House of Many Ways

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House of Many Ways Page 14

by Diana Wynne Jones


  Charmain nodded. “I noticed. Couldn’t they ask for more taxes?”

  “Or thell thome of their library,” Twinkle suggested. He shrugged. This made him sway about so precariously that Charmain shut her eyes. “Calthifer nearly got ordered to leave latht night when he thuggethted thelling thome bookth. And ath for taxeth, the King thayth High Norland people are well off and contented, and any extra tax money would probably jutht dithappear too. Tho that’th no good. What I want you to do—”

  There was a shout down in the distance. Charmain opened her eyes and looked sideways. Quite a number of people had gathered in the square, all shading their eyes and pointing to the roof. “Hurry up,” she said. “They’ll be calling out the Fire Brigade any minute now.”

  “Do they have one?” Twinkle asked. “There’th thivilithed you are here.” He smiled another of his blazing smiles. “What we need you to do—”

  “Are you two quite happy out here?” a voice asked close behind Charmain. It was so near and so sudden that Charmain jumped and all but overbalanced.

  “Watch it, Thophie!” Twinkle said urgently. “You nearly had her off then.”

  “That just goes to show what a harebrained scheme this was, even for you,” Sophie said. By the sound, she was leaning out of the wooden door, but Charmain did not dare turn round to look.

  “Have you done the magic I gave you?” Twinkle asked, leaning sideways to talk round Charmain.

  “Yes, I have,” Sophie said. “Everyone’s running around the Mansion fussing, Calcifer’s trying to stop that silly nursemaid having hysterics, and someone outside has just called the firemen in. I managed to slip into the library with your spell in the confusion. Satisfied?”

  “Perfectly.” Twinkle gave another angelic smile. “You thee how cunning my plan wath now.” He leaned toward Charmain. “What I’ve done,” he said to her, “ith to catht a thpell that maketh every book or piethe of paper that hath the thlightetht bearing on the King’th problemth light up with a light that only you can thee. When you thpot a lighted one, I want you to make a note of which it ith and what it thayth. Thecretly, of courthe. Thomething’th definitely wrong here, and we don’t want anyone to know what you’re doing, in cathe it getth to the perthon cauthing the trouble. Can you do that for uth?”

  “I suppose so,” said Charmain. It sounded easy enough, although she did not like the idea of keeping secrets from the King. “When do you want my notes?”

  “Tonight, please, before that princely heir gets here,” Sophie said from behind Charmain. “There’s no need to get him mixed up in this. And we’re very grateful and it truly is important. It’s the reason why we’re here. Now for goodness’ sake come inside, both of you, before they start putting up ladders.”

  “All right,” Twinkle piped. “Here we go. I may arrive in two halveth, mind you.”

  “Serve you right,” said Sophie.

  The roof started to buck and ripple under Charmain. She nearly screamed. But she clung on with both hands, reminding herself that she really could fly. Couldn’t she? And the roof jiggled and rippled her backward toward the way she had come out, while, in front of her, Twinkle jiggled onward too. In moments, Charmain felt Sophie take hold of her under her armpits and lug her backward, with a bit of a scramble, inside the Royal Mansion again. Sophie then leaned out and seized Twinkle and dumped him down beside Charmain.

  Twinkle looked soulfully up at Charmain. “Back to infanthy again,” he said, sighing. “You won’t give me away, will you?”

  “Oh, cut out the nonsense,” Sophie said. “Charmain’s all right.” She said to Charmain, “His name’s Howl, really, and he’s enjoying himself quite disgustingly much, having his second childhood. Come along, my little man.” She swept Twinkle up under one arm and carried him away down the stairs. There was a lot of kicking and screaming.

  Charmain followed them, shaking her head.

  On the main landing halfway down, everyone in the Mansion seemed to be gathered—including a number of people Charmain had not seen before—with Calcifer bobbing this way and that among them. Even the King was there, carrying Waif in an absent-minded way. Princess Hilda pushed aside a fat young woman, who was holding Morgan and sobbing, and shook Charmain’s hand.

