He shushes me with his fingers. “Don’t. I know what you’re thinking. We’ll take it slow. I’d never do anything to hurt you.”
He already was, but I refused to let him know it. I need to picture Ben as a masochist in order to ensure I keep my feelings at bay. I can’t let him get to me. I know when I fall it’s hard and fast, and the fact that I’ve wanted him for a while is causing me to wonder if there’s something more between us; something I feel I’d never be able to accept. “I know. I’m just wondering if I can sleep with someone I’m not attracted to.”
He sits down and waits for me to join him. “Macy, would you rather I introduced you to the other men?”
“How many are there?”
He shrugs like he’s never made an attempt to count them. “Ten or fifteen maybe. I’m not really into the guy thing, but when it’s a group party I’d say it’s that many.”
“Group? Like at the office?”
“That was my birthday, and it wasn’t planned. A couple of the girls arranged to surprise me. They showed up at my house only to discover I was still at the office. It got out of hand, but it was essentially a good time for all. You were there.”
I’m still embarrassed when he brings it up. “Yeah. Let’s not go there.”
“Why?” He runs his fingers through my long hair. “I like knowing you were watching me.”
“I don’t know how I felt about it.”
“Did you still fantasize about being with me?”
I nod. “Unfortunately, probably more.”
“So it turned you on?”
“It was an experience.”
“Imagine what it will be like when you’re one of those women.”
“I have.”
“And.” He wants more and it’s making me uneasy.
“And what?”
“Tonight we’ll just bring Donovan in to see how you feel. I’m sure he’ll understand if you need to stop. That’s why I contacted him above the others. He treats it like a professional. He’s a good guy, and he’s not in it for the pain that some of the others prefer.”
“Pain. Like whips and floggers?”
“And paddles and chains and gags and tasers and…”
“Whoa. Please stop. I can’t even listen. Tasers? Seriously? They get off being electrocuted?”
“I guess.”
“What about you?” My body adjusts because I’m curious to hear his preferences. “What’s your favorite thing?”
“Well, naturally I enjoy two women. There’s something sensual about it that I appreciate. They’re gentle.”
“What else?”
“You already know what I like, Macy.”
“Tell me.” I bite down on my lip and wait for him to say it, though I’m already hot and bothered thinking about it.
“I like to tie up my partner and have my way until she’s exhausted, and then fucking her back to life again. I take pleasure in giving others fulfillment. I find satisfaction in giving instead of receiving, though that can be equally deserving.”
“What if I don’t like being shared?”
He leans in to kiss me before responding. I hate when he does this because it’s how he takes control of the conversation. He knows once he has me where he wants me he can convince me of anything. “What if you do?”
I haven’t given it much consideration. What if I do? God, what if I like it so much I want it more? What if Ben is just the beginning of something bigger? What if the next guy is even better? Is that possible?
“What time do I need to be ready?”
He checks his watch. “Several hours.”
I run my hand up his thigh to suggest we could use the time left to do other things, but he stops it. “We can’t.”
“Why?”
“I’d prefer it if you were clean and ready for Donovan.”
“You could use protection or come somewhere else,” I taunt. “It’s not like you haven’t already tainted me today.”
“You’d be swollen.”
I shove out of his grasp and reach his zipper, tugging it down before he can restrain me. He lifts my chin and shakes his head. “Why?”
“I haven’t showered.”
“So go upstairs and shower.”
“I’d rather wait until tonight. Trust me, it’ll be worth the wait.”
I peer into his eyes and feel a sense of comfort. “I do trust you.”
Ben kisses me hard on the lips. He doesn’t hold back, and I know it’s difficult because as he pulls me on top of him I can feel he’s getting hard. We make out for a good fifteen minutes, groping all over one another until we’re left breathless. I’m panting, greedy, and desperate, while he straightens his clothes and stands, the crotch of his pants displaying he’s in the same predicament. “I need to head home.”
“I thought you had court.”
“It got postponed.”
“So you expect me to sit here all afternoon until you pick me up to fuck another man?”
“No. I’m here to take you home with me. Gather your things for tonight.”
“My things? Do I need clothes?”
He chuckles. “No. Your toiletries for afterwards.”
“Why can’t I come home?”
“Because I plan on having my way with you throughout the night.”
This excites me. All I have to do is get through an awkward time with Donovan Jacobs and then I’ll get Ben as a prize. It’s completely confidential and something every woman thinks about at least once. I trust Ben when it comes to my sexuality. He’s trying his best to teach me, though I’m concerned he’s cramming all of it into a short window of time. I figured we would proceed through a few weeks, but he’s making it quick and stressful. Maybe he has to, because he knows if he allows me to wait I’ll have time to reconsider.
“I guess I need to head upstairs then. Did you want to come with me?”
“If I do I’ll be forced to go against my rules and fuck the shit out of you, so I’ll stay put here until you’re finished. If you hurry we can grab a bite to eat beforehand.”
I’m so hungry, but not for food. “Okay. I’ll be right back then.”
