My Blue River

by Leslie Trammell

  “And how are the skis? Are they the right length?” Sheridan turned around and shoved her butt in his face, which very nearly made me vomit.

  He ignored her extremely sculpted buns. “Yep. I think you’re ready. Hey, will you excuse me a minute? I want to help, Addy.”

  She reluctantly nodded in agreement as he walked over to me. The ski resort employee had already helped me, however, so I bit my lip and prayed I wouldn’t snap at him.

  “I got it. Thanks. Dusty helped me,” I responded before he even had a chance to ask how I was doing.

  His brows furrowed. “Dusty? Who’s Dusty?”

  “Dusty, the employee.” I pointed in his direction and he waved back with a huge smile as if we had exchanged phone numbers and would hook up later. “He was really nice and helped me. I’m all set.” I tried to sound perky and unbothered by this incredibly emotional mess I had created for myself, but Jack wasn’t buying my act.

  He placed one finger on my chin and turned my face in his direction. “You, okay?”

  “Yep. Just jiffy.”

  “Jiffy? When have you ever used a word like jiffy?”

  “Um…just now I guess. It’s all good, Jack. Can we please just go? We wouldn’t want to keep Sheridan waiting. I feel like I’m the host, know what I mean?”

  He furrowed his brows again in suspicion, but he knew me and guessed I was upset enough that he’d better let it go. “Yeah, yeah, I do. I understand,” he replied.

  Everyone else in our party were pros at skiing and since they had used up their patience to endure the ride to the lodge, they decided to go on their separate ways. Jack took Sheridan and I to the less challenging area called “bunny hills.” These slopes were not steep and designed especially for children and beginner skiers. In just an hour, we were surprised to find we had mastered the bunny hill and decided to brave the larger slopes.

  I hadn’t anticipated how nerve-wracking getting on the ski lift would be. As my chair approached, I felt myself panic. I wished Jack was at my side, but Sheridan had played up her fear so I told him to ride the lift with her. I even referred to it as a personal favor. Blech. I make myself sick. I was stuck with some kid about Aaron’s age who had a drippy nose. He kept trying to make conversation and sniff up his boogers at the same time. I gave polite one- or two-word responses and prayed for the ride to end. When I reached the top, I saw Sheridan adjusting Jack’s ski cap. I let out a heavy sigh. This is going to be a very, very long day.

  I was distracted by looking at Sheridan touching Jack, misjudged my movements and the minute I left the chair, I fell to the ground. Jack immediately rushed to me.

  “Hurry. You’ll get run over,” he urged as he pulled me to my feet and safely out of the way of exiting skiers. He put his arm around my waist. I wanted him to keep his arm there, but as soon as we were clear of the lift, he removed it and everyone started to talk about what trail we should take and who could handle what slopes since there were some novice skiers in the group.

  “Well, whatever you think, Jack. I can tell you’re the expert,” said Sheridan as she caressed his arm. I opened my mouth to speak then snapped it shut.

  We heard Claire holler, “Wait up!” She and Ethan were about to get off the lift.

  “How’s it goin’?” asked Claire. She was full of excitement having this entire day with Ethan not to mention whatever their evening plans were. I cringed at the thought they would do something stupid.

  “Fine,” I replied, but my curt, cold tone caused Claire’s head to snap in my direction. She immediately knew things were in fact NOT fine.

  She looked confused and I could tell she was wondering what had happened. She looked at Jack as though he might give some clarity to the situation, but his expression gave nothing away.

  “We’re picking a trail,” said Jack, ignoring Claire’s questioning stare.

  “Oh, okay. Well, I’m sure you’ll pick the right one, Jack,” said Claire.

  I added, “Besides, whatever trail we take I’ll probably just have to use the tuck-and-roll-approach.”

  Everyone laughed at my joke and Sheridan made sure her laugh was heard above all others and just then, it was as if a light bulb had gone off just above Claire’s head.

  “So, Jack. How’s your girl doing?” Claire asked Jack as she put her arms around my shoulder. Sheridan raised one eyebrow. I smiled. If she didn’t know I was Jack’s girl before, she certainly knew now. I’m Jack’s girl.

  “Oh, you mean my best friend, Addy? She’s doing great.” I gulped hard as he smirked at me.

  Claire furrowed her eyebrows but she also knew Jack even better than she knew me. She immediately knew something was eating at him as well.

  “Can we talk, Jack?” She summoned him to her with one index finger as if he were a little boy about to be scolded.

  I looked at Sheridan who broke the silence with, “So this is fun. I’m really glad we’re here today.”

  “Yeah, me, too. Glad you could come to Montana.” There was a brief silence again as I mustered up the courage to lay it all on the line with her.

  “Um…Sheridan…remember how I’ve been talking to you about Jack lately?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I remember.” She replied as she fished a tiny mirror from a small pocket in her ski pants and began inspecting her reflection.

