“First, who is Livia?”
“Dr. Warren.”
My ER doc. Okay… “Why do you call her Livia?”
“What else am I supposed to call my oldest sister, Cass?”
I looked up at him. His sister? What?
I watched as Greg sat on the couch next to me. He looked me right in my eyes as he talked. I looked right back at him and attempted to hold in a sigh. I saw it now… he and Dr. Warren had the same eyes. Only Greg’s were more… heated… sensual… sexy. Damn. I still wanted him, but I couldn’t. I wanted a family. And he only wanted my body. I wanted his and more, but he wasn’t willing to give it to me.
“Olivia Justine Mitchell-Warren, oldest sister. I have two more: Jenna Marine Mitchell-Loring and Tamia Renee Mitchell-Jarvis. My parents are Gregory Allan Mitchell and Justine Olivia Harper-Mitchell. Livia is married to Craig, another doctor, and they have three kids. Jen is married to Harold, one of our store managers; she has two kids, but we suspect she’s pregnant again and keeping it a secret because newlywed Tam is pregnant with her first. She’s four months along and married to William. He’s an exec at Main House.”
William Jarvis. I knew him. He signed my checks when I sang backup and had been trying to get me to sign a contract to make an album. He’d been on that kick since forever and refused to believe I didn’t want to become famous. I sighed and was about to ask a question, but Greg talked again.
“I have one daughter, Karima Janiece Mitchell and she’s turning nine soon. She is my world and I love her more than anything. Ree is the oldest grandchild and my family spoils her. She has a mother that hates me and loves me at the same time, and I can’t stand to be in the same room with her. Ree’s mother—”
“Vonda,” I whispered, closing my eyes. Shit.
“Yeah,” he said quietly. “How did you know that?”
I looked at him. “Vonda is with Gorge, Lala’s brother, right?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “You met her?”
I snorted. “Yeah, and it wasn’t pleasant until Gorge stepped in and put her in her place.”
“She needs a firm hand. She loves drama, and I used to keep her still when we were together, but it got old and I didn’t want her shit anymore.”
“And that’s why you feel Gorge can do better?”
He frowned at me. “How did you know I said… shit… Miss Wren, from Forrest & Associates. You were the typist, right?”
I nodded, then looked at my fingers. This was how Sam knew I was messing around with a client. He read everything that came into his offices and took note of every case. He knew as soon as he’d found out what that fight between Greg and Eddie was about at Stan and Lala’s wedding that I’d been sleeping with his client. Greg was the reason I was fired, but I still couldn’t blame him, even though he had to know I worked there, I’m pretty sure he had no idea about the firm’s policy. I did and I was warned.
“Vonda and Gorge getting married was the second happiest day of my life. I’m beyond happy to be rid of her and her machinations to get me in bed. Every word in that deposition was true. I don’t want her; I just want to be able to see my Ree without the hassles Vonda had been giving me. I was so tired of her using my daughter to manipulate me.”
I nodded again, then sat back and looked at him. He gave me a raw look in return, as if he’s open, vulnerable. I grabbed some of my hair and twisted it nervously.
“Why are you telling me all of this, Greg?”
“Because I want no secrets between us. I want you, and I want you to want me, too.”
I sighed and shook my head. I want him… but I want his heart, too. It didn’t sound as if he wanted mine.
“I want you,” I confessed. “But I want and need more.”
Greg moved closer and grabbed my hair-playing hand and squeezed it. I looked at him and saw pleading in his expression. I frowned as I stared back, silently begging him to say what was on his mind.
“You already have my… everything, Cassidy. What more do you want? What else do I have that you want? Say it. Tell me and it’s yours.”
“I have your everything?” I whispered. “What’s ‘everything’?”
“You own me,” he whispered, his free hand caressing my cheek. “My mind, my body, my soul… none of it is mine anymore. It’s yours and has been since that first rehearsal for Samantha and Parker’s wedding.”
I gasped. “What?”
