Blue Jay

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Blue Jay Page 34

by A Zukowski


  seven-year-old might be cute. A cute twenty-seven-

  year-old is an embarrassment.”

  Chris stares out of the train window for the rest of

  the journey, marvelling at the countryside that he

  rarely sees, while Alex shuts his eyes for a rest.

  ~~~

  349

  They arrive at Southend Central and take a taxi

  from outside the station. Alex’s parents finally

  decided to sell their seaside palace since they

  couldn’t afford to maintain it. They made enough

  profit in the sale to buy a modest townhouse. Alex

  gave them half of his savings, twenty-five thousand,

  to help with the move. He would’ve liked to keep all

  his money for himself and some kind of future with

  Chris, but it was the least he could do to support his

  parents. At least this way he knows they are not

  living in a money pit. Gary folded his last business

  and started working as a mechanic for a friend’s

  small repair shop. He finally realised that Alex was

  no longer a cash cow.

  Alex feels all tingly about bringing Chris to meet

  his family. He told his mum he was bringing a

  friend but didn’t specify who.

  In the taxi from the station, Chris clings to Alex’s

  hand, his palm clammy. “No one has ever taken me

  home to meet their parents. I feel really grown up to

  be in a real relationship! But scared at the same

  time.”

  Alex grins. “Well, I’ve warned you about my

  parents and brother. Don’t be nervous.”

  Chris has toned it down today. No make-up, a

  simple button-down shirt and tight black jeans.

  He’s left his silver studs in his right ear and nose.

  He looks almost ‘masculine’.

  “Do I look okay?”

  “Was that why you were in the bathroom for ages

  this morning?”

  Chris giggles. “I practised my ‘manly’ voice.

  ‘You’re talking to me? You’re talking to me?’

  350

  Y’know, Robert de Niro in Taxi Driver. ”

  Alex only laughs. “You sound hilarious—more like

  de Niro in a bad comedy.”

  “I’m trying to make your coming out less

  shocking for your family. I thought I’d pass for a few

  hours.” Chris hits Alex on the side of the head.

  “Ouch. Sorry! And thank you for doing this, for

  coming with me.” Alex kisses him. “You’re

  important to me.”

  “That’s more like it. You ungrateful sod.” Chris

  beams.

  Alex and Chris stand in front of the three-

  bedroom terrace house. It’s nothing special but at

  least it seems tidy and well-maintained. Chris steals

  a quick cigarette. Alex puts his arm around Chris’s

  narrow waist. “All right? Are you ready?”

  “Yeah.”

  They kiss briefly and take a collective deep

  breath.

  Codes.

  Alex’s mum opens the door. She appears healthy

  enough

  today;

  her

  face

  isn’t

  puffy

  with

  drunkenness. She hugs Alex and her eyes roam over

  to Chris.

  “This is Chris. My mum.”

  Chris reaches out and gives her a hug too. She’s a

  big woman, solid like Alex and only half a head

  shorter than Chris. Alex has her dark brown eyes

  and hair.

  “Come through.” She ushers them in.

  The short hallway leads to an open sitting and

  dining room. Alex’s mum heads to the kitchen at the

  back to continue with lunch preparation. Gary and

  351

  Alex’s dad are already drinking beer and smoking,

  with the ubiquitous sports programme playing on

  the large plasma screen TV.

  Alex’s dad turns his attention to Chris, but Gary’s

  eyes are glued to the television.

  “This is Chris. My dad.”

  Chris hurries over to shake the older man’s hand.

  “Sit. You want a beer?” Alex’s dad asks.

  Chris shakes his head. “No, I’m good. Thanks.”

  “And my brother, Gary.”

  Gary takes notice now and stands up to shake

  Chris’s hand too. Otherwise, both father and son

  show little interest.

  “Let’s see what Mum’s doing.” Alex tugs at Chris’s

  elbow and leads him to the back of the house.

  The kitchen is big enough in this kind of

  townhouse. The roast smells delicious, though

  Alex’s mum’s cooking usually ends up a

  disappointment. She’s preparing carrots; two pots

  of water bubble away.

  She glances back. “Hey, you two go and sit down.

  It’s too small in here.”

  Alex and Chris’s eyes lock. Alex says, “We’ll keep

  you company.”

  “Can I help you, Mrs. Whale?” Chris offers.

  She regards Chris once more; her eyes run up and

  down his full height quickly. “That’s great. Why

  don’t you help chop the carrots?”

  Alex’s mum puts some potatoes in the pot to boil,

  then turns to Chris. “Are you Alex’s flatmate?”

  Alex and Chris exchange a quick glance. It is

  Alex’s call to tell his parents about their

  relationship, so Chris replies, “Yes.”

  352

  As Alex’s mum turns away, Alex takes Chris’s

  hand, squeezes and releases it. Chris beams at the

  tiny gesture.

  Alex’s mum looks over her shoulder. “When you

  said a ‘friend’, I thought you were bringing a

  girlfriend home, Alex. It’s okay. Sam’s been gone for

  a long time.”

  Alex and Chris trade another gaze behind. “I

  haven’t got a new girlfriend, Ma.” Semantic. Alex

  has a new queerfriend.

  “I know it’s hard for you after everything that’s

  gone on. It’s been what? Nearly six years. There

  must be lots of women up in London.”

  Alex scratches his head. “Yeah, I guess so.”

  “Even Gary’s got someone now. This receptionist

  at the garage he works. Poor girl!”

  She’s making an effort. Alex has noticed that

  since they had to sell the house, she has finally

  accepted Alex is no longer able to provide for them

  like he used to. She has stopped drinking as much.

  Gary has also settled down, apparently. The only

  one who hasn’t changed much is Alex’s dad. Alex

  should have stopped helping his family years ago.

  Decision. Life. You can only work with what you

  have.

  Chris finishes the carrots and puts them in

  another pan to cook.

  By the time they sit down for lunch, Alex is more

  than anxious, but Chris’s small touches and smiles

  reassure him that whatever happens, he’ll be all

  right.

  They dish up. Alex’s mum piles food on Chris’s

  plate. “You look like you could do with some meat.

  353

  You’re like one of them size-zero models. Here.”

  “Thanks! That’s plenty.” Chris tries to stop her

  after the third slice of roast.

&
nbsp; “And he’s not drinking.” Alex’s dad says as if it’s

  Chris’s personality flaw.

  They all tuck in. After a few minutes, Alex clears

  his throat and belatedly responds to his dad, “Chris

  is not drinking because I’ve stopped.”

  His dad frowns. “Why’s that a reason for ’im not

  drinking?”