  “My dear Miss Charming, thank you so very much. We were in such a panic. Sim, go and tell the firemen we don’t need the ladders and we certainly don’t need the hoses.”

  Charmain could hardly hear her. Waif had seen Charmain, and she promptly leaped from the King’s arms, yapping with hysterical relief that Charmain was safe. From somewhere in the background Jamal’s dog answered with mournful howlings. The fat nursemaid went “Sniff…hooh!” Morgan bellowed, “Oof! Oof!” and everyone else jabbered. In the distance, Twinkle was yelling, “I am not naughty! I wath vewwy fwightened, I tell you!”

  Charmain cut down some of the noise by scooping Waif up. Princess Hilda silenced most of the rest by clapping her hands and saying, “Back to work, everyone. Nancy, take Morgan away before he deafens us all and make it very clear to him that he is not going out on the roof too. Sophie dear, can you shut Twinkle up?”

  Everyone moved away. Twinkle went “I am not a naughty—” and then stopped as if a hand had been clapped across his mouth. In next to no time, Charmain found herself walking down the rest of the stairs with the King, on the way to the library, with Waif ecstatically trying to lick her chin.

  “It takes me right back,” the King remarked. “I got out on the roof several times when I was a boy. Never failed to cause a silly panic. Firemen nearly hosed me off once by mistake. Boys will be boys, my dear. Are you ready to get down to work, or will you want to sit and recover a bit?”

  “No, I’m fine,” Charmain assured him.

  She felt completely at home today as she settled into her seat in the library, surrounded by the smell of old books, with Waif toasting her tummy at the brazier and the King sitting opposite investigating a ragged pile of old diaries. So peaceful was it that Charmain all but forgot about Twinkle’s spell. She became immersed in peeling apart a damp pile of old letters. They were all from a long-ago prince who was breeding horses and wanted his mother to coax more money out of the King. The prince was just feelingly describing the beauties of the new foal his best mare had given birth to, when Charmain looked up to see the fire demon flickering slowly this way and that around the library.

  The King looked up too. “Good morning, Calcifer,” he said courteously. “Is there something you need?”

  “Just exploring,” Calcifer answered in his small crackling voice. “I understand now why you might not want to sell these books.”

  “Indeed,” said the King. “Tell me, do fire demons read much?”

  “Not generally,” Calcifer replied. “Sophie reads to me quite often. I like the kind of story with puzzles in, where you have to guess who did the murder. Have you any of those in here?”

  “Probably not,” said the King. “But my daughter is partial to murder mysteries too. Perhaps you should ask her.”

  “Thank you. I will,” Calcifer said, and vanished.

  The King shook his head and went back to his diaries. And, as if Calcifer had given Twinkle’s spell a jog, Charmain instantly noticed that the diary the King was flipping through was glowing a faint, pale green. So was the next thing in her own pile, which was a rather squashed scroll, done up with tarnished golden tape.

  Charmain took a large breath and asked, “Anything interesting in that diary, Sire?”

  “Well,” said the King, “it’s rather nasty, really. This is the diary of one of my great-grandmother’s ladies-in-waiting. Full of gossip. Just now, she’s dreadfully shocked because the King’s sister died giving birth to a son, and the midwife seems to have killed the baby. Said it was purple and it frightened her. They’re going to put the poor silly soul on trial for murder.”

  Charmain’s mind flew to herself and Peter looking up “lubbock” in Great-Uncle William’s encyclopedia. She said, “I suppose
she thought the baby was a lubbockin.”

  “Yes, very superstitious and ignorant,” the King said. “No one believes in lubbockins these days.” He went back to reading.

  Charmain wondered whether to say that that long-ago midwife may have been quite right. Lubbocks existed. Why not lubbockins too? But she was sure the King would not believe her, and she scribbled a note about it instead. Then she picked up the squashed scroll. But before she unrolled it, it occurred to her to look along the row of boxes where she had put the papers she had already read, in case any of them glowed too. Only one did, quite faintly. When Charmain pulled it out, she found it was the bill from Wizard Melicot for making the roof look like gold. This was puzzling, but Charmain made a note about that too, before she finally undid the tarnished gold tape and spread the scroll out.

