Him either. He might not have caused the helicopter to go down, but He could have stopped it. So in Nate’s mind that was the same thing.
He actually enjoyed his time in the pool now. The cool water soothed his tight skin and his muscles didn’t have to work so hard to move his body. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend he was normal…
Shana smiled as Nate kicked and propelled himself down the pool. He was doing so much better now. Finding out that Hattie had gone through a very similar experienced had brought the two closer together. Nate didn’t fight her as much and was more willing to actually listen and do what she asked of him. The hell slug had finally stopped growing, which was an excellent sign that Nate’s heart was on the mend as well. Both Shana and Nate looked up when they heard the door to the poolroom open. They both expected to see Hattie, but it was Mac, the janitor. Nate went back to his exercises when he saw it was the old custodian. He was probably coming in to clean up something. So when Mac took a seat in one of the poolside chairs and looked directly at Nate, he got slightly uneasy. For some reason the old man’s direct gaze had always made him very uncomfortable. It was like he could see into Nate’s soul or something.
After trying to ignore the old man for ten minutes, Nate finally realized he wasn’t going away and clearly wanted to speak to him about something, so with a few strong strokes he swam over to the side of the pool and asked him what he needed.
“I don’t need anything, son, but we both know that you need something. Yes, sir, you need something real bad.”
Nate suppressed a groan. “I don’t know what you are talking about. I don’t need anything.”
Mac leaned back in the chair and eyed Nate with his soul-piercing stare. “When are you going to stop lying to yourself, boy? It’s one thing to lie to others, not that you should do that either, but the one person you should always be truthful with is yourself.”
Nate scowled up at him. “Did Hattie send you in here to talk to me? If so, you can save your breath.”
Mac’s booming laugh echoed through the large poolroom. “No, sir. Hattie is a fine lady, true enough, but she didn’t send me.”
Nate looked at him with suspicion. “So, no one sent you?”
The old man shook his head. “Now, I didn’t say that. I said Hattie didn’t send me. If you want the right answer, then ask the right question.” He smiled down at Nate.
“Fine. Who sent you?”
Mac smiled then pointed his finger upward. “He did.”
Nate followed the direction the old man’s finger was pointing. “He who? Someone from upstairs?” He hedged. He refused to say the obvious…he refused to say God.
Mac slapped his knee as he chuckled once more. “By golly, that’s it! The Man Upstairs is a common name for him.”
Nate pushed away from the side of the pool. “Go away, Mac. I’m not talking to you about God.” He swam to the other side of the pool and was shocked to see Mac standing there waiting for him. How did the old man make it to the other side so fast?
“Who said you would be the one doing the talking? From the looks of things, you have talked enough. Maybe it’s time for you to shut up and listen for a change.”
Nate frowned up at him. “Listen, I tried to be polite. I already said wasn’t talking to you about God. Was that not clear enough?” He pushed off and swam once more to the opposite side of the pool and just like before Mac was standing there waiting on him. Nate looked at the Olympic size pool. He was currently in the middle of it, so the old man would have to have run all the way around to beat him to the other side. He looked up at Mac again. He didn’t look to be in shape enough to make that trip as fast as he did and not be out of breath. But yet, there he stood looking down at him like he had taken his time getting there.
“What if I told you that you not wanting to talk about God was actually ok? What if I told you that God wanted to talk about you? Would that make a difference?”
Nate shook his head as his feeling of unease grew stronger. “No.” He started making his way down the length of the pool toward the steps, but what Mac said next froze him in place. “What about Ellie? Can we talk about her?”
Nate’s heart jumped in his chest at the mention of his baby sister. He slowly turned around to face the man that somehow knew of her existence.
“I thought that might get your attention,” Mac said with a slight smile.
“Who are you?”
Nate asked with a growl to his voice. The old man stood straight and tall, puffed out his chest then answered. “I am Macdeveron, but that is a bit of a mouthful so my friends just call me Mac.”
Nate felt his flesh prickle with goose bumps that had nothing to do with the cool water and everything to do with the man standing poolside. Swallowing nervously, he asked what he hoped was a stupid question. “Macdeveron…what are you?”
