by Vaughn Ashby
By the time he got to the scene they had all but a few people out of the McSomething, no one was really sure if it was a hostage situation. Stories from the patrons ranged from a crazed Amazonian woman with rocket launchers had blown up an employee, to a giant alien spider had burst through a portal in the bathroom. Ok, maybe the last one was just in Jason’s head.
“Anyone actually went in yet?" He asked a bearish looking officer. The man shook his head. "Ok, then" Jason ducked under the impenetrable police tape, handed his gun to some newb looking cop and made his way into the restaurant.
He slowly moved through the double doors, admiring the grease as he went. He hated going into fast food places, the drive thru was were he lived. “Hello, my name is Jason. I'm with the police department."
No one answered. A woman stood facing the cash register, she didn't turn to look at him. Across from her was a male he look Hawaiian, but Jason was never good at knowing where people were from. Neither person bothered to acknowledge his presence.
"Miss, can I get you to step away from the counter?" She didn't move. "Sir, can I get you to back away from her?" He didn't move either. "Hello, can you hear me?" He waved his hands in front of them. “Have I gone invisible?”
"She made me do things," the man said sounding afraid.
Jason turned back around, he looked the woman over. Yep just as he thought she was hot, just his type. “What did she make you do? Eat the food here?" He laughed to himself knowing it wasn't very funny, plus he did like the food here.
The man turned to look at Jason," she made them do things to me." His head gestured around the corner of the counter. Jason peeked over the edge. There on the floor were three men, all unconscious, all pantless. Jason looked back at the guy, then over to the woman. From what he could tell she didn't have any weapons or even a purse.
"I'm not sure what she made you or them do, but I'm going to need you to come with me." Jason held out an arm gesturing to the door.
"She made them..." the man was clearly shaken Up. "She made them shit on me."
"Right ok, poop, gross. Miss, I'm going to need you to step over here with me."
She finally acknowledged him by stepping towards Jason, the glow from the police cars’ lights outside the window gave her an amazing cinematic look. All she needed awesome slow motion, maybe a lens flair and she'd be straight out of a movie. Jason swallowed hard.
"Officer, I'm going to need your car keys," she looked deep into his eyes. He could look into those eyes all day, but he'd told himself after his divorce that he didn't need another woman breaking his heart. But maybe it was time to move on, she was smoking hot after all. He tried to keep eye contact, but with the low cut top she had on it was hard. "Officer," she said again, "your keys." She put her hand out.
"It's detective, actually," it felt like he had to force it out. He talked to women all the time, why was this so hard?
"What?" She sounded confused and annoyed. "Give me your damn keys already."
"How about you tell me about your little poop encounter here."
“Shit, why aren't you giving me your keys," she said not really talking to him but more so just to herself. "This hasn't happened to me before." She turned to look out the window at the police cars, Jason stood beside her. He thought about putting an arm around her then remembered he was a cop on a case and she was a suspect-maybe, possibly-in a pooping case? Then he remembered the guys laying on the floor behind the counter and thought he'd better check on them. He turned just in time to see the poop smelling man jump over the counter, spatula in one hand, fry cooking basket in the other. He charged at the woman who turned to look at him, he froze in his tracks, put the fry basket on the floor, dropped his pants and sat on it. Jason hadn't considered the thing to be fresh from the fryer but it was the smell and sound of the man burning his cheeks on the basket were enough to make Jason almost throw up. He jumped towards the man and kicked him over, then slid the basket away. He looked up only to see the woman on her way out the double greasy doors. He cuffed the man to a nearby chair and took off after her.
By the time he got out the door he’d lost her. The 20 or so officers manning the police line were all standing there looking at him.
"Where did she go?" He yelled to them. No one replied. He ran over to the guy he’d handed his gun to. "Hey, buddy where is she?" He shook the guy's arm. "Hey!"
The officer seemed to drift back into reality. "What?" He sounded groggy like he was just coming out of anesthesia.
Jason slapped him, “The woman? Where is she?"
"What are you talking about? We've been watching the building the whole time. No one came in or out. I think we'd notice someone leaving the building."
"Yeah, me too."
The other officers around him were still comatose like.
"Fuck," Jason yelled. He ran over to his car and was about to step onto the hood to get a better view, when he hesitated and went for the car next to his.
Somehow it seemed brighter up there, or maybe he'd just seen enough movies were people squinted or shielded their eyes when they got anywhere remotely high, he did both. He scanned around the buildings that surrounded the fast food establishment. She was nowhere. To say he was pissed off was an understatement. He grunted in frustration and hopped off the car.
He grabbed a passing officer who seemed confused and not really sure what he should be doing. "Get this area locked down. She's on foot, probably, and can't of got far." The officers curried off, he seemed happier to have something to do.
Jason turned to head back into the restaurant when he noticed some boots in the front seat of his car. They were woman's boots, he liked to think of them as hooker boots. Tall boots that went to the knee and had ridiculous high heels. He leaned on the glass and looked at them. Had she left them there to mess with him? How could she get them off so fast, he’d come out only seconds after her.
