I smirked, thinking I could play that game. Besides, he was only my fuck buddy, and if last night was an indication, I didn’t need him anymore. And he was tired of being with me anyway, so what was with the fucking scowl?
I looked up at Eddie and smiled lovingly at his face. “They’re leaving soon. We should take off and finish what we started last night.”
“I’d love to, but I have to work from nine to three. I should be getting ready to get out of here. It’s already after seven.”
I kissed him deeply, then grinned. “Sure your stomach isn’t hurting?”
Eddie kissed my nose. “I think it is a little. Got anything for it?”
“Several things.” I smiled. “Where, oh, where do we begin?”
“At Mitchell’s Market on Cline. We so ran out of whipped cream, and they’re open twenty-four hours.”
“Sounds good. Maybe we could get some ice cream and cherries while we’re there.”
“Maybe.” Eddie grinned, pressing into me tightly. “Feel that?”
“I so do,” I moaned. “What’s doing that? How are you getting them?”
“Found someone who helps me.”
“Someone?”
He looked uncomfortable for a minute then sighed. “Yeah. A lawyer who turned me on… to something that works. He was right about everything.”
I smiled and pressed myself into him. “I’m going to kiss him if I ever meet him.”
Eddie stopped dancing. “Let’s sit while we wait for the bride and groom to finish dancing and getting dressed. We really should get as much rest as we can now. I have nowhere to be tomorrow.”
“Yes, you do,” I whispered, then softly kissed him when he frowned. “In bed with me.”
Eddie grinned as he led me to the wedding party table, and wouldn’t you know, Greg sat on the other side of me? That’s right, Eddie on one side, Greg on the other.
FML.
I fanned myself with my napkin, conscious of that Trina woman eye-fucking Greg from her table. I don’t know why it pissed me off so badly to see it. I turned away and ignored them. I wrapped my arm through Eddie’s and quietly listened as he chatted with Itsy, who was on his other side.
Macy came to the table and started talking to Itsy about school so Eddie turned his attention back to me. He smiled as his head lowered to me and whispered.
“I keep thinking about licking that whipped cream off you last night.”
I grinned. “And I keep thinking we should stock up on it. I hear they have different flavors.”
“Do they? Hmm… we don’t need flavors. I like the taste of you.”
I blushed. I suddenly didn’t need to see Lala and Stone off. I was about to tell Eddie to follow me to my Rogue when I felt something cold splash on my lap. I screeched and jumped up.
“Fuck, I am so sorry! I’m so fucking clumsy today!”
“Greg! What the… dammit that is so cold!” I shouted, then ran to the house. Champagne. I just knew my dressed was ruined and I smelled like I was turned loose in a bar.
Great, first I had to hear about him and that… woman… then I had to watch them practically fuck one another on the dance floor and now he spills his champagne on my lap. Shaking my head and fighting tears, I hurriedly took off the dress then soaked it in cold water before quickly jumping into the shower. I dried off and put my underwear back on, grateful my hair didn’t get wet. Someone knocked just as I was about to try to figure out how to get the dress dry and not wrinkle it.
“Barbariza, open up, girl. Let me help.”
Walden? What the…
“Walden, not now. I’m only in a thong and strapless bra. I am so not decent.”
“Girl, nothing you have interests me!” Walden shouted as he banged on the door. “Open this door and let me in so you can get back to the party before the expectant bride passes out on us, again.”
I sighed and opened the door, hiding behind it. Walden, carrying a bag, quickly closed it behind himself. After removing his jacket and rolling up his sleeves, he got to work on my dress. He continually peeked over at me while he worked, giving me the impression he had something to say.
Finally, he was satisfied with the result of his work and had me help him gently roll the dress in a large towel.
“Should be good as new once it dries, girl.”
“Thanks, Walden.”
“Sure. Listen, um… we’re friends, right? Even if you took my favorite word from me.”
“Walden,” I whined. “It’s not a good name to call anyone. Why can’t you call us sister or buddy or something more sensitive?”
