by Holly Rayner
I let his hand go, and he grabbed both of mine.
“Alexa, before you say anything more, hear me out. We may hardly know each other, but I, for one, know enough already. I know the remarkable woman I encountered that night, the funny, interesting, one-of-a-kind wonder only a fool would let go of. And we may have skipped all the building-up relationship stuff most couples go through before having children, but I want to make a go of it. I want to make a go of you, us, our children, our family. I want to be with you, Alexa. I’m going to build a new life for us. That life of crime, it was over when you met me, and it’s still over now. For good.”
I paused and looked at him, really looked at him. Every part of Brock matched what he had said: his eyes were intent, his jaw set. He had to be telling the truth, and yet hadn’t Charlie looked the same way every time he had promised to change—so sure of himself? Didn’t people look like they were telling the truth when they were so good at lying that they even lied to themselves? What was the difference from then to now, Charlie to Brock? How did I know that he was telling the truth, that my feeling that it was different with him, that he really would follow through, was right?
The answer came with his clasping of my hands. It was different because I knew it was, because Brock hadn’t let me down yet. The only way I would know for sure if I could trust him was to do just that, trust him.
So, I let Brock draw me closer and closer until our lips entwined and worry fell away and everything was made right again.
When we finally drew apart, my head hung with a rueful smile, I admitted: “My name is actually Alex.”
Brock laughed and kissed me on the cheek.
“Anything else I should know?”
I flopped back so I was resting against the wall and laughed myself.
“Oh God, where to begin? I’ve already bought a ton of baby furniture and compiled a short list of baby names for each child. My favorite color is orange, and I have a mildly bad addiction to sugar—but you know that one. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since that night, even before I knew you were the father of my children.”
Beaming, Brock said, “Me too. I had thought I was crazy, falling for some girl I only knew a night—one who I had thought had betrayed me to boot.”
I shook my head and ran my fingers over his beard.
“You’re not crazy; we’re crazy.”
Brock slid his arm around me, and I snuggled into him.
“Now you have to tell me everything,” I said in a mock-serious tone. “How you escaped, how you found this place—everything.”
“I will,” he said. “But first I should share the good news.”
He reached into his pocket and took out a check for $1,000.
My eyes went wide.
“What’s that for?”
“My first art sale. I sold a painting, Alex. It’s starting. I’m going to be an artist.”
“I knew you could,” I murmured, giving him a kiss on the cheek.
He patted my head, and we sank into each other. Brock was better than his word. He told me all of it; he told me more than all of it—how, after the showdown with Russell’s men, he had run through the forest and called the only friend he had left, Garth. How Garth had picked him up at some Nederland convenience store and driven him as far as he could—all the way to Santa Fe.
He told me how he had turned down Garth’s latest Robin Hood scheme, how Garth had laughed at his story of the bakery-bag girl he’d fallen for. He told me how he’d had to work at a McDonald’s for three months to get some money, how afterward he’d moved out to the cabin and started painting and hadn’t stopped since. Lastly, he told me told me about the painting he had sold.
“Couldn’t part with it till I made a copy,” he said, gently untwining his arms from me to go over to his hulking bag.
He returned with a piece of the past, another mystery solved: what he had been doing when I’d caught him working that time so many months ago. He had been working on this.
The painting was of me. It was of that night, of the snow all thrown up around me and onto me; but mostly it was of me, of the laughing girl with sandy, fly-away hair and a smile face-wide. The snow was laughing with her, sprinkling giggles into her mouth, fanning around her head. It was beautiful. She was, too.
“Is that…how you saw me that night?” I asked softly, and Brock nodded.
“That’s how I see you now, an impossible light in this dark world.”
After a few minutes, he whispered, “Want to do it again?”
“Want to do what again?” I asked his eager face.
He responded by getting up, walking over to his backpack, and returning with two canvases.
“No,” I said softly, smiling nonetheless.
“Why not?” he asked. “Lying here, looking down on you, I could hardly resist starting as it was.”
Gazing into his excited eyes, I sighed.
“Oh, fine, though I’m assuming you have paint and brushes too?”
To which Brock raced to his knapsack and then back, some tubes of paint in one hand and a new paintbrush-filled tomato can in the other.
I laughed, and he shrugged.
“Old habits die hard.”
And so we turned to our respective canvases and got to work.
Once again, I found the bare canvas overwhelming. Really, where were you supposed to start? How were you supposed to know what to make, which ideas were worth transferring onto the canvas?
This time the answer came from my own hand: a dash of navy in the middle just like last time. And, even more incredibly, this gave me an idea of what I wanted to make, again just like last time. And so I got to work, first painting only wispy outlines of the figures. These I filled in with black and gray, with the nothingness that they were. The background I made a lighter gray. At the top of the canvas, I made my knight in shining blue. After I’d filled in the colors of each part, I went back and tried my hand at sketching out more definite features. Despite my use of a smaller brush, however, saying that this ended up being a disaster would have been an understatement.
