Never one to turn down anything with whipped topping, Megan opened her mouth, happy to oblige while her mom tried to wait patiently before she asked with wide eyes, “So … what do you think?”
“Oh my gosh, Mom.” Megan shook her head. “It’s—”
“Bad?” Her mom’s face crumpled.
“No, no. It’s incredible.”
“Oh, well good.” Her mom gave a short sigh of relief then scuttled around the kitchen collecting a cake knife, plate, and napkin.
“Want to sit and have a piece?” she asked, even though she was already in the process of cutting a generous square, placing it on a plate, and handing it to her.
Not that Megan was about to refuse. She’d been eating far too many sweets recently, it was true. Anything to fill the void she’d been feeling inside. As if any of it could replace the person she was missing in her life. Even so, she sat down at her usual spot at the table, digging into her mom’s newest dessert, savoring every whipped topping-laden bite. “Is Sammy with Dad? I didn’t see his car out there.”
“They should be back shortly.” Her mom sat across from her. “Christy finished you up early, didn’t she?”
With a full mouth, Megan nodded then swallowed. “Now, where is it they go again? Sammy and Dad? I can’t remember if you told me.”
“Oh, you know, around.”
“Hmm …” she said, focused more on licking the fluffy sweet stuff from her fork than on her mom’s answer. “This really is one of your best creations.”
“I’ll cut some for you to take home when you leave later.” Her mom looked so pleased by her obvious enjoyment of the treat. “I’m sure Sammy will like it, don’t you think?”
“He’ll love it. I should also tell Janey about it.”
“Oh, speaking of Janey. I meant to tell you, I saw her and Sean Shaffer together last Saturday night.”
Megan halted the fork an inch from her lips. “Janey and Sean? Together? I doubt it, Mom.”
But obviously her mom didn’t have any doubts. She nodded vigorously. “Oh no. I saw them. At the movie last week. You know how they have the Moonlight Movies on the riverbanks? They were showing Just Friends. That really funny movie with Ryan—oh, Ryan—”
“Reynolds.”
“Right. And, like I said, Janey and Sean were both there.”
“Well, that I believe. But they couldn’t have been at the movie together.” She enveloped the fork-load of creamy stuff with her mouth, thinking she really needed the recipe. It would be great for Sammy’s birthday party. Or anytime actually.
Tilting her head, her mom’s lips pursed, considering. “Maybe they didn’t come together. But they sure seemed together,” she said, not letting the subject rest.
Megan was well aware of her mom’s track record when it came to sensing things between males and females, but really—Janey and Sean? On Saturday? No way. She shook her head.
“Mom, I just saw Janey for dinner last Thursday, remember?” And she’d talked to Janey on Sunday, too, giving her the lowdown about Volunteer Day since she couldn’t make it that day. She’d also told her friend about the breakup with Mac. But Janey hadn’t said a word about Sean to her. “Sean and Janey are miles apart. Not even close to being together.”
“Well, it’s true that Janey was sitting on one side of the amphitheater, and Sean was sitting on the other. But I saw them meet in the middle at intermission and, trust me, those two easily looked like they could be involved. I saw it in their body language. He was leaning close. She was smiling into his eyes. They were obviously smitten with one another. And, well, they looked so cute, standing side by side.”
Always great criteria for a lasting relationship. Megan wanted to shake her head but there were still at least three more bites of her mother’s angel food cake concoction to focus on.
“As a matter of fact, Janey and Sean looked the same way you and Mac do,” her mom continued.
“Huh?” Megan’s fork dangled in midair.
“You and Mac look like a couple. Like you belong together.”
Megan hadn’t wanted to get into telling her mom about Mac at the moment. She had hoped to get through the event on Saturday first. But with the way the conversation was going, the time was probably right. Unfortunately. She let out a sigh. Set down the dangling fork. And pushed the plate aside.
