I feel like I should apologize that you saw what you saw and thought what you did. But of course, I didn’t do anything wrong. I can’t imagine what you must have thought. I know you, Brice. I know your mind better than you do. You were adding up years, subtracting months, trying to make sense of what you saw.
I don’t know if we’re supposed to jump right back into all of that right now after all these years. I mean, it’s so random that we are now emailing each other of all things, right? I guess I almost wish you would have come and said hello to me when you saw me. I could have quickly introduced you to Paige and cleared the air. I guess I could have responded to your email sooner too. But to see your name and see your words… I could almost hear your voice in my head and it was a lot to take in.
Thank you for saying that I’m beautiful. I was never any good with hearing that stuff, and I’m still not. Yeah, my hair is a little longer than before. I sort of just let it grow out. It sometimes gets annoying, but truthfully, if I cut it shorter, I would look too much like… the other version of me. I don’t think I could handle looking at that reflection in the mirror and not feel everything I’ve had to work so hard to forget or try to let go. In some ways, that included you, Brice. To forget and let go. Even though we both know that’s completely impossible to do. But for survival and a chance to move on and try to live a normal life, right? That’s not a bad thing.
I was wondering too if you’ve ever gone to visit her. You know what I mean when I say that. I don’t know how close you live or anything, but… I was just curious. It’s hard to look at a calendar and realize how many years have gone by. Yet in some ways, it feels like it just happened yesterday.
I’m sorry, I won’t talk about that anymore right now.
Not to let my mind go crazy for a little while, but is it safe to assume that you were at the soccer fields with your son or daughter? I can’t see you as the type to just go and watch a bunch of little kids run and scream for fun. No offense. I mean, if you have a son or daughter, that’s really amazing to hear. I can’t even imagine another version of you running around this world. (I’m laughing out loud as I type this.) If so, it’s probably amazing for you. You were always going to be an amazing father. That was one thing I knew for sure.
Anyway, I feel like I’m rambling and talking about random things. I guess I’m not very good at this type of thing. I’m not sure what you’re thinking as you read this. You can reply if you’d like to. This really feels so strange right now. Like… is this really you, Brice? I mean, I know I sound crazy questioning it…
I’ll just stop.
It was good to hear from you.
Hope to maybe hear from you again.
Kinsley
I made a fist and bit at my knuckle. The lump in my throat stole all my air for longer than I cared for. There was a moment when the phone screen went blurry, but then cleared back up. My thumb moved the email up and down as I looked at the words.
She wrote back to me.
She read my email. And she wrote back to me.
There was a lot said and a lot that wasn’t said. I should have never lost her. No matter what we thought, felt, or said during that time, there was no fucking way in hell it should have ended up like this. Just falling apart, drifting away, reduced to fucking emails.
I managed to shove the lump back down my throat.
My heart pounded so hard that I couldn’t catch my breath.
It was really her. It was Kinsley.
My Kinsgirl.
I licked my lips, desperate to taste that cherry chapstick.
Anything that tried to be excitement I had to keep contained.
See, when Kinsley spoke from the heart, she just ran with it. And reading her email again, whether she meant it or not, she crushed what was left of my heart.
…we moved into our house…
Two words destroyed me as I sat there in my truck.
We. Our.
That implied someone else. Togetherness.
Meaning she was with someone else.
Boyfriend? Engaged? Married? Living the happily-ever-after that I was supposed to be giving her?
I studied that one line for what felt like hours.
But here’s the thing… Kinsley wrote back to me. She could have deleted the email. She could have ignored me. But she wrote back to me.
That was all I needed right then.
The words we and our were meant for us. Not for somebody else.
I wasn’t just going to reply to the email.
I was going to get back the only woman in the world meant for me.
7
Peppermint Kisses
Kinsley
Guilt wasn’t a good shade for me to try and wear. Lying came easy because it had sort of created itself as the foundation of my survival. But guilt was something else. Weighing on me too much, picking and poking at me at the worst possible times . Sitting in the driveway to the house Ben bought for us to experience forever in, I bit my bottom lip. I wondered what would happen between us if I just told him everything. But not about Brice emailing me. Or me emailing him back. I was thinking about everything else. It was like he had picked up a book on page eighty-six and decided he liked what he read. What would have happened if he’d read the book from page one?
The thoughts plagued me worse than I could have imagined.
A thunk right next to my head made me jump and scream. I turned my head and saw a very happy Linda, eyes wide, big smile, knocking at my SUV window.
She backed up a little and waved for me to get out.
“Linda,” I said as I opened the door. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“Hardly,” she said. “She made the team!”
“What?”
“Paige. She made the travel team! I just got the email. She’s on the first team. Whatever that means. I think it means that’s for the really talented kids.”
“That doesn’t surprise me,” I said. “She was really good.”
“This is because of you.”
“Me?”
“You took her.”
“Linda, please. I drove her to a soccer field and back home. Be proud of her.”
