by Amy Reece
“Even if she does, why on earth would that matter? Finn is with you now.”
“Yeah, but if she wants him—you have seen her, haven’t you? I can’t begin to compare.” She felt tears again and took another sip of wine to keep them at bay.
“You don’t compare, Mel, and thank God! She was so totally wrong for Finn. He hasn’t always had the best taste in women, sad to say, which is why everyone is so thrilled about you.”
“But—”
“But nothing! You do know Finn called me, right? He’s freaking out, worried that you’re trying to break up with him or something. Tatiana stopped by to clear the air and return his house key. She doesn’t want to get back together and neither does Finn. He wants you, Mel. Why are you having such a hard time believing that?” Cara reached to squeeze her hand.
Mel shrugged and drank more wine. “He’s way out of my league, Cara.”
Cara snorted while she sipped. “Oh, God! Please don’t ever let him hear that! His head is big enough, thanks. Plus, it’s complete and total bullshit. You seriously underestimate yourself.” She paused to top their glasses off. “I’m starving and I’m gonna be full-on drunk if I don’t get some food in me. Let’s order a pizza.”
“How about Chinese? I’m not really feeling pizza tonight.” Mel wasn’t really feeling anything, but the thought of greasy pizza made her stomach churn.
“You’re adorable, Mel. I keep forgetting you’re from Chicago. I don’t think Albuquerque even does Chinese delivery, unless maybe down by the university. Sorry, sweetie.”
“Sure it does.” She stood, a bit wobbly, and walked to the kitchen to retrieve the Chinese take-out menus she kept in a drawer. She returned to the living room and tossed them on Cara’s lap. “Here. I have it delivered all the time. Dragon Wok is my favorite.”
“Huh. Well, you learn something new every day.” She perused the colorful brochure. “I could definitely go for some Szechuan chicken.”
They finished the first bottle of wine by the time the food arrived and neither was feeling any pain. Mel reached for an eggroll, completely forgetting she wasn’t hungry. “If he’s not out of my league, why doesn’t he want to sleep with me?” The wine had done its job and lowered her inhibitions; she found herself confessing her deepest fears.
Cara stopped chewing and stared at her blankly. She swallowed carefully and said, “You guys haven’t slept together yet?”
Mel took a bite of the eggroll and shook her head.
“Okay. Wow. Well, I can assure it’s not for lack of interest on his part. This is interesting. Have you asked him?”
“No, of course not. I wouldn’t know how to bring up something like that.”
Cara took a sip of wine, then set her glass carefully on the coffee table, looking hesitantly at her friend. “Mel, are you a virgin?”
“No, of course not. But…”
“But?” Cara raised her eyebrows.
Courtesy of the wine, Mel found herself spilling the whole sordid story of her college romance with Evan. “He was a senior and I was a freshman. He was so handsome and popular and I couldn’t believe it when he asked me out. I was really shy back then; I had never even been on a date. He completely swept me off my feet, taking me to frat parties, things like that. He started pressuring me to have sex with him a few weeks after we started dating and made it clear it was a condition of our continuing relationship. So I did. I convinced myself I was in love with him and that he loved me.” She shrugged and set her half-eaten eggroll aside and took up her wine glass again.
Cara opened the second bottle and filled Mel’s glass. “What happened to this Evan? How long did it last?”
“About a year. I showed up at a party one night—unexpected. He thought I had gone home for the weekend, but I came back early to surprise him. The surprise was on me when I found him screwing another girl in an upstairs bedroom at the party. Turns out he’d never been faithful to me. I was just one more hookup in a long line.”
“Oh, Mel. I’m so sorry. That’s a horrible first experience.”
“Yeah, well, it pretty much put me off relationships for a long time. Finn is the first guy I’ve really dated since then.”
“Are you in love with him? I mean, you implied that you wanted to be in love with Evan before you slept with him. Does that still hold? Are in love with Finn?”
Mel bit her lip and frowned. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I trust myself to know what it really feels like. How do you know? Have you ever been in love?”
