"The Wilizy had no problem hoisting the dead copter into the air and I kept a slow steady pace towards the Beaufort Sea. Four Sling Warriors were always watching the compass points. Doc had changed places with TG in the copter when it landed and had come equipped with Chicago pellets in case what she was carrying had a battery. Doc?"
"I couldn't lay Liset out to examine her but I had a good enough look. Searched her hairs first, but that was a very low probability. I saw no recent incisions, which ruled out a bomb. That left the risk of a tracking device and Will's sensors reacted over her tummy. My pinky finger down her throat brought it up and onto my shirt. I left the shirt and the tracking device in the copter and slinged up to the Wilizy with the child. Back to you, Yolanda."
"I towed the copter some miles into the Beaufort Sea until we were challenged. TG talked with them, but they wouldn't know that he was in the Wilizy and not in the copter. When Granny saw the flash of the missile through our long-range sensors, I raised and lowered the Wilizy as quickly as I could. They killed a dead and empty copter. We hauled up the tow rope and came home."
"Seeing no questions . . . Wolf, you're up."
"I was in charge of replacing the WZBN transmission equipment. Will had said that it was only a matter of time before Zzyk put us out of the transmitting business and so he had been thinking about installing an indestructible transmitter. The idea for the tower came from his trip to Paris. Will was collecting a lot of scrap iron so he figured out how to make it into a tower while Dad and I worked on where we would put it. In the end, we settled on putting it on top of Mount Robson because the signal would reach all over Alberta from there. Dad and I lasered out a narrow, extremely deep hole to serve as a foundation. Then, the week before the operation, Will started creating an iron tower. It had a large number of wagon wheels and the iron pipe just slid through the hubs slick as anything. We added some stabilizing wires but it's strong on its own because of the deep, narrow hole. The TV signal from B.C. comes into a box at the top of the tower. Will's done something to the wagon wheels so that they can protect the tower in case Zzyk decides to attack it. Even if Zzyk manages to destroy the top half, the bottom half is deep inside the mountain. It would be easy to get the transmitter back up and running. Will?"
"The transmitter is now broadcasting an announcement to citizens that there will be a special show on the WZBN station tonight. They'll be able to see it either at 7, 8, 9, 10, or 11 p.m. tonight."
"Seeing no questions . . . the chair will move on. Anything further about Operation Dead Man Walking? No? Yes. Yollie?"
"I have a question for Will. Will, what prompted you to start studying human anatomy?" Blind men could have seen the ice forming between Yollie and Izzy.
"It all started after Izzy showed me her breasts one day when we were alone on the Wilizy."
There was a giant sucking sound in the galley when everyone inhaled.
"I was all confused about some things, and Izzy didn't like it very much when I compared them to suspension bridges."
"Really?" Yollie asked while people tried to keep a straight face.
"Yes really, because they do have the same . . . "
"It's not important to know why you thought they were like suspension bridges, Will. What's important is that Izzy deliberately showed them to you. Or was that an accident?"
Izzy rose out of her chair, went to the sink, grabbed a dishtowel, returned to her seat, and covered her head and face with the towel.
"No. I thought it had been an accident, so I closed my eyes so that she wouldn't get pregnant, but she had taken her shirt off in front of me on purpose."
"Really? And she just stood there, letting you see her bridges, all suspended? She must have been happy about that."
"Well no, I don't think she was because her face looked like this.” At this point Will made a gruesome face and that ended any chance of the meeting ending on a serious note. Granny started cackling and that spread though the group as quickly as lies could come out of Zzyk's mouth.
"And when she said that I couldn't get her pregnant just by looking at her, I realized that making babies couldn't be done wirelessly like I had thought."
More guffaws from the men. One female voice said "If only."
"So I knew that I had to learn how babies are made for real and that's why I was studying human anatomy."
"Does Izzy let you see her suspension bridges now?"
"Yes, we made up. So I get to see them occasionally, like today when she came out of the shower and grinned at me before putting on her top."
