by Peterson, Tracie; Davis, Mary; Hake, Kelly Eileen; Stengl, Jill; Warren, Susan May
Reggie looked away. “He doesn’t deserve our love.”
Lilly winced at his words. She understood all too well. He believed God had let him down in leading him somewhere dark and painful.
“He does deserve our love, Reg, because He loved us first. He saved us when we didn’t deserve it—still don’t! But He loves us anyway. And we have to trust Him. We count on His love and His strength, and we surrender to His will. Because if we don’t, I think we can never have peace.”
“We get peace by obeying. By doing what we know is right. We don’t have to ask; it’s all written out for us.”
Lilly leaned her head against the wall and sighed.
Reggie looked at her, his eyes narrowing. “I don’t know what you think God wants, but I know this, Lilly. If you don’t tell me right now you will marry me, then I don’t want you.”
She gaped at him and saw years of careful planning melt in the heat of his fury.
“I can’t say yes,” she whispered. “Not until I’m sure we have God’s blessing, and right now, I don’t know.”
Reggie crossed his arms over his chest and stepped back. His face was granite, and he said nothing.
Lilly muffled a small cry as the reality of her words hit her. She ran past him, threw open the door, and flung herself into the swelling blizzard. Scrambling away from the church, she ran everywhere and nowhere and straight into the blindness and pain of her surrender. Though faint and swallowed by the moan of the wind, Lilly thought she heard a voice trail her. “Lilllyyyy!”
Chapter 26
Lilly hugged her body and ducked her head against the snarling wind. Under the coal black sky, Lilly couldn’t even discern her feet. She shivered as snow gathered on her neck.
She had no idea how far she’d run. But her feet were numb, and she shivered violently. She felt the fool. She’d plunged not only into the blizzard, but also into a life without Reggie, without the plans of her family or her church.
“What am I doing, Lord?”
The wind roared and spun her. She stumbled, then pitched forward. The snow climbed into her sleeves, layered her chin. She realized over a foot had accumulated. Lost and in the middle of a Dakota blizzard, she felt panic crest over her. “O God, help me!”
Climbing to her feet, she whacked the snow out of her sleeves. She tucked her hands into her pockets, wiggled her chin into her coat, and struggled forward. Her hair felt crusty and the wind whined in her ears. Lilly heaved one foot in front of the other, no longer able to feel the swells and ruts of the prairie landscape.
The bodily struggle felt easier than the war she waged against the angry voices in her head. She fought to filter through them, to hear only one. What is Your will, Lord?
If she’d asked earlier and had the courage to listen and obey, maybe she wouldn’t be stumbling in the cold darkness.
She could no longer feel her legs. They seemed like sticks, and, at times, she wondered if she were truly moving or merely standing still. She was so tired; she just wanted to close her eyes. Couldn’t she just rest a moment? Her ears burned, her hair was frozen, and her head throbbed.
She hit something head-on, and it knocked her on her backside. Lord, is this it? Will I die because of my impulsiveness? She rolled to all fours, gritted her teeth, and reached through the darkness. Her hand banged against something solid. She traced it upward and discovered metal at head height. A handle. Sliding her wrist around it, she heaved it open.
The smell of hay and manure had never been so sweet. Lilly crawled inside, feeling the heat of barn animals warm her face and filter through her clothing. She heard the snuffing of hay, the low of a cow. Fumbling forward, she bumped into a bucket of water, tipping it over. The water doused her hands and knees and felt like fire against her skin. Lilly pulled herself to her feet, knees quaking. Her head spun multi-colors. Groaning, she shuffled the length of the barn, clasping the stalls with her stinging hands until she discovered a mound of hay stacked in an empty paddock. Collapsing into it, she clawed out a hole. Then she climbed inside and curled into a ball. She knew she shouldn’t sleep, but, oh, how sleep called her name, moving over her slowly, laying like a blanket upon her eyelids.
Lilly blew on her hands. Thank You, Lord, for this place. She tucked her legs under her coat. She must stay awake. She recalled stories of victims who had succumbed to sleep and frozen under a mound of crusted snow. Sleep was her enemy.
