And anyway, blurting, ’Smith is a Russian spy, I know because he told me’ wasn’t very convincing. The Cold War was long over.
And… shit.
I sank onto the edge of my sofa, the handset sagging into my lap. Smith’s name change wasn’t a secret. It was in his personnel records at Sirius; Kane had told me back in March. If Smith had anything to hide, the analysts would have found it. Wouldn’t they?
And if Smith really was a spy, surely he wouldn’t openly confess it to me. What else had he said? ‘We’re all working together here’.
And then there was that ominous, ‘it was getting worse, but they kept pushing her’, and ‘we had to save you’. Save me from what? Was using the network going to damage my brain? Induce schizophrenia?
I didn’t doubt it had serious long-term effects. I’d only worked in it for a few months, and I was already suffering screaming nightmares and anxiety attacks. Not to mention thinking I was Betty Hooper, whoever the hell she was.
I shook myself and took some slow, deep breaths. There was no reason to believe those symptoms were a direct result of using the network. I’d also been attacked, captured and tortured during that time. It was normal to have an emotional reaction to that. I knew all about post-traumatic stress. And Sam had explained away my identity problem.
Dammit, I needed to talk to Robert. Why the hell hadn’t he contacted me?
But what if he did? What if he was working for the bad guys?
Maybe I should call Stemp…
I wrestled with increasingly improbable scenarios until my brain refused to swim through the raging sea of indecision any longer and I found myself in front of the computer, doing crosswords again.
When I finally abandoned the effort and went to bed I tossed and turned, struggling through threatening disjointed dreams and screaming myself awake over and over.
In the morning, I propped my aching head in one hand while I hunched over my cereal dish. Maybe I should tell Stemp anyway. If Robert was in hiding, he had to be doing something criminal.
But I didn’t know that, dammit! And he was… had been… my husband.
And besides, it wasn’t just Robert’s life at stake. If Stemp found out Kane had failed to kill Robert, it could destroy Kane’s career, especially after his recent suspension.
I turned my spoon end over end, concentrating on its quiet tap against the tabletop as my fingers slid down it.
Tap. Slide. Tap. Slide.
So what if the Russians had a brainwave-driven network? It wasn’t really surprising. There was no reason to believe they hadn’t developed it on their own. Certainly they had enough resources.
Tap. Slide.
So maybe I was doing the right thing by waiting to find out more from Robert. After all, Smith hadn’t actually indicated Irina could decrypt files and breach secured networks.
Tap. Slide.
Though her work had been important enough to the Russian government that they forced her to keep working despite her mental illness.
That wasn’t comforting.
Maybe I should tell Stemp.
I sighed and spooned in some more cereal. If I told Stemp, I’d never see Robert alive again. Never find out the truth.
I stared into the distance for a few moments. Which was more important, national security or my personal life? That should have been an easy choice.
Tap. Slide.
But there was no evidence to indicate Robert was doing anything other than saving his own butt. If he’d actually been one of the bad guys, he could have abducted me and sold me to the highest bidder at any time in the past three years.
I swallowed a couple more mouthfuls of softening cereal, wondering again what Irina had been doing for the Russians.
Tap. Slide.
Sirius had been trying to recruit me for years. For the first time since I’d discovered that fact, I had time to wonder exactly why. Stemp had been as surprised as anybody when he found out I could decrypt files and sneak around invisibly in networks, so it couldn’t have been that. They must have had another purpose in mind.
I made a mental note. Find out what the hell Sirius had wanted me for in the first place. Maybe that would answer the Irina question.
And… oh!
I jerked upright in my chair, a spoonful poised in midair as another thought hit me. When I’d breached Sirius’s network the first time, Smith hadn’t known how I was getting in. He’d been angry and scared. And he hadn’t recognized the network key. I had discovered that myself and reported it. So he must be innocent.
Kind of.
Maybe.
Unless he’d been faking the whole thing. If he was a spy, he’d be just as good an actor as Kane.
