by Joshua Guess
The strange thing is that they were just waiting there patiently, fire in the fireplace as if they didn't have a care in the world. Maybe they didn't think anyone would come after them. God knows if they'd have kept moving on we would never have found them. The only conclusion we can reach is that they are waiting for someone to show up. If that's true, then the situation may become more complex.
Henry hasn't come around yet. Whatever poison the guards used appears to have hit him very hard even though it didn't kill him. Phil doesn't have much confidence that Henry is going to pull through, truth be told. I don't know that I want him to. Not because I hate him, though I haven't historically had a lot of love for Exiles or marauders.
It's just that I'm not totally without compassion for even the worst of people, no matter how much pain they've caused. Bad guys rarely think they're bad guys, and Henry was a part of a community, no matter how messed up. He knew those people, lived with them day to day. He probably had good friends among the dead. People he loved.
All of that is gone. He watched them suffer in unimaginable pain for hours at least. The sort of agony he witnessed and then went through himself aren't the kind of memories you want to carry around with you. They damage you, change you in ways that can be impossible to recover from. Maybe the best thing for him is to pass on in his sleep, immune to the hurt waiting for him in the waking world.
Some deaths are necessary, cold and heartless. Some are a kindness, and in this case I think it would be the best thing for him.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Caesura
Posted by Josh Guess
A caesura is a complete pause between a line in poetry or music. I remember reading that word for the first time and being amazed that people name so many things. Think about that for a minute. How many words can you think of that represent the concept of nothingness? Of emptiness? Just that one idea has enough words for it that there is one specific to music and poetry.
If that seems wildly out of place as a subject of discussion here, you're right. But for me, today feels like a caesura. Our scouts are still waiting outside the house where the murdering guards are holed up. It's twenty degrees outside, so cold that most people are staying inside. Only critical jobs being done. The undead are quiet.
The world feels paused. For once there's nothing going on at all, and it's weird.
It's the sort of dark anticipation that comes from knowing too much. Enjoying the warmth in my home as I sit next to the stove and write is hard to do when I know what comes next. Whether it's a firefight with those guards or a zombie attack or some new scheme by the UAS, I know it can't last. We've been grinding through hardship after tragedy after terrible calamity. We've made great strides toward creating a better world, but there is always a struggle. Some hurdle or another will trip us up.
If you need any more insight into my mind, my problems (not that most of you probably do), then that's it. Every day is like that for me. I live in a constant state of battle. I try to enjoy the moment while fighting the knowledge that worse times are ahead.
In the world that was, there was a chance I was wrong and that better days waited around the corner. Now, I know beyond doubt things will be dark and painful and terrible.
Even in peaceful, quiet moments like these, I know it.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Unclaimed
Posted by Josh Guess
Now, here's a funny thing. Someone commented on yesterday's post, worried that I might have spooked whoever the guards were waiting to meet. That must have been the case, because by late afternoon the two of them had given themselves up to our scouts.
I don't know any details about what they might have told Will and the others who questioned them. If those guys gave up any information it's not public yet. All I do know is that this morning on my jog I saw their bodies being burned. I'm making no judgments on that. I think they had it coming.
As far as I know those two men are still unclaimed by any group. I don't see their execution causing much of a fuss, because anyone that might come forward to give us trouble about them is going to have some explaining to do. I mean, we've done some terrible things. I know that. I'm not blind to it. But we did them in reaction to aggressors or to defend others who couldn't defend themselves. The Exiles were keeping to themselves on the other side of the river. Distasteful as their actions have been in the past, the ones living over there seemed to have learned their lesson. They had abandoned their fellow Exiles--the ones who attacked us--and tried to settle down.
That act didn't earn my forgiveness, though I can't speak for anyone else. It did earn a certain level of tolerance. Enough that we let our differences slide. Live and let live, that whole spiel.
Those two fuckers brutally murdered a bunch of people who weren't hurting anyone. It might have been a different story had the Exiles been planning something, but our people have found zero evidence of that in the fallback point. If anything it looks like the Exiles were truly settling in for the long haul. They had a setup that would have seen them through the winter and enough seeds and tools to make a decent go at farming in the spring. The heavy weapons were stored away, dusty and unused.
Not a group that seemed on the edge of going after anyone, I have to say. We're still watching Henry as he struggles to stay alive. If he pulls through we might get some answers, but the evidence is already strong that the Exiles were staying peaceful. The larger question remains unanswered and is, if anything, more confusing at this point. Why? Why do this? Whose agenda does it serve?
Whoever is behind this, assuming the killers weren't just psychopaths trying to set some kind of record, will have to own a pair of balls so big they drag the ground to own up to it. I don't know which possibility is more chilling.