“Girl, ‘what’s up, buddy’ does not sound right, okaaaaaaaaay? No, I like ‘bitches’ better.”
I shook my head. “Just don’t call me that because I will take that to mean you want to fight. But still never at work.”
“Deal.” Walden grinned then cleared his throat. “You know, I went to this club out of town a few weekends ago. Do you remember me telling you all about it?”
I thought silently then nodded. “Yeah, some kind of play on Fantasy Island, right?”
“Yep. Phallicsy Island in Santa Monica.”
“Yeah, I remember.” I grinned. “Did you meet someone there? Walden! Are you in a relationship?”
“Fuck no,” Walden shouted. “You know me and that ‘R’ word do not belong in the same sentence.”
“Boo-hoo,” I giggled. “So what happened there? Why are you bringing it up?”
“Well, I saw someone there and… well… he’s in relationship. With a girl.”
“What?” I frowned. “You saw a man, who’s in a relationship with a woman, trolling a gay bar? Are you sure? When?”
Walden nodded as he set up my dress. “I’m positive.” He sprayed something on it and blow dried it. “And it was a few weeks ago. I’ve seen him there a couple of times since, but he’s never seen me.”
I shook my head, disgusted some man would do that to a girl. That was beyond sick. Who was he? Shit, I wanted to know, but I never told secrets and hated when someone betrayed one to me.
“Walden, she should know; you have to tell her. Wait, it’s not…” my eyes widened as I whispered, “Please tell me it’s not Lala.”
“Girl, no!” Walden shouted as he scowled at me. “What kind of friend do you think I am? No way in hell would I have let her hot, hunky brother walk her down the aisle with that on my head. And before you ask, no, Barbariza, it’s not anyone in Negative Ion.”
Whew. I breathed in relief. Thank God for that. Greg a closeted gay man? No way in hell.
“You should still tell her, though. I bet she has no clue.”
“No, she doesn’t. I can guarantee that.” Walden sighed as he felt at my dress. “I like this girl, despite wanting to hate her on sight. I don’t want to hurt her. Plus, you know what they say about the messenger.”
I nodded. It was one of the reasons I decided to keep secrets. I never wanted to be assaulted in any way for telling someone when I thought they were wronged, especially when it’s done third party.
“Find a way to tell her, Walden. Make her listen to you. She needs to know. What exactly did you see?”
“Well, the first couple of times, he was like a wallflower, you know? He didn’t talk and he mostly sat at the bar drinking a beer or two. Then, maybe the fourth time, I spotted him as I was dancing with this geeee-or-jess guy and I just froze. I couldn’t believe it. I told the guy I was with that I knew him as I pointed and ducked. I watched as he nervously looked around and smiled when a man approached him. A hot one, and my mouth dropped open when they walked off. They sat at a private table for at least two hours and they left together after they kissed. All kinds of tongue were flying, girl.”
I shook my head as I listened, becoming more and more disgusted.
“Maybe she does know. Maybe she condones it because she can’t give him everything he needs.”
Walden popped his tongue. “Trust me, girl, she don’t know. I know her too well, a
nd there’s no way in hell would she put up with that shit.”
I nodded again as Walden took my dress off the hanger. It damn near looked as though it’d been to the cleaners. I squealed and repeatedly kissed his cheek.
“You are a lifesaver, Walden!” I grinned as I put the dress back on. “I owe you so big!”
“We’re good, girl.” Walden smiled. “I would hug you, but I don’t want to ruin my work. Now fix what’s going on here,” he chuckled as he waved a hand at my face. “And let’s get back to the party before Lala starts snoring.”
I laughed and looked in the mirror. I needed mascara and gloss. I applied them quickly then turned to Walden. “Better?”
“Much. Let’s went.”
I smiled, grabbed my little wrist purse took Walden’s arm and let him escort me to the door. We got there and I felt a hand grip my arm.
“I need to talk to you.”
Walden and I turned at the same time to see Greg’s angered face.
“What is it, Greg?” I sighed. “You want to try to see if champagne will stain the back of my dress?”