At one point, Brock glanced over and, seeing the black blobs my careful attempts at faces had smeared into, started chuckling.
I glared at him.
“You wouldn’t be chuckling if you knew what the painting was of.”
“Oh really?”
I nodded and glanced away, suddenly feeling shy to say it outright. I had figured Brock would have guessed what it was, but now that I had messed the images up so much, there was little hope of that.
“It’s of searching for you,” I finally said quietly, “how I kept thinking I saw you, but the men never were you. How I still found you in the end.”
All traces of merriment were gone from Brock’s face. There was only a tender fondness as he reached out and stroked my cheek.
“And I can’t begin to tell you how happy I am that you did.”
We kissed, and, as we separated, I glanced at his painting.
Brock tried blocking it with his hands and then sighed.
“It’s not finished yet.”
Though really, it didn’t matter. We could’ve only been painting for 30 minutes or so, and yet already the painting was gorgeous. Yellows, blues, oranges, and pinks were in the scene that would have brought tears to my eyes even if it had been in black and white. It was of me, of us. I was lying in some green grass, bare-bellied, our three children soundly asleep in my tummy, ever so slightly visible through my skin, beautiful and snuggled up together.
“Brock…” I whispered, and he kissed me again.
Our fingers ran over each other, delighted by the old feelings racing through our bodies. Brock’s fingers slid down my shoulders to my arms, and from there to my belly.
“Let me paint you,” he whispered in my ear.
“What?” I asked.
“Let me paint your belly,” he whispered.
I broke away and searched his face. He was serious. I smiled, no
dded, and lifted the bottom of my shirt so my huge belly was exposed. Then, grabbing some paints and leaning over me, Brock got to work.
At first I watched Brock as he worked, the flicks of green he added to my lower belly, the swooshes of purple around the belly button, the blue up top. It was cute how into it he was, as if my belly was a canvas instead of skin. Soon, however, after all the day’s happenings, I found my eyes closing. Although I didn’t sleep. I relaxed into the soothing strokes of the brush against my bare skin. At least, until Brock placed his hand on my shoulder and whispered, “Alex, you awake?”
Opening my eyes, I nodded.
His gaze was intent; it was as if he was still painting.
“Can I do more?” he asked.
“More? What do you—”
I looked down, saw it, and gasped.
My belly was in bloom. Three lush, purple seedlings sprouted from a mass of lime green grass. The seedlings stretched up toward my shirt, which needed to move for more of the canvas to be completed.
Nodding, I lifted my top over my head so I was completely exposed.
Brock’s face changed for a moment, desire flashing through his eyes as he came face-to-face with my breasts. But after a deep breath, his eyes resumed their immersive stare and he got to work.
I closed my eyes and left the artist to his painting.
When I heard my name once more, I didn’t wait; I opened my eyes and smiled. Rolling waves of clouds spread across my breasts, the halo that was the sun nestled in between them. It was beautiful, perfect, and complete.
“Come over and look in the mirror,” Brock urged, sounding as excited as I felt.
I let him help me up and lead me to a small bathroom, where he pulled a chain and a light snapped on. And there I was. Or rather, there was Brock’s art: the violet seedlings, the lime grass, the azure sky and its marmalade sun. It was incredible.
I glanced at Brock. In the midst of his work, he too had stripped off his shirt and was now bare-chested.
Seeing my gaze, he chuckled.
“Well, it is only fair.”
“Let me paint you,” I said.
He cocked his head at me.
“Really?”
“Yeah,” I said. Then, poking his ribs, I added, “Well, it is only fair.”
Smirking and taking my hand, Brock led me back to the canvases.
“Okay, Monet, you better have really meant it.”
Taking the paintbrush in my hand was one thing, but staring at the blank canvas of Brock’s muscled chest was another.
“Not as easy as it looks, eh?” he joked after I’d done nothing but stare admiringly at his pecs for a full minute.
“Oh, I don’t know,” I said with a flick of navy on his belly. “It’s not all that hard either.”
And it wasn’t, not really. Not once I’d got the first line down. It was like all the other paintings, like anything in life: the tricky part was getting started.
And so with the first line done, came the idea. The image I began to paint on his chest started as an all-black outline. Then I added more black for the upper part of the head, the eyes, the beak, and the legs. I used gray for the feathers, the slightest bit of orange for the belly, more black along some feathers, and then I was done.
“You can open your eyes now,” I told Brock, who had done as I had and lightly napped during my painting.
At the sight of my creation, Brock’s face broke into a giant grin.
“Another chickadee, eh? You really do have an artist inside you.”
Smiling, I leaned back against the wall and shook my head.
“If I don’t paint for the next year, it won’t be too soon.”
Brock went to the bathroom to get a better look at the proud, puff-bellied chickadee on his chest. When he returned, we stared at each other’s art for a while, smiling a bit to ourselves. Then Brock went to his backpack, dug through it, and returned with a long sheet of paper.
“This way we don’t have to lose our paintings entirely.”
Tentatively poking some paint on my chest, I shook my head.
