Antipholus of Syracuse
Go hie thee presently, post to the road:
An if the wind blow any way from shore,
I will not harbour in this town to-night:
If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
Where I will walk till thou return to me.
If every one knows us and we know none,
’Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
Dromio of Syracuse
As from a bear a man would run for life,
So fly I from her that would be my wife.
Exit
Antipholus of Syracuse
There’s none but witches do inhabit here;
And therefore ’tis high time that I were hence.
She that doth call me husband, even my soul
Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
Possess’d with such a gentle sovereign grace,
Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
Hath almost made me traitor to myself:
But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
I’ll stop mine ears against the mermaid’s song.
Enter Angelo with the chain
Angelo
Master Antipholus,—
Antipholus of Syracuse
Ay, that’s my name.
Angelo
I know it well, sir, lo, here is the chain.
I thought to have ta’en you at the Porpentine:
The chain unfinish’d made me stay thus long.
Antipholus of Syracuse
What is your will that I shall do with this?
Angelo
What please yourself, sir: I have made it for you.
Antipholus of Syracuse
Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.
Angelo
Not once, nor twice, but twenty times you have.
Go home with it and please your wife withal;
And soon at supper-time I’ll visit you
And then receive my money for the chain.
Antipholus of Syracuse
I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
For fear you ne’er see chain nor money more.
Angelo
You are a merry man, sir: fare you well.
Exit
Antipholus of Syracuse
What I should think of this, I cannot tell:
But this I think, there’s no man is so vain
That would refuse so fair an offer’d chain.
I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
I’ll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay
If any ship put out, then straight away.
Exit
ACT IV
SCENE I. A PUBLIC PLACE.
Enter Second Merchant, Angelo, and an Officer
Second Merchant
You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
And since I have not much importuned you;
Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage:
Therefore make present satisfaction,
Or I’ll attach you by this officer.
Angelo
Even just the sum that I do owe to you
Is growing to me by Antipholus,
And in the instant that I met with you
He had of me a chain: at five o’clock
I shall receive the money for the same.
Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
I will discharge my bond and thank you too.
Enter Antipholus of Ephesus and Dromio of Ephesus from the courtezan’s
Officer
That labour may you save: see where he comes.
Antipholus of Ephesus
While I go to the goldsmith’s house, go thou
And buy a rope’s end: that will I bestow
Among my wife and her confederates,
For locking me out of my doors by day.
But, soft! I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
Buy thou a rope and bring it home to me.
Dromio of Ephesus
I buy a thousand pound a year: I buy a rope.
Exit
Antipholus of Ephesus
A man is well holp up that trusts to you:
I promised your presence and the chain;
But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
Belike you thought our love would last too long,
If it were chain’d together, and therefore came not.
Angelo
Saving your merry humour, here’s the note
How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
The fineness of the gold and chargeful fashion.
Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
Than I stand debted to this gentleman:
I pray you, see him presently discharged,
For he is bound to sea and stays but for it.
Antipholus of Ephesus
I am not furnish’d with the present money;
Besides, I have some business in the town.
Good signior, take the stranger to my house
And with you take the chain and bid my wife
Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof:
Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
Angelo
Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?
Antipholus of Ephesus
No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
Angelo
Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
Antipholus of Ephesus
An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
Or else you may return without your money.
Angelo
Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain:
Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
Antipholus of Ephesus
Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse
Your breach of promise to the Porpentine.
I should have chid you for not bringing it,
But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.
Second Merchant
The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.
Angelo
You hear how he importunes me;— the chain!
Antipholus of Ephesus
Why, give it to my wife and fetch your money.
Angelo
Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
Either send the chain or send me by some token.
Antipholus of Ephesus
Fie, now you run this humour out of breath, where’s the chain? I pray you, let me see it.
Second Merchant
My business cannot brook this dalliance.
Good sir, say whether you’ll answer me or no:
If not, I’ll leave him to the officer.
Antipholus of Ephesus
I answer you! what should I answer you?
Angelo
The money that you owe me for the chain.
Antipholus of Ephesus
I owe you none till I receive the chain.
Angelo
You know I gave it you half an hour since.
Antipholus of Ephesus
You gave me none: you wrong me much to say so.
Angelo
You wrong me more, sir, in denying it:
Consider how it stands upon my credit.
Second Merchant
Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
Officer
I do; and charge you in the duke’s name to obey me.
Angelo
This touches me in reputation.
Either consent to pay this sum for me
Or I attach you by this officer.
Antipholus of Ephesus
Consent to pay thee that I never had!
Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou darest.
Angelo
Her
e is thy fee; arrest him, officer,
I would not spare my brother in this case,
If he should scorn me so apparently.
Officer
I do arrest you, sir: you hear the suit.
Antipholus of Ephesus
I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
As all the metal in your shop will answer.
Angelo
Sir, sir, I will have law in Ephesus,
To your notorious shame; I doubt it not.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse, from the bay
Dromio of Syracuse
Master, there is a bark of Epidamnum
That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
I have convey’d aboard; and I have bought
The oil, the balsamum and aqua-vitae.
The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
Blows fair from land: they stay for nought at all
But for their owner, master, and yourself.
Antipholus of Ephesus
How now! a madman! Why, thou peevish sheep,
What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
Dromio of Syracuse
A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
Antipholus of Ephesus
Thou drunken slave, I sent thee for a rope;
And told thee to what purpose and what end.