Izzy climbed under the table and scrunched in as small a ball as possible under the dishtowel while a tsunami of OOOOOs rumbled through the room.
"She even let me touch them once and they aren't hollow like I had thought."
The laughter and hoots drowned out the sounds of Izzy slamming her palms repeatedly against the floorboards.
"I believe this is known as a Got'cha," Granny said.
Izzy climbed back onto her feet and removed her dishtowel. Tears were streaming down her face but they were from laughter. "You got me. And it happened exactly like Will said. It's funny now, and I couldn't help laughing under my towel at how silly I had been. But I realized something a little while ago. I let myself become mad at Will and kept being mad at him for weeks. And every time I thought about it, I made myself madder and madder. And all the time I was mad, I was miserable because I was missing Will but I was too angry to do anything about it. That's why I couldn't come up with a plan for TG. As soon as Will and I made up, the plan just made itself. So I'm going to try and not get mad as easily as I used to. For those of you have an obsessive interest in my body, I have two things to say to you." At that, she stood up and she pulled the bottom of her shirt up to her neck and then pulled it back down. Some people claim that the hummingbird's wings beat faster than any other natural act. That's no longer true.
Bowing to the applause, Izzy said, "I believe that's a got'cha right back at you."
"Could you help me find my way back home, Granny? I believe I've gone blind," Doc said.
"Serves you right for looking, you old goat," Granny replied.
"I hope my sight will recover in time to see the show tonight."
Back to the Table of Contents
Chapter 27
Only one copy of the script of Will and Izzy's first show still exists. It's in rough shape and some pages are completely missing, but the essentials of what the people of Alberta saw that evening of September 1, 2082 are apparent. I couldn't find a digital copy of the full show. As you know, there are thousands of copies of the closing 5 minutes.
# # # # # # # #
Izzy: Hi, my name is Izzy.
Will: And my name is Will.
Izzy: For those of you live in the cities and heard Zzyk's message about the Wilizy being destroyed, allow me to introduce ourselves. I'm the promiscuous slut with the pasty white skin and scraggly red hair. Will is the deranged magician.
Will and Izzy: Together, we're the crazies. [Pull back on the shot as both Will and Izzy walk around the stage acting crazy.]
Izzy: [Zoom in on both Izzy and Will as they resume center stage.] But not crazy enough to believe anything that Zzyk ever says. He never met with us like he said.
Will: We didn't volunteer to go into a hospital, we don't take drugs, and we don't mount operations where innocent children might be killed.
Izzy: Zzyk had an operation though. He sent a man to assassinate us. I don't think the plot worked. Did it work, Will?
Will: [Will pinches himself.] Nope. I'm still alive. Are you dead, Izzy?
Izzy: [Izzy pinches herself.] Nope, I'm still alive. Folks, we have something to tell you. [Izzy motions camera to zoom in. Speaks in a whisper.] Zzyk lies a lot. We never believe a word he says. You shouldn't either. Like when he tells you that he was elected the leader of Alberta. We all know that there were no elections.
Will: But we're not here to talk about Zzyk.
Will: The WZBN channels have been out of operation for the last two days because I was installing a new transmitter tower on the top of Mount Robson. We couldn't warn you in advance because Zzyk would have tried to destroy the tower before we had it finished.
Izzy: But we're telling Zzyk where the transmitter is now because we're hoping that he will attack it. You'll have to send some of your big planes to do that, Zzyk, and when you do, we'll have a little surprise for you! So please, feel free to attack our transmitter.
Will: Izzy has already destroyed half of Zzyk's fleet of airplanes, so he knows that she can do it. It's going to be very hard to destroy our new transmitter because it's now part of the mountain.
Izzy: Do you really think that you can destroy a mountain, Zzyk? Coming up now is a close up picture of what Will's transmitter on top of Mount Robson looks like. [Insert wide-angle shot of the new transmitter tower and hold for 8 seconds.]