It's so cold. Give me zombies to fight any day over this kind of insanity. Their need to kill I can understand and easily quantify, but the depths to which human beings with free will of their own will sink continue to amaze and disgust me. Considering the things I've seen and even done myself over the last few years, that's saying quite a fucking lot.
Monday, December 24, 2012
Fools Rush In
Posted by Josh Guess
We have ourselves a strange situation. According to our...questioners, the murderers were agents of the UAS. They admitted this fact easily, mostly because we scared off the team that was supposed to pick them up from that house. It was join us or die, in their minds, though our people never made that promise.
Will contacted the UAS yesterday and they flatly denied it. Even if they came right out and took credit, it would be difficult for us to justify any kind of reaction. The Exiles were enemies even if we were experiencing a time of peace. It's hard to understand the motivation behind this horror. Was it a warning? Some kind of strange attempt at winning us over?
Whatever the reason, we can't do much about it. Hard to justify starting a war over dead enemies, especially when we only have the word of a pair of terrified murderers to go on. Frustrating but true.
It would be an awful time for it at any rate. We're still blessedly free of zombies and at critical junctures in several projects. We're on the verge of reaching a huge milestone in autonomy and industrialization. So many goals are in our reach, and going to war again won't bring those people back from the dead. All it would do is risk everything our people have been struggling to build over the last months.
Logically that makes sense. I even agree with it. I say this often, but it still leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth to compromise so much. Justice is a tricky bastard when balanced against the needs of several thousand people. I don't want us to risk those folks. They're family now, and their safety and happiness mean the world to me. Yet that angry voice still shouts at me to do something, anything. To make it right. No matter the cost, killers who would coldly annihilate an entire community unprovoked to make some kind of point shouldn't get away with it.
In a better world, perhaps.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Words
Posted by Josh Guess
Words don't have to be eloquent or creative to have power. Say the simplest words in the right situation and they can be the line between life and death. Things is, those words can push either way.
This morning I'm thinking about words a lot. Especially my own. When I started this blog, the idea was to track what I thought might be a temporary situation. I wanted to give people some idea of what was going on and perhaps create a stable reference point for them. I started dispensing advice and ideas.
Saying something as simple as, "Shoot the zombie in the head" can save a life. It creates context for the person who hears it. Suddenly you have a frame by which to judge the shambling corpse in front of you and what means are at your disposal to stay safe.
Words can inform. They can inspire. They can make you love, make you hate, even create trust.
I've been writing this blog for a long time now. I have informed, inspired, and all the rest. I know that at times the things I've revealed have caused hardship far beyond the ever-present threat of the undead, but I've always considered myself a positive influence.
My words have done a lot, I can say that without ego or bragging. But my worst error is not seeing the above before now. I didn't understand that people listened to me and believed in me. I realized today that my worst sin was using my words to create trust. At least in that people trust me and I didn't comprehend how deep it went.
Enough putting it off.
My last post was the final straw for some people. My anger resonated with more than a few, and as a consequence an even dozen people left this morning. They wanted to go after the UAS for the deaths of the Exiles. There was a huge fight about it between them and the council. The dissenters wanted backing from our government to send people against the UAS. You can imagine how that went over.
I was called in about it, and when the dissenters asked for me to put in my two cents, I had to be honest. I couldn't agree with what they proposed no matter how much I wanted to. Choosing to attack the UAS would be too damaging for us to deal with. It would mean war on a scale none of us have any capacity to deal with.
They felt betrayed and those twelve people disavowed their citizenship in New Haven. They're leaving--they may even be gone--and they can't come back. What they do once they're outside our walls is entirely on them. As much as it galls me to do this, I have to issue a warning.
To the UAS: we will send you messages with full descriptions of these people. Any actions they might take do not represent New Haven in any way. They are now outcasts, and if you choose to engage or capture them there will be no repercussions on our part. By the same token you won't fault us for their actions. They're dead to us as soon they leave here.
Jesus, I can't believe this crap. Every time I've read a book or seen a movie and someone says something stupid and hurtful, I've thought, why don't they just think about what they're saying?
You'd think I would have learned that lesson and always remembered the consequences.
This is my fault. Maybe not entirely, but I bear responsibility just the same.
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Subtle Maneuvers
Posted by Josh Guess
A few people have asked questions regarding the last post. I need to get on to something more vital, so I'll reply quickly:
The dissenters that left New Haven do not need to be rounded up by anyone even marginally associated with the Union, particularly New Haven itself. They're leaving our sphere of influence. What they do from there is entirely on their own. We don't have much doubt that whatever their plans, they'll ultimately be destructive. I suggest leaving them alone lest you risk being seen as collaborators.
