Kate realizes Pinky is waiting for her answer.
“What to do? Well, you’ll have to tell Rob at some point. The earlier the better. How? I know you’ll find a way.”
Pinky nods.
“You don’t mind if I ask to meet him to talk?”
Kate smiles. “No, I don’t mind.” Anymore.
“Also, I will never be the reason for a child not to get to know his father.”
Pinky smiles and holds Kate’s hands across the table. “Thank you. For this. For the bloody nose. Because of that, I have Robin. He’s been the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Kate nods sadly.
“I am sorry, Kate. I know this puts a damper on your happy ending, but you are a sensible woman. You punched Rob on his perfect face, for god’s sake!”
Kate laughs.
“I just think you deserve to know the truth,” Pinky says softly.
“Thank you,” Kate answers. “You know, I’ve always made you out as the evil woman stealing Rob from me.”
Pinky smiles. “Believe me, Kate. If I can, I will.”
Kate smiles back.
“We’re just the same,” Pinky says. “We love Rob, sometimes to our detriment.”
Kate and Pinky stare at each other.
Kate nods. Pinky’s words are true.
3
The Ride
After Pinky leaves the restaurant, Kate checks her cellphone and she marvels at how many messages and calls she missed in the last three hours. There are missed calls and text messages from Tessa (probably to follow up something specific about the wedding), her mom and dad (probably trying to check guests to be included in the invitees for the wedding), Jane (who was stressing about the design of her maid-of-honor dress), Rob (who was trying to finalize the venue for their prenuptial photo shoot), some of her co-authors (trying to get her confirmation on the next writers and readers’ event being planned), her soon-to-be-publisher (trying to get her to edit a key scene she was very committed against taking out of her next book), and the wedding planner.
Everyone wanted a piece of her. Kate suddenly feels suffocated.
She needs to escape.
Kate decides to not go home. She needs some time alone. She needs time without any pressure. She needs to process her thoughts and feelings before she deals with the real world again.
Who is she kidding? She needs to know how she should deal with Rob.
On a whim, she takes a cab to a nearby bus station and rides a bus to Tagaytay, a tourist destination where the air is fresh and cool and no one she knows is around to pressure her.
During the bus trip, she starts to think about her life and her future. What always helps her is to start with who she is, and work from there.
I am Kate.
I am thirty-five years old.
I am engaged to be married to the man who was my first love and the “first” in every sense of the word.
I am an author.
I am in love with Layne.
Kate yelps and sits up straight on the bus. She looks around, trying to determine if there was anyone who heard or cared that she yelped. Everyone has their ears plugged with earphones.
Kate sits back again, and closes her eyes.
I am in love with Layne!
Rob... was, is, and always will be my first love.
But right now, I am in love with Layne.
It doesn’t mean I don’t love Rob anymore. I will always love him.
But right now, I am in love with Layne.
My love for Rob is a part of me already, having loved him for so long. But the time I decided not to let that love consume me was the time that love became a love that allowed my heart to be open to someone else. And that someone in my heart right now is Layne.
I am in love with Layne.
I am in love with Layne!
And he’s the only one not pressuring me for anything!
He loves me. And yet he is letting me make a decision without any pressure.
Rob, on the other hand, again used our history to make me feel guilty about leaving him, even though he cheated on me with Pinky in Boracay.
But he is still Rob, and imperfect that he is, I love him. I will always love him.
But I am in love with Layne.
Rob has a lot to figure out in his life. I need to let him do that. He has dreams and he has people he needs to deal with. He needs to be without me to do that.
Kate opens her eyes and feels the tears threaten to spill. She closes her eyes again, and the tears slowly roll down her cheeks.
I need to let Rob go...
Rob feels a vibration in his jean pocket. He takes out his cellphone and sees Kate’s smiling face on the screen.
“Hey, beautiful!” Rob says cheerfully. He is missing her terribly.
“Hey...” There is something in Kate’s voice, Rob notices.
“Where are you?”
“I’ve been thinking...”
Rob is suddenly silent on the other line. Oh shit.
“I’ll be home in a few hours. We need to talk.”
Rob closes his eyes. He feels weak and helpless.
“Okay,” he answers softly.
4
The Talk
Kate arrives and opens her apartment door. Rob is inside with a bouquet of tulips in his hand and a bright smile on his face. Kate looks at Rob and she knows he knows what is going to happen.
“Rob.”
“Kate.”
Rob moves forward and gives Kate the tulips as he kisses her softly on the lips. He then sits on the couch and waits.
“Rob, I—”
Rob waits patiently, looking at her intently.
Kate looks at Rob’s face and says, “I am in love with Layne.”
Rob sighs and his shoulders slump. “I know.”
“You know?”
“Yes. He’s a good guy.”
“How do you know?”
“I met him.”
“You... met him. Wow.” Kate pauses.
“I can’t marry you, Rob.”