  Alex puts his knife and fork down, gazes at Chris

  one more time and inhales. Chris squeezes Alex’s

  hand in encouragement.

  “Because he cares enough to help me stay sober.

  We’re seeing each other.”

  Gary stares at his brother.

  Alex’s

  mum

  watches

  Alex

  and

  Chris,

  incomprehension giving way to understanding.

  Alex’s dad chokes mid-chew. “What the fuck do

  you mean?”

  Alex breathes in again. “I am his boyfriend.”

  Gary shakes his head. “You can’t be serious, Alex.

  It’s not funny.”

  Alex’s mum looks from Chris to Alex and back

  once more and says to her older son, “Your

  brother’s not kidding, Gary. As soon as they came in

  today, I could see it. Don’t know why, but—”

  “That’s bullshit. How can you go out with a bloke?

  I don’t get it.” Alex’s dad crosses his meaty arms in

  front of his chest and regards Alex and Chris with

  alarm.

  “There’s nothing to get,” Alex says calmly. “I

  didn’t tell you all the details when I beat Ryan up.

  354

  He tried to shoot me and Chris blocked him and

  saved my life. It’s not why we are together, but…I’m

  trying to tell you Chris is important to me. Okay?”

  Chris puts his hand over Alex’s on the table.

  More quietly, Alex declares, “I love him.”

  His dad still looks as perplexed as ever. “Did

  something happen in prison?”

  “Prison? No. I’ve liked both men and women for a

  long time.”

  Alex’s dad’s eyes shift between the two, but he’s

  too stunned by Alex’s declaration.

  Gary tuts. “He’s girly, anyway. Look at his nail

  varnish.”

  All eyes descend on Chris’s blue nails. He has

  forgotten to take the varnish off in his attempt to be

  more ‘manly’. He holds his hands up to admire

  them; the minute silvery specks of glitter shine in

  the light. “Yeah, I had them done two days ago.

  Don’t you like the colour?” he asks no one in

  particular. Chris chuckles, joined by Alex and his

  mum, breaking the inquisition for a moment.

  She comments, “They’re okay, Chris. You need to

  grow them out a bit, though.”

  “Do I?” Chris grins at Gary and his dad, whose

  frown deepens between his brows.

  Lunch continues. Alex’s family have a hundred

  questions for Chris but are afraid to ask, and silence

  stretches, masking the awkwardness. After a while,

  Chris puts his cutlery down and makes to stand.

  “That was delish, Mrs. Whale. I think I’ll have a

  smoke outside.”

  Alex’s mum smiles again. “You’re welcome. Call

  me Pat, and his dad’s Colin.”

  355

  Colin glares at his wife.

  “Okay. Thank you, Pat.” Chris stands and excuses

  himself before sashaying out to the backyard.

  As soon as he’s out of the door, Alex’s dad lays

  into Alex again. “How can you be gay? You’re a

  fucking boxer.”

  “The correct term is bisexual. You may also find

  that all kinds of people can be attracted to more

  than one gender.” Alex doesn’t know where his

  boldness comes from. Being with Chris has been an

  eye-opener for him. Now he has to convince his

  family that this is no joke.

  Beer foam gracing Gary’s upper lip, he considers

  his brother’s face again. “You must admit it’s

  weird.”

  “Not if that’s who I am. Chris came along, and I…

  fell for him,” Alex says steadily. He wasn’t sure what

  would happen when he came out, but interrogation

  by his dad and Gary is proving a bit much. He feels

  this warmth in his belly, though—pride and elation,

  like winning a match.

  “Leave him alone,” his mum interjects. “The man

  seems to make him happy.”

  Alex’s dad tuts again when Chris walks back in

  and sits down.

  “Alex is taking me to the fair after,” Chris

  announces nonchalantly, ignoring the obvious

  tension at the dining table.

  “See? He’s like a fucking girl!” Gary seems to

  think that Alex only likes Chris because he appears

  androgynous despite his effort of being more

  masculine today for Alex’s family.

  Chris flashes his full set of white teeth at Gary. “I

  356

  take that as a compliment.”

  It breaks the tension and makes Alex smile again.

  For now. He has always admired Chris’s in-your-

  face attitude about his gender and sexuality. His

  family will just have to accept them.

  Pat smiles. “The outdoor rides won’t be open at

  this time of the year but there’s the arcade. You go

  and have a good time.”

  Chris’s broad grin melts Alex’s heart, but his dad

  puts his knife and fork down as though he’s given

  up. He pushes his chair back with a loud squeak and

  stands up.

  “I’ve had enough.” Alex wonders if he means the

  conversation or lunch.

  Chris and Alex are ready to leave soon after the

  meal. Alex’s dad ignores them, though Gary waves

  goodbye. Pat comes to the door and hugs them one

  after the other. “Love you,” she tells Alex. “And

  Chris, you’re welcome anytime. Okay? Try put some

  meat on them bones.”

  “Okay. Thanks for the feed again, Pat.”

  In the taxi back to the pier, Chris starts laughing

  and he can’t stop. It’s infectious, and they both

  giggle and hold hands.

  A trip to the fair.

  Alex takes Chris to the carousel. They sit on

  adjacent horses. The staff operator regards Alex

  warily because he looks as though he might break

  the mechanical animal with his weight. She seems

  to be waiting for more customers but eventually, she

  starts the carousel with only four people on it.

  Hardly any kids are around as it’s out of season.

  The tinny music begins. Chris laughs and hoots

  357

  when his wooden horse flies through the air. Alex

  joins him as the ridiculously mushy scene evolves

  around them. The artificial gaudy lights of the

  arcade blur into lines and patches of colours,

  cheering them up. Alex can’t take his eyes off Chris

  as the feeling of being carefree is clearly written on

  his face.

  The carousel fills a gap for what they have both

  missed as children. Chris has told Alex how he was

  never treated like a child by Annette. Alex spent

  most of his te
enage years boxing, and before that

  his parents had rarely taken him anywhere, both

  busy working or drinking.

  Afterwards, they walk out of the indoor

  amusement park, Alex’s arm around Chris’s

  shoulder, and stroll to the Esplanade. Chris is

  pensive, seemingly mesmerised by the bright yellow

  buoys bobbing up and down in the green-blue sea.

  The sun has come out for them, colouring the peaks

  of the waves brilliant silver.

  Chris draws Alex close and rests his head on

  Alex’s shoulder. “In the summer, we need to come

  back and play in the sand and walk in the waves,” he

  says softly.

  Alex grins. “I’d like that.”