“I am. But I wanted to share the news with you. And thank you again for what you did. Because in other news, everything went great at work and I’m up for a raise.”
“See? I told you everything would work out.”
Linda inched closer. My nose twitched at the smell of smoke. My body went into some kind of panic mode right then too. Eyes moving to the right, looking at the house. Why didn’t I think ‘my' house… why did I think ‘the' house… If Linda hugged me and I smelled like smoke then I’d have to take a shower or something.
I did something insanely rude to Linda.
I put my hand out and blocked her hug.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “The smoke smell…”
“Oh,” Linda said. She raised an eyebrow.
“Ben…”
“Right. Ben doesn’t like the smell of smoke. I remember that. Very clearly.”
“Oh, God, I’m a fool,” I said. I shut my eyes for a second. “I’m having a strange time right now. I’m sorry. That was so dumb of me to say. It’s not Ben’s fault. My mind…”
“I understand,” she said. “I wanted to let you know the good news. On both ends. And actually, Paige’s father is picking her up from soccer right now and bringing her home and we’re going to dinner to celebrate.”
“That’s fantastic,” I said.
“Wow, if your answers get any more cookie-cutter I’m going to throw some sprinkles at you.”
I opened my mouth but had no good response to what Linda just said.
“Something’s up,” she said. “Here I am talking about me like a fool. You’re sitting in your driveway. Not going inside. You look like something bad happened.”
“Not bad,” I said. “Just confusing. I…”
I heard from my ex. Wow, does that sound fucked up. My ex? I’m not
so sure we even actually broke up. We just broke apart and stayed apart. Our conversations were worthless at the end of it all. Then years just managed to slip between us like nothing and now here we are. Years apart. Miles apart. Trying to guess things about each other’s lives. Just the sight of his typed words and I’m suddenly feeling as though I need to second guess everything in my life? What does that mean?
“Talk to me about it,” Linda said. “I’m here. Does it have anything to do with Ben? If so, I can keep my mouth shut. I know I may not be his biggest fan…”
“It’s not that simple,” I said. “I don’t want to trouble you right now, Linda. You’re having a great day and all that.”
“Trouble away, Kinsley.” She wiggled her fingers.
I smiled. “It’s just about the past. That’s all. Funny how you can forget about some things for so long and then it’s right there in your mind again. Makes you wonder if you ever get over anything. Or if it’s all bullshit to make you pretend to feel better.”
“Speaking of the past,” Linda said, raising an eyebrow.
I turned my head and saw a pickup truck coming up the street. That was Dave’s pickup truck.
“And he has our daughter in the front seat,” she said. “I don’t know how you feel about getting over things, Kinsley. But know what it feels like to get over something. Right now, I feel like stabbing him in the eye for being such a jerk all the time. And now, for putting our daughter in danger. If I say something, I’m the bitch. If I let it go, he’ll keep putting her in the front seat, which technically is illegal.”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “At least you can enjoy the good news. And make the best of it for Paige, right?”
“Always,” Linda said. “And hey, if something is eating at you from the past, you should face it. That’s what I’ve learned. If you don’t think you’re over it, you’re not. So face it. What’s the worst that could happen?”
I didn’t respond, but rather looked at the house.
I bit my lip again.
What’s the worst that could happen?
I could lose everything I’ve worked so hard to find a way to love.
“What a fucking day.”
Ben threw his briefcase and bag to the floor. He ripped off his suit jacket and dropped it on the floor too.
That was rare for him. He was always very careful with the way he handled his bags. He walked right to the liquor cabinet and took out a bottle of scotch. He poured himself two fingers worth in a glass and started to sip, shaking his head.
Hello to you too, Ben.
“Rough day?” I asked.
“You can’t imagine. I had them eating out of the palm of my fucking hand and then Maloney comes in with some bullshit request about an adjacent property situation. He might cost me the deal.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” I said.
Ben turned. “You don’t even know what I’m talking about, my dear. You just hear words and say what you think will make me feel better.”
“And that’s wrong?”
“No,” Ben said, offering half a smile. He took another sip of his drink. Then he finally put it down and walked toward me. “What a mess though. There are neighbors who aren’t the greatest. I know all about it. Maloney brought it up, hoping there would be a way to get more money to chase them out. Which is stupid. I already have that worked out…”
“Ten steps ahead,” I said. “Right?”
Ben gently touched my cheek. “You’re the only one who gets me, Kinsley.”
I shut my eyes and turned my head a little, feeling his fingers against my cheek. I swallowed hard, desperate to feel that warm rush trickle its way through my body. Head to toe, easing up between my thighs, leaving me aching for attention.
Ben leaned in and kissed the tip of my nose.
Sweet, but not what I wanted.
I wanted him to grab me. I wanted him to throw me against the kitchen table. I wanted him to take that frustration of his bad day out on me. Sweaty, my nails like claws against his skin, his grunts, full of passion with a hint of anger.
I opened my eyes and Ben was already gone.
