April 11, Wednesday
Today work is and is going to be slow. It is a slow day. All of my processes are slow. But no help for that. Oh! lord! I am coming to page 70 and in two or three weeks I shall pass 100 which will be I guess something like two hundred and fifty typed pages. That will be by the first of May at least. There is a very slow progression on this. I can’t do it any other way. I feel calmer now that I have finished with the background of Cathy. It was a long haul. I don’t know why I am slow today. But I am. Last night I had a session with Grieg,25 my Norwegian publisher. He is a fine fellow and sells a lot of books. He just did a new edition of Mice and Men of 30,000. There are only 3,000,000 Norwegians. This edition would correspond to 1,500,000 copies in this country. He says in all editions he has sold over 70,000 copies of The Grapes of Wrath in Norway. This is really a fantastic figure.
My new glasses have come. I had them put in steel frames. Very light and I don’t care what they look like because they are only for work. I can use my old glasses for casual things.
The human mind I believe is nothing but a muscle. Sometimes it has tone and sometimes not. And mine is not in very good tone right now. It is jumbled and slow and like a bad child. It refuses to obey me. I tell it to do something and it won’t. In a short time now I will be angry with it and then it had better watch out. I am a hard master of the mind. I don’t know. I don’t know. Things operate so strangely. The fact of the matter is that I have several things on my mind at once and that poor instrument cannot take the overload.
Sometimes I wonder about things which are close to the unthinkable. And now I’ll get to my knitting.
April 12, Thursday
I just begin to guess that this is a bad week. Energies ebb and flow and they have ebbed for me this week. Last night went to bed early but could not sleep for thinking of my story. It has been hard this week. I haven’t fallen behind but I have picked up no lead either.
Tomorrow you will be coming around to pick up the week’s work. And I don’t feel very triumphant about it this week at all. There must be ups and downs, I guess. These are downs. I hate them. It is 10 o’clock. Elaine has gone to the country to see her friend and I miss her already. It will do her good to get out. She has been in the house all the time, painting mostly. So far the phone has not started to ring. I hope Louise does not come too late. It is almost doorbell and telephone time. I shall finish my day’s work and then go out on the street and walk. Then I go to see about Europe for next year—I’ll talk to the people at Crowell since they want me to. But when I go I shall want to take my old post with the Herald Tribune. It does one thing—it lets me go just about where I want to. And besides I like working for them. I think I can do more relaxed work than ever. Alexander of Crowell Publishing says that John Hersey and I are the only two good reporters in the world now. Flattering but not true. I have not much time nor space for comment this morning. And because of the slump I feel reluctant to work but I have to. You know I have lost practically no work time since I started this book. That is pretty good I think—don’t you. There goes the doorbell. It is starting and so must I. So to work.
Now I move the page. The work is coming a little easier or maybe I am just getting used to it. And I am getting closer to California. Next week I’ll be there. And I don’t want to speed it up. I want to go into this feeling of Adam’s and also I want to give very good reasons for the move. It should not be so very hard. I have to go to Cathy now. And I am really dawdling today more than I should maybe. Well let’s see what I can do with Cathy.
April 13 [FRIDAY]
Well, big news—Zapata will be made. Colliers or rather Crowell do want me to make the big trip next January. And I will surely have this book done by then. My workbench will be cut today and will get here either today or tomorrow. All very exciting. You will be coming over for copy this afternoon. It is such a big day. I think I know how the day’s work will go. And I am going to get to work on it early. It is a beautiful spring day. I would like to be out in it but can’t. That is just one of the penalties. I’ll bet the chore of typing from this is getting bad. But it has to be done. There’s no getting away from that. Elaine is painting the maid’s room today. We work very hard for our servants. Everyone does. But Louise is good and faithful. It would never occur to her to paint her room. That’s why she is a servant. It has advantages and disadvantages. And now to work.
I must admit that this is a very messy page but I can’t help that. It’s just that way. Next week I will try to make it more neat.
April 16, Monday
Another week, Pat. I think and I hope my slump is over but it is very hard to know. I was thinking after you came over on Friday—I hope you haven’t too clear an idea of how this book is going to be, because if it doesn’t turn out that way, you are going to be disappointed and I should hate that. You might get preconceptions and you must not do that. This is a grey day but of the kind I like. Reminds me of mornings in Salinas when I hated to get up and go to school. And I hated to get up this morning too.
Now my mental disciplines are a little relaxed by the week end. And you know of course that many times before I finish this book I shall hate it with a deadly hatred. I shall detest the day when I started it. It will seem the poorest piece of crap that was ever set down. This feeling will reach a fine peak on about the 500th page. Once I pass that I will continue to work in a state of shock. And when it is done I will be lost for a long time.
