His uncertain expression made me tighten my arms around him. “I’m kidding. Kind of,” I reassured him. I was reaching up to kiss him when I remembered I wasn’t allowed to do that anymore. I blew out a sigh instead. “Of course I’m not mad at you. I just… I really don’t want this.”
“I know, darlin’.” He smoothed my hair back, his gaze searching my face for a long moment. “We okay?”
I met the gentle eyes of the good friend I hadn’t lost after all, and gave him a smile that was pretty damn close to real.
“Yeah. We’re okay.”
He smiled, too, the tense lines easing from his face. “Come on, then. Let’s get outta here. Take that tracker thing with ya.”
“Why, where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
Out on the front porch, I had just locked the door when Hellhound grinned and pulled me into a knee-trembling kiss.
“What the hell?” I mumbled against his lips, mindful of the surveillance camera silently recording our every move.
His hands slid down my back, pulling me closer while his lips tracked around to nuzzle my ear. His sexy rasp and rough whiskers wreaked their usual havoc with my hormones, and I yanked my mind away from steamy imaginings and back to his words.
“Gotta make this look good, darlin’. Don’t wanna make Stemp suspicious.”
He released me slowly, and an unworthy thought wormed into the small part of my mind that wasn’t congealed by re-ignited lust. I could do anything I wanted while we were on camera, and he’d have to respond. Goddamn. What an opportunity…
Wariness flickered in his eyes, and he dropped an arm around my shoulders to hurry me in the direction of his SUV. Out of camera range, he gave me an uneasy glance.
“You’re lookin’ at me like I’m lunch, darlin’. Ya know that’d normally make me happy, but…”
I sighed. “Don’t worry, your virtue is safe with me. I was just thinking it’s too bad we really are friends and I have to respect your decision. Otherwise I’d have given the surveillance analysts the cheapest thrills of their little lives.”
His face relaxed and he chuckled. “Darlin’, if they ain’t beatin’ off just from seein’ that look on your face, either they ain’t male or they ain’t human. Hop in.”
We drove in silence, listening to the crunch of gravel under the tires. As he turned onto the highway and steered in the direction of Silverside, Arnie spoke quietly.
“Aydan?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks for… I figured you’d prob’ly tell me to fuck off for good. Thanks for not doin’ that.”
I reached over to stroke his scarred knuckles. “You’re my friend.”
“Yeah. But that didn’t stop ya from tryin’ to push me away the whole time we were on the road last week. What changed?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared out the window. “You… convinced me. I…” I fiddled with the zipper on my waist pouch, not quite able to say the words.
“Ya finally started trustin’ me,” he said softly. “Thanks, Aydan.”
I watched the snow-streaked fields slipping by in the dusk. Golden wheat stubble gave way to the bleached bones of canola, and I spoke again before I could lose my nerve. “And I realized what I had with you was exactly what I wanted…” I gulped down the tremor in my voice.
“Aw, darlin’.” His voice was hoarser than usual, and he cleared his throat before speaking again. “Aydan, I can give ya what ya want, but I can’t give ya what ya need. Kane can.”
I let irritation straighten my spine and turned to scowl at him. “Don’t you think I’m the one who should decide what I need? Last time I checked, you weren’t God.”
He sighed. “Nah, I sure as hell ain’t God. But long’s ya had me for an excuse, ya wouldn’ta made a decision at all. Now ya hafta.”
“What about you?” I challenged. “What about what you want?”
He spoke to the windshield. “If you an’ Kane are gettin’ a chance at somethin’ good, I’ll be happy. It ain’t like there was ever gonna be anythin’ serious between you an’ me.”
We rode in silence for the rest of the short trip.
When we pulled up behind the Silverside Hotel, I shot Hellhound a questioning look.
“Just a quick stop,” he said. “Come on in with me. We gotta make this look good.”
His arm around me, he guided me around the building and in through the front door. Our trip across the lobby and up to his room offered an exercise in frustration while I tried and failed to prevent my body from responding to his teasing kisses and touches.