Again things clicked for him and he quickly opened the passenger door. The woman struggled to get herself out of the mess of clothes that was in the back seat she was using as cover, but the clothing quicksand also prevented her escape.
Jason pulled her out of the car bootless and put his cuffs on her.
A passing officer paused with a confused look on his face, “is that the woman?”
Jessica smiled at the officer and kissed Jason.
CHAPTER TEN
1982 Moe: Where The Man Was From
Small towns are funny; everyone believes that everyone else's business is their own. It didn't take long for news of me killing the man to spread around. Some people believed it and some didn't. The police didn't, but that’s mostly because there was no body, well technically there was, and he was still coming back to visit every day.
For two months the man came to town, and for two months he came to my shop and bought the exact same trailer hitch. Over time I found it a comfort actually. I mean that at least I had one guaranteed customer every day.
By now Vince was back in school, he often told me that the other kids asked about the man. They told him stories they'd heard from their siblings or parents. Some were the normal run of the mill stories, others were shocking science fiction stories that weren't that far from the truth.
For the first while, nobody did anything about it. You see he wasn't breaking any laws so the police didn't care much about him. And townsfolk often saw him passing through and just watched, too busy with their lives for anything more than gossip. Small towns like to talk, not act.
I still thought a lot about him and what I did to him, but he still never spoke more than requesting the hitch, and I never tried to push the conversation.
I had just resigned myself to the fact that this was the new normal and that I'd probably never know more about him, until a local farmer came in for a hitch one day that is. He asked me about the man like most people did. He said he believed me, he then went on to tell me that the man drove past his farm every day on his way into town. To this point, I'd never conside
red where he might be coming from. No one had ever mentioned seeing him outside of town. The farmer gave me the address of where he lived so that I could come see it with my own eyes, I gave him a discount on his hitch that day.
I remember laying in bed that night, wondering what I’d find. Did he drive his car out of a giant shiny metal spaceship? Would I find him living in a shack with a mountain of trailer hitches behind it? Nicole came into our room around midnight and told me to go to bed. My night light was still on. So I switched it off and she climbed in beside me.
I rubbed Nicole's head as we fell asleep. I whispered that tomorrow I was going to find out where the man was from. This was a mistake. She rocketed up in bed and forced me to tell her more, I told her about the farmer and she insisted that she come along. So being the father I was I let her skip school and come with me. Then Earla told us to keep it down and go to sleep.
The next morning, we got up early and stopped by the garage first before heading out to the farmer’s place. This was the first day in years I'd taken off, it was sure to bring about some questions and a lot of laziness on the part of my employees. I prepped the shop as normal, then left them a note. I told them I'd be back at any point today. This way at least they might be a little nervous that I could come back at any time. I'm sure they'd slack off lots but this being the first day in years I was somewhat ok with it.
Nicole and I got some snacks at the BarMart, a local convenient store, then went out to the farmer’s place. He was already working outside and pointed us in the direction that the man would come from. We made our way over, parked and got comfortable.
The man wasn't supposed to be at the shop until late afternoon and the farmer couldn't remember exactly when he would pass, so we planned to sit there all day.
Nicole finished her juice box early and then started stealing mine. She had to pee only an hour after being there. We agreed to pee next to the car so we wouldn't miss him.
We chatted most of the morning, it's amazing what kids think about. She told me about school, her friends, and her thoughts on why her mother always makes the same foods. I'd spent time with her before but having something like the man to talk about somehow gave us more of a connection.
Finally, around two the Ford Taurus passed us. Nicole noted the time in her notebook. I smiled at her. Then she asked me something I didn't consider, kids have an amazing ability to make you think outside the box. She asked me now what? I remember looking at her for what felt like minutes. She was right, now what? We came out here watched him drive by, noted the time, now what? There wasn't enough time for him to go anywhere but directly to the shop.
I smiled at Nicole and asked her if she wanted to skip school again tomorrow. She smiled back and I could feel her excitement. I dropped her off at home and went to work. Things had actually gone smoother then I expected. I asked about the man, he’d still come. Part of me was disappointed in that. You see I’d hoped that maybe I was important to him or part of the reason he kept coming back.
The next day Nicole and I again skipped school, and work. This time we parked further up the road. We waited and he passed by again. Nicole noted the time again. We did it again the next day too, again we moved further down the road, and again he passed us. Each day we moved further down the road, eventually, we came to an intersection and parked there. We watched for the direction he might come from, then moved down that road he did come from the next day. We got our timing down better and better each day. Since skipping work and school wasn’t an option every day we narrowed down the time that was needed. We’d guess at about what time he would pass and then we’d leave us just enough time to get there and park without him noticing us, then watch him.
Spending so much time with her was a blessing, I’d never believed that I could be so close to one of my kids. This project of ours was bringing us closer then I’d ever been with anyone even Earla.
The trips started getting longer and earlier in the day as we moved further away from town. Weaving through farmland he drove as if he was covering his tracks as if he didn’t want to be followed.
