by R. M. Garcia
“You’re crazy, man. I think it’s too soon,” Misha replied.
“I’m sure. I am not backing out now.”
“I wish you luck then,” Misha said.
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“When are you going to do it?” Misha asked.
“She’s on spring break right now. She went down to Florida with Kelly and Trista, so right after she gets back,” Donnie said excitedly.
“Man, I can tell you’re chomping at the bits.”
“I can’t wait,” Donnie replied.
“Are you giving her your mom’s?” Misha asked.
“Yeah, it feels so right, you know.”
“Hold on, CeeCee wants to say something,” Misha said as he passed his phone over to Cecilia.
“Don’t listen to him, Dodo. You go for it,” Cecilia said.
“Thanks, CeeCee. I am ready,” Donnie replied. He said his good-byes to his friends and waited for Abbie at the train station. It was Saturday, and he had not seen Abbie in a week. He could not wait to see her. Abbie had not been on the early evening train as expected but instead arrived on the night train several hours later. She came down the ramp and looked at Donnie remorsefully. Donnie didn’t like the look, and he got a very bad feeling.
“Hi, baby,” Donnie said. “How was Florida?”
“It wasn’t that great. Don’t ever go there,” Abbie said as she got in the car. She was obviously upset at something.
“Baby, what’s wrong?”
“Just drive and quit asking questions, OK!” she snapped.
“OK,” Donnie said quietly and started the car. Abbie barely looked at him the entire drive home. When they got there, she didn’t get out of the car right away.
“Abbie, what’s the problem? It’s OK. I will understand,” Donnie pleaded and had expected that maybe she had strayed while in Florida. It was worrying him.
“My problem is that I have a loser boyfriend who has no drive to become anything but a grease monkey,” Abbie said calmly.
“Baby, if that’s bothering you so much, I will take the job at the DOD or MIT. I’ll do it tomorrow,” Donnie promised.
“You’re not getting it, so I will explain. We are done. I never want to see you again, ever,” Abbie said coldly. Donnie sat in the car stunned. He wasn’t sure he had heard those words come out of her mouth.
“Abbie, why are you saying this? I know you can’t mean it,” Donnie said on the verge of tears.
“Face it. I am way out of your league. I have simply outclassed you, and I need someone better.” Abbie did not shed a tear or look at him.
“I can’t accept that. You’re not telling me the truth. What brought this on all of a sudden?” Donnie turned to face her, but she refused to make eye contact.
“Listen, you retard! You were nothing more to me than a hot lay, and I don’t want to see you anymore. I have other priorities in my life now, and you’re no longer one of them. Get over it,” Abbie said coldly.
Donnie was shattered. He looked straight ahead and then spoke, “Please get out of my car.”
“With pleasure.” Abbie got out of the car and went directly inside. Donnie was numb as he slowly drove home. He was halfway there when he got a call from Johan.
“What the hell did you do to my daughter Donnie?!” Johan demanded.
“Nothing at all Johan. She broke up with me when I dropped her off. I have no clue what is going on,” he replied. “What happened?”
“She called me a simpleton and her mother a bloated cow,” Johan replied. “She also announced that she was moving out and never wanted to see us again!” Johan replied. Donnie could hear the tears behind his words.
“There’s something wrong. I can feel it. She’s not acting right.”
“She locked herself in her room and won’t come out. Camille is crying and I don’t know what to do,” Johan said.
“I’ll come back right away,” Donnie said and hung up the phone. Donnie sped on his way back, luckily avoiding the attention of any police officers and arrived within five minutes. Johan was waiting for him at the door.
“Where is she?” Donnie asked.
“Still in her room,” Johan replied. Donnie went upstairs while Johan tried to console Camille. He reached the door and knocked. There was no response.
“Abbie, it’s Donnie. Please open up baby. I know something is wrong. Let me help you,” Donnie pleaded, and again there absolutely was no answer. He placed his ear to the door and heard nothing on the other side. He knocked a lot louder, just in case she was listening to music and wearing earphones, still, no answer. Donnie tried the doorknob. Unlike what Johan had said, the door was unlocked. Donnie opened the door and screamed. Johan and Camille were surprised by Donnie’s cries and ran upstairs as fast as they could. When they got to Abbie’s room, they found Donnie trying to hold up Abbie’s limp body.