I groaned and dropped the spoon back into the unappetizingly soggy cereal. It clanked against the bowl, chipping the edge and splashing milk onto the table.
“Fine! That’s just fucking fine!”
I poked in the sludgy mixture for a few seconds, searching for the fragment of glass before giving up in disgust. I grabbed the bowl and dumped its contents down the garbage disposal, barely salvaging the spoon as my exhausted mind switched to worrying over Kane.
How the hell was I supposed to work with him when I had to deal with the emotional fallout of our night together, as well as hide all evidence of my suddenly-not-so-dead husband?
Christ, and I’d thought my life was a soap opera before.
The next morning, Stemp pounced on me in the lobby at Sirius Dynamics. “My office,” he said, and strode away.
Shit, now what? Could he have somehow found out about my conversation with Smith? I trudged up the stairs to tap on his door again, heart thumping.
He nodded me into a chair. “Ms. Widdenback,” he said. I could have sworn there was sarcasm in his tone, but his face betrayed nothing, as usual.
I sighed. “Yes?”
“I see you’ve been working to reinforce your cover. I didn’t expect you to adopt it so… enthusiastically. The driving demerits were a surprise after your formerly squeaky-clean driving record. And the bar brawl was definitely a nice touch.”
With heroic restraint, I didn’t tell him to stick it up his ass. Instead, I returned his scrutiny in silence accompanied by my best attempt at a poker face.
He contemplated me a moment longer. “Keep in mind that, while I have the power to make a broad range of criminal charges vanish, I can’t prevent you from being arrested in the first place if you give the police reason to do so.”
“I’m aware of that,” I said evenly.
“Do you think it was… wise… to rack up quite so many demerits on your license?”
“Guess the cop wasn’t a porn fan,” I said shortly.
Was that a twitch of humour around his mouth? Nah. Couldn’t be.
“A slight miscalculation on your part?” His voice was level as always, but I could have sworn he was holding back a laugh.
I kept my tone expressionless. “Apparently.”
“Would you like some of the demerits to go away?”
Sheer surprise made me smile at him. Surprise gave way to shock when he actually returned a brief smile, transforming him momentarily into a pleasantly ordinary-looking man.
“Um…” I hesitated, distracted, before deciding. “No, that’s okay. I’ll try to keep my nose clean from here on in.”
“Very well.” His impassive facade descended again. “If you find yourself in an… unfortunate situation with the authorities as a result of your cover identity, call me immediately.” He leaned forward to pass me a card. “Any time of the day or night, these numbers will reach me. Memorize them. Don’t hesitate to use them.”
I tucked the card into my waist pouch. “Thank you,” I said with sincere gratitude.
“You’re welcome. Are you feeling better today?”
“Yes, thank you.” I tried to hide my suspicion. Why was he being so nice all of a sudden?
“Good. Dismissed.”
I nodded and stood quickly before
either of us could do something to irritate the other.
Rattled, I emerged from Stemp’s office and wandered a few paces down the hall. If he’d been his usual annoying self, I’d have gotten right up in his face and demanded to know why Sirius had been manipulating me since childhood, but his ‘nice guy’ persona had thrown me off balance.
Hell, he’d probably refuse to tell me anyway. And it might not be a good idea to draw his attention with questions.
I rolled stiff shoulders and straightened out of my tired slouch. Kane was the obvious choice. He’d told me about Sirius’s attempts to recruit me, so he probably knew why, too.
Which meant I’d have to talk to him…
I tamped down a shiver at the thought of facing those frosty grey eyes.
Dammit, why had I given in to lust? If I’d just kept my legs together, everything would’ve been fine. Damn-fool idiot.
I looked up in time to see Smith entering my office down the hall, and I quickly released my clenched fist, attempting a neutral expression.
His eyes widened, and I gave him a small headshake. No, I hadn’t been telling tales. I raised my eyebrows at him, receiving a headshake in return. Guess he hadn’t talked to Robert, either. Shit.
