I was a terrible person for everything that had happened.
I wanted to say I was following what my heart wanted, but then I would just be lying to myself.
The real problem was that I loved two men at once…
I stood at the window and took a deep breath. The cabin had the soft smell of whatever kind of wood Brice had burning. We managed to get food, which was much needed. He made a box of pasta with cheap jar sauce and frozen meatballs. The most poor-man meal I’d had in a long time. I loved when Brice called things he cooked poor-man. Only because the meals came out of a box and were quick. They weren’t poor at all. They were delicious and filling. And it was the fact that Brice actually tried to cook.
Better than throwing a fucking credit card on the table and telling me to order what I wanted.
Ben… what am I going to do…
“Here, have some hot tea.”
I gasped and jumped as Brice touched my shoulder and stepped up next to me.
“Not to piss you off, but you smell like a guy.”
“Well, to be fair, you didn’t have any women’s soap.”
“I always tell my one-night stands to take their soap home,” Brice said with a cocky grin.
“I hate you.”
“You love me,” he said. He put a hand around my waist. “Just admit it.”
“I already did.”
“Say it again. I want to hear it again.”
I looked at him. “I love you, Brice.”
“Fuck, that’s music to my ears. I fucking love you so much, Kins.”
“I know you do,” I said and put my head to his shoulder.
It was already mostly dark out by now. Another reminder of how quick the days were. Even though technically the days were getting longer each day, it didn’t feel like it. The air was bitter and cold. Snow fell when it felt like it. And we still had at least two months of this… probably closer to three, depending on when spring decided to come.
Spring.
I wondered what it would be like then.
Who would I be with?
The thought hurt my heart. So much so that I moved away from Brice.
“Hey, where you going?”
“Nowhere,” I said.
“You literally just put six inches between us. Like we’re just friends.”
“Brice… please…”
“What? This is the place where you’re supposed to talk to me. Say anything on your mind.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “One second I feel happy and the next…”
“You’re unhappy here?”
“Guilty.”
Brice groaned. “Guilt. Fuck guilt. Follow your heart.”
“My heart feels guilty.”
He turned his head away.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t want to ruin what we have right now.”
“That’s the problem, Kins. You keep saying right now…”
“So?”
“I don’t want right now,” he said. “I want forever. I want to board that door up and just stay here. I have years to catch up on with you. My lips have been thirsting for you for a long time. And what we did today was nothing compared to what’s inside me.”
My cheeks burned hot. I bit my lip.
Again, I was presented with a moment to cool things down a little.
But who the hell was I kidding? There was no cooling down.
I was on fire.
Brice was on fire.
It was officially nighttime now.
It was cold.
I needed warmth.
I needed all of him.
Brice grinned as he walked to the fireplace and tossed a fresh piece of wood on the fire. Sparks scattered around. The cabin was too comfortable for my own good. The idea of never leaving the cabin was tempting, even though it wasn’t a reality. I had to be at my office the next day. There were people and animals that depended on me.
“Brice,” I said as I brought the cup of tea to my lips.
Here we are, drinking tea together, Brice. We’re like an old couple, holed up in the winter, watching the snow fall, watching the sun set, ready to watch a fire burn and do nothing because being in each other’s company meant we already had everything we needed.
Brice sat down on the couch and put his feet up on the table. He had dark gray socks on with red stitching at the toes. I had no idea why my eyes picked out that stupid and small feature, but it meant something to me.
“What’s up, love?” he asked.
“I have to leave tomorrow,” I said. “I have work.”
“Of course,” he said. “I was only kidding about staying here forever. I mean, I would love to, but you have a lot of people that rely on you, I bet.”
I slowly smiled. “You think?”
Brice put his feet on the floor and leaned forward. “What do you mean? You’re a doctor, Kins.”
“I’m a veterinarian,” I said.
“You’re fucking kidding me, right?”
“What?”
“That’s what you think of yourself? You think you’re just a veterinarian… why? Who planted that shit in your head?”
“Don’t get upset,” I said.
“I am upset. Because anyone who doesn’t know your worth is a piece of shit, Kins. And if you can’t look in the mirror and see who you really are, then that hurts me. Because you should never be that lost, ever. Pets are family to people. So, if someone brings a sick dog to you and you help that dog get better, that’s healing someone’s family member. That’s fucking important.”
The emotion on Brice’s face made my heart race.
I moved toward the couch, slowly putting my mug of tea on the table. I then slipped between him and table, standing before him as he stared up at me.
His hands touched my waist. “Kins, you can never think anything less than you really are. You matter to this world and to so many people in it.”
“I was just telling you I had to leave tomorrow,” I whispered. “I just wanted to see your reaction.”
“Well, my true reaction would be to tell you to never leave. To shut your business down and let me be greedy. But I can’t do that. You matter too much to everyone out there. I guess in some ways I have to get used to sharing you.”