“Walden,” Greg called as he continued to look at me. “Would you mind giving me and Cassidy a moment alone?”
“Sure, boo,” Walden chuckled. “If you tell her you’re batting for my team now, I swear I want first dibs. Mm-mm, your chocolate ass is fine!”
I suppressed a giggle as Walden left. Greg locked the door as soon as it closed.
“What is it, Greg? Say it fast; I want to get back to Stone and Lala.”
Greg glared at me. “Did you cancel with me so that you could fuck Eddie?”
“Did you fuck that Trina woman last night?” I snarled back.
“Who told you that?”
“Doesn’t matter who told me. Answer.”
Greg shook his head. “I am not the one in a relationship. I fuck who I want when I want, and no one stops me ever again, got it?”
“Yeah, I got it! Loud and clear! And you will never get me again! You got that?”
I turned to leave, but Greg yanked me back to where I’d been standing.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“It means,” I snarl again, “you get a text from me that I had to cancel and you fuck the first thing you see! That kind of man I don’t want or need. You’re just… just… you’re the typical rocker! Pussy everywhere, and you don’t care what or who it’s attached to! I cannot believe I let you inside me raw! I’ll never let you in me again, raw or strapped!”
“That’s some shit coming from a woman sticking with a guy who can’t get it up! I was hot and ready for you and then I got that text from you cancelling on me. What did you want me to do? Maybe go in the shower and rub one out while you were at home and worked hard to get that flaccid fucker to give you a mercy fuck?”
My anger was ten-fold now. “For your information, Eddie had no problem last night, and I guarantee he won’t have another when we leave here and go back to our apartment and fuck each other as hard as we did last night!”
He gripped my arms, holding them tight as he shouted. “You fuck him or any other asshole again and I swear you will regret it, Cassidy. I am nowhere near kidding!”
“Excuse me?” I shouted, snatching from his grasp. “Who the hell do you think you’re talking to?”
“Do you see anyone else in here? I’m talking to you! No one will ever touch you in that way again! Ever! Understand what I’m saying?”
“No, I don’t understand and I’m pissed off that you think you can demand something like that from me! I’m already in a relationship and I was before I ever met you! So get your macho, Neanderthal mentality away from me and never talk or come near me again!”
Greg shook his head. Next thing I knew, my back was against the wall and we were kissing as if we were each other’s oxygen. Before I could think, before I could stop my hands, before my brain tried to tell me it was wrong, I started pawing at his suit. I wanted to rip it off him and have him right there. I wanted him to fuck me, hard and fast, and make me cum so hard that I would shudder for a week after we finished.
Before I could get one button loose, he pulled back, leaving me panting, my chest heaving, my pussy aching to have him touch it at the very least.
“My parents’ house. An hour, max. Do not make me come find you, Cassidy.”
Sliding down the wall, I stared at the door after he went through it, my breathing slowly coming back to normal. I gathered my legs inside my arms and softly sobbed. I wanted Eddie and Greg. I started comparing them, wanting to figure out who was best for me. Eddie loved me, and he told me so on many occasions. He’s handsome, kind and a great provider, and was a week from proposing, max.
Greg. Well, he was all Eddie was and so sexual. I could have all that and hot sex, too, with Greg. What did he want? Just sex? Yeah, I believed that was all he wanted with me. Long. Hot. Sweaty. Rough. Steamy. Fast-pounding sex. Would that ever be enough? And what about kids? I knew Eddie wanted them. Greg had one that he never talked about, at least not with me. I didn’t even know her name. Just her nickname: Ree-Ree. Does he want more children?
Shit. Why was I even thinking about kids in reference to Greg? That wasn’t the relationship we had. Would ever have. I was so confused… no, I confused pleasure and love. You couldn’t fall in love with a person just because they gave you pleasure.
An idiot with a finger can give pleasure but what about out of bed? What were you going to do if they wouldn’t let you any closer than getting inside your body and making you cum like a raging waterfall?