Cara smiled crookedly. “Yeah, I have, but I’m not sure I’m the one to tell you how to know for sure. My story didn’t work out very well.”
“What happened? If you don’t mind telling me, I mean.”
She shrugged. “I don’t mind. I’m actually kind of surprised Finn didn’t tell you.” She sipped her wine and stared blankly past Mel. “Aidan and I were high school sweethearts and we were crazy in love. I never questioned it. He loved me and I loved him. Period. We knew we were meant for each other. Soulmates.”
“What happened?” Mel asked again.
“We got married. I was eighteen and he was nineteen.”
“Oh my God! You were married?”
“Yup. For four years.” Cara reached for the carton of fried rice. “I’ve been divorced for nearly five.”
“Did he cheat on you?”
Cara smiled ruefully. “No. Aidan would never do that. Neither would I. No, that wasn’t our problem. Aidan started acting strange shortly after we got married. He changed—so quickly. I couldn’t keep up. First, he decided he was a vegetarian. Then, within weeks, he was a vegan. Not that there’s anything wrong with either of those things, but that wasn’t all. He started talking about Eastern mysticism and then he became possessive and jealous. I couldn’t spend time with any of my friends; he called me twenty or thirty times a day to see where I was. I wasn’t allowed to handle any of the money or the shopping. He wanted to drive me everywhere. There was also a lot of verbal abuse. I kept as much of it as I could from my family, but then he started trying to keep me from spending time with them. I finally left him before it had a chance to become physically abusive.”
“God, Cara! I’m so sorry.”
“Thanks. Like I said, I’m really surprised Finn didn’t mention it. He took it pretty hard. I guess he thought he should have known or something. But I didn’t talk about it. I was embarrassed.”
“Where’s Aidan now? Do you ever see him?”
“Never. He moved away right after he signed the divorce papers. He literally took a suitcase and left everything else.” She paused to take another drink, as if fortifying herself. “I think he was mentally ill, schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, maybe. I wish I could have helped him, but at the time I was too close to it and scared. I had to get out. My parents were so supportive. They helped me financially—I had to pay a huge amount to break my lease as well as for the divorce. I moved back in with them for a few months until I could get on my feet and finish getting my teaching license.”
“Wow. I had no idea.” Mel took a bite of her now-cold eggroll and grimaced. “Your story makes my issues with Finn seem ridiculous.”
“It’s not a contest, Mel, and your feelings aren’t ridiculous. I hope you’ll give him another chance, though. You and Finn are so great together. I haven’t seen him this happy in, well, ever. This could be the real thing for you two.”
They foraged for ice cream in Mel’s freezer and finished the second bottle of wine, their conversation getting much less serious the closer to the bottom of the bottle they got. Cara left a few hours later, wobbling more than a little as she walked back to Finn’s house.
Mel watched her leave, then locked her house securely before returning to the kitchen. She spied the left over bottle of wine on the counter she’d opened the other night. It looked like there was about a half glassful left and Mel decided it was just what she needed to insure a sound sleep; she feared she was still a bit too sober and inclined
to obsess about Finn and Tatiana rather than dropping into a sound sleep. She would rather think about the whole situation tomorrow; maybe the light of a new day would clear her mind. She poured the wine and took it back to her bedroom. Once she’d brushed her teeth and donned her sleep tee, she crawled under the covers and reached for the novel on her nightstand and the wine. Ugh. She didn’t remember it tasting so bitter. I guess that’s what I get for drinking wine after I brush my teeth. She slugged back the remainder quickly and opened her book. She didn’t get more than two pages read before her head nodded and the book dropped from her hands.
Chapter Twelve
Finn
Hugh showed up soon after Cara left. “Let’s go grab a few beers. I’m buying. You don’t need to hang out here, pacing and waiting for Cara to get back.”
“Pacing’s tough on crutches. She called you, huh?” He wasn’t surprised; all his siblings, especially Hugh, Izzy, and Cara, had been extra-watchful of him since the accident. He tried not to be annoyed since he knew he would act the same way if it were one of them.
