by A. S. Kelly
I’m here in your arms. It’s the only place I want to
be.”
A man.
Wonderful.
Fuck.
“Erin,” I say, but in reality, I don’t want to say
anything at all.
The only thing I want is to have her for myself
all night.
I take her face and bring it to mine. I gently bite
her lower lip and she trembles against my lips.
Shit.
“I want you like I’ve never wanted anything or
anyone before. I want you with every inch of me. I
want your heart, your body. I want to be inside of
you and your life. I want to come in and not
leave.”
I feel like a jackass saying these things, but I
know she needs to hear it said out loud and
deserves someone that tells her how desired she is
and how much he wants her for himself.
And that someone, damn it, must be me.
“Do you understand what I’m trying to tell
you?” I ask her, because she keeps looking at me
without speaking.
Maybe I’m not doing this right, maybe I don’t
even know what I’m saying or doing.
This is all new for me.
It’s scary as hell.
Until just a while ago I didn’t think I was cut
out for these things, that I couldn’t feel real
emotion and was certainly incapable of creating a
lasting bond with another person. And yet for her
I’m willing to try. A thousand tries. She’s the only
one who can teach a man to love someone other
than himself.
“Erin.” I look at her, worried. She continues to
look at me without responding. “Have I said
something…”
She doesn’t let me add anything else. She wraps
her arms around my neck and her legs around my
waist. I take her, sure and steady and bring her as
close to me as possible.
I want to feel her now.
I need it.
It’s a desperate need.
“I’d like to make love with you, Erin. Tonight.
All night. And for all the nights after that.”
Her lip starts shaking again.
“If you’re not ready, I’ll wait. Take all the time
you need. I’m not in a hurry, and I’m not going
anywhere. I’ll be here until you’ve had enough of
me.” I reassure her, smiling.
“Do you really want to make love to me?” she
asks me in a broken voice.
“Holy God, do I want to!”
“Even—”
“Even what?”
“Even in my … condition?”
I lower my gaze just a bit.
She thinks I don’t want to be with her because
she’s pregnant? Doesn’t she have any idea what
I’m going through right now just holding her close
to me?
“God, Erin … I want you so bad it’s hard for me
to even breathe. I’m not talking about sex. I’m
talking about you. I want all of you. I’m afraid. I’m
paralyzed with fear. Fear that I could hurt you. It
feels like I might destroy everything.”
She smiles at me and brings her mouth close to
mine. “I want you too, Patrick. I want your absurd
messes, your jokes and your colorful language. I
want your hands on my body and I want you in my
life.” She takes a quick pause and a deep breath.
“Our lives,” she corrects herself, biting her lip. “If
you want us.”
Holy Christ. If I want them?
I want them both.
I want her so completely that I couldn’t even
imagine not having this new life that goes with it.
And I could not desire this child any more if it
was my own.
I hold her tightly in my arms and bring her to
the bedroom, because now I want to make love to
her.
I want to give her everything I have without
asking for anything in return.
19
Erin
Patrick sets me down gently on the bed without
ever taking his lips off of mine. I’ve wanted him so
much in these months that I’m shaking like an
idiot from the emotion and the anxiety. I feel
invaded by him, with his body so close to mine
and the heat rising from it, that burns my skin.
The way his eyes are devouring me shows me
how much he truly wants to make me his. From all
of this intensity of us being together.
As if we had just become one person in this
moment.
His kisses are needy: Patrick bites my lip until it
swells and becomes red, then lets up on this sweet
pain letting his sensual tongue run down the lip,
only to suck me in with his greedy lips.
I could have an orgasm just with his kisses.
He pulls away from me with a cry of
disapproval, as he removes his shirt. I gulp down
hard and loudly and in such an embarrassing
manner that he busts out laughing and touches his
magnificent head, with its buzz-cut hairstyle.
“God … you’re…” I don’t have the right words
to describe his body.
He’s a work of art, sculpted by fairy hands with
a thick golden chisel. He’s robust and well defined;
he’s got the perfect turtle abdomen. His arms are
strong and possessive and covered in tattoos, over
which I slowly pass my hands, defining the edges
and the lines and imagining some secret meaning.
I’ve never liked tattoos, just like I’m not a big fan
of piercings, but on him … everything would be
good on him.
“Stop looking at me like that. You’re
embarrassing me,” he says, blushing just a bit.
