Itsy laughed hard with me and confirmed she also had no idea what to do. She confessed Jaxen once did something with his mouth that she’d never been able to comprehend anyone doing, but…
“God, it felt so good, and I screamed like he was killing me. I never let him do that to me again. Well, not at that time, anyway,” she whispered and blushed prettily.
I tilted my head, frowning. What did he do? I was just about to ask when she started telling me about the fight they had, her refusing to believe he loved her and breaking up with him for lying and her mother made her go to him and fix it. After, they went to a hotel where they slept the entire night. The next day, she said she initiated sex because she wanted it. She thought she was moving to New York and wanted him to be her first.
“I understand that.” I nodded. “I didn’t love my first in the way you love Jay’s father, but I have love for him, you know?”
Itsy nodded. “Yeah.”
“But I wanted him as my first. I trust him.”
“Even today?”
“I believe so,” I confirmed. “He’s a good guy, very handsome and intelligent. Honest. I seriously doubt he’d change his ways to where I couldn’t trust him. He probably doesn’t remember me. Well, maybe he remembers how bad I was the first time I tried with him.”
“The first time you tried with him?”
I nodded. “He got himself halfway in and I couldn’t take it. Did I mention he was huge? HUGE! And I was a virgin. Right guy, wrong dick.”
Itsy burst out laughing. “Really? Wow. Tell me all about it. Wait… here’s what else happened with me and my first…”
I listened to her story, and it was much better than mine by a thousand miles, at least. When she finished, I marveled.
“I couldn’t ride my first. I did with my second and I loved it. My first told me he didn’t like that position early on.”
“A man who doesn’t like that position? That is weird. Strange.”
“He pretty much liked everything else and that summer, we were sort of an item. We spent every second with one another after that first time, and he fucked me all over that apartment of his.”
“Wow.” Itsy grinned at me. “Go on. Please. Tell me about your first time.”
“Well,” I sighed. “I was eighteen but I have to start earlier than that. At fourteen, I met him. He was nineteen and was the brother of my aunt’s boss. God, there were three of them and they were all like … Greek gods, you know?”
“Yeah.” Itsy rolled her eyes. “I hate men who look like that. Ninety-five percent of them think they really are Greek gods and are impossible to talk to. And don’t let them be rich on top of it! Total assholes then.”
“Not these guys,” I sighed. “Down to earth, all of them. Handsome, smart, funny, rich and approachable. Very good guys.”
I reflectively nodded then told my story.
Chapter Nine
He’s on First
My father was an only child, and Raquel Ingram was my mother, Cecile’s, only sibling. And Raquel’s only ten years older than me. It was a running joke how different they were, but Mom and Raquel were closer than any two sisters could be, despite being fourteen years apart. Devastated was too tame to describe my aunt when Mom died. She held me close when she finally got to me, promising to do as much as she could for the only niece she was ever going to have. She did not lie. Even when Dad and I moved back to Iowa, Aunt Raquel visited as often as she could and sent for me almost every summer.
I accompanied her to work and school. She would sneak me into her cubicle where I would watch her type. She’d have a machine ready for me to practice or she would find math online for me to try. She also ran errands and we’d sing while driving, going to do this or the other, the music blaring in the car as we went from one place to another. Aunt Raquel cannot sing at all, but she tries and smiles proudly when she hears me.
She worked in a security firm that also did private investigations and Raquel swore it was a fun place to be. Until the boss man came. When he wasn’t there, the conversations were loud and funny. Everyone was relaxed and carefree and from the way my aunt talked, I had a hard time understanding how any work got done.
When the boss man arrived, everyone got serious. He didn’t go into his office right away. He stayed in the open area for a while, listening as Daphne, his secretary, told him of his appointments and what his day looked like. They talked quietly and no one came near them during these ‘meetings.’
At the end, Daphne gave them a signal that they were finished. All went silent as they slyly watched Mr. Cannon’s reactions to his daily plan. If he was happy and relaxed, he’d nod and go into his office. If he was angered or disappointed in something, he’d get this look… like he was about to attack something or someone… and all stayed quiet, as they waited for him to calm or get ahold of the situation.
