by Caine
Any more than a man can live without hope.
Caine looked down into the eyes of the last women he would ever allow himself to feel hope for. Backing the animal in him down. And telling it that just this once, it would have to wait its turn.
* * * * *
He was gone.
Chloe stepped out onto the deck at the back of the cabin and wrapped a blanket around herself against the wind. The woods were bright from the very early morning moon that still hung just over the tops of the red maples and hickories and yellow pines. Chloe imagined she could see and hear and think for miles.
She could have asked him to stay. She could have made love to him just as furiously as his touch had told her he would have made love to her. But he had taken her refusal of his affections and gone.
The man who had just left her alone and cold and confused without an argument or a single request that she fulfill his needs could have made his way into her bed. Into her body. Her life.
Something in him had seemed so familiar to Chloe that she had been afraid to listen to the thought when it had crossed her mind.
Her ears detected a sound that had come to her as the wind picked up again and she shivered at the call. Faint. A mile away, maybe more, from where she stood. She heard it, but knew now that it wasn’t for her. The comfort in that was painful.
She still wanted the man in her dreams. The man capable of crushing her heart, her spirit and her will to live but who would kill his own spirit or will rather than cause her even the most minor intentional, unwanted pain. She still wanted a man who could defend her against anything. One who was helpless against no situation or event or other living thing.
Except himself.
Men such as these didn’t exist. Chloe had always known this. The little girl in her even knew this. But some other small, irrational part of her being had long held on to the fantasies.
She was angry with herself for feeling so ungrateful for what she seemed to have found in this man. Any other woman would have been overjoyed to be touched as Chloe had just been touched. And any other sane, rational woman would have been turning back handsprings at the magnitude of his selflessness. His ability to ignore his own desires and simply please her.
His talent for self-control.
The very thing that she had never wanted in her man.
She comforted herself with the belief that Caine was at least half of that man who would not leave her dreams. He was at least half of what Chloe had childishly dared to imagine she could someday find for a mate. And as no other man, not even his brother, had ever come this close to satisfying her dream, it forced some hope into her soul that half of her dream wasn’t as far fetched and unobtainable as she’d imagined.
But it also forced Chloe to be reasonable with her dreams and her fairy tales. Damon Caine was brilliant and although Chloe knew he was creative to a fault, she also knew that he likely wasn’t going to fall in love with a woman who once dreamed of having a werewolf for a mate. And he damned sure wasn’t going to fall in love with a little girl who still wanted very much to believe.
She suspected that it wasn’t such a terrible compromise that she give up only half of the dream to have a man who seemed to so perfectly personify the other half.
Had they really existed, had Caine been what she wanted to believe in, she wouldn’t have stood a chance when she’d told him no. He would have taken what he’d wanted, even if it had been wrong for him to do so. Just as his brother had taken her a mere few hours before.
But he hadn’t. And he wasn’t going to. Caine was too civilized and humane to be completely like the beasts he wrote about. She knew this just as the beasts she loved knew each other’s voices from miles away. They knew their family members and the members of other packs. They marked their territory and announced the deaths of their prey and the births of their young with their calls.
They called to, flirted with, and mourned their mates with their howls.
Chloe closed her eyes and let the sound of the howl’s maker growing closer remind her of the stories Maw had told her.
And wished now, more than ever, that she could truly understand the words.
Chapter Twelve
Caine rubbed his eyes and reached to the back of his neck to try and make his head feel better.
He had left her there and he already hated every ounce of himself for doing it.
He should have made love to her again.
Caine wouldn’t have had to restrain or subdue or force himself inside this woman. Her body had understood his hands. It had understood his kiss. Her skin had memorized his touch within seconds of the very first one.
But there were things that he had to tell her before her body was allowed to know the rest of him. And there were things that she had to know about herself as well.
His hands weren’t able to purge the sight and smell and thought of that woman and he wasn’t able to tell her the truth any more than he could have stopped Lee from transforming back into a man most likely the minute Caine had gotten Chloe out of the bathroom.
It had been a close call kind of day.
And Caine was exhausted.
But at least it was over. Almost, that is. Now that he had taken Chloe home and broken every rule of his kind and pack and self-control that he could think of, all Caine had to do after he got home was go to Luke’s house to make sure the bastard wasn’t planning on disobeying his orders not to touch Chloe, and then check on Lee.
That first part was the one that really had him worried.
As for Lee, it was well known that wolf hybrids sometimes had a hell of a time during late puberty. Male hybrids had to learn to control the urge to transform just like they had to learn to control every other urge and impulse that guided their bodies and minds. It was because of this bizarre form of puberty that Caine’s kind went through that had made him less concerned than he would have been at any other time of Lee’s life were he not able to transform. The fever, however, had frightened him enough for him to put himself and Chloe into a less than ideal situation with Luke.