He stepped away as soon as his door swung shut behind us, and I fought the selfish temptation to back him up against the wall and test his willpower. Before I could succumb to the urge, he spoke.
“I’ll take that tracker now.” He held out his hand.
“Um… why?”
He met my gaze solemnly. “Ya trust me?”
“You know I do.”
“Then gimme the tracker, an’ I’ll explain in a few minutes.”
“Okay.” I fished it out of my change purse and dropped it onto his palm. He placed it carefully on the bedside table, then turned to crack open the door and peek into the corridor.
“All clear. Let’s go.” He hustled me down the hall and into the back stairwell, repeating his wary surveillance at the back door before hurrying me out to his SUV.
A few minutes later, we parked in a small residential neighbourhood. Hellhound turned off the ignition and twisted around to thoroughly inspect the deserted street before turning to face me. “Let’s go.”
“Where are we going?”
“Trust me, darlin’.”
“Okay…” I hopped out and trotted up the sidewalk behind him to a small, darkened house. I shot a curious look up at him as he unlocked the door and opened it, gesturing me inside.
A mouthwatering aroma welcomed me. The house had only appeared darkened because of the heavy draperies drawn over the windows, and the warm glow of indirect lighting made the mellow oak and dark leather furniture look cozy and inviting. A small fire crackled in the fireplace, and classic rock played quietly in the background.
I was turning an inquiring look up to Hellhound when a movement from down the hallway made me snap my gaze in that direction.
I froze.
Kane.
Shit.
Chapter 14
I turned to flee and thudded into Hellhound’s bulk when he blocked the doorway. I briefly considered diving between his widely planted legs to get out the door, but summoned up the remains of my dignity with a deep breath instead.
I glared up at Hellhound. “Okay, I don’t trust you anymore,” I said evenly.
His face twisted as if in pain, but he squared his shoulders and met my eyes steadily. “I’m sorry, Aydan, I hadta-”
I laid my fingertips gently over his lips. “Don’t apologize. I didn’t really mean that.”
I managed not to sigh as I turned to face Kane. His expression was vulnerable in the soft light.
“Aydan…” he said hesitantly. “I…”
Behind me, the quiet click of the door latch signalled Hellhound’s retreat.
“I… made dinner for you,” Kane said. “Can we talk?”
“Uh…”
Christ, woman, you’re not thirteen years old. Don’t turn this into a ridiculous display of adolescent awkwardness.
I took a deep breath, shoved my nervousness down into the pit of my stomach where it belonged, and concentrated on faking a casual posture. I gave him a smile.
“It smells amazing in here. What’s for supper?”
Kane’s shoulders relaxed and he returned my smile, looking touchingly hopeful. “Come on in. I’ve got a lobster bisque to start, and then pork tenderloin medallions with a brandy cream sauce and stuffed potatoes and roasted root vegetables, with crème brulée for dessert.”
I tried to conceal my sagging jaw with a joke. “I hope you’re not planning
to broil that crème brulée with a butane torch.”
He stiffened, his eyes widening. “Aydan, I’m so sorry, I never even thought…”
“I’m just kidding,” I hastened to reassure him. “I love crème brulée. I love everything you mentioned. I’m starving, and I can hardly wait.”
“Oh. Good.” He examined my face anxiously for a moment before his smile came back. “This way.”
I followed his wide shoulders down the hallway.
“Oooh, this is nice,” I complimented him, admiring the long sweep of granite countertop and the professional-quality stainless steel appliances in the kitchen. As I turned to take in the white-draped table set for two, he whisked a small butane torch off the counter and slipped it into a drawer.
I suppressed my involuntary shudder and concentrated on the table, sparkling with stemware, china, and silver. A sophisticated, minimalistic flower arrangement featured a vividly red anthurium and a few large leaves.
“What?” Kane asked, watching my face.