My aunt explained this ritual and the first day I was there, the very first day, I got frustrated when I kept messing up my practice math test and it slipped my mind.
“Crap!” I shouted then hit the desk when I got the problem wrong again. “I’m never going to get this shit! I’ll never understand it!”
Everything not only quieted but every single body there froze. Literally. Except Aunt Raquel, who looked like every organ in her body was being pricked with a thousand needles. Each.
I was about to ask what was happening when I heard a man’s voice shout, “Why the hell is there a teenaged female from the Midwest in these offices?”
A moment later, the bluest eyes I’d ever seen peered over Aunt Raquel’s cubicle. I blinked when I saw his face. The guy was young, maybe my aunt’s age. He had to be one of the youngest people there and I could not believe he was my aunt’s boss who made everyone afraid to make a sound if he was near.
“Who is this, Raquel?”
“Cassidy is my niece, Mr. C,” Raquel answered quietly. “She’s visiting me for the summer.”
“I see. Both of you. In my office. Now!”
I jumped up a split second after my aunt and silently followed them, Raquel’s hand tight on mine. We watched as Mr. Cannon went to his desk and sat, nodding at a couple men who looked a lot like him, sitting on a couch to the left of his desk.
“Explain,” Mr. Cannon snarled.
“Well, um… I spoke with Garvey about Cassidy coming here for a few weeks with me. She’s the daughter of my late sister, my only sibling. The only child my sister had, Mr. C. I need to spend as much time with Cassidy as I can but I didn’t bring her here on a whim, I promise. I just didn’t want to leave her home alone while I was here all day.”
One of the men scowled. “Toad, why do you have her cowering like this? So what if her niece is here?”
“She doesn’t appear to be a toddler, so what is the problem?” the other one asked.
“The problem, Twerp,” Mr. Cannon snarled. “Is that she said ‘shit.’”
The two men looked at me with frowns. I lowered my head and blinked at the floor.
“Who did,” the first one asked. “Not this sweet-looking girl who doesn’t look like she’d say ‘shower,’ let alone ‘shit.’”
“Yeah, that one,” Mr. Cannon confirmed.
“I’m Marcus. Why would you use that word, young lady?”
I peeked up at that outrageously handsome man and tried hard to keep my cool. These three men were so… just… If only I were at least five years older…
“I’m failing math, sir,” I murmured. “I don’t understand it and Aunt Raquel gave me a practice test. I can’t do it.”
“What kind of math,” the other asked. “Sorry, I’m Joshua Cannon. You are?”
“Cassidy Wren. It’s algebra.”
“I can help with that.” He smiled. “How long are you here?’
“I don’t know,” I said as I looked at my still-nervous aunt. “Are you sending me back for getting you fired, Tante?”
“Hold it,” Boss Cannon shouted. “First, who said Raquel was fired?
”
“N-no one,” I stammered as Raquel held me.
“Arrêter de parler maintenant, peu d’amour,” Aunt Raquel murmured then sighed. “I think she believes, as I do, that you brought me in here to fire me for having her here, Mr. C.”
“No, I brought you two in here because I didn’t care for her using that language.”
“It won’t happen again,” I said quickly, ignoring my aunt’s wishes in French to stop talking.
“Good.” Boss Cannon nodded. “Joshua can be a great help with the math, Cassidy. I would suggest Marcus, my other brother there, but he’s already pulling his hair out with his crazy hours. He tutored Josh, me and our sister with math.”
“Really? Cool.” I grinned. “Do you have time to help me, Mr. Cannon?”
He smiled. “Call me Joshua. Yes, I do. I’m here for the summer as well.”
“Mr. Cannon, it’s your vacation. I can’t ask you to—”
“You didn’t, Raquel.” Joshua smiled. “I’m volunteering. It’ll give me something positive to do while I’m here.”
He smirked as he looked at Marcus, who nodded.