Caine was just glad his little brother hadn’t been born a little girl. Had Lee been a female, his first transformation would not have taken place until the loss of his virginity. Although Caine knew of no she-wolves himself, he had heard that the trauma over such a thing taking place when the young woman should be enjoying something so precious and memorable was sometimes enough to make the she-wolf kill her mate during the act.
Caine had never even considered trying to locate a she-wolf for himself. In his opinion, human women could be just as dangerous in bed as the animals Caine had only heard tales of from his ancestors.
At least he bet that Dr. Chloe Evans could be as dangerous between the sheets as anything Caine’s great-great-grandfather had supposedly had the pleasure of mounting. Especially if she would let go and admit what gave her the greatest pleasure.
As for his own pleasure, Caine’s plans for the night had gone nothing like he’d imagined. Nor had they gone according to Luke’s expectations either. Lee’s fever had altered the entire night. And Chloe Evans quite possibly had altered Caine’s entire life, he suspected.
He brought his fingers to his mouth.
He would know she’d been there after weeks of showers and nights and dreams of her. And every time he found her scent, Caine would think of how badly he wanted to please her again. And of just how pleasing she could be to him. It was wonderful to imagine. And it felt good for him to think tenderly of a woman again. After two years of grief and pain and loneliness that no sibling or parent or friend could sway, Caine wanted this. He was ready for this again. He wanted to share as one can only share with a mate.
He wanted to love again.
It was insane and improbable and most likely going to cause Caine more pain than he had ever imagined when she ended up just like all the others. All except one. The only one.
Tonight, he didn’t want to think that way. He didn’t want to conside
r what was going to happen to his heart and that tiny glimmer of hope when Chloe knew the truth.
Still, there were things Caine had to consider. Namely, Luke. The man wanted to breed. Caine understood that perfectly. Caine himself wanted to breed. And he still needed to because of his pack. He knew it was his duty.
But he wanted the female willing. And he wanted her to enjoy their breeding efforts as much as he. He couldn’t deny that fact.
And he wanted Chloe to be his mate.
The bitch had already done it with her sass and her smile and that dimple. Not to mention the way she’d reeked of pheromones he suspected only his nose could ever truly understand when he’d touched and loved her. And when they’d spoken of the family history that Caine recorded for his books, even though she’d denied believing them, the woman’s body had all but reached out to him with its excitement over such tales.
The fact that his work aroused her so, made Caine have to fight an urge he never thought he’d feel. It was an urge to tell her everything right away. The urge to be completely honest with her about what he and his father and brothers were.
But she hadn’t been able to be completely honest with him about the way she felt about such things. And Caine had learned long ago that fact and fiction were worlds apart in most people’s minds. From the few fan letters that did manage to track him down, Caine had determined that although people loved to be scared and most liked to be reminded by literature and art that their lives were expendable, very few were ever brave enough to accept the true reality of that concept. Caine’s books were successful because reading about such lurid things was the most dangerous way most people were willing to live.
And unfortunately, Dr. Chloe Evans would most likely be much too down to earth to accept what Caine needed to admit to her if she was to be his willing mate.
True, she had been excited by what she had thought was Luke more roughly making love to her. But Caine suspected that she was merely another adrenaline junkie with a slightly higher tolerance. And he suspected that if he did admit who and what he was, her craving for fear would quickly turn on the man giving it to her. She would think he was nuts, first of all.
And then, when he proved his claim, she would be repulsed by what he truly was.
For Caine on the other hand, admitting that he’d basically fallen in love with her the minute the wolf in him had smelled her months before was the most frightening thing he had ever let run through his mind.
Hell, Caine was still working on breaking that news to himself. He didn’t want to love another woman because of the pain that love had once caused him. But, just as Caine had been helpless to fall in love with Meagan, it would seem that the chromosome for being an idiot when it came to women was well ingrained in the Caine family gene pool.
Caine thought about his twin and how his own life was affected by the same factors as his. At least Caine had been given the choice to openly love a woman when he’d ascended to the alpha position. Luke hadn’t been given that option. And even though Caine was being very liberal with his allowing his brothers the chance to breed, it was still under his control and subject to his approval as long as they were in his pack.
Ultimately, even Chloe’s breeding was up to him as long as she was in his territory. It was an ugly thing for Caine to remind himself of, but it was true nonetheless. Caine would give the situation every opportunity to work itself out, but if it didn’t, and if Chloe wasn’t able to accept him, Caine would be forced to let his more primal instincts take over for the sake of his family.
He only hoped, for his sake and for Chloe’s, that she could be what he needed her to be.
What she needed to be for herself.
Caine looked up as he pulled back into the drive of his parents’ house. Lee’s light was still on and so he decided to check on him first. Luke’s house was dark as were the other houses where Caine’s aunts, uncles, and grandparents lived. The difference was that Luke’s house looked cold. Uninviting. And like somewhere Caine was not allowed to go, despite the fact that every house on every inch of the property was part of his territory.