Those words iced my heart for a brief second.
Sharing me?
The way I had shared my heart with two different people. Without even realizing it until it was too late.
But I had to stay in the moment.
Brice stiffened his back and sat up completely straight. His hands went up my shirt to my back, gently pulling at me.
“Fuck, Kins, I’m sorry if I got heated,” he said. “That wasn’t directed at you. You know who that was directed at. You can’t live your life not understanding how special you are.”
“Stop saying romantic stuff to me,” I said.
Brice grinned again.
His hands moved down my back and around to the front of my pants. Fingertips curling around the front, he pulled as he let out an animal like growl. I leaned forward and put my hands to his shoulders, gripping tight, looking down as he stripped my pants down to my knees. From there it was up to me to step my way out of them. His hands playfully tickled their way up the front of my legs, knowing how much that touch drove me wild. I watched as the middle finger of his right hand cut along the line of my dark red panties, peeling them to the side just enough so he could touch me. My hips jutted forward without me being able to control it. I tightened and sucked in a breath.
“Easy, love,” he whispered. “Easy…”
I let out a shuddery breath as his finger explored, sliding against delicate skin, finding a certain spot that sent a tingling pulse down my legs and left me with no choice but to bite my lip.
He moved his finger away and eased his fingers around the side of my panties. I pushed from his shoulders and stood up, watching him lean forward as he stripped me one more time. As he did, he nudged his way under my shirt to l
ift it up, kissing my belly over and over with soft and flirty kisses, even though his intentions were far from soft and flirty.
Now I stood there naked from the waist down, watching him lean back on the couch. I’d never been so happy to see him in black pajama pants in my life, because I knew how easy it would be for him to just take them off.
And when he did, the sight of him already full and hard, ready for me, was enough to make me tremble in all the right places.
Oh, shit… Brice…
His hands touched the back of my legs and pulled me forward.
I climbed on the couch, straddling him. Hovering over his body as his hands took control and command, gripping tightly at my sides.
I stared down at him, my hair falling forward. Brice arched his neck and came forward to kiss me. I met him halfway down and our mouths connected. Our tongues touched in this one second frozen moment as though we were both taking a mental picture to never forget this.
Maybe because we both know this isn’t going to last forever… not the way we want…
His kiss stole my thoughts.
My body ached to be touched.
I lowered myself down and felt him against me.
I gasped, but Brice didn’t stop kissing me. His hands worked their way to my lower back as he guided me down on him.
The feeling of him breaking my threshold was still the greatest feeling in the world.
I moved down and up, slowly taking more of him with each movement. I wanted to tease him into submission, but all I was doing was bringing myself to a fast climax. Heat rose to my cheeks, feeling almost foolish as I was unable to control how good it felt and how my body was reacting to Brice.
I finally drove my hips down with force, taking all of him.
Brice grunted and sat up straight again. His left hand slid up my back to between my shoulder blades and he hugged me tight. His right hand stayed down at my lower back, pressing, wanting me to move.
I thrust my hips at him, rocking back and forth, feeling the pleasure going over a cliff. My toes curled as I came, my head falling back as I cried out with relief.
Brice took the liberty of lifting my shirt, taking it off, his hands moving super fast as he touched my breasts, cupping under them, before bringing his lips down to my tender nipples. Kissing one at a time, bucking his hips up at me, still finding a way to take control. Even with me on top, I was at the mercy of his body and his love.
And that was a sense of submission I could never resist or get mad about.
He kissed up my chest to my throat. I kept my head back as long as I could until he moved a hand to the back of my head, digging through my hair, wanting me to look down at him to kiss him again.
Using his other hand, he grabbed my ass with a firm grip. Demanding that I move up and down.
I gently moved, feeling everything of him, knowing how torturous it had to feel on his end.
With his hand still gripping at my hair, he brushed his lips against mine and groaned.
“Kins… you need to hear something…”
“What?” I asked, breathless from the pleasure filled pressure between my thighs.
“I fucking love you,” Brice said. “I love you in a way that nobody else can ever do. Or ever will. And I will never love someone the way I love you.”
I hurried and brought my hands to his face and touched the scruff on it. He moved his hand from my hair to meet with his other hand, moving me on him the way he wanted.
I wanted to say something romantic back to him, but all I could do was groan. He moved me faster and offered himself faster. We barely kissed because everything picked up so much speed. His words raced through my mind as his pleasure raced through my body.
When we reached our breaking point, he pulled me down on him as hard as he could. I cried out and curled forward, burying myself into his neck, biting at his skin. My hips continued to drive at him, feeling all of his love.
That’s when I was finally able to find enough words to speak.
“Brice… I will never love someone the way I love you…”
We were sharing a blanket, on the couch, his arm around me, holding me tightly as he slept. I stared at the fire as it was down to just a few small flames. I had no idea what time it was. I wasn’t sure if we meant to fall asleep on the couch but there was nothing wrong with it.