Chapter 22
When I stepped into my office, everyone was in their usual seats. Honey’s gaze had been glued to Kane’s broad back again, a faint wrinkle between her brows, and she tore her eyes away from him to offer me an absent ‘Good morning’, still frowning.
“Good morning; good morning,” I greeted her and Spider. “Good mor… ning…” I hoped the hitch in my voice at the sight of Kane’s face hadn’t been too noticeable.
He returned a curt nod, massaging his forehead as if it hurt. His eyes were shadowed, the lines on his face carved deep by fatigue or pain, I couldn’t tell which.
“Are you okay?” I exclaimed without thinking.
“Fine.” His grunt skated on the borderline of civility, and he didn’t meet my eyes. Suddenly his head jerked up. “What do you want?” His normally velvet baritone was a harsh rasp, and he shot a hostile bloodshot glare in my direction.
Sheer dismay stifled my response long enough to realize he wasn’t talking to me at all. I turned to see Sam Kraus hovering in the doorway behind me.
“Uh…” Sam shifted nervously from foot to foot. “I need Aydan down in my lab for-”
“No.” Kane’s flat tone was like the click of the firing pin an instant before the explosion.
Sam flinched, his ruddy complexion draining into pallor. “Uh… but I need…”
Kane stood slowly, his eyes hard as arctic ice.
I knew how deadly he truly was, but for the first time I realized the full extent of his intimidation factor. He seemed to keep getting bigger as he rose, his already massive shoulders widening, his six-foot-four height making the room shrink around him.
I sidled a couple of steps out of his path, ignoring Sam’s openly pleading glance. No fucking way I was getting in the middle of this, whatever it was.
“You won’t put her through that again.” Kane’s growl sent a shiver down my spine.
Sam blanched even further, his gaze darting around the room. Everyone’s attention was riveted on Kane, Spider’s mouth a dark ‘O’ in his face. Smith eyed Kane speculatively, and now that I knew Smith’s background, I recognized a seasoned agent’s seemingly casual assessment, seeing without appearing to look.
My hand crept toward my waist holster. If Smith made a move on Kane…
“It’s okay.”
Honey’s melodic voice made everyone twitch except Kane, who was still holding Sam with his basilisk stare. She came around in front of Kane and laid a hand on his chest, seemingly unfazed by his menacing immobility.
At the touch of her hand, he transferred his attention to her, his face softening.
“It’s okay,” she repeated. “Spider and I figured out a way to send the data from my portable unit down to your system in real-time, Sam.”
“Oh…” Sam drew a deep breath and backed into the hallway. “Thank you… I’ll just go down and monitor from there…” He turned tail and scurried out of sight.
“John.” Honey gazed up into his face, her hand still resting on his chest. “I need you to escort me from the secured area with my case.”
He nodded and strode forward, unceremoniously breaking her contact to vanish down the hallway without a backward glance. Honey trailed him slowly, leaving Spider and me to gape at each other.
“What…?” we both began simultaneously.
“I don’t know.” I frowned puzzlement at Spider. I had half-expected this kind of reaction from Kane yesterday, but he’d been his usual composed self. He’d been civil at Blue Eddy’s last night, too, so whatever had gotten under his skin had happened after that.
I blew out a shaky breath. At least I hadn’t been the one to piss him off.
“He’s hung over.” Smith’s tone was dryly amused.
“But he never…” I shut up.
I’d never seen him drink more than a bit of scotch or an occasional beer. I couldn’t imagine him getting drunk enough to cause the kind of disintegration I’d just seen. But now that I thought about it, he did look like a man nursing a truly hellish hangover.
I sat in anxious silence until they returned, Kane’s scowl towering behind Jack’s beauty like a cumulonimbus cloud on a sunny day. She didn’t spare him a glance as she laid her case on the sofa beside me.
“We just want to monitor you while you breach some firewalls,” she explained while she hooked the electrodes up to my forehead.
“Anything in particular I’m supposed to do?”