“Nothing.” I couldn’t hide my smirk, and he smiled back, his sexy laugh lines crinkling.
“Give,” he demanded. “You can’t show me a wicked smile like that and then refuse to tell me.”
I laughed. “I can’t help it. I’m sorry, this is rude. But Uncle Roger always used to call anthuriums ‘dink plants’. Because of the…” I trailed off and gestured to the erect spike in the middle of the glossy flower, biting my lip to hold back a snicker.
Kane guffawed. “I really wish I could have met him.”
I laughed, too. “I wish you could have, too. You’d have liked him.”
Kane gestured to the bottle in the ice bucket. “Would you like some wine? I’ve opened some Sauvignon Blanc.”
“Thank you.” I smiled at him, touched that he’d remembered my preference. “I hope you didn’t spend a lot of money on it, though. It’s pretty much wasted on me.”
“I know that’s not true,” he said as he poured a glass with an expert twist of his wrist. “You have a very refined palate, you just choose not to admit it.”
He handed me the glass, and I sipped instead of trying to find an appropriate response. The fruity, floral notes exploded into my senses, and I smiled, savouring it.
Kane smiled, too. “I knew it.”
“The first few sips are always the best,” I agreed. “After that, I lose the subtleties of the flavour and I might as well drink beer.”
“I’ve got beer, too,” he assured me. “Please, sit down. The bisque is ready.”
I chased the last few drops of cream sauce around my plate with the fork, wondering whether Kane would be offended or flattered if I picked up the plate and licked it clean.
“That was fabulous,” I sighed. “I didn’t know you were such an amazing chef.”
Kane smiled. “I’ve always liked to cook, I just don’t get the opportunity very often. And it’s nice to cook for an appreciative audience.”
“Well, you can cook for me anytime,” I declared, still focused on that last delectable drop.
“I’d love to,” he rumbled.
I tried not to tense, but my fork clattered against the plate. I laid it down carefully and reached for my napkin instead.
“Time for dessert,” Kane said quickly. “Let’s have it in the living room. You go on in. I’ll just be a minute.”
I nodded and tried not to scuttle nervously away from the table. In the living room I perched on the edge of the sofa, cursing this whole uncomfortable situation and trying not to be mad at Hellhound for putting me in it. I understood the difficulty of his position, and if I was in his place I’d probably do the same, but dammit…
The click-hiss of the butane torch igniting in the kitchen made me shiver. I slid off the couch to huddle close to the fire, hoping its quiet crackling would drown out the evil whisper of pain and terror. Willing my mind elsewhere, I stared into the dancing orange flames.
Kane’s quiet voice startled me. “Are you all right?”
I rose, swallowed hard, and pasted on a smile before I turned to face him. “Fine. That looks delicious.” I nodded at the ramekins he carried as I sat on the sofa again.
He examined my face, his grey eyes troubled. “I’m sorry. This was thoughtless.”
“Not at all, it was very thoughtful.” I reached for one of the dishes and gave him a grin. “Thanks for remembering how much I enjoyed it at…” I choked slightly on the name. “…Harchman’s,” I finished determinedly.
He relinquished the dish slowly, still looking concerned.
“Did you, uh… Did you hear about my new cover?” I asked.
His expression smoothed into his inscrutable cop face. “Yes,” he replied neutrally.
I eyed him. “It’s okay. Go ahead and laugh. Hellhound laughed his ass off. For which I still intend to retaliate.”
“In that case, I’m afraid to laugh. I’m sure your revenge will be swift and terrible.”
I grinned. “Believe it.”
Kane sank into the chair opposite, his eyes crinkling in that sexy smile again. I tapped my spoon against the crust of caramelized sugar, enjoying the sharp, hollow sound of its fracture into the custard below. The first bite made me close my eyes to savour the luxurious creamy flavour and crunch, and I might have moaned just a little.
When I opened my eyes again, Kane was staring. “So good,” I mumbled, going for another spoonful. “This is so good.”