“Yep. So, Tatiana came slinking back, huh? What did she want?” Hugh’s expression revealed his dislike of Finn’s former girlfriend; none of his family had been too thrilled with her.
“Mostly to return my house key, which I appreciated. I still think I’ll have the locks re-keyed, however.”
“Good call.”
“She didn’t want to get back together. I know you and Cara were worried about that, but she pretty much wanted to clear the air. She apologized for leaving me that way.” Finn smiled crookedly.
“Oh, really? That’s big of her,” Hugh said with a sneer.
“Cut her some slack. She was never as serious as I was. I realize now I was totally jumping the gun even thinking about asking her to move in. She’s more interested in her career than anything else right now and wants to be free to move whenever she gets an opportunity in a bigger market.”
“Yeah, well, did she make that crystal clear from the start of your relationship? I’m pretty sure you would never have contemplated such a serious step if she had. What she did to you was shitty, Finn, and you can’t excuse it.”
Finn chuckled ruefully. “Yeah, it was. God, I hope I don’t lose Mel over this. Tatiana kissed me goodbye on the porch and I’m pretty sure Mel saw it. She won’t talk to me.”
“Well, hell. Women. I can’t figure them out. Come on. Let’s get out of here.” Hugh ushered Finn out to his truck. As he backed out of the driveway, he asked, “You okay with The Dirty Bourbon?” He referred to a bar Finn frequently visited after work with his cop friends.
“Nah. Too many badge bunnies. I don’t want to deal with that tonight. Let’s do The Red Door. I like their double IPA.”
“What’s a badge bunny?” Hugh laughed as he turned the corner.
Finn sighed and ran his hand through his hair, realizing he badly needed a haircut and hadn’t made time over the past few weeks to get one. “Girls who get off on dating cops. They’re not too picky and they can always spot a cop out of uniform.”
“Huh. I had no idea.” Hugh drove in silence for a few moments. “You ever date one of them?”
“Nah. I like to think I have higher standards, usually.”
“Usually?”
Finn laughed, a bit shamefaced. “Well, yeah. The night after I got my promotion to detective I may not have shown the highest level of discretion.”
“You got shit-faced, huh?” Hugh laughed.
“And then some. I was making out with one of them—I think her name was RayAnna or something—when Brett pulled me away and reminded me I had a girlfriend waiting at home. Maybe it was RayLynn. I can’t remember.”
“Brett’s a good guy. You still see him?” Hugh referred to Finn’s former partner.
“Occasionally. He and his wife had a baby a few months ago, so he’s got his hands pretty full.” Finn missed him, but was learning to appreciate his new partner and looked forward to getting back to work with her next week, depending on how things went in physical therapy.
They were silent the rest of the short drive to the brewery Finn had suggested. Once they found a table in the crowded establishment and had ordered beers and sandwiches, Hugh reached for a pretzel from the basket in the middle of the table, saying, “Do you ever think about having kids? Do you want them?”
Finn bit into a pretzel before answering. “Yeah, I do. I never really thought about it before Janey was born, but lately…yeah, I want kids someday. I mean, I’d like to have a wife first. I admire Izzy and all, but I don’t want to do it by myself.”
“God, she’s a piece of work, huh? She just drops that giant bomb one day and boom! We’re uncles. She’s a great mom, though. Did she ever tell you who the dad was?”
“No. I figured she would have told you if she told anyone. No idea?” He’d been curious, of course, but hadn’t felt comfortable asking her. She’d made it clear the subject was off limits.
“None. I’d sure like to find out who the bastard is. He should be here, helping her raise that little girl.” Hugh sat back as the waiter delivered their beers. “So, a wife first, huh? Mel?”
Finn took a gulp of his beer, enjoying the smooth, hoppy taste. “Maybe. It’s early days yet, but she’s pretty special. Of course, she would have to be willing to talk to me again.”
Hugh chuckled and sampled his own beer, the house lager. Finn knew he didn’t enjoy the IPAs his brother was so fond of, finding them too bitter. “Don’t worry. Cara will talk to her and get her to calm down. I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. I’m happy for you, Finn.”