“Is it too sweet?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s surprisingly light actually. It’s just that there are some things going on, and I—”
“What kinds of things?” her mom prodded.
“It’s hard to explain because you and I … we’re, well, we’re so different from one another, Mom.”
“Different? You and me?” The animation left her mom’s face. She blinked, looking like a cross between bewildered and crestfallen. “I can’t imagine what you mean.”
Megan’s heart wrenched. The last thing she wanted to do is hurt her mom’s feelings. Actually, it felt like she’d been hurting too many people’s feelings lately and not meaning to at all.
“Not in a bad way, Mom. There’s nothing bad about you or what you do. Love and romance, that’s all a part of your business. You’re a wedding planner, for goodness’ sakes. That’s how you always look at things. When you see two people, you automatically see a match. A couple. I don’t look at love that way at all.”
“I see more than two people, Megan. Even more than a couple,” her mom clarified. “I see a connection. A connectedness.”
“Right. Because everything about you is ‘love this’ and ‘love that.’ Which is what I’m saying. We’re different in that way.” Oh, how had she started down this road anyway? She’d kept these thoughts to herself for how many years? More than she could count.
“And you’re not about love? That’s a crazy statement, Megan,” her mom chided. “What about the way you love your son? And care about other people’s special-needs daughters and sons? And what you do for a living—isn’t that love? Your loving, caring touch helps people heal and get better.”
“That’s so different. I’m talking about your kind of love. The romantic kind, where you fall in love and get married. Which I did. And what do you know, it didn’t work out, did it?” She wasn’t even sure why she blurted out that bit of past history. Sounding so snippy. And pitifully sorry for herself. As if her mom had anything to do with it.
Yet her mom’s reaction was exactly what she expected. She reached over and gently touched her hand. “Megan, what’s going on?” she asked softly. “You really don’t seem like yourself.”
Oh, how she dreaded telling her mom. How she hated having to look her in the eyes and tell her the truth. But somehow she sucked in a deep breath and let the words flow out when she exhaled. “I broke things off with Mac.”
“You what?” Gone was her mother’s gentle touch. And her soothing voice. She flopped back in the chair, her eyes nearly as wide as her gaping mouth. “Are you kidding?”
Megan stiffened in the chair, feeling defensive. “Mom, seriously, did you really think it could work? Me and a pro baseball player? A national celebrity? Really? That’s what I mean when I say we’re different. To you, it’s romantic. To me, it’s not logical.”
“Did I think it could work?” Her mom dipped her head. “Yes, Megan, I did think it could,” she said emphatically. “And do you know why I thought it could work? Because it was working.” She leaned forward, her eyes pleading to understand. “Why did you break it off? I don’t get it.”
“I didn’t want him to have to choose.” But even as she said the words out loud, she realized the excuse sounded weak.
“Choose? Choose what?”
“Between playing baseball and being with me. I love him too much, Mom. I really do. And I don’t think it’s right. He shouldn’t have to compromise doing something he loves so much.”
“Compromise? Did he say that’s what you were asking him to do?”
“No. But I thought about it, and there are so many things that could ha
ppen. What if he got traded? What if it was to some team far away and he’d have to divide his attention between doing what he loves and trying to maintain a long-distance with me? And Sammy?”
“Well, some couples do cope with situations like that, Megan. It’s not that far-fetched.”
“Yes, but they don’t have to deal with paparazzi.”
“Paparazzi?” Her mother raised her brows. “In Loveland?”
“Well, not paparazzi, but sneaky people taking pictures of us and Sammy when we don’t even know it. And it’s not only that, Mom, but what if women start chasing after Mac again? And what if he likes it?
Then Sammy and I will just get hurt down the road. And you know what? I don’t want to be the one to stand in the way of any of that. Not Mac’s career or his fame, or other women or anything.”
“Oh my gosh, Megan. Do you think you’ve thought of enough what-ifs? Hmm. Maybe if you try real hard you can come up with more awful scenarios for the future.”