“Yes…” Spider’s voice was hesitant, and he shot an uneasy look at Kane before returning his attention to me. “Stemp wants you to check Fuzzy Bunny’s sites again today. The chatter about you should be dying down by now. If it looks as though they’ve swallowed our cover story, he wants to get serious about shutting down some more of Fuzzy Bunny’s operations. Particularly the espionage and arms deals.”
Hope made me sit up a little straighter. “So we’re finally going to be able to take a chunk out of them? Jeez, I thought we’d never get there.”
Spider smiled, his normally innocent face showing predator’s teeth. “Yes. Finally.”
Even Kane looked a little less irritable. God, he must be really hurting if he couldn’t even summon up a smidgeon of his usual passion for crime-fighting.
“All righty then.” I shot a glance at Jack for confirmation. At her nod of approval, I gave Spider a wolfish grin of my own. “This might take a while. Everybody get comfortable.”
Holding the network key in my hand, I stepped into virtual reality more eagerly than I had in a long time. Finally, an end to passively sneaking around. Time to go bunny-hunting.
When Kane’s avatar popped into existence beside me a second later, I took an involuntary step back. Suppressed violence smoked from every pore of his larger-than-life avatar’s bulging muscles.
The previous day’s body armour was nowhere to be seen. Instead, he wore a tight black muscle shirt that emphasized his breathtaking upper body. He was unarmed except for a wicked-looking knife strapped to his thigh, and his camo-patterned cargo pants hugged his crotch in a vivid reminder that made my stomach melt into a puddle of liquid heat.
I turned away to hurry down the virtual corridor on trembling legs. God, if we weren’t being monitored by the rest of the team… I yanked my mind away from the thought of incendiary makeup sex. Not an option, dammit.
“Where are you going?” His raw-edged voice paralyzed me with a shivery-hot memory of nipping teeth, setting every nerve ending ablaze.
“Ah…” I cleared my throat to smooth out my croak. “I’m going to start from the file room. I’m most familiar with it, so it’s easiest for me to go back to it when I’ve been in the network tunnels for a long time.”
I glanced back in time to see his nod and kept moving.
Don’t th
ink about it. Just don’t think about it.
Inside the file room, I materialized two chairs and sat down. Kane sank into the other with a long breath that bespoke the misery of a pounding headache. When I hesitantly reached for his hand, he took it without looking at me, rubbing his forehead with his free hand.
I faded into invisibility and hovered for a moment, watching him. He rolled his shoulders, the lines on his face stark with pain.
Sympathy pierced my heart. I laid a hand on his powerful shoulder and leaned close to whisper so the others couldn’t hear. “John, it’s a sim. You don’t have to feel pain here. Just imagine it away.”
His muscles turned to iron under my hand. “Don’t. Touch. Me.”
His subvocal growl made me jerk my hands away, my shock of instinctive fear flipping to anger in an eyeblink.
“Fine,” I hissed, and dove into the data tunnel.
I barely heard him bellow my name before the busy flow of data packets carried me out of range.
For a few minutes I drifted with the currents of information, too upset to focus. Gradually I brought myself under control, shock still shivering through my bodiless self.
My own stupid fault. That’s what you get when you hurt a guy like Kane.
I blew out an airless sigh and started looking for bunny tracks.
Chapter 23
My search was long and tedious, but I had no desire to revisit Kane’s avatar in the virtual file room. Instead, I stashed my bits of data on a convenient public server until common sense prodded me to reluctantly retrace my convoluted paths.
I couldn’t stay out here forever. My physical body was probably ready to pee its pants. And I wasn’t sure how long it would take to find my way back without Kane’s anchoring grip.
I twisted and turned in the data stream, unable to find the right direction. Fear nibbled at the edges of my consciousness.
Don’t panic.
Holding onto calm, I let my consciousness stretch along myriad shifting data tunnels. Here, this was familiar. And here. Stay calm. Everything’s okay…
How Spy I Am Page 16