  ~~~

  On the train back to London, the sky has already

  darkened and the fields are nothing but an inky

  mass.

  Chris kisses Alex. “You came out to your family.

  Congrats!”

  “Yeah. I did. I didn’t plan how to do it, but it’s

  358

  happened now. I wasn’t going to lie about who you

  are to me. It’s a relief. I’m sorry about my family.”

  Chris smiles. “They’re all right. Your mum’s

  pretty sweet. They asked questions. I like it when

  people

  ask

  me

  questions

  because

  they’re

  interested.”

  Alex is quiet for a moment. “But you don’t talk

  about yourself, Chris.”

  Chris frowns. “Talking about myself is plain

  vulgar. I’ve always dealt with my shit my way. I

  don’t discuss it with strangers.”

  The seriousness on Chris’s face is rare.

  Alex thinks about that before replying, “Okay. I

  get it. Thank you for sharing with me.”

  “You’re stuck with me and my life story now, Alex

  Whale.”

  “I love you and your life story,” Alex says. “My

  dad and Gary are missing out.”

  “Maybe I’ll tell them about me being gender-fluid

  next time.”

  “Ha! Gary kept saying you’re girly. He’s going to

  have a hard time getting his head around

  queerness.”

  Chris giggles. “Then, I will talk to him about

  gender binary.”

  Alex gazes at Chris’s dimples, one of the many

  parts of Chris that he loves. “I can’t wait.”

  The relief and euphoria of coming out and being

  able to call Chris his partner outweigh the

  unpleasantness of his dad’s and brother’s reactions.

  They will have to get used to the idea of Alex being

  with Chris and that’s all there is to it.

  359

  ~~~

  Jess wears a pretty floral dress, all in purple, blue

 

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