  “Well, I’ve actually been dating him…like…a lot…like, regularly so…” my voice trailed off and I thought she could fill in the blank with what I wanted to say—so stop flirting.

  She put the mirror away and said, “Oh really? You didn’t tell me you were dating let alone that you were serious.”

  “Well, I’m not sure serious is the word, but yeah, we date pretty regularly.” I wondered if our relationship had to be considered serious for her to stop being an uncontrollable flirt.

  When Sheridan didn’t respond, the topic seemed to dissipate into thin air, especially when Jack and Claire returned. They didn’t explain their private conversation to me and simply recommended we get down to the lodge. Skiing was pure hell and we had to stop often because each time I picked up any level of speed I panicked and stopped off at the side. Jack was extremely patient and encouraging, but each time he stopped with me, he then needed to check on Sheridan because she would manage to fall and then begin to tumble and scream like she was being stabbed to death, so I would ask him to check on her. This routine went on for what seemed like an endless amount of time, but eventually we made it in one piece to the bottom of the mountain.

  Once we got comfortable inside the lodge, Sheridan came on to Jack even stronger. She managed to touch nearly every part of his body that was publicly acceptable. If we were standing she was touching his arm. If we were sitting, she touched his leg. She pretended to remove something from his face. I knew Jack was putting the ball in my court and wouldn’t do anything to stop her. He wanted me to admit defeat. If I would just admit I was his girlfriend, this would all go away.

  When I could no longer take it, I left the bland conversation Sheridan was having with Jack and decided to warm myself by the fire. It was a double-sided fireplace and once I sat down, I could hear the voices of Claire and Sallie coming from the other side. I couldn’t help but tune-in to their conversation.

  “I say it’s harsh,” insisted Sallie.

  “I say it’s cold—cold as ice. With a best friend like Sheridan, Addy doesn’t need any enemies,” declared Claire.

  “That’s what I was thinking. Didn’t Addy tell her she was dating Jack?”

  “Well, I got Jack aside at the top of the mountain. He said Addy doesn’t want to admit they’re boyfriend/girlfriend. She wants to keep it casual—yet committed—then this way, neither of them will get hurt when she leaves.”

  There was a brief silence and then they both started to laugh. What’s that about? Rude!

  “You’ve gotta be kidding me. She isn’t serious right?” asked Sallie.

  “That’s what I thought. I think it’s time for her to admit tha
t, either way, it’s gonna suck when she leaves. Jack wants Addy to say it out loud and on her own terms because if she doesn’t, he’ll feel like he pressured her. I can tell you this much—Sheridan is the answer to his prayers.”

  They both giggled a bit more, which I actually found really irritating. But Jack was right. If he had pushed me and insisted we define our relationship, I would have been angry and resented him. Why must I learn on the level of a small child?

  “If Jack were mine, I’d shout it from the roof top,” declared Sallie.

  I couldn’t stand hearing this conversation any more than the one I had left, so I decided to return to Jack and Sheridan.

  Sheridan was rubbing her hand on Jack’s arm, telling him how incredibly soft his sweater felt. I didn’t even bother to say “excuse me,” I simply walked up, grabbed his face with both hands and planted a kiss full on his mouth. His shock gave way to what I had been missing all day—his affection. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer for a second kiss. Sheridan rolled her eyes and looked away.

  “Yes, Sheridan I agree. Doesn’t my boyfriend’s sweater feel fantastic?” I smugly interjected. I rubbed his arm as I peered up to his face. His eyes twinkled with sheer delight. A smile larger than the Blue River itself broke out over his face.

  “Boyfriend? Oh, Addy you didn’t tell me that? Forgive me, Jack. I’m an incurable flirt. I’m so sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, but you didn’t say anything at all! I feel so silly.” She reached out and touched his arm yet again.

  Jack opened his mouth to speak, but I spared him.

  “Remember, at the top of the mountain? I told you I was dating Jack?” I asked.

  “Yeah, but I know you, Addy. I thought it was casual and I know you’re coming back to California.” Her tone changed from sticky sweet to bitter and defensive of her actions and she was taking me down with her.

  “Guess this time, it’s not. Jack is my boyfriend.” I raised my voice a little, catching the attention of Zeek and Mac. Zeek smiled. Mac rolled his eyes. Before long, Claire and Sallie joined our conversation. I caught Jack offer a “thumbs up” to Claire, whose smile rivaled Jack’s.

  I gently pulled Sheridan by the arm. “Hey, we need to talk.”

  “Okay. Sure.”

  We walked over to the fireplace. I remembered an important lesson I learned from my mom about therapy and about letting people know when and how they have hurt you.

  “Sheridan, I’ve had a hard time admitting the depth of my relationship with Jack, but it really hurts me when you flirt with him. I would really appreciate it if you stopped.”

  “Wow, Addy. I didn’t know. I really thought you would have told me, but we’ve always flirted with each other’s guys. I didn’t think you cared so much, but,” she looked over at Jack, “I can see why. He’s pretty amazing.” She said the last word like she was seeing a celebrity.