As for watching out for poisons similar to what the guards used on the Exiles, I can't be much help. We don't know what it was exactly, though Henry has miraculously pulled through, and so far we're seeing so many complications from the poisoning that we can't be anything close to sure exactly what was used. We do know it was introduced into the water supply, but there are plenty of poisonous substances that dissolve in water. My suggestion is to be cautious and wary, and not to let anyone you don't know and trust implicitly near your food or water supplies.
Now, on to more important news.
In response to recent events, it seems the UAS wants to prove their benevolence. To that end they're setting up clinics on the borders of their land, open to anyone and everyone who wants to use them. They have a lot of medical staff and supplies, they say, and want to help those of us who have suffered without them. No one who uses this service, only available for a short while, will have any obligation to the UAS, nor will they be held or threatened for crossing the borders.
On the surface it seems like a nice gesture, and honestly if they go through with it as described it really will be. Unless they've got far more in the way of resources and manufacturing than we're aware of, this will only cost the UAS valuable commodities they can't easily replace. I don't want to be the guy who gets pissed off that a group is doing something constructive, but the intent behind the act is almost painfully obvious, isn't it?
They want people to know what kinds of services and treatment they can expect as part of the UAS. They want to lull groups into feeling positive about them, either to draw away people by defection or to force populations to vote about joining the UAS. It's not that subtle, I'll be honest, but it scares me as a tactic. The old saying says you catch more flies with honey than vinegar, and this is going to be a very sweet deal for a lot of people who have suffered without medical care for several years.
At first the whole thing seemed curious to me. Why do this when you've got so many people on your own team already? The UAS doesn't need more mouths to feed, do they? For the sake of practicality, why on earth would you waste supplies and manpower like this?
Then it clicked. The UAS has military gear and weapons galore. The people that use them are obviously civilians and ones that have been safely away from the kind of experience that forces you to get good at fighting or die trying. They may or may not actually care about those of us who've been living above ground since day one of The Fall, but they absolutely care about themselves. The UAS knows they're weak in the one area that counts: fighting. Specifically the undead. They want to lure in new members who know what the hell they're doing. They need people who've been in the trenches. Maybe to teach their own people how to handle it, but probably as a security force.
And this is winter, don't forget. Even so far south the weather will be enough to at least slow down the undead. It's the perfect time to recruit new people and move them onto the new homesteads they're securing.
I don't have any proof for these theories, but they feel right. It's psychological warfare. It's the one thing we've tried to avoid as much as possible since The Fall: politics. Weapons-grade politics. We can fight an enemy trying to kill or steal from us, but telling people they should ignore the generosity of people and keep on struggling in the cold, dark world...that's a hard job. The UAS is playing a more complicated game than I would have imagined last week.
The worst thing is that it's not a game we're trained to play.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Enhance Your Calm
Posted by Josh Guess
I hate to quote Demolition Man in the title of this post, but it needs to be said. Everyone needs to calm down. Since my post yesterday--on which there are several comments in the same vein--people all over the place have been sending me messages, completely freaking out. Look, I know many of you want to find the people responsible for killing the Exiles. Some of you question the motivation of the UAS to kill so many people so close to New Haven, while others think it makes perfect sense. I've been on both sides of that fence.
The third possibility is that whoever is responsible, UAS or some unknown party, is shooting for exactly this reaction. We're in a period of vastly reduced a
ctivity by the undead. The zombies have retreated to the far reaches of the county here and in other places, giving us a chance to make headway on many projects that are of vital importance. Communities all over the Union are reporting the same thing.
Instead of letting our focus waver by gnawing on a problem we can't possibly solve, we should be buttoning down and getting things done. I want justice for the murders beyond the death of the tools that committed them. Many of us want to know the hand that moved those men.
We can argue and discuss it until the end of time but without any further evidence we have to err on the side of caution. None of us can afford to take the word of the murderers here. The possibility exists that they were trying to send us to war with the UAS. Better to bite back the urge to lash out and work on our own problems. We can remain cautious and observant while we do it, but to allow our own lives to suffer because of this horrific act would be a massive failure.
That's the thing, you know? This is the worst time for discord and mistrust among the people of the Union, no matter where they are. With the UAS trying to entice people away with their free clinics, the last thing we can afford is to give people a reason to want to go. Unity and willingness to cope with not knowing the answers when we want them are important.
Before you know it the zombies will be back in large numbers. As we progress through winter, the UAS will grow stronger and more entrenched, bringing the possibility of armed conflict with them closer. So let me say it again so no one misses the fucking point:
We're at a crossroads. We're heading toward a future unimaginable even a year ago. We have the chance to make a serious go at rebuilding what was, maybe even improving on it. There are risks, as detailed above. How we move forward from here is entirely up to you. I can't stress enough that the challenges and risks need to be met by dedicated, focused people. Not warring tribes who demand answers from people with no capacity to provide them. I understand your anger and desire for justice. But it's not an option.