Dromio of Syracuse
You sent me for a rope’s end as soon:
You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
Antipholus of Ephesus
I will debate this matter at more leisure
And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight:
Give her this key, and tell her, in the desk
That’s cover’d o’er with Turkish tapestry,
There is a purse of ducats; let her send it:
Tell her I am arrested in the street
And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone!
On, officer, to prison till it come.
Exeunt Second Merchant, Angelo, Officer, and Antipholus of Ephesus
Dromio of Syracuse
To Adriana! that is where we dined,
Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband:
She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
Thither I must, although against my will,
For servants must their masters’ minds fulfil.
Exit
SCENE II. THE HOUSE OF ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS.
Enter Adriana and Luciana
Adriana
Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
Mightst thou perceive austerely in his eye
That he did plead in earnest? yea or no?
Look’d he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
What observation madest thou in this case
Of his heart’s meteors tilting in his face?
Luciana
First he denied you had in him no right.
Adriana
He meant he did me none; the more my spite.
Luciana
Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
Adriana
And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
Luciana
Then pleaded I for you.
Adriana
And what said he?
Luciana
That love I begg’d for you he begg’d of me.
Adriana
With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
Luciana
With words that in an honest suit might move.
First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
Adriana
Didst speak him fair?
Luciana
Have patience, I beseech.
Adriana
I cannot, nor I will not, hold me still;
My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
He is deformed, crooked, old and sere,
Ill-faced, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;
Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
Luciana
Who would be jealous then of such a one?
No evil lost is wail’d when it is gone.
Adriana
Ah, but I think him better than I say,
And yet would herein others’ eyes were worse.
Far from her nest the lapwing cries away:
My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.
Enter Dromio of Syracuse
Dromio of Syracuse
Here! go; the desk, the purse! sweet, now, make haste.
Luciana
How hast thou lost thy breath?
Dromio of Syracuse
By running fast.
Adriana
Where is thy master, Dromio? is he well?
Dromio of Syracuse
No, he’s in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
A devil in an everlasting garment hath him;
One whose hard heart is button’d up with steel;
A fiend, a fury, pitiless and rough;
A wolf, nay, worse, a fellow all in buff;
A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands
The passages of alleys, creeks and narrow lands;
A hound that runs counter and yet draws dryfoot well;
One that before the judgement carries poor souls to hell.
Adriana
Why, man, what is the matter?
Dromio of Syracuse
I do not know the matter: he is ’rested on the case.
Adriana
What, is he arrested? Tell me at whose suit.
Dromio of Syracuse
I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
But he’s in a suit of buff which ’rested him, that can I tell.
Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?
Adriana
Go fetch it, sister.
Exit Luciana
This I wonder at,
That he, unknown to me, should be in debt.
Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
Dromio of Syracuse
Not on a band, but on a stronger thing;
A chain, a chain! Do you not hear it ring?
Adriana
What, the chain?
Dromio of Syracuse
No, no, the bell: ’tis time that I were gone:
It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.
Adriana
The hours come back! that did I never hear.
Dromio of Syracuse
O, yes; if any hour meet a sergeant, a’ turns back for very fear.
Adriana
As if Time were in debt! how fondly dost thou reason!
Dromio of Syracuse
Time is a very bankrupt, and owes more than he’s worth, to season.
Nay, he’s a thief too: have you not heard men say
That Time comes stealing on by night and day?
If Time be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?
Re-enter Luciana with a purse
Adriana
Go, Dromio; there’s the money, bear it straight;
And bring thy master home immediately.
Come, sister: I am press’d down with conceit —
Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
Exeunt
SCENE III. A PUBLIC PLACE.
Enter Antipholus of Syracuse
Antipholus of Syracuse
There’s not a man I meet but doth salute me
As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
And every one doth call me by my name.
Some tender money to me; some invite me;
Some other give me thanks for kindnesses;
Some offer me commodities to buy:
Ev
en now a tailor call’d me in his shop
And show’d me silks that he had bought for me,
And therewithal took measure of my body.
Sure, these are but imaginary wiles
And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.
Enter Dromio Of Syracuse
Dromio of Syracuse
Master, here’s the gold you sent me for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparelled?
Antipholus of Syracuse
What gold is this? what Adam dost thou mean?
Dromio of Syracuse
Not that Adam that kept the Paradise but that Adam that keeps the prison: he that goes in the calf’s skin that was killed for the Prodigal; he that came behind you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
Antipholus of Syracuse
I understand thee not.
Dromio of Syracuse
No? why, ’tis a plain case: he that went, like a bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir, that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob and ‘rests them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men and gives them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.
Antipholus of Syracuse
What, thou meanest an officer?
Dromio of Syracuse
Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band, he that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; one that thinks a man always going to bed, and says, ‘God give you good rest!’
Antipholus of Syracuse
Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is there any
Dromio of Syracuse
Why, sir, I brought you word an hour since that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and then were you hindered by the sergeant, to tarry for the hoy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.
Antipholus of Syracuse
The fellow is distract, and so am I;
And here we wander in illusions:
Some blessed power deliver us from hence!
Enter a Courtezan
Courtezan
Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now:
Is that the chain you promised me to-day?
Antipholus of Syracuse
Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
Dromio of Syracuse
Master, is this Mistress Satan?
Antipholus of Syracuse
It is the devil.
Dromio of Syracuse
Nay, she is worse, she is the devil’s dam; and here she comes in the habit of a light wench: and thereof comes that the wenches say ‘God damn me;’ that’s as much to say ‘God make me a light wench.’ It is written, they appear to men like angels of light: light is an effect of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn. Come not near her.
Complete Plays, The Page 270