What? Him? Embarrassed?
“No false modesty please, Patrick. We both
know you have a body that people get orgasms just
looking at.”
He bursts out with the most uproariously loud
laugh that makes me smile spontaneously. It’s so
nice when he laughs, when he loses that for the
man who never has to ask persona and is a bit
insecure, just enough to make him human and lets
me know I’ve got an earthling here in front of me
not some Greek divinity reincarnated.
His laugh simmers down and the look in his eye
changes: it becomes deeper, more intense and it
seems like he’s eating me with his eyes.
He brings his hands up to my shirt and gives me
a malicious smile before pulling it over my head,
leaving me topless before him. I blush and avert
my gaze because I’m afraid of drowning in
emotion and not being able to make it back up to
the surface again.
“Erin,” he says, taking my chin in his hands.
“You are beautiful. Breathtaking.”
I shake my head. I know it’s a lie. I’m pregnant,
my Lord, how does he expect me to believe that?
“Look at me,” he asks me and reluctantly I do.
“I’ve been dreaming about touching this body
for months. And…” He breathes loudly. “Since I
hugged you that night outside the bar for the first<
br />
time, I haven’t been with any other girl.”
“Wha … what?” I ask incredulously.
He shrugs his shoulders.
“I just wanted you to know.”
So I didn’t imagine it all. I didn’t romanticize
his words in my mind … every word, gesture and
caress.
It was all true.
He wanted me just like I wanted him.
I draw him to me, sliding my hand behind the
nape of his neck. He responds to my call and I
abandon myself to his touch, to his tongue that
traces the irregular line of my neck to my spine,
arching around my back and I offer myself to him.
He takes off my leggings and my underpants.
He throws them to the floor before unbuttoning his
jeans and freeing himself of them and becoming
completely naked.
Oh my God, he doesn’t even wear boxers. My
body blocks up at the sight of his erection.
And … okay. It’s enormous.
Hormones. Right?
He laughs again and oh my God, please, never
let this stop because it’s perfect.
And he’s completely mine.
He comes closer to me and our bodies brush up
against each other for the first time and it’s almost
enough to make me faint.
I’m in really big trouble.
He lightly rubs my belly before resting the
lightest butterfly kiss there, causing such a fit in
my chest that I have to close my eyes.
“You know,” he says, “we could just not—”
“Patrick,” I interrupt him.
We’re not even going to consider that option.
“I could also make you come like this,” he says,
rubbing me so lightly between the legs and I let
out a scream. “Or with my mouth,” he adds, while
I’m so excited I could seriously have an orgasm on
the spot if he said another word like that.
What’s the rest of this going to be like?
“I want to make love with you,” I tell him quite
seriously. “Now.”
“I wouldn’t want to hurt the baby.”
He’s joking. Right?
Exasperated by all this, I slide my hands down
his tattooed back until I arrive at his gluteus
muscles and it goes without saying that they are
disgustingly perfect.
Where is this guy hiding his defects?
I push them slowly towards me, begging him to
enter me, possibly right now.
“Erin,” he sighs, frustrated. “We don’t have to
be in such a hurry.”
“Yes we do!” I exclaim, exasperated. “My
hormones are going a million miles an hour, and I
haven’t had sex in a very long time, Patrick. I need
it right now.”
He smiles maliciously before saying “At your
service” and plunges his face between my thighs.
Oh God.
He looks at me for an instant before opening his
mouth and kissing me delicately on my inner
thigh. Then he slides his tongue into me and I grab
on tightly to the sheet and throw my head back.
Patrick plays with my most intimate parts with
his tongue, biting me to make me shake even
more, but he’s so delicate and careful that I’d like
to scream ‘stop going so slow’ because I’m not
made out of porcelain and am not so delicate, and
that I won’t break.
So I let go of the sheet and put one hand on the
back of his neck, pushing him to go deeper.
He growls in approval and the sound comes up
from my legs. In a second, his movements change.
His tongue penetrates me deeper and the metal of
his piercing rubs against my vaginal lips, making
me lose control so completely that I move against
him, begging him to bring me there as fast as
possible.
His hands grab my hips, his fingers pushing into
my flesh, his tongue tireless; his assault, his desire
to hear me scream and my desire to free myself
leave me quivering against his mouth and I call his
name repeatedly, letting the orgasm course through
me.