“Brock, sorry, but the paint’s dried.”
He only shook his head, grinned.
“Good thing we’ve got water.”
A second later he was leaving for the bathroom again. He returned with a pail of water. Then, spreading out the sheet of paper on the floor, he gestured to me.
“Sit down. We can start with you if that’s all right.”
I sat down obediently. Brock crouched down in front of me, dipped his paintbrush in the pail, and then paused.
“Wait. One thing first.”
“Wha—”
He kissed me. Tremors went through my body as he broke away.
“You looked so beautiful that I had to,” he said with a devilish smile.
Next thing I knew, cold dribbles of water were rolling down my front.
“I’m adding just enough to get it moist,” Brock said. “In a minute, would you be able to lie on your back? Then I’ll put the paper on top.”
“Sure,” I said, and, in a minute, I did just that.
Brock spread the paper over my belly and then my chest. He pressed on both slowly, gently yet firmly, as if applying a semi-permanent tattoo. Then, after waiting a minute, he peeled it off.
Grinning, he laid the now colorful thing beside me. “Looks good already,” he said. Then he helped me to my feet.
After one look down at the smudged rendition of the seedling sky painting Brock had done, I poked him in the side and said, “Your turn.”
Brock lay down, and, picking up the paper and pressing it against his painted chest and belly, I did the same thing he had done to me.
“Feels interesting,” Brock commented, and we laughed.
When I was done, we spread it out on the ground. After returning to sit on the sleeping bag, we looked at our beautiful creations.
They were impressionism versions of our works—arguably more beautiful for all the haziness.
Afterward, we showered ourselves off then sat back down on the sleeping bag side by side, his arm around me.
I opened my mouth, but he held a finger to my lips and closed his eyes.
I smiled. I understood.
Words would only ruin it. This was perfect. Here, now, with the man of my dreams beside me, my children inside me, warm in this shack tucked into nature’s breast—this was perfect.
I awoke to Brock moving.
“What?” I asked, but he shushed me.
“Hear that?” he asked, and I fell silent. I listened, and then I heard it, the far-off rumble of a vehicle coming down the road.
Brock helped me up, and then we rushed outside to my car. Ducking behind the driver’s door, we saw two blacked-out vehicles pull up. Russell and his men. We had to get out of there.
Chapter Eighteen
I raced over to the passenger’s side of the car, tore open the door, and jumped inside just as Brock did the same in the driver’s seat. I shoved the key in the ignition, and Brock slammed his foot on the gas just as their doors swung open. Gunshots followed our exit, but soon we were rumbling down the dirt road I’d come in on.
“I don’t know how they got here, Brock. I swear!” I said.
His face was grim as he nodded.
“Check the car—the glove compartment, everything. They must have bugged it.”
A scan of the bottom of the car and sun visor revealed nothing, though really, I wasn’t sure what I was even looking for.
“It’ll be a black electrical thing, about the size of a pager probably,” Brock said, answering my next question.
And there, in my glove compartment, was a black electrical thing about the size of a pager.
My breath caught in my throat.
“Brock?” I said weakly.
There was a sharp intake of breath, then a terse, “Yep. That’s it.”
In one smooth motion, he opened his window, grabbed the black thing, and tossed it outside.
/> “That should take care of that,” Brock said, just as the far-off growl of a car sounded.
It didn’t matter that we had thrown out the tracking device; it had done its job already. Now Russell and his men were on our tail, and there would be no escaping them, no stopping.
“Alex?” Brock asked, concerned. “Alex, you okay?”
But I wasn’t. I wasn’t, and my breath was still caught in my throat; I couldn’t even tell him I wasn’t because I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t inhale or exhale, and when I did, a whoosh passed through my whole body and a wetness came from my pelvis.
Oh, please God, no.
“Alex?” Brock asked, but I was hyperventilating now.
I could feel them coming. As much as I held them in, tightened my pelvic muscles, their force continued pushing out. I was giving birth—right then and there.
“My water broke,” I croaked. “They’re coming, Brock. The babies are coming.”
“Oh God, oh God,” he said, his voice loud and high. “Okay, 20 minutes out there’s a hospital. St. Vincent, I think it’s called. We can make it. We can go there and… Just hold on, Alex.”
The excruciating pressure was back; I could only shake my head. Then, after the wave passed, I said, “No. No hospital. No stop—can’t—police. Have to get away.”
Now it was Brock’s turn to shake his head.
“No,” he said. “The safety of you and the babies is the most important thing right now—the only thing. We’re going to the hospital.”
I could only weakly shake my head and moan as another wave of contractions descended upon me. Why had no one told me just how painful they were?
The next twenty minutes were one long exercise in futility, in trying to hold in what was forcing itself out, what could not be contained much longer. Brock stroked my hair and wiped the sweat off my forehead every few minutes.
Other times he only squeezed my hand and said, “It’s going to be all right.” And, though the black shapes of the cars in our rearview mirror gradually grew closer, I almost believed him.