“My parents have always said I should be an actor. I can hide what I’m feeling really well and give you the performance of a lifetime. I listened to you, Cassidy, every time we talked, and everything I heard made me want you more and more. Not just physically. I want to own you as you own me.”
I blinked. I wanted to hear the words. I needed to. If he tells me he loves me, I’m his. Forever.
“Why am I just hearing all this now, Greg? Where was this before all that shit went down at Lala’s wedding?”
“I was too afraid to tell you before. Your heart was with that other fucker, and I felt it was staying there and I had no chance with you. I had been thinking about us in that bathroom, how good I felt being inside your body, and yeah, I fucked up playing ball with the guys because I was trying to figure out a way to get inside you again. I saw that fucker in the office with Sam, and before I could stop myself, I wondered aloud where you were. My boys caught on, warned me off, because even though I said ‘claim,’ they knew you’d never leave that guy.”
I frowned. “I’m sorry? Claim?”
He nodded. “When the boys and I were teens, around fourteen or fifteen, Mike and Ren fought over a girl and almost severed our friendship. I got pissed off and told them that neither of them could have her. See, the girl in question was already giving Stone oral and he didn’t say a word when the others were fighting over her. Red and I knew because Stone likes to share. Well, he used to. Anyway, he told Red and me, and I came up with rules. We all added to them, and I enforced them. One of those rules was if someone says ‘claim,’ we all have to back off of her. When we finished playing Love in an Elevator, I whispered ‘claim.’ Mike and Ren were already in relationships and didn’t care. Stone wasn’t. I needed to get it out before he had a chance.”
“You told, Greg. You had to. How else did they know what we did in the elevator? And that crack about us being in the bathroom. We knew it was true, but the others didn’t, and if any of them watched me any closer, they would have known it.”
“So?”
My head snatched up. “What?”
“You think I cared? I wanted you then, Cass. I wanted more than being your fuck buddy. I only suggested that because I wanted to give you a chance to know me, learn to want me for more than sex. I love having sex with you, but I love our talks more. They made me want you more every time, and it gutted me every time you got dressed and went home to him.”
“That night in the Forrests’ kitchen, when you walked in and saw me kissing Eddie. You cared then?”
“You don’t know…”
I watched his face contort into an angry expression.
“What, Greg? What don’t I know?”
He looked right into my eyes and snarled, “How hard it was to keep myself on the other side of that kitchen. I wanted to rip his fucking lips off for having the right to kiss you. I had been waiting on an opportunity to get you alone again. I prolonged that damn game, wanting to see you, and finally, exhausted, I told them I was tired and that’s why I was playing so badly. Ren suggested we quit and get something to eat. And there you were, the woman I couldn’t get off my mind, standing there kissing that fool while the others were awwing at the two of you. Staying put was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Becoming a father at seventeen was a hell of a lot easier than seeing that.”
I swallowed hard and nodded. “After that… after our last kiss at the wedding… what happened?”
“I walked out, storming to my car, and the next thing I know, I felt a hit to the jaw. I know Mike and Ren ran over, but Stone st
opped them, telling them this was going to happen sooner or later. Stone found out about us on the day he asked you to sing at his wedding. Mike and Ren thought I backed off when they warned me.”
I frowned, confused as all hell. Greg and I gave nothing away, as hot and passionate as that lunchtime tryst had been.
“What? How?”
“Well,” he said, looking at me sheepishly. “When we got to Ree’s school, my cell rang. I was grateful we were a little early because I really lit into the caller.”
“Who was the caller?”
“Randy, the drummer for ATB.”
“What? Why would you have words with him?”
“Because I sent him a very… threatening text. He called me to ask what my problem was, and I let him know I did not appreciate him and his adolescent geriatric friends attempting to ruin my woman’s voice with their shit.”
Before I could help it, I grinned, then laughed. “Are you serious?”
“Don’t laugh. I’m very serious. Has Randy tried anything with you since?”
“No, not even a text, but I have a new number now so I thought that was the reason why.”