Will: [Voice over.] Now here's a close up picture of my transmitter. [Switch to close up picture and hold for 8 seconds.]
Izzy: [Voice over.] We think the tower looks cool, so we've made this picture of the tower and Mount Robson part of our WZBN logo. This will be our new screen that comes up every hour when we change programs. [Display the new WTZN screen and hold for 8 seconds.] The Wilizy isn't out to hurt the citizens of Alberta. We're here to put some enjoyment in your lives through the Wilizy Broadcast Network. We'll continue to broadcast our shows to you in spite of Zzyk's efforts to assassinate us.
Will: We're not going to talk much longer about Zzyk. We actually want to tell you about all the new programs that you'll be able to see on the WZBN soon.
Izzy: But you need to know some things first.
# # # # # # # #
Multiple pages of the script were missing at this point. We know from anecdotal accounts from viewers that Izzy gave a riveting explanation of how Alberta people were conditioned from a young age to avoid certain behaviours that Zzyk didn't want them to have. Like touching other people. And enjoying themselves. She reassured them that this conditioning was not permanent. She talked about their brain-bands and how they can only work under certain situations. She told them how they don't work under other conditions, like when people touch someone else or enjoy themselves by wearing bright colours and watching the WTZN shows. Then she described what Zzyk had done to get the people onto the streets yelling and cheering that the Wilizy were dead even though only a few of the urban citizens had ever heard of Will and Izzy.
I know that there were several references in this part of the show to Zzyk treating Albertans as stupid, stupid people at which point Will would walk around like a robot behaving every command that Izzy gave. These scenes were very amusing and Will was enjoying himself. Few people realized it, but Will was developing quite a sense of humour as he freed himself from his brain-band upbringing. The robot scenes in the show were his idea.
Will gave a personal account of what happened when he took off his brain-band but warned the viewers that the Wilizy didn't want Albertans to take off their own brain-bands. Doing so would be dangerous as the DPS would hunt them down. Izzy reassured them that their brain-bands couldn't stop them from enjoying their lives more. Those comments were the lead-in to the list of programs that the WZBN would be transmitting in the upcoming year.
The promos on the new shows are also missing from the script that I uncovered. The promos were simply shots of Will and Izzy sitting on two stools in the middle of an empty stage and talking. (The entire show was done in this simplistic fashion.) But we do know that in the fall of 2082, the WZBN did start broadcasting shows/lessons on literature and poetry, history, ballet, music from different historical eras, what babies are like as they grow older, how to dye clothes, gardening tips, and tips on canning. All of these shows were custom-made for the people of Alberta through Stu's group. The New York Public Library content was also drawn on heavily. The educational shows started at 1 p.m. in the afternoon and ended at 9 p.m. The baby channel started at 8 a.m. and ended at 7 p.m.
# # # # # # # #
[Wide shot of Will and Izzy walking out of a previous fade-to-black and into camera shot. Show close ups of what they're wearing. Will is now in his black top and black shorts, and Izzy is in her white shorts and emerald green top.]
Izzy: We've waited until the end of the show to tell you about our favorite two new programs. You'll notice that I'm not wearing ankle sheathes, [close up of Izzy's legs and hold for 5 seconds] . . . and Will's not wearing any ear gear [close up of Will's head and hold for 5 seconds].
Izzy: I've never worn any covering on my ankles and Will took off his ear gear when he escaped from Zzyk and learned the truth about ankles and ears. You've been taught that you have to cover up these parts of your body, but the truth is that you don't. You've been taught that these parts of your body have something to do with sex. They don't. Zzyk is trying to make you into stupid, stupid people. [Will impersonates a robot again. Hold the shot while Izzy continues with a voice over] We think that he enjoys watching mindless robots.
Izzy: Here are some pictures of people who live outside of Alberta. Look closely at the men's heads and at the women's legs. [Scroll pictures of B.C. people: 30-second clip]
Will: One of our programs next year will explain why Zzyk told you that you had to wear sheathes and ear gear and how we know that those have nothing to do with sex; we'll also tell you what you can do if you don't believe those lies any more.