“Help me!” Donnie cried out. Camille fainted and hit the floor hard. Johan ran over to Donnie and Abbie. She had strung a rope from the high rafters in her room and hung herself. Her feet were nearly six feet off the ground, and Donnie was not tall enough to adequately lift her high enough to relieve the pressure on her neck. Johan being a foot taller was able to lift her easily.
“Get the ladder! I have her!” Johan yelled. Donnie ran and retrieved the ladder and a saw from the basement. He dialed nine-one-one as he ran down the stairs and help was on the way. When he got back to the room, Johan was on the verge of panic.
“Hurry, she’s so cold!” Johan yelled. Donnie climbed up the ladder and cut Abbie down. Johan laid her on the bed and loosened the rope around her neck. Donnie started performing CPR, but it was too late. Donnie wailed endlessly as the grim reality hit him. Abbie was dead.
CHAPTER 16
Funeral
EVERYONE HAD GATHERED for Abbie’s funeral. Kelly, Trista, Billy, and Trevor flew in right away. Cecilia had handled most of the funeral details as Johan and Camille had been in no shape to think clearly, and she had refused to allow Donnie plan yet another funeral. Abbie was buried the very next Monday. Her mother insisted on this as well as no embalming as these were Jewish traditions. Cecilia arranged for a rabbi and a priest to each perform a ceremony. All that was needed now was a minister to make this day into one dark sick joke. Misha stayed close to Donnie. He was extremely worried for his friend. Misha consoled his friend as best as he could; at least this time, he also had Cecilia to lean on, but he still worried. Donnie looked truly broken. It wasn’t like before when his parents died; it felt much worse. This time, Misha wasn’t sure that he would be able to pull him back out of his pit of depression.
Donnie never said a word during the funeral and refused to sit. She was buried in the same cemetery as his parents, but she was placed in a special section. There had been some issues because Abbie had committed suicide, but Cecilia worked it out. The rabbi delivered the first eulogy and was followed by the priest after a respectful moment of silence. After the prayers, she was lowered into the earth, and the grave was filled. Every shovelful of dirt that landed in the grave felt like a dagger to Donnie’s chest. After everyone had paid their respects, Johan and Camille returned to their house. There was gathering planned there, but Donnie didn’t go. He instead stayed at the foot of Abbie’s grave, where he had stood most of the day. Misha walked up and stood next to him.
“I was hoping that the next time I got dressed in a suit would have been for your wedding. I’m so sorry,” Misha said.
“This isn’t fair,” Cecilia said, walking to the other side of Donnie. “You were so happy, I don’t know what to say.” Donnie continued to look at the grave and spoke, “There’s nothing to say. She’s gone. I’ll be ready to leave in bit. Can I have a moment?”
“Sure man,” Misha said, and he and Cecilia walked to the car and waited on him.
Donnie took a deep breath. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t think. Nothing makes sense. This letter, I don’t understand,” Donnie said as he pulled out a folded
piece of paper from his pocket. It was her suicide note. He opened it and read it out loud.
Mom and Dad, I’m sorry, but the pressure at school is too much I dropped out. I can’t face you, knowing how much you would be disappointed in me. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. Please tell Donnie he didn’t do anything wrong and that I’m sorry. I love you all so much.
Abbie
“You lied to me. You promised me on the beach that you wouldn’t leave me.” Donnie erupted into tears. He had held them pent up all day. “A heartbeat away, do you remember? What am I supposed to do now? I don’t have the heart to go on, because I gave it to you.” Donnie continued to sob uncontrollably. The strain of the day had finally caught up to him, and he collapsed. He fell forward and landed on top of the fresh dirt mound covering Abbie’s grave. Misha and Cecilia rushed to his side.
“Donnie!”
“Abbie . . .” Donnie replied to her call and lost consciousness.