The man smiled once more. “Now you’re asking the right questions. If you had to guess, what would you say that I am?”
Nate shook his head. “I don’t know. All the things that are currently running through my mind are impossible.”
“Impossible or improbable? There is a difference. One says that it can’t be; the other says that it’s likely not to be. So which is it?” he questioned.
“Definitely impossible,” Nate answered.
“Ok, why is that? Why would it be impossible for me to be whatever it is that you think I am? People thought space travel was impossible, too, but there are now footprints on the moon. Impossible only exists in a closed and narrow mind.”
Tired of this question and answer session, plus growing physically tired from being in the pool too long, Nate finally sat down on the steps and looked up at Mac.
“Can you just tell me?”
Mac’s face lost its jolly look, all at once turning serious. “Maybe I will just show you.” A bright white light suddenly surrounded the man. Nate shielded his face from the glare with his arms. When he lowered them, he stared in shock. Mac was no longer an elderly gentlemen with graying hair and a slight potbelly. He was a now a man maybe in his thirties with dark brown hair and a strong athletic body dressed in jeans and a black t-shirt. If that wasn’t enough to convince Nate that he was hallucinating, the wings that grew from Mac’s back certainly did!
Shana stared in surprise. Angels rarely reveal themselves to humans, so Nate must be very special to God to warrant such a visit. Thinking back over the last few months, she revised her statement. Maybe special wasn’t the right word…pig-headed and stubborn might come closer. She grinned at the look of pure astonishment on Nate’s face.
“Deny God now!” she whispered. The bitter-heart demon hid behind Nate hissing and squealing at the sight of yet another angel. It clearly was not so sure of his safety any longer. However, Mac barely even spared it a glance. The demon’s time was swiftly coming to an end.
Mac squatted down on his haunches so he wouldn’t be as overwhelming to the poor man whose face had lost most of its color and appeared as if he might keel over at any second.
“So, clearly I’m an angel. I am one of those impossible things that were running through your mind earlier. I was put in place here at this hospital months ago, sent especially for you by God. The same God that you keep denying and turning your back on. The same God that you say doesn’t exist yet you hold responsible for the death of your baby sister and your accident.”
Nate sat with wide eyes, unable to do more than stare. “How is this possible?” he whispered, more to himself than to the angelic being kneeling in front of him.
Mac rose back up to his feet, spreading his arms and his wings high and wide. “Because with God all things are possible!” he announced with a booming voice.
Nate gave Mac a slightly droll look with narrowed eyes.
The angel laughed. “Ok, so maybe that was a little dramatic, but you get the point, right?” When he didn’t respond, Mac sighed then sat down on the steps with Nate, not caring about getting wet. “Listen, you are getting a real gift right now. Do you know how rarely we reveal ourselves to humans? Not even your guardian is allowed to do so unless you’re in extreme danger.”
That brought Nate’s head up. “So…if you’re not my guardian angel, then what kind of angel are you?”
Mac grinned and thumped his chest with pride. “I’m S.A.!” He looked at Nate like he should know what that was.
“S. A.? What does that stand for? Seriously Annoying?” Nate’s voice dripped with sarcasm; he was slowly getting his equilibrium back.
Mac rolled his eyes. “Oh…the human has jokes…. that’s cute. S.A., for your information, stands for Special Assignment. God sends us out when circumstances require a little extra attention.”
“I don’t feel so special. Why would He bother to send you to me?”
Mac shrugged. “I don’t have the answer to that one. I just go where I’m sent. I do know this; God loves you beyond anything you can truly comprehend. He heard the cry of your heart. He wants to heal your pain, but before He can do that, you have to at least admit He is real.”
Now it was Nate’s turn to shrug as he rubbed his head. “Well, I think we can now move past that point.”
The door opened once more and Hattie came in with a smile. “All right, Mr. Jackson, are you ready to get out of the pool?” Nate watched as Hattie totally ignored the big angel sitting beside him.
“Oh, she can’t see me right now.” Mac answered his unspoken question.
Hattie pushed his wheelchair to the edge of the pool, locked the wheels, then stepped down into the water. Placing her arms under Nate’s arms, she helped him stand on his one leg then kept him balanced as he turned and, using both the handrail and Hattie’s support, he hopped up the couple of steps until he was out of the water. Hattie quickly helped him get settled back in his chair. As she wheeled him around, he heard Mac say that he would be seeing him around.