I want to ask and even beg one thing of you—that we do not discuss the book any more when you come over. No matter how delicately we go about it, it confuses me and throws me off the story. So from now on let’s do the weather or fleas or something else but let’s leave the book alone. In that way we’ll have some surprises. I know you won’t mind this once you see why. Once it is done, you may tear it to shreds if you wish and I won’t object, and I’ll go along with you, but right now both you and I forget the delicate sets of balances involved. There are no good collaborations and all this discussion amounts to collaboration. So, we’ll do that, if you don’t mind. And let’s stop counting pages, too. I am not being difficult I hope. It is just too hard on me to try to write, defend and criticise all at the same time. I can quite easily do each one separately. Let me keep the literary discussions on these poor pages. Then we will have no quarrels. I know you make fun of my inventions and my designs. But they are the same thing as writing. I come from a long line of inventors. This is in my blood. We are improvisors and will continue to be. Now I find there is a great suspicion and fear of inventors and the first attack is always based on the fact that they are crazy—and maybe they are. My father was not an inventive man and he always said the Hamiltons were crazy. It was because he did not understand them. One is always crazy. Also the inventions of the Hamiltons did not make money. Money always removes the charge of craziness.
Now I can get back to the book. Today or tomorrow this chapter26 ends. It has a lot of facets left but they are small ones. It will have become one of the world’s longest chapters. You will wonder why Cathy married Adam. Don’t worry—she will tell you but not yet. She will tell you when she tells him and you will just have to wait three long chapters for that. And I guess now is the time—Today Adam-Charles, Adam-Cathy, Cathy-Charles, Adam-Charles. And it will end on that. Maybe I can finish it today but I don’t think so. And thus we leave you for today.
April 17, Tuesday
I guess my note of yesterday was pretty silly. When one lives completely in a book as I do in this one the determination not to talk about it is a really futile thing. So there’s another thing to disregard. These notes are loaded with futilities. However, that’s the way it is. Now that chapter is done and you’ll have to admit it was abrupt. I go now to another Hamilton chapter which will also be a transition chapter. But before I go into that, I must say I am pleased about Pascal’s 27 lecture. And I hope you will tell him I am. He is making great progress all along the line and probably in some fields we know noth
ing about, which is as it should be. I am amused at your reaction to my charge of your commercialism. All right I apologize. You rose to the bait beautifully though. That is another of my inventions. And I have a couple more which I am holding back. Sometimes I wish I could throw everything into this work. If my total energy went into it, I could finish it in two months. But I would not have the fun that I am having now. And I can tell you quite truthfully that I have never had such a good time with a book. Maybe this doesn’t make it good but it surely makes it a pleasure to me. And don’t think it is always easy.
Now—let’s see—today I want to try to get circus tickets for Saturday for my boys. And they are very hard to get. But I’m going to try. Still my workbench has not come. Don’t know why not. It should have been here Saturday. I can’t get my room in order until it comes. You know I just had a really brilliant idea about the workbench. What a good idea. And I will surely put it into use too.
I suppose my mind seems flighty today. Maybe it is but actually today must start with lyricism. And do you know I have no idea what chapter it is. I think it is #4 but am not sure.28 I will call it that anyway. I have thought a great deal about the one sentence heading for the large paragraphs. It might be a very good thing to do.
Now I have left the east coast and I will never go back to it. You may think I stayed in Connecticut too long but I really had to give the background of the Trasks. It would be meaningless if you didn’t know what they came from and what sent them to California. But now they are there. And I shall get them there with a sentence. The year is 1892. The reason for that is that I want the son of Cathy to be 60 years old in 1952 when the book comes out, because I want the grandson of Cathy to be 20 years old in 1952. These ages are important to the book. The one person you are not going to understand in this book is Cathy and that is because you don’t know her. Cathy sometimes tells the truth but she is like my friend [...] You can believe her lies but when she tells the truth it is not credible. And I guess now it is time to get to work and stop the nonsense.
Now, Pat, I know it is unorthodox to put in the preceding article of faith but if you will remember back, I said the teller would be opinionated. I have not taken it clear away from the story and I want to say it. And as for my comments on the story, I find it or rather I feel that it is more direct and honest to set it down straight than to sneak it in so that the reader will not know or suspect it as opinion. As you will have discovered even in the amount I have written, the technique of this book is an apparent lack of technique and I assure you that is not easy. The Trask story was a rather dreadful one. I think it is good to settle back and regard it quietly—to give the reader a rest and to let him think about it and perhaps to direct a little what he thinks about it. Anyway, that is what I am going to do. Reflection is no bad thing although I must say in this time it is not a popular pastime. I feel good about the Trask section and I must say I am glad it is done. I am glad they are in California. But I’ll tell you what I am going to do, I’m going to bring them to California and then go to the Hamiltons. And with this chapter I think you will finally become aware of the counterpoint. So I will go on with my day’s work and good luck to me.
