by Sue MacKay
‘That’s sad.’
‘Terribly.’ This was getting too glum, and for now she wanted to take a break from being down and angry and hurt. Nudging Cole in the arm, she said quietly, ‘He had a good team on his side.’ She held her hand up in the high five gesture, and felt happy when Cole’s hand touched hers. Warm and strong. Lifting her spirits, reminding her not everything had gone bad in her life. Here she was, with Cole, tending to someone in trouble. Nursing satisfied a lot of her need to help others. Caring for Bill alongside Cole had been even better. They’d understood what each should do without hesitation. As they used to with most things.
‘Not bad at all considering we’ve never worked together before today.’ His smile was slow and filled with tenderness. The smile that had always made her feel special.
And, surprisingly, it still did. Butterflies beat behind her ribs. They might make this work. If they could get through the next two days without too many disagreements. ‘First time for everything.’ She returned his smile, not quite sure if she was referring to working together or something deeper.
Turning onto the path leading to the house, she said, ‘Just because we’ve been along the road don’t think you’re getting out of cooking the steak.’
‘I wouldn’t dare. Anyway, I’m not letting you near it. I like mine rare.’
‘You still not letting me forget the first meal I ever cooked for you?’ It had been a disaster. She’d been so nervous, not wanting anything to go wrong, so of course the steak had been overcooked. Not to mention the onions and mushrooms. Inedible would be a kind description.
‘Hell, no. I’ve had a lot of mileage out of that night.’
‘True.’ Unlocking the front door, she turned to him gleefully. ‘Of course there were the daffodils you sent me at work.’
He held his hands up. ‘Okay, we’re even.’
She headed for the kitchen and a bottle of water. ‘Plastic flowers last a lot longer than the real thing, but don’t quite have the scent or happiness about them.’ He’d ordered them online while he’d been away, thinking he was in touch with a Sydney florist, when it had been a Chinese warehouse and the box had taken ten days to arrive.
‘You couldn’t have kept real flowers to rub my face in for all this time, though. Still got them?’ he asked, then stopped.
She admitted, ‘Yes, I have.’ She didn’t want to get into talk about having packed up all her possessions from their apartment and bringing them with her to Cairns, leaving his gear and some photos behind. For the moment they were getting along and she’d like to keep it that way for a while longer.
‘I didn’t keep the steak.’
‘Benji enjoyed it.’
Another touchy subject. He hadn’t been around when she’d had to make the decision to put the dog down. Of course Cole couldn’t have changed the outcome of the accident that had put Benji under the vet’s care, but sharing the anguish of telling the woman to do the right thing quickly and painlessly might’ve been some comfort. The day she’d collected Benji’s ashes she’d broken down, cried for hours, missing Cole so much her heart had ached for days.
They’d scattered the ashes together the next time he’d been in Sydney, sneaking out to their pet’s favourite park at night so as not to get caught. Holding hands as they’d said goodbye had been some consolation, though the anguish of making the decision about Benji on her own had haunted her for some time.
She still missed the mutt. Might be time to get another one as part of moving forward. Her stomach tightened. Suddenly, she felt overwhelmed with a need to make the most of being together, to remember how easy it could be between them. Lately all she’d thought about was how they didn’t get on any more.
‘I’m getting out of these wet clothes and bringing the lanterns into the kitchen in case we do have a power outage.’
‘I’ll put the drugs back in the cabinet before I change. Want me to top up the bag as well?’
‘Definitely. Not that we used much out of it.’
‘Water or beer?’ Vicki asked Cole when he returned later.
‘Water.’ He paused in front of the TV she’d turned on. ‘The road’s flooded north of here.’
‘Nothing unusual in that. It happens every time there’s a rainstorm. The council’s geared up for it, but it does mean Port Douglas is cut off. The internal road to Cook Town is closed too.’ She handed over a bottle of icy water as she watched the extent of the flooding being shown on the screen. ‘They’re saying the rainfall is heavier than usual for a monsoon. Bill might’ve been lucky the helicopter got here.’
Cole shook his head. ‘No, even the smaller machines can fly through quite a lot. The deluge out there wouldn’t stop them, only lack of visibility might have been an issue, but they did fine.’
‘You’d have seen a lot of that overseas.’
‘I did. Flew in a few too. Large suckers.’ A pensive look came over his face. ‘The last flight was when I was flown to the local hospital. Didn’t see a lot on that one.’
‘Were you conscious by then?’
‘Yes, though not totally au fait with what was happening. The medic had filled me with enough painkiller to drop a horse. Or so it felt. I wasn’t used to being pumped full of morphine.’
‘Bet you are now.’ She tipped water down her throat, and wiped her mouth on the back of her hand. If only she’d known. Yes, Cole, you owed me that much. ‘You still get pain in that leg.’
‘It’s a bit shorter than it used to be. The fractures have healed but there’re residual aches and pains, especially when I overdo things. It’ll eventually quieten down. Or so I’ve told patients in the past. Guess I’ll find out how correct my notes from training days really were.’ Cole’s tight smile went straight to her heart.