Chapter 16
Ben
Donovan wasn’t my first choice for Macy, but he became a quick candidate when I considered his devotion to his family. It’s selfish of me, but I can’t let my single friends have a go with her, because I know once they have a taste they’ll be in the same boat as I am. They’ll want more, and I’m not sure I’m willing to share. It’s another reason I need it to happen tonight, because I’ve already had her, so he’ll in turn be getting my seconds unbeknownst to him.
I know she’s not mine, but if she decides she wants to be a part of this life I have to somehow figure a way to make sure I remain her favorite partner, which means I’m willing to go to extremes to ensure it.
Macy will like Donovan. He’s slow and detailed. He’ll pay close attention to satisfying her needs first. He’s also understanding when it comes to it being her first time, where others would want to jump right into something hardcore to teach her how involved this life can be.
It doesn’t take her long to gather her things and meet me downstairs. In the short amount of time I’ve snooped around her house. I’m sure she’s renting the place, but she’s got nice taste in décor. I prefer a gray foundation, where she’s utilized a brighter color scheme. Most of her furniture is arranged for comfort, which tells me she likes to relax at home more than going out. She keeps little fresh food in her refrigerator, and I found some old take out boxes in her trash that appear to be from a few days ago. According to the bank statement she left open on the kitchen counter, she pays her bills on time and spends little on pampering herself. Her life seems boring to me, so I know tonight could make or break what we have going on. So far Macy has only experienced being with me, which wasn’t the plan at first. I wanted to reward her with one on one time after she’d gotten through the hard parts. Now I’m having to go back and hope bein
g with me will help secure her a position in my existing circle of friends. If not I’m afraid it’s going to be difficult to face her each day in the office and know what could have been.
The truth is, I don’t think I can change. I enjoy multiple women and having the selection. Unlike Macy, I’ve never wanted to settle down. I’ve never needed to. I was brought into this lifestyle before I had the opportunity to be in a committed relationship. In some ways it’s all I’ve ever known, and because of that change is almost impossible. Why want one when many are available?
Macy has a frustrated look on her face when our eyes meet. She’s got an overnight bag around her arm, in which I take from her to carry. “You ready to head out?”
She tugs at my arm. “We could stay here. We could order some food and drink wine and spend the night in my bed doing anything you want.”
It’s tempting.
“I told you, I’ll be with you the whole time.”
“It’s disturbing.”
“You’ll like it.”
She’s annoyed. “You don’t know what I’ll like.”
“Trust me. If you’re uncomfortable after ten minutes I’ll tell Donovan to hit the road and it’ll just be us.”
“Then what? We’ll fuck and you’ll tell me we’re done? Is that how it’s going to be? I only have one choice?”
“Macy, it’s about you, not us.”
I begin to walk toward the door and notice she isn’t following me. “What if the things I want don’t require me to sleep with other people. I came to you because you told me you’d help me. I feel better already. I enjoy spending time with you outside of work. I’m able to look at you and no longer see my enemy. I want us to be friends.”
“We are.”
“No. We’re making progress.”
“Have I not given you unimaginable pleasure?” I ask.
“Yes, but that’s just it. It’s all you care about.”
I have to turn away. “It’s not all I want.” My jaw clenches as I contemplate how to explain this to her so she’ll get it. “Macy, I’ve wanted you since the first moment you stepped into the firm to apply. The more you fought to steer clear of me, the more I pushed to change your mind. I’ve been patient and waited until you came to me on your own, and you’ll never know how much restraint that took for me to do. I’m a man who gets what he wants without having to work for it. You were an exception I was determined to make. That being said, you’ve finally given in and entered my world. I want you to be a part of my life, but this is all I can offer. You see, one woman will never be enough for me, so if you want this, if you want me, you’ll have to enter into my lifestyle. I know what I’m asking. I get that it’s not for everyone, but I promise you’ll enjoy yourself. I won’t let you get hurt, and if you need to walk away I’ll do my best to let you go.”
“So that’s it? I don’t get to choose? I have to fuck your friends in order to be with you?”
“It’s not like that. I want you to be able to choose. I want you to have a selection the same way I do. There can’t be jealousy. You don’t belong to me, and I won’t belong to you. If we want to fuck we do it. If you want something else it’s there without question. I’m doing this for you, so that you can finally be the woman you deserve to be, powerful, where no one can hold you back. You want confidence, this will provide it.”
Tears fill her eyes and I know exactly what she’s about to say. “I don’t want Donovan or anyone else. You say you’ve wanted me for years, well what if I feel the same way about you? What if I tell you that you can’t have me unless it’s just me? How would you feel?”
I swallow my pride and give her the truth she refuses to hear. “Macy, you’ll never be enough for me. As much as I enjoy you, I’ll always want my freedom.”
“Then I think you should go.” She’s sniffling as she says it. I’m frustrated, but prepared.
I nod. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is. Thank you for the weekend we shared. I needed it, but I’m not desperate. I know my limits and I won’t be subjected to sex with a married man to fulfill some fantasy of yours. The truth is, you’ll never be able to give me what I want, so we’re wasting our time on each other.”