Nate stared up at the ceiling of his room. Sleep would not be coming anytime soon; he knew that. He was still trying to wrap his mind around the angel called Mac and why God thought that he was important enough to send him. Hot tears burned in the back of his eyes. His throat ached from repressing them. How could God love him? If He truly did, He wouldn’t let such terrible things happen. How can a loving God take the life of an innocent child like Ellie? She was only three! Nate knew he couldn’t deny the existence of God any longer, but that didn’t mean he had to have a relationship with Him. He thought back to what Mac had said about his own guardian. Nate laughed bitterly. Clearly he had gotten a subpar guardian, maybe a fill-in or something, because it had failed to protect him on a major level.
“You suck as a guardian. Just thought I would toss that out there. I’m assuming you’re here with me, and if a human could fire their guardian, I would, and you would be standing in an angelic unemployment line somewhere!” Shana was surprised to hear Nate speak to her. His words, though hurtful, were also understandable. She would feel the same way if their roles were reversed.
“Don’t let him get you down. You are a great guardian. The fact that Nate is still alive is proof of that.” Shana jumped in surprise when Mac shimmered into view next to her.
“Oh! Well…hello there,” she said with a smile. She hadn’t seen another angel or had anyone to talk to since Charlie left, taking Gideon with her.
Mac grinned at her. “Yeah, since I’m technically not a guardian, we can see each other.” He answered the obvious question in Shana’s eyes. She looked at him in amazement.
“I had no idea that ‘Mac’ was anything more than an elderly custodian.”
That earned her another megawatt grin from Mac. “That’s because I’m that good.”
Shaking her head, she chuckled. “Humility is a pretty common angelic trait. You should try it out sometime.”
He looked at her with a slight frown. Then he patted her hand. “You have only recently made my acquaintance, so you haven’t had a chance to behold the full scope of my awesomeness.”
Shana busted out laughing and knew he was only teasing when he winked.
“So how is our boy doing? Other than firing you, has he prayed or anything?” Mac asked as he walked closer to where Nate still lay staring up at the ceiling.
“No. He is thinking hard on it. You can tell that much. He still has so much anger toward God. His heart is like stone when it comes to our Creator.”
Nodding his head, Mac waved his hands over the be
d slowly, drifting from the head down to the foot. Shana watched, unsure of what he was doing. Finally Nate sighed deeply and went to sleep.
“Ok…what did you do, and can you teach me?”
Mac smiled. “It’s a little ministering angel skill that I picked up. Being a S.A., we have to know a little bit of everything because we never know where we will be sent or what will be needed.”
“So, what skill was that exactly? Did you put him to sleep?” Mac shook his head. “No, he fell asleep on his own. I just lifted his worries for a moment so he could relax enough to drift off. I’m not the Creator; I can’t permanently remove them, but I can lift them for a brief time.”
Shana was fascinated. “Have you always been S.A.?”
“I was a guardian for a long time, but my heart wasn’t truly in it. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my people, and guarded them to the best of my ability, but somehow I felt…unsatisfied. Like I wanted more, a deeper connection somehow.”
He was surprised when Shana grabbed his arm suddenly.
“I don’t believe it! That’s exactly how I feel! I even told Gideon that when he got here after Nate was first admitted. I told him I wish I could do more! Do you think…” She trailed off, unsure of what to say.
Mac looked down at her seriously. “Shana, if you truly feel that way, then after this assignment is over you should speak with the Lord. I know He will reassign you. I love being S.A.”
Hope was shining in her crystal blue eyes. “I will! I had no idea that a unit like S.A. even existed. Can you tell me more about it, maybe some of the different assignments? What was your favorite one?”
The two angels talked all through the night. Mac told her of some of his most unforgettable cases and a few he wished he could forget while Nate slept peacefully for the first time since the accident. Instead of the usual nightmares of flames, black smoke and agonizing pain, tonight his dreams were different. He dreamt of beautiful sparkling blue eyes, silky strawberry blonde curls and Charlie’s sweet smile…