Izzy: Here's a secret. [Izzy motions camera to zoom in and speaks in a whisper.] You can take those pieces of cloth off and not be zapped. You won't suddenly turn into a slut or a pervert. All you'll be is a person who refuses to be treated like a mindless robot. Why don't you wear bright clothing instead of ear gear and ankle sheathes? You'll feel better. If the babies Spring, Autumn, Sky and Fire can wear bright colours, why can't you?
Will: And in our favorite new program, Izzy and I will show you that it's all right to touch. Again, you'll find out how Zzyk programmed his robot citizens to fear being touched and you'll see pictures of people in other places of the world who touch each other often. Watch again as we show you pictures of these people who live outside of Alberta. Notice how so many of them are touching each other. [Scroll pictures of B.C. people: 30-second clip]
Will: You can see that I'm holding Izzy's hand right now. I enjoy being with my girl friend. I like holding her hand. I am not a pervert because I do that.
Izzy: I like holding Will's hand too. Sometimes we walk arm in arm like this. [Will and Izzy walking arm in arm: 15 seconds]
Izzy: I am not a slut now because I walked arm in arm with my boyfriend.
Will: And I'm not a pervert either. One of the best ways to enjoy being with another person is by dancing with them. There are slow dances and quick dances. There are two people dances and large group dances. You can even dance by yourself. In the next months, the WTZN is going to show you a lot of dances and give you lessons on how to do them yourselves.
Izzy: Robots don't dance very well. Watch what happens. [Will being a dancing robot: 30-second clip]
Izzy: People all over the world dance. Only Albertans are not allowed to dance.
Will: Izzy and I are going to demonstrate three dances tonight. The first dance is called a Jive. The music is a song called Johnny B Goode and Chuck Berry sang it in the 1950s. The dance has some touching of the hands, lots of twirling, and there's a beat that is guaranteed to get your feet moving.
Izzy: Our second dance will be a Slapper – the dance that was popular just before the world went crazy. The name of the song is Slap me Charley, it's snowing outside, and it was recorded by a group called The Icicles. Contrary to the name of the dance, you only pretend to slap your partner. The dance is very energetic and it's ful
l of gymnastic-type moves. Will and I have created our own ending where Will throws me up in the air and then catches me when I do twisty things coming down. You shouldn't try to do that ending until you've had a lot of practice. Just create an ending of your own. We've changed into these shorts and tops so that we can move around easily in the first two dances.
Izzy: Our last dance will be a waltz. It's a slow dance for a man and a woman who are willing to touch each other. Will and I will be back in our fancy Zorro and Princess Melissa clothes and I'll even have high heel shoes on. The song is named Unchained Melody and Bobby Hatfield of the Righteous Brothers sang it in 1965. I think it is one of the best love songs ever sung. A waltz is a dreamy kind of dance where both man and woman are always touching each other, but quite properly. It can end very romantically if both dancers want that to happen. You aren't ready for this kind of dance yet, but you will be by the end of the series. The waltz is going to end our show tonight. But everyone will have a chance to watch a special finale to our program.
Will: For those of you who live in Edmonton, Red Deer, Calgary, Lethbridge, or Medicine Hat, here's what we'd like you to do. At about quarter to 11 tonight, go outside and find a place where you can look into the sky above your city.
Izzy: Why don't you go outside in a group? Form a circle. Hold the hand of the person next to you and look up at the sky. I don't actually know what's going to happen. Will has been very secretive and I can hardly wait for 11 p.m. to come.
Will: At 11 p.m., the people in the cities will see my Assassination Day gift to Izzy. If you aren't near a city, watch the WZBN and you can see my Assassination Day gift just like the people in the cities. You should start watching the WZBN at 10:45 to be sure you will see it.
Izzy: Remember, if you live in a city, be outside by quarter to 11. If you live elsewhere, tune in to the WZBN at quarter to 11.
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