“They respect me. Randy knew exactly who I was talking about and backed off immediately. Stone did not. He lectured me until Ree got in my truck, after I dropped her home and as I drove him home. Longest car ride of my life. I couldn’t help but listen to him since it was Stone. I mean it was Stanley, being serious. About relationships. Meeting and getting with Alannah was the best thing for that guy.”
Sounded like it, I thought. “And after the fight?”
“I paced that house for that long fucking hour, waiting for you, praying you’d make me your choice, and when you didn’t show, I got on my bike and went looking for you. I went back to the wedding, and they said you’d left. I came back here and saw the Rogue and the Malibu and just sat there as that fucker loaded the Malibu with his suitcases. He saw me and actually smirked my way. I wanted to kick his ass, but I stayed put, waiting for him to drive off. When he did, I was so happy I ran into the building and saw the opened door. My heart pounded. I just knew something was wrong. I didn’t want to be that right.”
I felt a tear fall and wiped it away, hoping I was reading this right.
“And now?”
“Now, I will do whatever it takes to get you to love me.”
I blinked at him. “Love you?”
“Love me, yes.”
I looked away, completely confused. Love him? No, I couldn’t… I didn’t… Oh, fuck… Who was I fooling? I did already. Itsy was right. Somewhere in the affair with Greg, I fell in love with him and was an idiot about it. I didn’t love Eddie anymore, but he was what I knew. I’d stayed with him because he was my boyfriend and he loved me.
So he said.
Greg still hadn’t said he loved me. I needed the words. I needed to hear those three words from his mouth.
“Why?”
He stayed quiet. I looked at him and his pain-filled expression ripped into me.
“Why?” Greg asked quietly.
“Yes.” I sighed. “Why would I love you? Why should I?”
He looked at me for several long minutes, then dropped his head.
“I don’t know.”
I sighed hard, dropping my head, too. Those were not the three words I wanted to fall from his lips. Pain ripped through my soul, my being as I whispered, “Neither do I.”
No way was I ever going to admit I loved another man, not unless I was sure he loved me for me, not what I could do for him, to him. I wasn’t going to be someone’s summer fling again. I wasn’t going to be someone’s beard again, and I was damn sure not going to be a fuck buddy ever again. If he couldn’t love me as well as want me then… well… fuck him. Someone was going to love me someday, and I was going to love him right back, and the two us would be screaming it to the world.
I watched as Greg stood and grabbed his suit jacket and tie. He moved behind the couch, I’m guessing to the door, and I kept my vision away from him, fighting to restrain the tears until he left. I gasped softly, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing one damn tear. I wouldn’t cry in front of him. Never again would I beg another man to love me. I’ll get over him, eventually… I hoped.
“I’m a good person, Cassidy. I could be everything you want. I can give you everything you need, anything you desire: a home, marriage… children. I’ll even give you the twelve you said you wanted, if that is indeed what you want. You won’t ever have to worry with me. I won’t cheat on you. I wouldn’t ever hit you or do anything to cause you pain, except giving you children. I’d take all the abuse you wanted to heap while in labor. I won’t keep secrets from you and I won’t deny you anything you ever want to see, do, feel or be. All I want in return is your love and happiness. Nothing else, I promise.”
I sniffed loudly, absorbing his words. I heard the door open as my tears fell freely. ‘That was all I’d wanted from you,’ Greg, I thought as I held my mouth, not wanting him to hear how close I was to completely breaking down.
“You have my love, Cassidy. You’ve had it since… Well, since I can remember. I swear all I wanted in return was yours.”
My eyes widened and I gasped loudly. Oh, God… he said it! Didn’t he? I breathed deep, then in a low and pleading tone, I said, “You love me?”
I heard nothing. I slowly turned and whimpered. The door was closed. He was already gone.
Shit!
I jumped off the couch and swung the door open so hard and fast the knob slipped from my fingers and hit the wall. I looked around and finally spotted him getting into his car, scowling as he angrily threw his jacket and tie onto the passenger side. I flew down the stairs.