Her mother’s sarcasm was shocking. Never had her mom spoken to her like that. “What?” Megan’s head flung back.
“Megan, can I tell you something?” Mom asked, though it was apparent she was going to whether Megan gave permission or not. “When I look at you and Mac, do you know what I don’t see?”
“What you don’t see?”
“Yes, you heard me. What I don’t see is a physical therapist. What I don’t see is a major league baseball pitcher. But I will tell you what I do see, and I’m not being a gushy romantic doing my ‘love this’ and ‘love that’ thing.”
Megan swallowed. So much for thinking her mom couldn’t tell it like it is. “Mom, I—”
“No it’s fine. I can see how you might think of me that way. But let me tell you, what I see with you and Mac are a man and a woman who love each other. Love each other very much. And I also see a man and a woman who both love a special little boy. And whenever I see that between two people, that intangible thing that you and Mac have, I pray that if it’s God’s will for them to end up together, that they will. And I also pray that if I can be of any help along the way, I’ll be able to do that, too.”
“I’m sorry, Mom. I am.” She hung her head.
“There’s no need to be sorry. But Megan, can I tell you something else?” She touched her hand again. Wrapped her fingers around Megan’s. Lifted her chin, and looked into her eyes. “There’s no need to be scared either. Do you hear me? Don’t be scared, my precious daughter, don’t be.”
Her mom drew her to her shoulder and caressed the back of her head. Megan hadn’t been held like that since forever, and for a moment it felt like the safest haven in the world. The sweetest place to be. A place where she was known. And loved anyway.
Because without a doubt, her mom could always see through her. All the way into her heart. No matter how guarded she tried to be. How she tried to hide her feelings and put up facade after facade; her mom could always see through it all.
Her mom just knew.
“Oh Mom!” She burst into tears. Tears that ran beyond her control, feeling as if they’d been pent up, put away in reserve for far too long. “What if I can’t do it?” She sobbed through the words. “What if the only thing I know how to be is Sammy’s mom? I was okay seeing Mac and being with him, but now that I’ve fallen in love with him … I’m so afraid. What if I mess it all up? What if I’ve already messed it up? Or I’m just not strong enough?”
Her breaths came in gasps. “I tried so hard before, Mom. I tried to do everything right when I was pregnant and still—” She broke off, guilt weighing on her like it always did. “Sammy can’t walk or run or talk like other kids. He never will. Even though I tried, Mom.” Her voice broke. “I really, really tried.”
“Oh Megan … Megan …” Her mother shook her head emphatically, authoritatively. But even so, Megan could see the hurt for her in her mother’s eyes. She saw it in her mom’s glimmering tears. “You’ve got to stop. You can’t keep carrying that burden around, do you hear me?” Her mom reached for her hands. “What voice in your head are you listening to, child? There’s nothing you could’ve done any better. And we’ve got special little Sammy in our lives. He’s perfect.”
“He is perfect. I know that, I do. He’s the only son I want,” Megan said, meaning it with all her heart. “But then I chose the wrong dad for him once. What if I choose the wrong person to love again? Bring a man into our lives who walks out? I’m just so scared. So scared.” She shook her head. “If it’s just me and Sammy, I know how to keep us from being hurt. I know how to control our lives.”
“But Meggie.” Her mother squeezed her hands. “As much as you try, and I know you do, honey, you can’t control it all. Because you’re not in control.” Her mom leaned in, saying gently, “God is, Meg. Our Father is. And as difficult as it might be to comprehend, I have to tell you, God loves Sammy even more than you do. More than you can imagine.”
Someone loved Sammy more than her? Megan looked up, startled. Not in all her years of motherhood had she ever thought of God that way. Never.
“I know,” her mom said, obviously noticing. “I’m a mother, too, remember? And it’s hard—oh, it’s so hard to not keep digging in, not keep thinking if you can only do everything in the world humanly possible, be the Super Mom of Super Moms, that everything will be all right for our kids. I know. I’ve been there….