Finn grinned and took another gulp. “If she’ll give me another chance, I’m not gonna waste it.”
“She will. Just give her some time.”
Their sandwiches were delivered, so they devoted their attention to dinner for several minutes; two hungry men presented with fries and grilled Reubens with green chile had better things to do than chitchat. Once each had finished half his sandwich and a good portion of fries—along with another beer apiece—Finn shoved his plate away. His appetite since the accident was a fraction of what it used to be. He’d lost a good ten pounds in the months since he was hit by the car and had only gained a few back.
“What about you, Hugh? Do you want kids?” He wondered why they’d never talked about this before. It seemed like their conversations since his accident had been more serious. Perhaps that’s what a near-death experience did for you. He knew it had affected his entire family. His parents seemed to need to touch him, hug him more often these days and his brothers and sisters were dropping by a whole lot more often than they used to. What would he do if he lost one of them? He swallowed hard as he realized how precious his family was to him. He stared across the table at his oldest brother, this man who had taught him how to ride a two-wheeler, who had held his head as he puked in the gutter during his first high school party, and who had supplied him with his first box of condoms—with dubious instructions—and realized how utterly devastated he would be if he were to lose him. He reached for his napkin and tried to cover his sudden emotion with a cough. Hugh would give him such shit if he said anything about this.
“Kids? Well, yeah. I guess.” He was silent for a moment. “I haven’t really thought about it too much. I think I always assumed I would have kids—we’re Catholic, after all—but I haven’t really thought about it. I’ll need a wife, I suppose. I guess I better get right on that, huh?”
Something about his reply struck Finn as off somehow. He frowned and was about to probe, but thought better of it. Instead, he snorted. “Yeah, you should get crackin’ on that. Any prospects?”
Hugh smirked. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
“I really would.”
They turned their attention back to their dinner and beer, eschewing their previous serious conversation for lighter topics, such as the latest MLB scores and what their younger brothers were up to. By the time the waiter dropped the check off, F
inn was nicely buzzed—likely Hugh’s intention all along—and they had solved nearly all the world’s problems.
Hugh dropped him off close to ten o’clock, making sure he got safely inside before driving away. Finn was deeply asleep, dreaming he was in a prizefight—getting his ass kicked—when he fought his way to the surface and realized it was CJ batting him repeatedly across the face and meowing loudly.
“CJ? What the hell? Knock it off!” He sat up and scrubbed his hands across his face. “What are you doing here? Why aren’t you with Mel?” As he said her name, his heart skipped a beat. Why was CJ here? He swung his legs over the side of the bed as the thought crossed his mind: CJ would never be here if there wasn’t something wrong. The cat ran to the bedroom door and back to Finn, then repeated her movements, looking up at him imploringly, meowing madly. Her message was clear: Follow me!
Finn hurriedly pulled on a pair of sweatpants, grabbed his crutches, keys, and cell phone, and followed, completely forgetting that Cara was in the guest bedroom. The cat ran ahead, but doubled back to check that he followed. Finn moved as fast as he could on his damned crutches, his heart pounding with fear, as he chased the cat. He smelled the smoke as he opened his front door.
The cat led him to Mel’s house; Finn could see the flames engulfing her garage as he approached. He reached for his cell and quickly called it in, but knew he wasn’t about to wait for the fire department to show up. Mel was in there and he would get her out—or die trying. His heart stuttered in horror as he fumbled for the keys he’d grabbed—why, he’d never know—and tried one after another blindly until he inserted the correct one into her front door lock. Oh. God! He had to get to her! Goddamn these crutches for slowing him down! “Mel! Where are you?” He screamed the words repeatedly at the top of his lungs, but there was no reply. Why didn’t she answer? The door finally opened and he stumbled inside, the smoke swirling around him in greeting. Her bedroom was down the hall, away from the fire he now saw was raging in the kitchen and garage area. “Mel!” He had to find her! His eyes were streaming tears as he coughed, choked by the smoke. Visibility in the hallway was already limited and Finn found himself confused as he searched for Mel’s room.