“Greg,” I shouted as I ran toward him. “Greg, wait!”
He looked up at me, frowning as he got out of the car. “What?” Greg asked as he strode quickly to me, his face a puzzle. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“You said you love me,” I gasped. “Is that true?”
He frowned. “Of course I love you. I would never say that unless I meant it.”
My eyes locked on his and I stared as I cried. I couldn’t believe we loved each other. I thought he was lost to me all the time we’d been apart, but no, he was loving me the entire time, even before I pulled my disappearing act.
His hand came up and he wiped my face, softly. I sighed as the tears finally stopped.
“Greg…”
“What, love?”
I close my eyes, loving that name coming from him.
“Greg, I… I…”
“What? Tell me,” he whispered.
I couldn’t. I had no idea what to say so I closed my eyes and went through my mental song guide and thought of what I want to say; what I needed him to know. It came to me, just jumped into my brain.
Sighing, I put my arms around him and softly, I started to sing a song that I felt would tell him what was inside me; a song I knew he would get and understand my feelings. I sang On the Wings of Love.
I took a deep breath and sighed as I peeked up at him. My entire being relaxed at the love in his eyes. He softly sang the chorus to me, lifting me into his arms. I wrapped my legs around him, pressing as tightly as I could into his body. I heard an alarm chirp, then we started moving. Greg was walking us back into my apartment.
He closed the door when we got inside. His back pressed into it and his arm left my body. Seconds later, the lock clicked and we were off again.
My shirt came off, and I tugged his shirt out of the pants and ripped the buttons in my hurry to get it off. I nodded toward the bedroom, and Greg sang again as we moved in the bedroom’s direction.
We paused at the door of the bedroom. My shorts were ripped off, as he toed out of his shoes, while I reached between us and got his pants loose. When they dropped, I pushed his boxers down with all the desperate need I felt in my body. The back of my knees went to the crook of his arms. My hands gripped his neck, and he slid inside me easier tha
n a sword going into its sheath.
We stilled. Panting as we felt each other, Greg put his forehead to mine and sang again. Gasping, my eyes shut tight as I enjoyed having him inside my body again.
We dropped to my bed and there was no more singing.
Chapter Eighteen
Clearing the Air
Smiling big and feeling like… the best I’ve felt in forever, I rolled off Greg and laid in his arms as we waited for our breaths to return to normal. My fingers softly rubbed his pecs and I giggled when he made them jump. His throaty laugh sent tingles everywhere.
“We’re together now, right, Cass?”
I looked up at him and smiled. “I want us to be, Greg. Do you want that?”
He looked back at me, grinning so hard I thought his face froze.
“More than anything,” he murmured. “I want you and I to always be ‘us.’”
“I want that, too.” I grinned, then laid on his chest again. “I never want to be apart from you again.”
“Good. You’re now officially my girlfriend. Mine. I like that.”
I giggled. “I like that, too… boyfriend.”
We both laughed then I sighed.
“Are you going to continue to hide me from your daughter, Greg?”
His hand was rubbing my arm but when he heard that, it stilled. I felt him shift so I looked up again. He wore a serious frown.
“Is that what you think I was doing?”
I nodded. “You never talked about her. You wouldn’t even say her real name. You left me confused about us. Well, not confused. Stupid. I denied I was falling in love with you. I now think it was because I was protecting myself; that I wanted to keep my feelings at bay by not even trying to think that you would want to be more than what we said we were. I truly believed you only wanted me as a fuck buddy.”
He laid on top me. My legs widened so he could settle between them. I looked up at him, watching as emotions played across his face.
“I came up with that so I could see you. That day in that elevator… Cass, you have to know that I never, ever talk about my sex life. I never share anything about anyone I’ve been with, not even Karima’s mother, outside of her trapping me with those manipulated condoms. But you… you, I couldn’t get it out fast enough. I wanted to share. Needed to because I felt like a damn fool and angry all in one swoop.”
Despair: Book Two of the Negative Ion Series Page 22