He’d have been determined to get back up and running in as short a time as possible once he’d known his legs would work. Damn it. He could’ve been a paraplegic. Yes, and she’d still have loved him. Straightening her shoulders, she refused to let his smile or his near miss with paralysis knock aside her resolve to fight for what was important to her, and thereby to them both.
‘You want a salad with that or shall we have steak sandwiches? I bought some fresh buns today. There’s chilli jam in the pantry,’ she added, no longer in the mood for making a salad or cooking vegetables. Sleepless nights tossing and turning while thinking about Cole and this weekend were catching up.
‘You’ve got me. Buns and jam it is. I’ll turn on the barbecue. I’m starving.’
‘It’s getting late, for sure.’ Where had the time gone? The landline rang. ‘I hope that’s not another accident.’ Vicki picked up the phone. ‘Hello?’
‘Hi, darling. We’ve been watching the news and wondering if everything’s all right at the house.’
‘Hi, Dad. No problems here.’ She hurried to put his concerns to rest. ‘Lots of water, but no flooding around Palm Beach.’
‘That’s good. How’s everything else? Cole make it?’
‘Yes, just in time as the airport closed not long after.’ She needed to divert her father before he came up with questions she had no answers for. ‘We got called to help Bill. He’d gone up his ladder to clean the guttering and fell off. Did himself a lot of damage and had to be flown to hospital. He was lucky in that respect as the ambulances are in high demand right now, and it’s taking them time to get anywhere.’
‘That’s not good. I hope he’s going to be all right.’
‘He was unconscious, has a few fractures.’ Again she changed the subject. ‘You still in Broome?’
‘Yes, moving south tomorrow. I hope you gave Cole the key to the drugs cabinet.’
‘Of course I did.’ Why wouldn’t she? ‘It’s handy having everything here. There might be more calls before this is over. The rain’s not expected to ease till tomorrow at least.’
‘Can you put him
on?’
‘Dad,’ she warned, alarms bells ringing in her head. Her family loved her and would do anything to keep her happy, including interfering with her marriage if they believed they had the answers to solve her problems.
‘I’m not going to tell him how to behave or to be careful what he says to my daughter. You’re big enough and tough enough to do that yourself. This is about the medications in that cabinet.’
Relief sank in. Her dad was always ready to stick up for her, and while it was great to have her family at her back, she really did not want any interference this weekend. ‘Thanks. Please mean that. I’ve got this.’
‘You know what you want more than any of us, my girl. Just sort it sooner than later, all right?’
‘I’m doing my best.’
‘Vicki,’ Dad growled lightly. ‘I’ve learned my lesson after seeing how your mother held herself back for all of us, especially me. I don’t want the same for you.’
‘Aw, Dad,’ she gulped. ‘I need that.’ His backing made everything a little easier to deal with. ‘Here’s Cole.’ She passed the phone to her husband. Yes, whatever came about, he still was her husband. ‘Dad wants a word.’
Immediately, wariness clouded Cole’s face.
She put him out of his misery. ‘It’s okay. Nothing personal.’
‘Marty, how’s things?’ Cole strolled out to the barbecue, which was sheltered by a plastic roof.
The lights flickered, went out, came back on. Vicki moved to the bench where the lanterns stood in case it happened again. Being left in the dark was the last thing she wanted.
Cole was back, phone still to his ear. ‘Okay?’ he mouthed, hand on her shoulder.
She nodded, glad of his company, trying to ignore the warmth his touch brought.
He smiled again. ‘Good.’ He’d know she wasn’t being entirely honest, but it was part of the routine to say she was fine. ‘Hang on, Marty, I’ll go down to your office and check that.’
Vicki watched him walking out of the room, the limp not as noticeable in his long stride at the moment. Still as sexy as ever. Her heart lurched.
Oh, Cole. I’ve missed you more than I’d have believed possible.
What would he do if she followed him, wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her cheek against his chest? Or stretched up and kissed him again, showed him how much she still loved him? Made love with him?
You think?
The conversation still to come loomed between them, would taint any lovemaking.
She needed a distraction. Fast. After checking the matchbox was full, she went to get a torch from the cupboard, trying to calm her racing heart. The dark was her enemy. Snakes could slither through the house and she’d be none the wiser unless they bit her on the way past.
Cole dropped the phone back on its stand. ‘Didn’t know anyone still used landlines.’
‘It’s Mum. She’s prefers it to these modern new-fangled things.’
‘That’s Anna to a T.’ He smiled—almost as though he knew how hard it was for her to pretend his smiles meant nothing any more. ‘I’m glad you didn’t get that gene.’
‘As if.’ She was right up to date with phones and apps, which made setting up her business simpler. With the help of a computer whizz she’d started playing with website designs. As she planned to continue nursing while hiring out staff to hospitals and medical centres, accessing files and messages anywhere was important and required a streamlined system easily used under pressure. A flicker of excitement warmed her. Her own nursing agency. The doctors at the centre where she worked at the moment had been very encouraging when she’d run the idea past them. There was a lot to do before she was ready to start seeking out placements and staff, but she’d get there.
‘Those buns ready?’ Cole called from the deck, where he stood under cover, cooking the steak.