“Well, as long as you’re not busy…”
“He’s not doing anything nor has he anything planned,” Boss Cannon snorted. “Besides trying to steal the best brother in the world.”
“How many times do I have to ask you to wait until I leave the room before you go into that ‘best brother in the world’ crap, Toad?”
“Until you step up your game and become the best brother, yourself. Cassidy? Do you speak French as your aunt does?”
“No, sir,” I sighed. “I used to, but my father made me stop and I sort of lost it. I can still understand some of it.”
Marcus frowned. “Why would your father make you stop?”
“Because my mother would say stuff in French that would make me giggle and Daddy got it into his head that she was making fun of him.”
“Was she?” Matthew asked with a very mischievous gleam in his eyes.
I put my head down and hoped they would change the subject now.
“She won’t tell you,” my aunt said next to me. “She never tells anything. She is the best secret keeper on the planet. You tell her something, and you need to keep it secret, you will not hear it again. My sister was the same way.”
It went quiet for a moment while I stood there with my head down, then Joshua cleared his throat.
“What were you working on that got you frustrated?” Joshua asked.
“I can’t recall. I can go get the book.”
“You do that. Raquel, why don’t you get back to work? Cassidy will be fine with us.”
“Of course, Mr. C.”
Raquel smiled as she led me out of the office. We walked back to her desk, all the while she told me to be on my best behavior and listen. I nodded and grabbed my book then hurried back to the office, where they were seated at the conference table.
“Okay.” Joshua nodded. “Let’s see what we’re working with here.”
I pointed to the problem and waited for one of them to smirk, make fun or laugh. To my surprise, and relief, neither of them did.
“Oh, this is pretty simple, Cassidy.” Marcus nodded. “It’s basic ‘solve for x.’ Just subtract this from this and you have your answer.”
I looked again and read the problem. “x + 13 = 24. So I do 24 - 13?”
“Exactly,” the three said together.
“Um, x = 11?” I whispered.
“Yes,” they shouted, all enthused and excited. I blushed.
“And,” Marcus said, pointing at the book. “If this were a minus sign, add the numbers you see.”
Sure that was easy enough but there were others I didn’t get. Much harder and some had more letters that sat next to numbers. I didn’t want to bother them with those so I grabbed my book and turned to leave.
“Okay, I get it now. Thank you,” I said, ready to burst into tears.
“Cassidy?”
I peeked at Matthew, who was frowning. “Yes, Mr. Cannon?”
“Is that all?”
Before I could help it, a tear fell. “Yes,” I lied, wiping the tear quickly. “I have it now.”
“You do not,” Marcus said. “Why are you afraid to ask for more help?”
I sniffed and looked at the floor. “Because I don’t like it when I’m made fun of, sir.”
It went quiet. I slowly looked back at them. They were each wearing confused faces.
“Who made fun of you, Cassidy?” Joshua asked.
“Everyone that doesn’t understand how hard this is for me. I keep trying, but I just can’t get this sh… stuff. They think… they call me ‘slow’ or ‘stupid.’ I don’t want to hear it from Zeus, Apollo and Hermes.”
They looked at each other, then Matthew Cannon burst out laughing. “You guys hear that? She called me Zeus!”
Marcus snorted. “No way, Toad. If anything, you’re Apollo, God of music, arts, knowledge, healing, plague, prophecy, poetry, manly beauty and archery… aside from healing and that beauty thing, so you. I am Zeus and I am the oldest. Totally fits. I’m the one that took over when Dad and Mother split up.”
“No, Zeus had Cronus overthrown,” Joshua scoffed. “Mother kicked Dad out over something he did. So that makes me Zeus. Marcus you’re almost a doctor so that makes you Apollo, so Matthew that makes you Hermes, god of communication, trade, writing and language.”
“No way in hell could you be, Zeus, baby brother,” Matthew laughed. “You’re more like Dionysus!”