If she could stay awake, she was safe for the moment. But a much larger storm lurked outside the barn doors. Eventually they would find her, discover what she’d done, how she’d hurt Reggie. Then what? Heinrick was gone. Even if she could somehow find him and declare her love, what kind of life would that be? Outcasts, shunned by her family, her community. Living life as strangers in some foreign town. Lilly shook her head as if to exorcise the images. Besides, was Heinrick God’s choice for her?
She kept returning to the lack of the blessing for which her soul seemed to scream. And what had her mother said so long ago? Marriage was too difficult for halfhearted commitment. And something else about missing out on the fullness of joy God had planned for her.
Lilly buried her face in her hands. Lord, what should I do? What do You want for me? She closed her eyes and listened, aching to discern an audible voice. But the only things she heard were echoes, impressions from things she’d read, illustrations from Matthew about Jesus, the way He reached out in love, extreme in His pursuing of the people who rejected Him. They clung instead to the law, to an old way that would lead to death, most certainly beyond the grave, but in large part to death in life, also. A death of joy, a death of an exhilarating relationship with Christ.
Reggie was that death. That thought became the one clear beacon in her sleep-fogged mind. Reggie was the law. He clung to a religion that created laws that led to salvation rather than a salvation that led to obedience. It was a stagnant, suffocating, demoralizing religion. And it had been hers as well.
Until Heinrick introduced her to a God who loved her enough to die for her, when she was the most wretched of sinners, then gave her the choice to respond to Him in love. It was the ultimate love affair. Love given, not demanded. Love offered unconditionally.
Suddenly she knew she could never be trapped inside the circle of suffocation again. Better to fling herself out into an unknown dark blizzard and into the arms of her Savior than cling to a life that threatened to choke her.
Even if she could never see Heinrick again, even if he wasn’t God’s choice for her, she knew she could never return to the law, to Reggie. The resolve deepened with every warming heartbeat.
The straw crunched as she settled deeper into her well. She took a cleansing breath. She’d asked God and listened, and the Almighty had answered clearly.
She would wait for His choice, His blessing. One day at a time, she would surrender to His plans. She would ask, seek, and find. And she would live in the fullness of joy.
The door at the end of the barn rattled, groaned, and then pushed inward. The snow screamed as it entered, rolled around the startled animals, and ushered in a figure wrapped in wool. Lilly bolted upright. Her heart hammered as she peered through the padding of darkness.
The hooded figure raised a massive lead lantern, glowing blue from one of its brilliant orbs. It cast eerie gray shadows off the haystacks and caught the cows wide-eyed. “Lilly?”
Perhaps she was already asleep, and this was a dream. “Heinrick?”
He swung the lamp toward her voice, his feet crunching cold, stiff hay. From his muffler dripped a layer of snowy diamonds, and his eyebrows stuck out in frosty spikes. His blue eyes, however, blazed.
“Over here.” Lilly’s heart thundered as she fought to believe her eyes.
Heinrick closed the gap in two giant steps. “Oh, thank You, Lord.” He set the lantern down, dropped to his knees, and reached out his frosted arms. He pulled her to his chest and tucked her head under his chin. His heart banged in his strong chest, and she felt relief shudder
out of him. He held her long enough to betray the depth of his worry.
When he released her, he pulled off his gloves and clutched her face with his icy hands. “Are you all right?” He looked her over, head to toe.
Lilly closed her eyes and nodded.
“Ja, but you are freezing!” Heinrick peeled off his coat.
“How did you find me?”
He tucked the coat around her. “By the grace of God, Lilly.” He dusted the last snow off the collar and avoided her eyes.
Lilly squinted at him. “I thought you left town. What happened?”
“The train got snowed in.” He began to knock down hay. “I was headed toward Fannie’s when I saw you run out into the storm.” The hay fell in quiet rustles around her. He worked steadily, mutely, and she knew something was amiss. Had he heard her fight with Reggie? Heinrick didn’t stay quiet unless he was fighting a battle. Then he was a man of few words and a set jaw.