He blinked, then smiled. “Glad you like it.”
Silence descended while we scraped out our bowls, and I cast about for a topic of conversation, my stomach knotting.
Fuck, this was stupid.
I set my dish aside and sat up straight. “John, thank you, that was a wonderful meal, but can we talk about the elephant in the room now?”
His quickly-controlled start surprised me. I’d always thought he was Mister Super-Cool James Bond.
He smiled. “Oh, you mean that enormous elephant hovering above us? I didn’t think you’d noticed.”
I blew out a laugh that didn’t sound very convincing. “Yeah. That one. Um. Arnie said some things…”
“Aydan…” He made an aborted gesture. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt. If… Is it all right if I just…”
I squeezed my hands between my knees to keep from burrowing beneath the sofa cushions. God, why did this have to be so excruciating?
“Just go ahead and say what you want to say,” I told him.
Kane drew a deep breath. “Back in the summer…” He broke off, then half-reached in my direction before dropping his hands. “Aydan, you know I love you. You do know that, don’t you?”
I tried not to stiffen any further, but my jerky nod made my neck crack audibly.
“That’s not what I want to talk about tonight,” he said. “But I need you to know that. If… just in case anything ever changes for you.”
“John, nothing’s going to change,” I said as gently as I could.
“I understand.” He squared his shoulders, muscles rippling in his jaw. “I’m not asking you for that.” He barked a short, humourless laugh. “And I’d like to think I have enough self-respect not to beg for it.”
I held myself straight, refusing to fold over the pain in my gut.
Kane met my eyes steadily. “But I do want to change things between us. When you offered to be friends with benefits this summer, I turned you down because I didn’t think I’d be able to live with the knowledge that you might choose to be with other men as well as me.”
He looked down to study the ramekin that looked tiny turning around and around between his large hands. “So instead, I spent the last few months torturing myself, knowing you were with other men instead of me. Hellhound. Rossburn. That underwear model, dammit. Chubby little Dave… I shouldn’t say it that way, Dave seemed like a good guy and he risked his life for you, but…”
“I didn’t sleep with them, if that’s what you mean,” I interrupted. “Except Arnie, but you already knew that
.”
“Oh…” He paused. “That’s… really none of my business.” He sat up straighter, searching my face. “But you did tell me flat-out that you were planning to go home with Dante, and, I quote, ‘ride him all night long’.”
I dropped my gaze to the floor, feeling heat rising in my cheeks. “I was mad. I was drunk. And I needed you to believe I was going to be occupied all night. Sorry,” I added as I glanced up again.
He scrubbed a hand over his face and muttered something that sounded like ‘idiot’. Then he straightened, holding me with his clear grey gaze.
“Aydan, is it too late for me to go for the ‘friends with benefits’ option?”
Chapter 15
My heart leaped up to drop-kick the back of my throat before rattling around my rib cage, apparently searching for an escape route.
“Um.” Suddenly the air seemed oxygen-deficient. I squirmed a little farther away from the fire, which was generating more heat than absolutely necessary.
Bad, bad, BAD idea. I knew it with every cell in my body.
“Um… can we defer that question for a few minutes?” I tried to hyperventilate unobtrusively. “Friends with benefits seemed like a good idea at the time, but it’s not an option if you have other attachments.”
He frowned. “What other attachments do you think I have?”
“I saw you and Honey at the park yesterday.”
“Oh.”
His flat tone made my heart twist with disappointment. “What were you planning to tell her if I said yes?” Slow anger crept into my veins. “Or were you planning to tell her at all? And what were you planning to tell those little kids who think you’re the greatest thing since sliced bread?”
“Aydan.” He met my gaze unhappily before leaning back in the chair with a sigh. “Is there any chance you’ll listen to my explanation before passing judgement?”
“I’ll listen. But if I find out you’ve lied to me, there will be nothing left. Never mind friends with benefits, we won’t even be friends. Got it?”
“Yes.” Kane sat up purposefully.
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