Back to his drink.
“What’s for dinner?”
“I, uh… I really didn’t have the greatest day myself.”
“Oh yeah?” he asked, looking over his shoulder. “Had to put some dogs down or something?”
“Something,” I said and frowned.
“Well, I hate to piss away money, but if you didn’t cook then I guess we should just order something. Which is fine because I need to make a couple of quick calls. If that’s okay with you?”
How could I tell him no? It was his job. He cared. Just the same as when I obsessively checked my emergency email at night. Then again, to be honest, I hadn’t been checking that email much at all. I was waiting for something else.
“Ben,” I said.
“Yes, my dear?”
He smiled with his devilish handsome grin. His perfectly cut, square and steel like jawline. His perfect lips, which had helped me get through so much just by kissing them. Anyone who met Ben always had that quick whoa moment when they realized how good looking he was. The kind of guy that was just born that way. He didn’t have to try at all but still did, which was part of his charm.
“I’m really sorry you had a bad day,” I said. “I hope everything works out. And if it doesn’t, there will be more deals.”
“If this falls through, I’m going to cut Maloney’s balls off with a rusted razor and put them into a martini and make him drink it. Then he can go stand in line and work at some fucking retail job because I’ll destroy his career.”
I forced a smile.
Not exactly the response I hoped for.
“Hey. I’m sorry you had a bad day. I hope everything works out. I know it will. You’re smart. You’re funny. And worst case, you’re so fucking sexy… just take your pants off. That’ll fix everything.”
“You want me to drop my pants… in front of all those people? You know the effect I have on women. That’s a dangerous proposition to put yourself in.”
“Oh, I meant drop your pants now. Plus, if you drop your pants in front of any other women, I’m going to go crazy on everyone. Nobody wants to see me crazy.”
“That’s true, Kins. There are levels of crazy and you’re up there… now add in that baby bump showing and… damn. Thank you for saying that though. Amazing how I can have what feels like the worst day of my life and ten seconds next to you and it’s the greatest day of my life. You’re the most important person I’ve ever met.”
I squeezed my eyes shut hard, trying to chase that memory away. More guilt hit me as I realized I was trying to recreate a scene that had already happened. Same scene, different person. And I was supposed to get upset that the response was different?
My appetite was zero. If Ben wanted food, he could call and order. I’d pick at something left in the fridge or wait for him to go to bed then dive headfirst into a container of ice cream. Because that was going to fix everything I felt.
I walked to the kitchen window and saw Linda standing at the passenger window of the pickup truck. She looked animated and I saw the figure of her ex sitting in the driver’s seat, waving his hands at her. She stepped back and spit at the truck.
I gasped.
The driver’s door opened and out stepped Dave.
To be fair, if something were to happen, I would put money on Linda. She was the same height as Dave, but she was ruthless. A real survivor. A protector. A mama bear.
Linda rushed around the truck to meet Dave in the road. They were both yelling loud enough that I could hear their voices, even though most of the words were still muffled. Linda pointed back to the house and grabbed Dave’s shirt. He broke away and shook his head, running a hand through his hair.
The argument ensued, leaving me wondering at what point I should maybe step in. Even just to get Linda to focus back on the house and Paige. I couldn’t imagine that this was good
for poor Paige to listen to.
Hands touched my waist and I jumped.
“What are you looking at?” Ben asked, scotch on his breath.
Ah, the scotch is making him handsy now. Great.
“Poor Linda,” I said. “Paige made the soccer team. They were all supposed to go out for dinner, but it looks like Dave is bailing on Paige. Again.”
“That’s a shame,” Ben said.
“He’s a real deadbeat sometimes. It pisses me off.”
“Why does it piss you off?” he asked. “It’s not your family.”
I turned my head. “Because Paige is a sweet girl. And Linda has to work a hundred times harder than most people just to survive. And when Dave makes a promise and breaks it, it hurts Linda and Paige. Then Linda has to remain calm and happy to help Paige.”
“You’ve put some thought into this,” he said.
“I consider Linda a friend. She tells me things.”
“And you feel the need to get involved in those things.”
“What?”
“Hey, your heart is beautiful, Kinsley. But you know that in some way this is her fault. Right?”
“What?”
“Whoever the person becomes is who they always were,” Ben said. He shrugged his shoulders. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I feel bad about the situation. But there are a hundred of those around town, I’m sure. People who are divorced. Single moms. Deadbeat dads. People with cancer and Alzheimer’s who are dying. Think about it. It’s everywhere.”
“What’s your point?”
Ben slowly turned me around. “My point is that… what are you going to do? Rush over there and what?”
“Help,” I whispered. “How can you be so heartless?”
“I’m not heartless, my dear. If that guy put a hand on Linda, I would break his hand. Sure. But right now, that’s their raw emotion from the decisions they made. And your focus is on that. Here we are in our beautiful house together and you’re trying to be next door. Like you don’t want to be here.”
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 6