She watched him build a tiny castle of insulation. The heat from Heinrick’s coat was warming her with the effect of a roaring fire. But the fact he’d found her in the middle of a whiteout heated her from the inside out. This had to be her answer, her audible voice. Just like the voice calling through the mists of the battlefield in her dream, Heinrick had searched through a blizzard for her. Loving him would cost her everything, but as she embraced the idea, the fragrance of peace was so intense, she gasped.
Heinrick was God’s answer. He’d been trying to tell her for months. From the moment Heinrick had nearly run her over with a mustang, to the day he sent her the note committing her to the Lord, God had written Heinrick on her heart and filled her mind with his voice. Only Heinrick loved her the way God wanted a husband to love—unconditionally, fully, and sacrificially. Only Heinrick pointed her to the Savior.
Heinrick crawled inside his fortress, then threaded an arm around her and pulled her against his muscled chest. “We’ll stay here until the storm breaks. Then I’ll take you home.”
“I am home.” Lilly tilted her head to look at him.
Heinrick considered her, his arched brows like a drift of fine snow. “Lilly, you’re cold and confused. I saw you run from the church, and I saw Reggie standing in the door. You had a fight, that’s all. Things will look better after the storm blows over.”
“I am home, Heinrick,” Lilly repeated emphatically. “Home is where God puts you. It’s being with those you love. It’s where you have peace, remember?”
Heinrick gave her a slow nod.
“I have peace with you. I think you are my home.”
A rueful grin slid onto Heinrick’s face. “But I am the enemy, Lilly. A foreigner.”
Lilly put a hand on his cold, whiskered face. “Do you remember your last note? You quoted Ruth, when she made the ultimate act of commitment. Let me finish it for us.” Lilly closed her eyes and paraphrased, “Don’t urge me to leave you or turn back from you. Your people will be my people, and your God my God.”
Heinrick placed his hand over hers. It belonged there. “And you will be blessed because you left your home and traveled to a foreign land.”
“Ya,” Lilly said.
Heinrick winced at her terrible German impression. Then, growing serious, his intentions pooled in his eyes for a second time. He ran a finger under her chin; she lifted her face to his and let him kiss her. It was gentle, lingering, and full of promise.
Lilly pulled away, her eyes wide, and saw that his own were dancing. “You do love me.”
“Ja, my Lilly, I love you.” He kissed her again, and she knew she had never loved Reggie like she loved this man.
Suddenly, she pulled away and groaned. “Heinrick, what about my parents? I told Reggie I didn’t want to marry him. I told him I had to wait until I knew what God wanted, until I had His blessing. But I can’t get married without my parents’ blessing, either.”
Heinrick caressed her face. “And do you know what God wants? Do you have His blessing?”
“Yes.”
His eyes glowed with an unmistakable passion. “Jacob worked fourteen years for the woman he loved, and it seemed to him but a moment for his love for her. I am a patient man. I will wait until I am no longer the enemy.”
Then he leaned back, the straw protesting, and nestled her against his chest. She warmed and eventually slept. He held her until the sun rose and chased away the irate wind and kissed the fields with tiny golden sparkles.
“See, the prairie is the ocean,” said Lilly as Heinrick helped her through the crested snow.
Heinrick laughed. “I crossed it, my sweet Lilly, to find you.”
Epilogue
They had planned a Thanksgiving Day wedding, and when Lilly awoke that morning and saw the pink beads of dawn glinting off the snow-blanketed fields in heavenly magnificence, she knew Heinrick was right. Thanksgiving was the perfect day to commit their lives to one another; after all, it was a celebration of God’s grace and salvation after a season of struggle. Lilly counted it as a miracle that it had taken only a year for her father to consent to their marriage.
“Are you ready?” Bonnie asked. Lilly glanced at her sister, whose joy was evident in her teenage smile and dancing eyes. Lilly nodded. She cast one last look at the prairie from the window seat in her bedroom. Giant waves of snow, halted in mid-crest, leaped across the fields, the sun’s rays glancing off them like a golden mist. It was glorious, the aftermath of a Dakotan blizzard. The contrast between the fury and the calm never ceased to amaze her, just like peace that filled her heart after a difficult surrender.
Lilly felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She turned, and her mother’s gentle eyes were on her. “He’s waiting,” she said softly, a smile tugging at her lips.