“How the hell am I like Dionysus? He was the god of wine, parties, madness, chaos, drunkenness, drugs and ecstasy! I barely drink beer, Toad! Or should I call you Ares, god of bloodshed and violence?”
“Hey! I am nowhere near that type of person, Twerp!”
“No,” Marcus laughed. “You’re more like Dionysus, Matthew!”
I frowned and looked at them as they kept going, wondering why the hell did I start this. I sat at the table and looked at the next problem, trying to solve it on my own. I frowned as I read it.
Five less than three times a number is forty-six.
What the hell does that mean, I thought? What do I subtract to get this answer? Where was the letter? How could I solve for x if there was no letter? How the hell did I ever get so far in school? I might as well quit now and never look at another number, I thought, as my head dropped to the table and I started sobbing.
“Hey, hey,” Marcus murmured, rubbing my back. “No need for that. We’re just joking around, Cassidy. It’s our ‘thing.’”
“I know,” I sobbed. Matthew gave me tissue and I cleaned my face. “I can tell that this isn’t something new with you guys. Most of my friends have siblings so… No, I just tried to do another problem and I can’t make heads or tails of it! This is why they call me stupid! They are so right!”
Matthew snorted. “You aren’t stupid, and I’ll kill the next little bastard who says you are.”
“If I’m not stupid then why can’t I understand this?”
“Which one?” Joshua asked, sitting next to me. “Point that fucker out and let’s kill it.”
We did. Joshua and I spent the entire time I was in town, while Raquel worked, with our heads together in an empty office. Thank God he was only a college freshman and on summer break, too. I kicked algebra’s ass when I went back to school.
* * *
The summer I graduated high school, I came into town with one purpose: I wanted to sleep with Joshua. I wanted him to be my first. I knew I didn’t love him -not in that way- but I just knew he would be good to me in bed.
I was ready. I was eighteen, cute, and the summer before, my breasts finally showed up. My waist thinned and I was just as I am now: curvy with lots of stamina. I was also ready to try sex. Who better than the best tutor I ever had, someone who showed me patience and understanding, was kind, smart, funny, handsome… and as far as I knew and hoped, single.
Joshua came into Matthew’s offi
ce with a big smile and a brightly wrapped gift the second week I was there. He took my hand and led me to an empty office where he sat the gift in front of me on the table and stood there with a grin on his face as he waited for me to open it.
“What’s this?” I asked, frowning as I ran my finger along the box’s edge.
“A belated happy birthday/graduation gift,” he laughed. “Open it.”
I smiled as I looked at him. “Did you get my gift? For your birthday?”
He grinned then reached into his pocket. I smiled so big when I saw the wallet with his initials on it. I knew I was right to get the brown leather.
“It’s perfect,” Joshua smiled. “Thank you. Now open yours.”
“No offense, Joshua,” I said, pushing the box toward him. “I don’t want it. Whatever it is.”
He silently watched my features, confusion overtaking him. “Are you mad at me? Did I do something wrong, Cass?”
“No,” I breathed, my breath catching. I closed my eyes and thought hard on what I wanted to say. “I want a gift from you, I just… I would like something else.”
“How do you know what you want isn’t in the box?”
“Because what I want will not fit in a box this small, I hope.”
He frowned. I had really confused him. I stepped closer, leaned up and softly kissed his mouth. To my surprise and relief, he kissed me back without hesitation. Smiling, I stepped back and told him what was on my mind.
“I’m eighteen now. Have been for almost four months.”
“Um, I know,” he said, staring into my eyes. “I’m twenty-three now. And?”
“And I’ve never had sex. I want to now.”
His head tilted. “And?”
I swallowed hard. “And, what I want for my gift… is you.”
He stilled, like stone, then he blinked and I thought he was about to panic on me. I stepped back and wanted to run, I was so embarrassed. I thought every guy jumped when a woman offered him sex… unless… is he… no, he couldn’t be. Joshua wasn’t gay. Was he? Was that why he looked panicked?
“Cass, I’m flattered but…”
Despair: Book Two of the Negative Ion Series Page 10