Patrick continues to gently kiss me while I try to
bring my breathing back to normal; he slides down
one thigh and then comes back to me. I cover my
face with my boiling hands as he goes to my ear.
“I can do better,” he whispers.
I let my hands fall and turn to look him in the
eyes.
“Can’t wait.”
Patrick
I am completely drugged by her. By her smile. By
her big dark eyes. By her body that excites me by
just looking at her like never before.
And I’ve had my fucking share.
But there’s something unexpected and
wonderfully perfect in her and I’m sure after
tonight, after having discovered everything about
her body, I won’t be able to look at another
woman, even by accident.
I’d like to go slow, really I would. I’d like to
enjoy every moment, feel her in every part of me
and let her know how involved I am in this thing
between us, how much I want to be only hers now
and tomorrow.
As long as she’ll want. But Erin is terribly
excited. She moves against my body, eager and
impatient: she can’t wait.
Thanks hormones, may God bless you.
I caress her legs in all their length with my
hands on her thighs; I smile, pleased, and lay her
down before she can say or do anything, my lips
touch her intimately.
Her flavor makes me lose all of my senses in
three seconds. I try to control myself, to be careful
and delicate but she’s not allowing me to. She
grabs me on the back of my neck pushing me
deeper inside of her.
And it’s something I’ll never forget. How she
tastes, this intimacy … And I’m not just talking
about sex. I’m talking about something more
profound, more powerful and extraordinarily
intense that I’ll never be able to put it into words.
And when I feel her pushing against my mouth
in search of more contact and letting out a gasp of
liberation, a new kind of shiver runs up my spine,
making me shake.
I give her a moment to recover from the waves
of pleasure wracking her body, before going back
to work and this time I want to enjoy every instant
of her.
And I want to give her everything in my power,
I want to feel every emotion and make her feel
every beat of my heart, which is now beating only
for her.
I caress her face and drop my hand to her breast.
I draw a circle around her nipple as she arches her
back and calls my name.
And it’s so damn exciting I don’t know if I’ll be
able to contain myself.
I pinch her with two fingers and she shakes
harder and so I take it in my mouth and bite down
gently and she slithers under me. I can only use
one hand I’m holding myself up with the other so
as to not squash her under my we
ight.
I concentrate on her breasts, passing from one to
the other, giving both of them equal attention. I
tickle her nipples with my tongue, I bite and pull
them with my teeth, and she doesn’t stop rubbing
my neck pulling me closer to her.
She wants me.
Jesus, does she want me.
I slide down, leaving a wet trail on her skin that
burns under my tongue. I stop on her round sexy
belly, where I dedicate more sweetness and where
I’d like to rest my head to feel any imperceptible
movement.
I continue along her legs until I get to her toes. I
kiss them and worship them, because this woman,
fuck.
This woman is forever.
I go back up towards her lips and bite them, full
of desire and she scratches my back, digging her
nails into me.
I let out a grunt and bite her lips harder.
“Patrick … please … do it now!”
She wants me right now.
I move over to get a condom from my jeans, but
she stops me before I can completely get off her.
“Patrick, we don’t need it.”
Right.
“Are you sure?”
“Shouldn’t I be?”
“I … I swear, Erin, that I haven’t been with
anyone like this. Not after…”
She smiles at me in love and pulls me to her.
I come to her and brace on my elbows as I
slowly enter her.
My vision goes blurry, my heart stops and my
limbs go paralyzed the moment I feel her heat
surround me.
God. Is this what it feels like when someone is
so important to you that you forget your own
name?
I push in deep as she relaxes her legs, opening
herself up for me. And I think the rest of the world
just stopped in that moment. I try to get control, to
feel my pulse and get some air because I don’t
have any more.
“Patrick?” she calls me. “Are you alright?”
Everything all right?
“It’s fucking great.”
She laughs and shakes her head before I make
her gasp as I fully re-enter her.
I move within her, convinced but cautious,
never taking my eyes off hers.
I want to capture every expression. She grabs
onto my shoulders and maintains visual contact the
whole time, penetrating me deeply, digging in my
soul, removing all of the weeds and every dead
flower. She takes out everything, leaving the
garden clean, free and light.
And I will never thank her enough for it.
We continue to look at each other as I move
faster and deeper and it seems I can almost see out