  It was a family tree of the kings of High Norland, rather scribbly and hasty, as if it was only a plan for a much more careful copy. Charmain had trouble reading it. It was full of crossings out and little arrows leading to scribbled additions and lopsided circles with notes inside them. “Sire,” she said, “can you explain this to me?”

  “Let’s see.” The King took the scroll and spread it out on the table. “Ah,” he said. “We’ve got the fair copy of this hanging in the throne room. I haven’t properly looked at it for years, but I know it’s much plainer than this family tree—just names of rulers and who they married and so on. This one seems to have notes on it, written by several different people by the looks of it. See. Here’s my ancestor, Adolphus I. The note beside him is in really old writing. It says…hmm…‘Raised walls to the towne by virtue of the Elfgift.’ Not much sign of those walls nowadays, is there? But they say that Embankment Street down beside the river is part of the old walls—”

  “Excuse me, Sire,” Charmain interrupted, “but what is the Elfgift?”

  “No idea, my dear,” the King said. “I wish I knew. It was said to bring prosperity and protection to the kingdom, whatever it was, but it seems to have vanished long ago. Hmm. This is fascinating.” The King ran his large finger across to one note after another. “Here, beside my ancestor’s wife, it says, ‘Was Elf-woman, so called.’ They always told me that Queen Matilda was only half elf, but here is her son, Hans Nicholas, labeled as ‘Elf childe,’ so maybe that’s why he never got to be King. Nobody really trusts elves. Great mistake, in my opinion. They crowned Hans Nicholas’s son instead, a very boring person called Adolphus II, who never did anything much. He’s the one King on this scroll who doesn’t have a note beside him. Tells you something. But his son—here he is—Hans Peter Adolphus, he has a note that says, ‘Reaffirmed the safetie of the realm in partnership with the Elfgift,’ whatever that means. My dear, this is so interesting. Would you do me the favor of making a good readable copy of all these people’s names and the notes beside them? You can miss out cousins and things if they don’t have notes. Would you mind very much?”

  “Not at all, Sire,” Charmain said. She had been wondering how she could write all this down secretly for Sophie and Twinkle, and this was how.

  She spent the rest of that day making two copies of the scroll. One was a muddly first draft, where she was constantly having to ask the King about this note or that one, and the second copy was in her best writing for the King himself. She became as interested as the King was. Why did Hans Peter III’s nephew take to “banditry in the hills”? What made Queen Gertrude “a witche to be feared”? And why was her daughter Princess Isolla labeled “blueman lover”?

  The King could not answer those questions, but he said he had a good idea why Prince Nicholas Adolphus was labeled “drunkarde.” Had Charmain looked at where it said the prince’s father, Peter Hans IV, was called “a dark tyrant and a wizarde besides”? “Some of my ancestors were not nice people,” he said. “I bet this one bullied poor Nicholas horribly. They tell me it can be like that when elf blood goes sour, but I think it’s just people, really.”

  Quite late in the day, when Charmain was down near the bottom of the scroll, where nearly every ruler seemed to be called Adolphus, or Adolphus Nicholas, or Ludovic Adolphus, she was fascinated to come upon a Princess Moina who “married a great Lorde of Strangia, but died giving birth to a loathesome lubbockin.” Charmain was sure Moina was the one in the lady-in-waiting’s diary. It looked as if someone had believed the midwife’s story. She decided not to mention this to the King.

  Three lines farther down she came upon the King himself, “much lost among his books,” and Princess Hilda, “refused marriage with a kinge, 3 lordes, and a wizard.” They were rather squeezed to one side to make room for the descendants of the King’s uncle, Nicholas Peter, who seemed to have had a great many children. The children’s children filled the whole bottom row. How on earth do they remember who is which? Charmain wondered. Half the girls were called Matilda and the other half Isolla, while the boys were mostly Hans or Hans Adolphus. You could only tell them apart by the tiny scribbled notes, calling one Hans “a great lout, drowned” and another “murdered by accident” and yet another “died abroad.” The girls were worse. One Matilda was “a tedious proude girl,” another “to be feared like Q. Gertrude,” and a third “of no good nature.” The Isollas were all either “poisoned” or “of evil ways.” The King’s heir, Ludovic Nicholas, stood out from what Charmain began to think was a truly dreadful family, by having no note beside him at all, like the dull Adolphus of long ago.