‘Nearly.’ Letting out a frustrated sigh, she tried to shake away the thought that Cole was going to fight her on this one. He had to be told, regardless of the weekend’s outcome. If, by some remote chance, they made up and decided to give their relationship another go, her agency would be an important factor. What worried her was her expectancy he’d say they’d be living in Sydney, not Cairns. An agency would work there too, yet the city was vast with a large population and she didn’t think she wanted to try to set up there. She’d have more competition, or she’d have to limit the area she covered. Which could work, she conceded.
‘Earth to Vicki. Rolls?’
* * *
Cole took the steaks inside and got two fresh water bottles from the fridge, handed Vicki one. ‘You all right?’ She’d been miles away when he’d popped his head around the door to check if everything was ready.
‘Sure.’ She pushed a plate with a buttered roll in his direction. ‘Hungry as.’
There’d never been anything wrong with her appetite. It was one of the things he’d liked when they’d first met. None of that nonsense about only eating small portions and ignoring the foods she really enjoyed. But then they’d connected on so many levels right from the get-go. ‘Me, too. The dry sandwich and bland coffee on the plane did nothing for my appetite.’
Exhaustion shaped her smile. ‘You should’ve helped yourself to something when we first got home.’
His appetite had quietened down as he dealt with being with Vicki, treading carefully so as not to upset her any further. ‘It’s all good. I’m enjoying this.’ He thought back to the night they’d first met. He’d been intrigued to find out who Nathan had thought might be his perfect match, and had gone along to the party fully expecting to have a laugh and maybe a good night with no follow-up and, wham, bam. Literally eyes meeting across the room.
When he’d first spotted Vicki he hadn’t realised she was his date. His gut had told him nothing was ever going to be the same, while his head had mentioned he had to find Nathan to say, ‘Forget who you’ve jacked me up with. I’ve found my match all by myself.’ Instead he’d found himself owing his mate for bringing Vicki to the party to meet him. They certainly had connected that night, and never looked back.
Until recently. Not that he was glancing backwards, more like trying to figure out what was ahead. That kiss had rocked him to his feet. Kisses were part of them, as was lovemaking. Being stuck in this holding pattern turned the importance of enjoying each other upside down. They needed to talk, fully and frankly.
Yet it was difficult to start. Like where? What came first? At the moment they were awkwardly comfortable with each other, as though pretending the past few months hadn’t happened. But they had, and they itched just below the surface. Explaining his failure to get her to fly to him after the accident had been difficult, but it was done. Maybe not quite finished, or accepted, but it was on the table.
He’d believed he’d been doing the right thing at the time, and hadn’t wanted to add to her pain, or his. He’d learned to make quick decisions about difficult situations in the hope he didn’t hurt anyone again. Had he been too quick?
Vicki said he was wrong to have decided for her. Hadn’t she left him without so much as talking through the miscarriage and other problems first? Sure, she’d been hurting, but he’d deserved a chance to go over what bothered them both, too. ‘How are you coping with the miscarriage?’
She put her fork down, and looked at him. ‘The loss is huge still. I have times when the tears flow, my heart breaks, and I want to scream at the world. But that happens less often now. I’m getting there, I guess.’
‘It’s never a quick fix.’
‘And you? How do you manage?’
‘I had lots of time to think about it while lying on my back. Yes, the pain left me feeling raw, and wishing we had been together to face what had happened. I think I’m over the worst. Not that the sense of loss will ever go away entirely.’
‘I agree.’ She nodded slowly. ‘It has been the
hardest thing I’ve dealt with. I struggle talking about it still.’
‘Might be best if we did.’ When she didn’t answer, he added, ‘Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.’
I love you, Vicki. Please don’t ever forget that. Don’t think I’ve stopped. I haven’t. Won’t.
The steak refused to go down his throat. He chewed some more. What if he’d truly lost her? For ever? No. It couldn’t happen. Could it? That blinding recognition of his feelings when he’d seen her racing to get out of the rain at the medical centre had told him more than anything else could how much she meant to him, and how nothing had changed. That short kiss had ramped up the stakes. Except now he was aware how quickly problems could escalate and would work hard to prevent them becoming a nightmare.
Vicki glanced up and locked wary, sad eyes on him. ‘Thanks.’
He’d never seen her so unhappy. And he was the cause of most of it.
‘Tell me again you’re going to be all right, that those injuries are healing properly,’ she said quietly.
He reached across the table for her hand and squeezed gently, felt the jolt that rocked her. ‘Seriously, I’m going to be fine. Already am. Might not climb Everest any time soon, but there’s nothing I can’t do that I didn’t used to be able to.’
Vicki returned the pressure on his hand before withdrawing. ‘It must’ve been terrifying.’
That gentle squeeze softened the ache in his heart. ‘It happened so fast I didn’t have time to think.’
Start being yourself. Be the guy you were before the theft ruined everything. The one who shared everything about himself, not just a select few issues that are easy to resolve.
It had been so long he doubted he even knew that version of himself, might not be that guy any longer. ‘Holding onto my phone was the only thought running through my head.’ Sigh. ‘And the thought that it was going to hurt when I landed.’