I slowly turned so I could face Brice.
He stayed asleep, which was perfect.
I studied his face and all his rugged and beautiful features. The way he had gone from a boy to a man was like nothing I could have ever imagined. I touched his thick shoulder and felt the way his arms filled out his shirt. The hardness of his jaw, hidden behind the unkempt unshaven look that he somehow made look really sexy.
I almost hated him for how sexy he was.
My body tingled as I thought about where his hands and mouth had been on me. Not to mention his body with mine.
I inched forward and stole a sleeping kiss.
I moved from the couch and walked to the window but couldn’t see much outside. The moon offered a little light, but it was merely just enough to show the silhouettes of all the trees.
My phone was on a table right there where I had left it before.
It was five in the morning.
That meant I still had two more hours to sleep before getting up and getting ready for work. The thought of that made me cringe. That was reality. That was back to normal, which I wasn’t ready for. I thought about my clothes just tossed across the back seat of the SUV. Living like I had no home. I could have closed the office for the day, citing an emergency. But I looked back to Brice on the couch and thought about all he said. He took it seriously for me. He made me feel like my job mattered. That it wasn’t just animals or just giving preventive shots or any of the other things I had heard from someone else.
I bit my lip, knowing I would have to leave.
I would have to find some kind of balance between what was normal and what my heart was feeling. If anything, going to the office was a chance to escape it all.
But I would have to face it.
I opened my phone to check my email in case something came through on my emergency email. Which was kind of silly to check now because if someone were to email overnight, I wouldn’t have been there to help them. I felt a little guilty for that. But I needed my time. My moment. My Brice…
There was an email waiting.
An emergency email.
But it wasn’t from someone needing help with their pet dog or cat.
It was an email from Ben.
Dear Kinsley,
Well, this is where we are now, aren’t we? I’m sitting at my desk in my office at our house while you’re sharing a bed with another man. I’ve tried to tell myself this isn’t just ‘another man’ because there is a bigger history between you and Brice. You would have to think of me as a complete idiot to not see the bigger picture of this, Kinsley. You know what I do for a living and why I’m good at it.
You’ve spent years trying to hide yourself from me. And I’ve done the same to you. It was our thing. I knew there was something sad about your past and I’m sure you probably figured the same about mine. But together we made it work. Maybe we didn’t have the explosive romance you are now looking for. Maybe we didn’t have those intense moments of throwing plans into the wind so we could spend time together. Or the random moments when I’d throw you against the fridge and leave a memory there. But we did have that, Kinsley. We still have that. You don’t want that kind of thing scheduled, but yet you know exactly how many days pass between those moments. Which means you are scheduling them in your mind.
It makes me smile as much as it frustrates me, Kinsley. Because your heart is beautiful and caring. Sometimes too much. And if it’s my fault to bear that it gets me mad - maybe even jealous - then I’ll wear that. I don’t want to share you. But yet here I am, knowing what’s happening as I type this.
You may be thinking I’m weak. Because I
stood there and watched you leave. Because I didn’t chase after you. Because I’m not there right now. I’m not sure that’s true weakness. I believe the weakness of the heart would have had me chasing you down. You wanted to leave, Kinsley. You were going to come up with any reason to get out of this house and in bed with him. The strength I offer you is allowing you to go and waiting for you to realize what you feel and come back.
By hiding from each other, we created little lies that were once soft enough to walk on and not worry about. But those lies are now like broken glass and we’re walking in the dark, unable to avoid it.
Kinsley, I know the truth about your scar. From the second you tried to cover it with your hand and you quickly threw the lie that it was from an appendix surgery, I knew you were lying. I also knew that was your moment to step away from something that happened to you. You didn’t want to tell the same sad story and then wonder how I would react to it. And for me, it was the exact same feeling.
You asked me if I had ever been married before. The answer was no. Which was true. I was only a few breaths away from it happening though. You look at me and you see a man who does nothing but work and plan. That’s because working and planning are the only two things in my life that haven’t let me down. It’s my sense of having control and keeping that control. Why? Because when things aren’t in your control, look what happens.
You couldn’t control what happened to your baby.
I couldn’t control you leaving to go spend time with another man.
And I couldn’t control that the woman I loved and her son were taken in an accident. An accident… that was quite honestly my fault.
The past never goes away, Kinsley. That was our mistake for thinking it could or would go away. Pushing it away, hiding from it, that’s fine. But to never allow it to breathe once in a while. That’s wrong. And to think, you felt we were drifting apart when in reality we’re just closer than ever before. You need someone to hold you when the pain gets to you. I need the same thing, Kinsley. Every time I see you leave or know you’re driving, my heart races, hoping the same fate isn’t waiting for you.
Somebody Else (Somebody, Nobody Duet Book 1) Page 26