  She wrote it all out, names, notes, and all. By the end of the afternoon, her right forefinger was quite numb and blue with ink.

  “Thank you, my dear,” the King said as Charmain handed him her good copy. He started reading through it so eagerly that Charmain was easily able to gather up her scribbly copy and her other notes and cram them into her pockets, without the King seeing. As she stood up, the King looked up to say, “I hope you will forgive me, my dear. I shall not be needing you for the next two days. The Princess insists that I come out of the library and play host to young Prince Ludovic this weekend. She is not at her best with male visitors, you know. But I shall see you again on Monday, I hope.”

  “Yes, of course,” Charmain said. She collected Waif, who came pottering toward her from the kitchen, and set off toward the front door, wondering what to do with her copy of the scroll. She was not sure she trusted Twinkle. Could you trust someone who looked like a little boy and obviously wasn’t, quite? And then there’s what Peter said Great-Uncle William said about fire demons. Can you trust someone that dangerous? she thought unhappily as she went.

  She found herself face to face with Sophie. “How did it go? Did you find anything?” Sophie asked, smiling at her.

  It was such a friendly smile that Charmain decided she could trust Sophie anyway. She hoped. “I got some things,” she said, pulling papers out of her pockets.

  Sophie took them even more eagerly and gratefully than the King had taken his good copy. “Marvelous!” she said. “These should at least give us a clue. We’re really in the dark at the moment. Howl—I mean, Twinkle—says divining spells just don’t seem to work here. And that’s odd, because I don’t think either the King or the Princess do magic, do you? Enough to block a divining spell, I mean.”

  “No,” Charmain said. “But a lot of their ancestors did. And there’s more to the King than meets your eye.”

  “You’re right,” said Sophie. “Are you able to stay and go through these notes with us?”

  “Ask me things on Monday,” Charmain told her. “I have to go and see my father before his bakery closes.”

  Chapter Eleven

  IN WHICH CHARMAIN KNEELS ON A CAKE

  The shop was closed when Charmain reached it, but she could see, dimly through the glass, someone moving about inside, cleaning up. Charmain rapped on the door and, when that did no good, put her face to the glass and shouted, “Let me in!”

  The person inside at length shuffled over and opened the door enough to put his face round it. He proved to be an apprentice about
Peter’s age whom Charmain had never met. “We’re closed,” he said. His eyes went to Waif in Charmain’s arms. The open door had let out a gust of recent doughnut smells, and Waif had her nose into it, sniffing rapturously. “And we don’t allow dogs,” he said.

  “I need to see my father,” Charmain said.

  “You can’t see anyone,” the apprentice said. “The bake house is still busy.”

  “My father is Mr. Baker,” Charmain told him, “and I know he’ll see me. Let me in.”

  “How do I know that’s the truth?” the apprentice said suspiciously. “It’s as much as my job’s worth—”

  Charmain knew this was the sort of time when she needed to be polite and tactful, but she ran out of patience, just as she had with the kobolds. “Oh, you silly boy!” she interrupted him. “If my father knew you weren’t letting me in, he’d sack you on the spot! Go and fetch him if you don’t believe me!”

  “Hoity-toity!” said the apprentice. But he backed away from the door, saying, “Come in, then, but you leave the dog outside, understand?”

  “No, I don’t,” Charmain said. “She might be stolen. She’s a highly valuable magical dog, I’ll have you know, and even the King lets her in. If he can, so can you.”

  The apprentice looked scornful. “Tell that to the lubbock on the hills,” he said.

  Things might have become very difficult then, if Belle, one of the ladies who served in the shop, had not come in through the bake house door just then. She was tying on her headscarf and saying, “I’m leaving now, Timmy. Mind you wash down all the—” when she saw Charmain. “Oh, hallo, Charmain! Want to see your dad, do you?”

  “Hallo, Belle. Yes, I do,” Charmain said. “But he won’t let me bring Waif in.”

 

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