Rob nods. Kate removes the engagement ring from her finger and hands it to Rob, who accepts it.
“I’m sorry,” Kate says.
“Don’t be. I totally understand. It was too good to be true. I tried to make it work, but yeah...”
Kate cocks an eyebrow. “I know about Boracay,” she reveals.
Rob blinks. He sighs deeply. “Did Layne tell you?”
“He knew?” Kate asks incredulously.
“Yes, but he said it should not come from him.”
“It is true. If I were to find out about it, it should have come from you, Rob.”
“I’m sorry, Kate. I have no excuse.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Is that why you’re not marrying me?”
“No. If this were a few years ago, I would have let it slide and still marry you.”
“But, now you are no longer head over heels in love with me and just can’t let this slide, right?”
“Yeah, I am in love with someone else.”
“Layne. Muscle guy.”
Kate laughs. After a while, they are silent. Kate brings out a bottle of wine and two glasses and they start drinking.
“You know, Rob, when we first met, I thought I was the luckiest girl alive because you chose to borrow my pencil and sat beside me in the library.”
Rob smiles sadly.
“Every day after that I always wondered how I could have deserved having you in my life. It was the happiest period of my life... until it just wasn’t anymore.”
Kate sighs.
“I was not unique in falling in love with you. I’m sure every girl you’ve met and even those you never did, fell for you. You just had that effect on people.”
Rob looks down, as if ashamed.
“But since you were also my friend, falling in love with you was hard. Being your friend and being in love with you made my life a living hell. But it was worth it, for those
times we spent together. It was a roller-coaster ride. Sometimes I was so happy, even deliriously so. But most of the time, I was miserable.”
“I didn’t know,” Rob says softly.
“You wouldn’t have. I never gave any indication, right?”
Rob shakes his head.
“Anton... knew I could never love him the way I loved you, but I tried anyway, because he was a guy who loved me.”
Rob stares at Kate, letting her talk it out. She is on her second glass of wine.
“He was going to propose to me, after we would have made love for the first time. But I stupidly called out your name in the throes of passion, pathetic, right?”
Rob nods. Kate is already pink in the face and she is tipsy.
“And when I called you...”
“Kate...”
“No, let me talk, Rob,” Kate raises a hand to silence Rob.
“When I called you, you arrived. I asked you for the unthinkable...and you gave it to me.”
“Kate, I—” Rob stops. “I know I should apologize to you for that night, but... to be honest, I am not sorry. I am not sorry because I wanted to be your first. I’ve wanted that even years before you asked me. I believed I deserved that honor, but I didn’t want to force it. When you and Anton got together, I was more or less resigned to the fact that he would be the one, but he was so fucking stupid!”
Kate laughs.
“I mean, to wait that long and you obviously were not happy, and having all these insecurities. I just wanted you to feel and know that you were a beautiful and desirable young woman, and if he couldn’t make you feel that, then there was something totally fucked up about him.”
Rob puts his arms around Kate and lets her rest her head on his chest.
“Okay, sorry for interrupting. Continue.”
He lets her resume her talk.
“It was a special night for me too, Rob. Even after everything that happened, I’m glad you were my first. But that’s what I felt on the night. What I felt after? That’s a different story. If I was living in hell before that time, I descended even farther. I was not only totally in love with my best friend who I thought would never be mine, but he also ended up to be the man who took my virginity. How much lower can I go, right?”
Rob closes his eyes.
“But I did go lower. Because I became your fuck buddy. Anytime you needed me, you just needed to call, and I was always available for you! Again, no commitment, no nothing. Did you honestly think all that was okay with me, Rob?”
“No, but you never said a word.”
“Did I need to?”
“I—” Rob looks down.
“Then you made me agree to marry you when I turn thirty-five if by chance we are still single by that time.”
“I did do that.”
“Why?”
“Because I was stupid. But I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. And I knew I had to give you something to look forward to, or else...”
“Or else what?”
“Or else, you would just leave me. You were in hell, you said, right? I knew it. I’m sorry, I knew you were not happy, but I couldn’t live without you.”
“Ha. You couldn’t live without me then, but you continued to see other women, and continued to see me and hurt me.”
“Kate.”
“Then you hooked up with Pinky! And it culminated in that one night where I punched you in the nose.”
Rob is silent.
“I just had enough Rob. And after that, I took control of my life and slowly but surely, I pulled myself out of hell, and started being free and happy.”
“It was at that moment, right, Kate? It was at that moment you stopped being in love with me?” Rob asks.
“Yes. And it was not easy,” Kate says. “But I survived.”
“And then you met Layne.”
“Yes, I did.”
“And you fell in love with him just like that?”
“Not really. It took a while. I just enjoyed his company during the times we were together, but yeah, after a while, I realized I was in love with him.”
“Which made you better at dealing with me because I was no longer the center of your universe.”
“And then you took that opportunity to pursue me. The way I wanted you to pursue me way back when.”