He had thought about suggesting a way for he and Luke both to have what they wanted and it not interfere with the ways they had been raised to uphold, but for only a second before that possibility hurt him too badly to even consider.
There was always the option for his brothers to leave the pack and become alphas in their own packs. It was unthinkable in Caine’s opinion, even with the anger and hard feelings between himself and his brother. The human in him even made this normal and rational remedy to having two such domineering males in one pack very hard for him to consider. He suspected that Luke felt the same way as neither man had ever brought that consideration to the table.
They loved each other. As brothers and pack mates should.
But Caine also loved Chloe now. And both men needed to mate.
It was the same nightmare all over again. His love for his family and his twin being pitted against his love for a woman. The wolf in him versus the man in him.
Sometimes Caine understood his twin much more than Luke would ever know. He hoped someday to let Chloe know how much he understood her as well.
Caine also understood the very distinct noises coming from his youngest brother’s bedroom as he tiptoed down the hallway of his parents’ house. He couldn’t stop the grin that came upon his face as he silently opened the young wolf’s door and peered in at his now fully transformed human brother.
“You’re going to grow hair on your palms.”
Caine had never seen a quicker reaction in his life to being busted while jacking off to the sweet, mellow sounds of Nine Inch Nails. Lee’s expression went from shock and embarrassment to helplessness as Caine had come upon him, in a manner of speaking, just seconds away from his joyhood.
Caine pulled the door closed in front of his face and silently cackled as he gave his brother time to compose himself.
“Everything come out okay?”
“I hate you.”
Caine chuckled again and laid his head against the still closed bedroom door. “Are you feeling better?” he whispered around the door before peeking in. He grinned again as Lee slung Miss February across the room to let her slap against the wall she would most likely be plastered to with thumbtacks by morning. Caine approached his brother and smiled. “We all do it.”
“Some of us have to.”
Caine felt Lee’s words hit something inside him. He tried to ignore the bruise they left.
“Luke go to bed?”
Lee twirled his drumstick without speaking and avoided Caine’s eyes.
“Lee?”
His youngest brother’s eyes watered. It was an odd sight, even for a young man as affectionate and sensitive as Lee. Caine felt his insides cringe even harder than they had just moments earlier at Lee’s words. When the teenager looked up at the alpha of his pack, to speak to the brother he loved only slightly less than the boy loved Luke, Caine felt that cringe turn into a full-fledged twist.
“Don’t let him hurt her.”
* * * * *
Caine hit the ground on four legs. He hadn’t bothered to strip and his clothes quickly became tangled and torn by the briars and limbs that reached out for him as he hit almost forty miles an hour across the forest floor. The wolf in him wasn’t built to sustain this speed for long distances.
It was the man in him that made his body endure the exertion for almost seven miles.
In the distance, he heard a howl. A mating howl. But from a throat he couldn’t recognize in his panicked state. Luke would know better than to give his intentions away with such a blatant call. But it would be just such the thing the man would do if he’d already conquered the female he desired.
Caine reached the cabin and slowed only long enough to work around his body with his mouth to tear the remaining clothing from his torso. His paws were bloodied from the cuts and gashes he had sustained due to not feeling the rocks he was running o
ver in order to get to Chloe. White foam bubbled around his mouth and his chest panted and heaved with his having pushed himself so hard. He glanced back only as an afterthought as he noticed the bloody footprints he was leaving behind on the deck steps.
The glass door that he had used the night before was locked. Caine eyed the glass and then peered inside to see if he could spot Chloe or his brother.
She was sleeping. Naked once again, despite the cold. The sheet was pulled down just enough to allow one breast to show.
The one that Caine watched Luke lean over and lick carefully enough as not to wake her.
Luke was also naked. And aroused in the way that Caine was when he had made love to her.
As a man.
Caine’s canine eyes and the human eyes of his twin locked when his brother looked up. Luke sat gingerly on the side of the bed and smiled at Caine through the glass door. Chloe shifted lazily and Caine heard her moan in her sleep. Luke turned to watch the same.
If Caine hadn’t fallen in love with her, this would have been much easier for them both. He could have gone in and mounted her again and then allowed Luke to take his own pleasure from her. Caine was quickly learning that it really didn’t matter to the animal in him how many males in the pack had her so long as he mated with her first and sired her young.
Once again, the man in him was enraged by one of his own thoughts.
If only he could let the animal in him be his more controlling force with this woman. There would be no tension between him and his brother if he could. And Caine would never have to consider the thought of splitting their family up in order to appease their individual appetites if he was able to better control the weak, emotional side of himself.
It was Caine’s own selfish craving, his craving to love this woman, that was interfering with his life, his family, and his ability to make sound decisions for the pack. Luke was right. He should have fucked her the very first time he’d smelled her.
Just like he should have fucked Meagan the very first time he’d laid eyes on that bitch.