“But Meg honey,” she said, her voice tender, “have you ever thought that Mac may be exactly the person God has been waiting to bring into your life? And Sammy’s life, too? I know giving yourself to love can be overwhelming. It can make you feel out of control. I get it,” she said soothingly. “But isn’t it just as frightening to think of the joys you could miss out on? Do you want to take that chance? Do you want to take the chance Sammy could also miss out on that joy?”
Stretched out on the couch was usually a good place to be. But Mac couldn’t get comfortable. Or interested in the mystery he was reading. Laying the paperback on his chest, he reached for the remote by his right hip, turning up the sound on the television. But even the ESPN highlights didn’t appeal to him at the moment, so he muted the TV once more.
“Maybe we should get a dog. What do you think about that, Bitty?” he asked the cat lying at the opposite end of the couch by his feet. Bitty barely acknowledged his voice. Only lifted her head slightly and then huddled back into her own fluffy ball of fur again.
“I’ll take that as ‘a disinterested,’ ” he told her.
Lately he had been letting her come into the house more often. Even so, the homestead had still been feeling lonelier than usual.
Maybe because it wasn’t the cozy haven it once was before all the renovations going on, with the mess and furniture scattered about. But more than likely it was because he’d just gotten back from being at the warehouse with Sammy, and truth was, he missed being with him already. Not to mention there was a prevailing emptiness he’d been feeling knowing Sammy and Megan weren’t stopping by anytime soon.
Actually, outside of Event Day, quite possibly never again.
Not that he could do much about it. Except maybe literally whittle away some of the extra time he had on his hands. He was just about ready to take his melancholia to the porch and do just that when his phone vibrated in his jeans’ pocket, startling him.
Taking it out, he stared at the screen hoping to see the name of the person he missed more than anything, but of course, she’d meant what she said. It wasn’t her calling.
“Hey Hal. Getting kind of late, isn’t it? Isn’t it past your work time?”
“Not in California.”
“True, true.” Mac chuckled.
“It’s not only earlier in California. There’s also more sun.”
“But … we’re here in Ohio, Hal.”
There was a silence on the other end. Until Hal finally spoke. “Not for long, Mac.”
Mac sat up abruptly, feeling as if a boulder was lodged in his chest. “Hal, cut to the chase. Wh
at are you talking about?”
“You know that rumor about you being traded?”
Mac sucked in a deep breath. “It was more than a rumor?”
“Uh, yeah. I didn’t want to say more about it until I knew more but … being a Sacramento Miner wouldn’t be so bad, would it?”
Shocked, Mac couldn’t think of a reply. But as usual, Hal was never at a loss for words.
“Nothing legally binding right now because, of course, we have to wait until after the Series is over. But they’d really like you to come out next weekend for a little dinner and dancing.”
“Dinner and dancing? Hal, could you be a little more serious here?” Although why should Hal be serious? It wasn’t his life that was about to change.
“You’re right. That wasn’t funny. But they do want to meet with you next Friday evening. I had Sophie book a flight for you to leave Friday morning and return on Saturday. A little over a twenty-four hour trip and could be the best one you’ve ever had. They’re talking big bucks, Mac. And I think the timing is great. You’re healed, you’re well, and what else do you have going on in Loveland after this sports day thing is over, right?”
His head spun as he said good-bye and sat staring at the muted TV. After all these months of waiting, he had a new elbow. And a new team to go to. After all these months he thought he had Megan and Sammy, too. But there was no Megan now. And no Sammy.
Is this really what You want, God? He cradled his head in his hands. Is this the path You want for me?
Chapter 21
The first thing Megan heard when she woke up Saturday morning was Tim McGraw’s baritone coming across the hallway from the other bedroom. The second was Sammy, chiming in with Tim singing “Live Like You Were Dying.”
Wedding Homerun in Loveland, Ohio Page 21