Donnie woke up in his bed at his home. Misha was sleeping in a chair at the foot of the bed. He looked over to the clock and saw that it was almost 5:00 a.m. He rolled over and went back to bed. Cecilia and Misha had stayed in the house with him throughout the funeral arrangements and were now staying with him after them. Donnie never once left his bed. Three days and Donnie had barely stirred.
“Dodo, you need to eat or drink,” Cecilia urged.
“Come on, buddy. Don’t give up on me now, fight.” Misha was worried, and no amount of acting skills could hide that now.
“No, you need to just leave, and let me be,” Donnie replied from under the covers.
“We are not going anywhere,” Misha replied.
“I can have you tossed out by the cops,” Donnie threatened.
“Good! I’ll take that as it would require you getting up to grab your phone,” Cecilia snapped back. No matter what they did, Donnie refused to eat or drink. Misha grew more and more concerned. It was now Wednesday, and Donnie was going on day four.
“I don’t know how to snap him out of it. I don’t think we can,” Misha said to Cecilia in the kitchen.
“If he keeps this up, we are going to have to call an ambulance. He is slowly dying up there,” Cecilia said.
“I have seen him depressed, but this is way beyond that. It seems like he has given up on life,” Misha said. “I’m scared, CeeCee. I think we might lose him.”
Cecilia hugged Misha. “He won’t die,” she promised. “He’s a tough guy.”
“I know, but every man has his breaking point, and I think Donnie is way past his.”
“Maybe, but if we have to, we will put him back together, both of us.” There was a knock on the door. Cecilia went over to door and saw the mailman walking away. She opened the door and got the mail. She started flipping through the letters and gasped.
“What?” Misha asked.
“It’s a letter!”
“I can see that.”
“It’s from Abbie,” Cecilia informed.
“What?” Misha said running to Cecilia. They inspected the letter and could see that it was postmarked five days earlier from Florida. It was addressed to Donnie.
“OK, this is just eerie.”
“No, it’s perfect,” Cecilia said. She immediately went upstairs and headed to Donnie’s room. Misha followed her up.
“Hey, Dodo, you got mail,” Cecilia said, waving the letter high above her head.
“I don’t care,” Donnie replied.
“Get ready to run,” Cecilia whispered to Misha. “It’s from Abbie.” Donnie sat up with a start.
“Give it to me!” Donnie ordered.
“No way,” Cecilia said.
“Give me the damn letter, CeeCee!” Donnie yelled.
“No, if you want it, you need to take a shower, come downstairs, eat a sandwich, and then you can have the letter.” Cecilia knew she had him now.
“I can take it from you,” Donnie threatened.
“Yeah, you probably can, but you won’t be able to catch Meemee once I hand it to him and he runs away,” Cecilia said, handing the letter over to Misha “Face it, Donnie, you aren’t faster than him.”
“I hate you!” Donnie screamed.
“That’s good, because no matter what you say, I still love you,” Cecilia replied.
“You aren’t alone, man. I’m still here too. No matter what, I have your back,” Misha said. Donnie started to cry, and Cecilia went over to the bed and hugged him. He began to cry hysterically and gripped Cecilia as close as he could. After Donnie got a hold of himself, Cecilia got up and wiped her own tears.
“Now take a shower, you need one,” Cecilia said smiling. “I’ll go downstairs and make you a sandwich.”
“Make it a PB and J please,” Donnie said as he got out of bed and headed into the shower. Cecilia and Misha headed downstairs.
“You never cease to amaze me,” Misha said to Cecilia.
“Stick around. You haven’t seen anything yet,” she replied and headed to the kitchen. Misha handed her the letter back and waited for Donnie. He put his hand in his pocket and gripped the box inside.
I’m not going anywhere, Misha thought to himself. Donnie came down with Misha after a few minutes. Cecilia had made several sandwiches and had them ready. Donnie sat at the table and devoured them all. He washed them down with what seemed like a gallon of milk. When he was done, Cecilia handed him the letter. He ripped it open and read it.
“This doesn’t make any sense,” Donnie said. “It answers nothing.”