I take her hand and pull it up to my lips, holding it there as I speak. “I’m sorry you feel this way, but I understand. I can assure that it won’t affect our work relationship.”
Her lips tremble as she replies. “Goodbye, Ben.”
Once outside I hurry to my vehicle. I’m pissed, but not at Macy. This is why I shouldn’t have fucked her that first night. I showed her how good we could be, and now she refuses to be with anyone else. I took a monogamous woman, spent a weekend alone with her, and then expected her to be okay with involving someone else. I’ve lost my senses, and now I’m to blame for her lack of interest. She wants me and I’m walking away, because I’d rather hurt her now than destroy her later. Macy needs to know she’s in charge. If anything I want to leave with her knowing that.
I make a quick call to Donovan before arranging for a female to come over to soften the blow of losing Macy. I know I’ll be imagining her while we fuck, but I don’t care. Lisa is into whips and leather. She’ll beat the stress away and then make it all better. This is how I cope. It’s how it has to be. I feel like I’ve lost a case. Since I’m not used to losing at anything, it’s a blow to my ego. I want to get drunk and take advantage of someone who is ready and willing without repercussions and rules. I need to be reminded why I live this way and how getting involved with Macy was a terrible decision I need to finally forget about.
It’s hours later when Lisa rings the doorbell. She’s wearing a long trench style jacket and drops it at her feet as soon as she enters. She take ahold of my shirt and pulls me into a savage kiss where her bright red lipstick is being smothered on my face, before shoving me away. Dressed in a leather corset and panties, she saunters away displaying her ability to maneuver easily in platform heels. It just does something to me to see her act so violently, but I only call her when I’m going through something like I am tonight.
I haven’t heard a peep from Macy, so I know she’s less likely to reach out as time slips away. She’s pissed I can’t give her what she wants, but not as disturbed as me for not being able to be the man she needs. We’re at a catch twenty-two and the only way to reprieve is through someone else.
Lisa leads me downstairs to my bedroom. She shoves me down on the bed and climbs overtop of me. “I know why you called. How bad do you need it?” She questions. With her it’s easy. She knows exactly what I require, but always asks how far she should take it. Do I want her to draw blood, or keep it peaceful? There are different levels when it comes to her.
“It’s pretty fucking bad,” I say before she kisses me, biting my lip while pulling back until it hurts. When the pain remains she slips down until she’s at my trousers. She runs the back of her hand over the fabric and slithers off the bed. I watch her go to my closet and grab a belt. She’s going to beat me with it, and in this circumstance I’m going to let her, because my pain is her pleasure. I may not be a masochist, but she’s exactly that, which is what I need to bring me back to my senses.
It was one weekend. I can’t change because the sex was good.
Lisa strikes the belt like a whip against the wrought iron footboard. She stands with her legs spread watching me jump with fear. I don’t exactly enjoy pain, especially when I know it’s coming, but pain will obscure the feelings I’m having over Macy, and how she and I will never work.
The first crack hits me on my thighs. It stings and aches like hell, but she won’t let me touch it. She’s prepared to hit me again if I don’t obey her every command. “Take off your clothes and get on your knees.”
I stand before her and begin the task of stripping down while she watches. When I’m on my knees she approaches and digs her heel into my shoulder. “Is that what you want, Ben? Were you a bad boy? Do you need me to hurt you?” She’s using her strength to
push me and send me down flat on my back. Then she’s hovering over me, grazing the leather belt over my skin while she scopes out where to lay her next crack.
I close my eyes and try to physically prepare for the blow, imagining how she’ll make the pain go away later. I’m ready for it to happen until the doorbell rings. When my eyes fly open because I have a surprise visitor, I feel the belt coming down across my chest. “Did I say you could get up?”
“Time out. It could be important.”
She smacks me again. “No!”
I take her by the ankles and bring her down overtop of me. Once I’ve overpowered her I flip us around so I’m now putting all my weight on her small body. “Yes. Stay here. We’ll continue this in a minute.”
I pull on a pair of boxers and head upstairs prepared to get rid of anyone who might be at my door.
I’m in shock as I crack it open and come face to face with Macy, and she’s not pleased at my appearance. I’m in my underwear with swollen lashes beginning to show on my skin, and I know there is smudged lipstick all over my mouth and cheeks.
While I consider what I can possibly say to her, I get a whiff of her shampoo and close my eyes. In that short amount of time she turns and begins to leave. I hurry out and grab the back of her shirt to prevent her from going any further. “Macy, wait.”
“Why should I? Jesus Christ, it didn’t take you long to call up one of your whores did it, Ben?”
“Come on. Can you blame me? I told you this was how I live my life.”
“Yeah, you did. This was a mistake. Let me go and forget I made a fool of myself by coming here tonight.”
I don’t loosen my grip I have on her shirt. “You’re not leaving.”
“What? You can’t tell me what to do.”
I pull her closer and stare down into her pissed off eyes. “I called someone to join me tonight so I could fuck you out of my system.”
Bound (Seven Year Itch) Page 10