April 18, Wednesday
Last night I stayed up too late talking to Odets and Juan Negrin.29 So I am tired today and was reluctant to get up. This will pass in a short while and I will go on working. I am content with the transition in Chapter 4, aren’t you? Read it to Elaine last night and she liked it. Today is a very busy day. Kazan is coming over in the afternoon to discuss summer plans. I am going to try to get circus tickets for Saturday. Very hard to get. Still building my carpenter’s bench but I will be doing that for a long time. I may have to get a sheet of Masonite for it to cover it. So many things to do. I wonder if I will ever get them done. Well I just have to, just have to. If I can get circus tickets for Saturday or Sunday, will get the boys the day before and keep them overnight.
Well today MacArthur 30 parade. I will keep off the street. This is a frightful political build-up and only now does its purpose begin to be apparent. It is sad to see the awful machinations of the little-souled men. How cynical they must be. I suppose that if I had any sense at all, I would not write today but I am going to anyway. It would be a great joke on the people in my book if I just left them high and dry, waiting for me. If they bully me and do what they choose I have them over a barrel. They can’t move until I pick up a pencil. They are frozen, turned to ice standing one foot up and with the same smile they had yesterday when I stopped. I have one bad little episode to put in before I go on to a new saga of the Hamiltons. It’s hard to know which story to tell first—there are so many. But I have to get to them to make a counterpoint for the bleak opening of the Trasks. And now I guess I must get to it.
Now, there’s the first episode. And now we’ll do a little jumping about. And maybe you think it is about time. I have stayed very close to this one story although I must say it covered a lot of ground. My wish is that when my reader has finished with this book, he will have a sense of belonging in it. He will actually be a native of that Valley. He needn’t know intimately a great many people but he will have a nodding acquaintance with very many. I want it to be a life experience. I would like the reader to forget where he read the little essays and even think he invented them himself. That’s not too much to ask, is it? Now, in spite of the questions I won’t let you ask yet, I think you do think the book is going pretty well. I think it is myself. It is getting a heavy tread from the weight of incidents. Its constantly changing style is beginning to take effect. I hope by these changes of mood and approach to remove tiresomeness in a long novel. And there is another thing I have never discussed with you. If a man has a too pat style, his reader can after a little time keep ahead of him. I mean the reader will know what is coming by how it is done. And I am trying to remove this possibility by constant change. And now back to work for the second half of my day’s work.
April 19, Thursday
Now comes another day but this day I am not tired. The good sleep sharpened me and I feel refreshed. Today is MacArthur day and that big hunk of sacrosanct shit will be making the air horrid with his platitudes. I get such a sense of dishonesty from this man. Wonder what his wife thinks of him.
I should not take much time for comment today because I am anxious to get into the change. Today I introduce the Hamiltons to Adam Trask and my purpose, as you will understand, will be to put down the Salinas Valley from a county man’s viewpoint. To show the fine hopes of the people and their ingenious-ness. To develop the kind of mind Samuel had and to indoctrinate Adam with the flavor of the Valley. Don’t forget he is now a Valley man. And that may be enough subject for one day. Elaine is always amazed that I cover so much territory in one day’s work. And what I have just said will be quite enough for one day’s work. So. I think I will get to it. Maybe there will be other notes later—I might tell you that I invented a tool rack this day which is going to be the glory of the world. You will marvel when you see it, and with good reason for there has never been a tool rack like this one. And I will build it all today. You will be able to see it tomorrow.
And now has come the time for work to start and I am very early too. I will be through with writing at a reasonable hour. And now to go.
There’s the halfway mark. I wanted to put that in to show how the people felt about the country and about the Hamiltons. I think that is necessary. Relationships in a country are the most revealing part of it. If I can get those down I’ll be pleased if I can do it well and now I’ll go on.
April 20, Friday
The last writing day of the week. I feel rather tired and I hope I get through today but it is one of those which seem insuperable. For one thing I’m fighting off a cold and that is one thing I just don’t want and can’t use now. And with it has come a kind of dullness. I can hope for one thing today. A book sometimes moves on by inertia and I do hope this one has now enough momentum to struggle on. Boys this afternoon
and circus tomorrow and I must be well for that. I think after a while the circus bores them but it has great eminence—the going to it. And I must say I like it too.
My brain is not a very good instrument today—not very good at all. And it is an important day in the book. I wanted to go into the nature of the Valley. And I will but I wanted it to be clear and sharp and effective. I am trying desperately to remember the sound of my grandfather’s speech. And maybe my memory is not entirely accurate but at least I am trying to give a feeling of it. He made a nice use of figures. And I am trying to approximate them. Being a well borer he knew the earth very well, and being an inventor he was always trying to improve on it. But it is going to be hard going today. Thank goodness I have an early start. MacArthur will be panjoraming about today and it will be noisy. Our good shy proconsul (the ham) is having a field day. I’ll have to set my book against the yammer. These same crowds who shriek for him today will turn on him tomorrow. Well I don’t think he will be president. Two speeches like that of yesterday would do for him. He mispronounces words with a godly authority. I detest him. He has absolutely no humility. But back to my first premise. I don’t feel any better. But I have to. You’ll be over for copy this afternoon. And dam it, I’m tired. Going to get coffee and then go to work now.
Journal of a Novel Page 8