  “First of all, you flirted with MY boyfriends. I didn’t flirt with yours. Secondly, yes, he is amazing and I think I…,” I stopped short. I wouldn’t admit to Sheridan I thought I was falling in love with Jack, because that would mean admitting it to myself, and eventually wanting—needing—to admit it to him, too. How perfectly poetic this snowball effect was beginning in the month of December. It was a snowball effect I wasn’t ready to handle.

  Her eyes widened and her mouth fell open because she knew me well enough to guess the words I didn’t say.

  “Are you not coming back to California?” she asked deprecatingly.

  “No! I mean, yes! Don’t worry. I’m still going back to California.” I grabbed her by the arms to make my position on the subject firm.

  Relief washed over her face. “Don’t scare me like that.” She looked back at Jack. “So, what are you going to do about him?”

  I looked at him, too. “I’m not sure. Convince him to go to California I guess.”

  “Excuse me? I don’t think you can remove the country from the boy or the boy from the country. Good luck with that. He doesn’t look like he wants to go anywhere other than Blue River.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

  Right about that time, Jack joined us and asked if he could borrow me.

  “Sure, babe…I mean, Jack. No problem,” replied Sheridan. “I’ll give you two some privacy.” As she walked away, she took one more look back at Jack’s backside and mouthed, “Wow!” She’s hopeless.

  I watched her join Claire and Sallie at a window table. God bless Claire and Sallie for their good manners. They were making her feel like she could fit right in even though she never would.

  “So?” asked Jack.

  “So what?”

  “So, when your fit of jealous rage fades, are you going to regret that you just announced to the entire ski lodge that I’m your boyfriend?”

  I flushed with embarrassment. Looking back on the moment, I knew my voice had been raised louder than I realized, but I didn’t regret it. “Nope. I want nothing more than to be your girlfriend,” I insisted as I reached up and threw my arms around his neck.

  “Are you absolutely sure, because, I’m all in. This is the real deal for me.” His eyes pierced mine and his tone was completely serious.

  “It’s the real deal, Jack.” He moved in slowly, as if it were our first kiss. I knew he was hoping he could change my mind and make me stay in Montana while I was hoping I could make him leave with me in August. I wondered who would win but for right now, in this moment, life was just as it should be, with me in Jack’s arms.

  ********

  It was a long and tiring ride home. Sheridan’s flirt fest had almost ruined the day but in the end, we all managed to make it fun. For the next several days, Sheridan and I didn’t talk about the incident, or me and Jack and resorted to making plans for college life. When we took her to the airport, she graciously thanked us, but said she now knew life in a winter wonderland wasn’t for her.

  When we hugged, Sheridan whispered, “Stay true to yourself, Addy, and you might want to think about giving up on the cowboy.”

  ********

  Jack’s Journal

  Saturday, December 18

  Thank you Sheridan McCall. You have no idea how your over-inflated ego got me exactly what I wanted. I can officially call Addy my girlfriend!

  20. Everything New

  “Aren’t you supposed to kiss me? After all, I am under mistletoe.” I pointed upward to the dangling greenery in the entryway. The entire house smelled of Christmas—peppermint, sugar cookies, and pine. For the first time in my entire life, we had a real tree that Dad and Aaron had chopped down and drug home.

  “Oh, with pleasure.” Jack was about to move in for a kiss when my father entered the room, causing Jack to jump about three feet backwards, blushing all the while.

  “You know, son, I really don’t mind if you kiss my little girl…just keep it G-rated,” Dad said slyly as he winked at me.

  “Dad…” I replied deprecatingly.

  “Yes, sir.” Jack flushed cherry red.

  “And another thing, please, start calling me Bill,” Dad instructed.

  Jack responded, “Yes, sir. I promise, sir.”

  Dad shook his head and chuckled as he walked off with his sugar cookies and milk. My father had become very aware of how shy Jack was about affection in his presence. He said it only made him respect Jack more. I could elope with Jack tomorrow and my dad would be thrilled.

  My mom, on the other hand, would have her first heart attack and cry for a year about how I ruined my life. She thought my life should follow exactly in her footsteps. She wanted me to attend the University of California, San Diego, major in psychology, and pledge to Alpha Chi Theta. She wanted me to marry a Sigma Phi Epsilon who was preferably majoring in pre-law, pre-med, or working on an advanced degree like an MBA, like Dad’s…but only after I got my first degree. I felt like I would never live up to a single one of her expectations. I really did get how Aaron felt about Dad’s expectations for him because I lived it with
Mom.

  “Guess I should go,” said Jack. “It’s late and if you don’t get to bed, Santa won’t come.”

  “Awe, how cute. You still believe in Santa,” I smiled up at him adoringly, pinching his cheek as if he were a little boy.

  He chuckled. “I do. I believe in all magical possibilities. So, I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

  “I don’t know, Jack. Sounds like you’ll have a full house. I think I’ll feel awkward.”