I thought back to the first night Greg and I laid in his old bed and talked. He’d told me about meeting the band, how they were brothers and loved one another. I’d told him about my mother and father. He’d told me about losing Jaxen, how they’d medicated themselves at his ‘loss;’ how his baby’s mother had tried to use his intoxication against him to seek custody of their daughter.
The pain in his voice had tugged at me as he’d talked, and I’d just known I was lying in bed with a man who knew how to share his feelings. He missed his brother and would miss his daughter if his ex-girlfriend had gotten her way.
I sighed and thought about Eddie again. His parents were alive and still had their farm in Iowa. They had so many animals and crops, and I got a real kick out of helping out, as bad as I was at everything. There was nothing like fresh eggs and milk. Or meat. I felt bad for the animals Eddie, his father and brothers slaughtered, but still…
The Murphys always had a freezer full of meat, and I enjoyed many meals with them, cooking and eating, just having a good time with them all around. We played card games, and they were all particularly good with Bullshit. Hmm.
Anyway, the Murphys were a fun bunch, and I could easily see myself joining their family. I couldn’t see myself joining the Mitchells, partly because I’d never met any of them. I wouldn’t know either of them if they stood in the bathroom with me.
No, I have love for Eddie, as well as two and a half years invested in us. I couldn’t throw that away for good sex and nothing more. Besides, after last night, it looked as if I had nothing to worry about with Eddie physically, anymore. Not to mention, if I were to try to have a relationship with Greg, once he tired of me, I’d have to start all over again, looking for someone to make babies with me. I wanted to love my kids’ father, and I wanted to spend our lives together. Sperm donors weren’t for me, at all. Maybe Greg could learn to want more than that with me.
My heart, mind, body and soul wanted Eddie. I sighed, thinking, yeah, I was full of shit. I had to break things off with…
“Hey, you,” Itsy said, interrupting my thoughts as she smoothed down her dress. “God, I have no idea what that ruckus was about out there. I wanted to find out, but my bladder feels like it’s going to explode! I have to find a bathroom fast. Cass? What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“Nothing,” I said, attempting to smile through my tears. “Just… nothing.”
“Liar,” Itsy
murmured, then sat next to me. “Spill.”
I shook my head. “I can’t. It’s not my place to share.”
“Does it involve you?”
I nodded.
“Then it’s definitely your place. Talk.”
“I don’t know what to do. I’ve… I did something I shouldn’t have, and what led me to do it has been fixed. I think. I hope. Now, I have no idea what to do about the mess I’ve made, and I feel like the worst person on the planet.”
“I doubt you could do anything to be the worst person on the planet, Cass, but if you feel that bad, it might help if you tell me what the mess is and maybe I can help you find the solution. You’re my friend, and I hate to see you torn up like this. I won’t judge and you know I won’t tell anyone anything you tell me.”
I sniffed and opened my purse. I pulled out a twenty and placed it in her hand. “This is a retainer. Now you can’t tell anyone, no matter what I say, lawyer.”
“You got it, but will you do me a favor and hold on to this for me? I seem to have left my purse outside.”
I looked over in time to see her slide her purse to her side. I giggled and shook my head. “You’re not related to Houdini in any way, are you, Itsy?”
“Not even in my dreams.” She laughed and put her arm around me. “Talk, sweetie. I’m all ears.”
“Well, you remember the day of my first rehearsal for Samantha’s wedding? We walked into the garage and the band was singing Love in an Elevator.”
“Yes, clearly.” She nodded, then giggled.
“Okay. Then the night of Samantha’s wedding, um, do you remember being in the kitchen and Ren attempted to get Greg to tell him who the elevator girl was?”
“Yeah.” Itsy nodded again.
“And do you remember Greg talked about his wedding hook-up? He got upset with Ren when he wanted to know who’d exhausted him to the point where he couldn’t play ball correctly.”
Itsy laughed. “Yeah, I remember well. He made a joke and said it was you.”
I tearfully looked at her. “It wasn’t a joke,” I whispered. “It was me. Both times.”
Despair: Book Two of the Negative Ion Series Page 18