Lilly stood, brushed off her slip, and stepped into the wedding gown her sister held. A twinge of regret stabbed her; she wished Marjorie were here. But her friend’s wounds were deep, and Lilly knew healing would be long in coming. Lilly’s prayers for Marjorie were constant, as were her prayers for Reggie. She hadn’t seen him since the night of the fateful blizzard a year ago and heard he’d left to find his fortune in the Black Hills gold mines. It hurt her to know she’d caused his flight, and she prayed he would find peace, as would her sister Olive. Olive continued to live in the shadow of grief, crawling through each day without words or hope. Although her sister’s form was present downstairs, her spirit was still locked inside a prison of despair. Lilly knew only Christ held the keys to her freedom.
Bonnie buttoned up the dress in back while Lilly fiddled with the veil.
“You’re beautiful,” her mother said, and Lilly caught a glistening in her eye. “I’m so glad you waited for the Lord’s choice.”
Lilly nodded and bit her lip to keep her own eyes from filling.
Her sister and mother left her alone, then, to sort out her last moments. Lilly listened to shuffling below, then the sound of Willard, plunking out a hymn on the piano. The stairs creaked, and Lilly recognized the footfalls of her father. She pulled a calming breath and felt a wave of peace fill her just as a rap sounded on the door.
Lilly opened the door. Her father looked dapper in a black woolen suit. A smile creased his face, but tears in his eyes choked his voice. “This would be more difficult if Heinrick wasn’t such a good man.”
His words left her speechless, so she wound her arm through his and nodded.
Her father patted her hand and escorted her down the stairs. The parlor overflowed with guests, a smaller crowd than would have been at the church, but even so, a solid, well-wishing crew. At the end of the room, next to the fireplace, which glowed, waited Heinrick. He appeared every inch the hero she knew him to be. His blond hair was clipped short, but the curly locks refused to lie flat. She noticed his clean-shaven chin and the outline of thick muscles over his tailored navy blue suit. His job as brakeman on the Milwaukee Road and part-time hand on the Clark farm kept him in good shape and had cultivated in him an aura of confidence. He’d become a man who made others feel safe
and comfortable.
Lilly’s heart fluttered as Heinrick’s blue eyes locked on hers. Then his mouth gaped in an open smile, and written on his face was a tangible delight. She wanted to sing. He was a hard man to unsettle, but obviously the sight of his bride had unraveled his stalwart composure. She floated toward Heinrick and the new preacher from Java, noting the happiness glinting in her mother’s eyes and others who thought, a year earlier, Heinrick was the enemy.
Even Erica Torgesen was radiant, grinning uncontrollably in her new sky blue wool suit. Lilly slid her hand into Heinrick’s gentle grip and felt embraced by the love shimmering in his eyes. In a trembling voice, Heinrick pledged to love and care for her as long as they lived. Then, he cradled her face between his wide hands and kissed her. At that moment, Lilly knew she would be forever thankful to God for bringing the enemy into her midst.
Rose gold sunshine flooded the room as they marched down the aisle. And, as Lilly glanced up at her young, handsome husband, she knew, one step at a time, she was walking in the fullness of joy.
About the Authors
Mary Davis is a full-time fiction writer who enjoys going into schools and talking to kids about writing. Mary lives near Colorado’s Rocky Mountains with her husband, three children, and six pets.
Kelly Eileen Hake received her first writing contract at the tender age of seventeen and arranged to wait three months until she was able to legally sign it. Writing for Barbour combines two of Kelly’s great loves—history and reading. A CBA bestselling author and member of American Christian Fiction Writers, she’s been privileged to earn numerous Heartsong Presents Reader’s Choice Awards and is known for her witty, heartwarming historical romances. A newlywed, she and her gourmetchef husband live in Southern California with their golden lab mix, Midas!
Tracie Peterson, bestselling, award-winning author of over ninety fiction titles and three non-fiction books, lives and writes in Belgrade, Montana. As a Christian, wife, mother, writer, editor, and speaker (in that order), Tracie finds her slate quite full. Published in magazines and Sunday school take home papers, as well as a columnist for a Christian newspaper, Tracie now focuses her attention on novels.