“What does it say?” Misha asked. Donnie handed the letter to him, and they read it.
To my beloved sweet Donnie,
I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I will always be in love with you, but I can no longer be with you. If I said anything hurtful, please forgive me. Don’t try to make any sense of it. Just know that I felt like I had no way out. Know that in death you will be in my heart forever. I hope this letter gives you some peace. Good-bye.
Abbie
Misha and Cecilia looked up befuddled.
“Is this from her?” Misha asked.
“Yeah, it’s her handwriting,” Donnie replied.
“This letter was mailed out a day before she got home,” Cecilia pointed out.
“This is too strange,” Misha said.
“She had it all planned.” Donnie realized.
“Yeah, but why?” Cecilia asked.
“Let me check something,” Donnie said, and he got up and grabbed the house phone. “Hello, Johan, how are you? Yes, I am sorry I didn’t make it to the house. I fainted at the cemetery. Yes, I’m fine now. I know it was a lot, but I insist you keep it. You’re welcome. How is Camille holding up? Maybe I’ll come over later to see her. Johan, let me ask you, did you get a letter from Abbie from Florida? Yes, I got one too. Of course, you can read it. I’ll bring it over today. OK, Johan, you take care, and take care of Camille. I’ll see you both soon, good-bye.” Donnie hung up the phone and sat back down at the table.
“They got one too?” Cecilia asked.
“Yea, I am really confused now.” Donnie had her suicide note. Why mail another from Florida?
“We all are,” Misha said.
“She breaks up with me as I drop her off, then gets into a huge fight with her parents, and tells them she is leaving forever,” Donnie said.
“She kills herself leaving only a short note,” Misha added.
“Then she sends another letter asking for forgiveness,” Cecilia finished.
“There is no rhyme or reason to this,” Donnie said. The three of them tried to figure out what had caused her to take such drastic actions, but nothing made sense.
Misha and Cecilia returned to school when they were sure Donnie was out of danger but called Donnie every day to check on him. Donnie had been coping well with his grief but was still in a deep depression. When his parents died, he had turned his back on his faiths. This time, he decided to seek strength in God and the Great Spirit. So he went to his church and sought o
ut his priest.
Father Rodrigo Armando Benitez had attended seminary school with his father and had remained close friends with his father after he abandoned his calling. He was Donnie’s priest and the man who baptized him and gave him his first communion. He walked into the Council of Saints Church and looked for Father Benitez. “Donato, I am glad to see you, my son. You have been too long away from church,” Father Benitez said.
“Yes, Father, I know. I was angry, angry at God for taking my parents,” Donnie explained.
“I’m sorry you felt that way. Let me guide you through this crisis of faith,” Father Benitez said warmly.
“I would like that very much, Father Benny,” Donnie replied. He and Father Benitez talked for hours. He explained everything that had happened to him and to Abbie. He wanted to know why God had taken everyone he loved. Father Benitez spoke of many things with Donnie, but in the end, he was left with more questions than answers. He was still not at peace. The pain of losing Abbie still hurt like an open wound. Every little thing seemed to remind him of Abbie. He had another option available to him, but it had been so long since he talked to Punu. He wasn’t sure if his old friend would visit him again. He had no choice. He was desperate now, and he had to try.
Donnie went into the basement and gathered the necessary herbs, powders, and bowls and headed to the backyard. It had been years since he had summoned his spirit guide. His mother had assured him that if he ever needed his guidance, he would be there for him. At this point, Donnie was willing to try anything to get answers. He was not sure of the exact quantities of each herb to use; it had been over ten years since he last performed the ritual. He created a summoning circle and lit a fire at its center. He took a seat at its center and began to burn the key herbs. He closed his eyes and began calling to Punu. He sat in the circle for hours, inhaling the mystic herbs and waited. Nighttime came, and so did Punu.
“Hello, Donnie, I missed you.” Donnie opened his eyes and before him was a large translucent blue bear. His spirit guide had grown considerably from his cub size form in years past. Punu and every spirit guide communicated telepathically.