Finally, after about a month of tracking him backward, we discovered where he was getting in his car every morning. This strange backward treasure hunt had led us to Thunder Lake. A nearby body of water, most people in town knew about it, but avoided it because of the color of the water. It bore a slimy green color. The smell didn’t help either. The lake lacked any kind of movement and the water became stale.
The adjacent campground is where we found his car. It was parked in a campsite, no tent or any camping gear to be seen. He would just appear out of the woods and get in the car. I remember sitting there with Nicole and wondering how the car got here every day. Did he bring it back every night? Or was the car brought back here by someone else?
The next weekend, Nicole and I packed up our camping stuff and set off to the lake for a father-daughter camping trip, or at least that’s what we told Earla. We convinced the man who runs the campground to let us have the site next to where the car started its day. We pressed him about who had the site next to ours. He said he didn’t remember, but it was paid for and had been paid for since he started there.
That night we sat up in our tent looking over at the other campsite. Nothing there, no car to be seen. At first, Nicole was all full of energy, she was actually the one doing most of the watching. Then she got sleepy and I took over. After a couple hours, I grew tired too. I felt like a kid on Christmas trying to stay awake for Santa.
I remember it being late, I was drifting in and out of sleep. I looked at the site, nothing there. I looked over at Nicole and smiled, then back to the site, and the car was sitting there.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
2014 Pratt & Shane: She Gives The Most Amazing...
Shane closed his car door, book in hand, reading as he walked. The book perfectly dictated what he was doing. He read along as he did it.
Shane walked up to the house stepping in gum he didn't notice on the sidewalk. He checked his shoe. The book was right; he had stepped in gum. He continued on to the house and pressed the doorbell.
Shane stood there unaware of the sign above the doorbell. He glanced over at the doorbell, shit there was a sign there. It said to not ring the bell and to please knock. "Thanks for the heads up book." He thought about turning to run or at least hide in the bushes but his car was parked right in front of the house, so it would be obvious it was him, plus he was a grownup.
An older woman opened the door, a baby in one arm. Shane checked the book. He examined the woman, she reminded him of that sexy older woman from Sons of Anarchy, oh what was her name, big chest and biker chick like, Gemma. Plus, she had baby spit up on said chest. He caught himself staring at it, and could do nothing to hide it. He glanced at the woman, yep she looked like Gemma, yep the spit up was there and yep she had a big chest. He tried not to stare, but it was too late. She gave him a dirty look.
"Shit," he said under his breath as he closed the book. "I'm here to pick up Anna."
“She's popular today," Gemma said stepping aside. "She's out back with her uncle."
Shane made his way through the house to the backyard. There sitting under a little pink umbrella, with little pink chairs, and a little pink table, sipping tea from little pink cups were Anna and Pratt.
Anna looked older then he remembered, but he figured it had been a couple months since he'd seen her. And he'd been told kids grow up fast, but he never had any evidence to back that thought up until now. Pratt waved and Shane pulled up a little pink chair.
"What are you doing here?” Shane asked, putting the book down on the little pink table.
"I stop by a couple times a week to see Anna. My brother wasn't letting me see her. So I found my own way."
Shane smiled at Anna, she smiled back and held up the teapot. "Tea? Its pink flavored."
Shane shook his head. "I've had a lot of pink today I'm good. But thank you, Anna." Anna poured Pratt some more. "That's cool Pratt
."
"Plus I come for her too," he glanced over at Gemma. "She gives the most amazing head.”
"Ok," Shane said trying to preserve some of Anna's innocents.
Pratt sipped his tea. Pinky up of course. He put his cup down and looked at Shane's book. "You bring your work home with you?"
"What? Oh yeah. It's not actually work." Shane eyed the book, he wondered what it would say about the conversation he was having right now.
"That's the one from your office this morning, right? Is it any good?"
Shane didn't know how much he should share about the book. It had been sent to him. Well kind of to him. He ran his fingers along the cover. Feeling a little too much like Gollum, he decided it better to share his Precious. He flipped the book open and slid it across the table to Pratt. Anna poured Pratt more tea.
"That’s good cutie,” Pratt said, as he pulled the book closer. “Uncle will be peeing all night long already.” He looked at the book confused about why his name was in it.
Now he wondered about how it knew what he was thinking. And no Pratt I'm not a witch or a sexy witch.
Pratt put the book down, he looked at Shane who was watching him with eyes like saucers. "Did you write this?"
"No. Someone sent it to me."
"You do know it's describing this conversation right now?" Pratt paused to read. Shane watched his eyes move back and forth across the page. "Really you wouldn't hit that," Pratt gestured towards Gemma, “Even if your wife was dead and left you a note telling you she wanted you to do that?”
"Wait, that's in the book?" Shane grabbed it from Pratt.
"Yep looks like it knows what we are thinking even if we don't."
Shane flipped back through pages, he wanted to see what Kristen had thought during there conversation back at the house.
“Why don’t you flip ahead and tell me the lottery numbers for tonight.”
Shane looked at him confused. “What do you mean?”