“I felt like I was losing you, so I had to pursue you.”
“Had I known that earlier, I would have tried leaving you and I would have had you then before everything happened.”
“Yeah.”
Kate stares at Rob.
“We’re a pathetic pair, aren’t we?”
“Yes, we are.”
Kate pours more wine, but the bottle is empty with her glass still half-empty. She stands up and gets another bottle.
“Rob, do you have a bucket list?” Kate asks as she pours more wine.
Rob looks strangely at Kate.
“Why?”
“Just curious. Must be different when everything comes easily for you. You don’t really need to do much more.”
“I do. I have a bucket list.”
“Can you share it with me?”
Rob pulls out his wallet and takes out a crumpled piece of paper.
“I wrote this in my twenties.”
Kate takes the paper, spreads it out and reads.
#1. Finish my Masters.
#2. Propose to Kate.
#3. Marry Kate.
#4. Have kids. A son first, preferably.
#5. Move to Chicago and get dream job there
#6. Buy my own house using my own money
#7. Meet Margot Robbie.
“Margot Robbie?” Kate asks laughing.
“I added that in a few years ago. She’s gorgeous!”
Kate stops laughing. “Chicago, huh? I remember that’s your dream place to live in.”
“Yes, it is. And if I can get a job there, that would just be the best!” Rob says with a dreamy expression. He continues.
“So actually, #1 is done. #2, I did. #3, I was hoping would happen, but looks like it won’t. So goodbye #4 for now...”
“Um... maybe not.”
“Excuse me?”
“Remind me later. Is there something you want to tell me about Chicago?”
“What do you mean?”
“C’mon Rob, you’ve been getting these calls from someone from Chicago and you have these official discussions, so I know something is up.”
“Oh. The calls. Well, as you said, back in college, I’ve always had this dream to be this big shot in an office in downtown Chicago.”
Kate nods.
“Well, I received an offer to transfer to our head office in Chicago and lead the team there,” Rob announces.
“When do you start, if ever?”
“A few months after our wedding. It would just be right timing so we can still have our honeymoon and we can work on the relocation before I start work.”
“Relocation... so you were expecting me to relocate to Chicago with you,” Kate says slowly.
“Yes, I know but I was going to discuss it with you soon. I mean, I haven’t said yes,” Rob says lightly.
“But it’s your dream job, Rob. What if I said I didn’t want to relocate?”
“I would have negotiated. I’d tell you, if you needed more time to settle your stuff here, Kate, then you don’t have to move immediately. We would have been able to make it work,” Rob says.
“But Rob, move to Chicago. Away from my family and friends. Away from my local writing group. Away...”
“Yeah, but we would be together. That’s what a marriage is, right? A commitment. We would have discussed it and agreed on something.”
“And I probably would have said, ‘Of course, I’ll go with you. Newlyweds should stick together. I have to keep an eye on you, you know, you will be this gorgeous exotic guy there. So I should watch you like a hawk!’” Kate says with a small smile.
Rob smiles. “The place we would ha
ve lived in has good schools around it.”
“Schools...,” Kate says slowly.
“For when we have kids. My #4.” Rob searches Kate’s face.
“Ah, which brings us back to the topic of kids.”
“Yes?”
“What if you discovered you have a kid somewhere you didn’t know about?”
“Are you pregnant?” Rob asks with a hopeful expression on his face.
“No,” Kate shakes her head. “But what if you find out you had a kid with someone else?”
“That would be close to impossible! Unless you’re the mother. I’ve been very careful in my... ah... liaisons.”
“Apparently, not careful enough.”
“Excuse me?” Rob looks flustered.
“Or maybe the bloody nose caused you to lose some brain cells that you forgot to wear protection that time.”
Rob blinks. Then he opens his mouth as if to say something. He blinks again.
“What are you saying, Kate?”
“Pinky has a son, right?”
Rob waits, his eyes wide.
“The little boy has your smile,” Kate says gently.
Rob’s phone rings while he is driving home. He clicks a button on his dashboard display and the call is answered, hands free.
“Hello, Rob, is this a good time to talk?” the male voice says.
“Hey, Will, I’m driving, but I can talk,” Rob answers.
“Have you given any thought to our offer?”
Rob breathes in. Then out.
“I have.”
“And?”
“Yes, I accept. Proceed with the paperwork.”
“That is such good news, Rob! I’m sure the management team here will be excited to hear about this!”
“I only have one request.”
“Go ahead, what is it?”
“Any chance we can move the date forward?”
“I thought you wanted to wait until after the wedding to do the move?”
“Let’s just say the wedding is postponed indefinitely.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It’s okay, really, Will. We just realized we were not yet ready. And part of it is also this new job. I have always dreamed of doing this, but my fiancé has other dreams she needs to fulfill at this time.”
“I understand. In terms of the timeline, the earlier you are able to fly out here the better! Just let us know when.”
Kate, Finally Page 16