by Rhavensfyre
“Wait? Just now? As in this morning?” Ransom could practically visualize Samuel leaning forward, punching his finger against the desk with each question. He was that agitated.
“Yeah, what’s the big deal?” she asked, schooling her voice carefully. Samuel was too good at reading her.
“That’s not like you. You’re too big on transparency to keep something like that hidden from a client. What gives?”
And just like that, their conversation was ruined. First Victoria, now Samuel, the only problem is that he’s absolutely correct. I’ve never withheld information before, not to save a client’s feelings. Ransom groaned. “You know what, Samuel? You headshrinker types really get on my nerves.”
“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that.”
She was sure Samuel had a hell of a lot more to say but a rapping at the door gave her a quick way out. She looked up to find Victoria standing there. “I gotta go, Sam. Just keep me updated on any changes.” And stay the hell out of my head, I’m doing just fine on my own.
“I thought I closed that door.”
“Not all the way.” Victoria smiled politely and let herself in. “This feels weird, I’m usually on the other side of a desk like that. Actually, I gave up using a desk a long time ago. It’s easier to talk when there’s nothing between us.”
“Nothing between us or in between us?” Ransom shot back, sliding her note pad and the letter packet back into their drawer while Victoria was busy trying to get under her skin.
“Now that is a very good question.” Victoria sat down across from her, crossed her legs very primly, and studied her. With her elbow resting on the chair arm and her jaw propped up on her palm, she looked like a woman very much in charge of her life.
“Are you enjoying the view?” Ransom asked sarcastically.
“Very much, actually, but that’s not why I’m here.”
Those dark eyes caught hers, and perhaps it was a trick of the light in the room, but Ransom felt like Victoria was staring right inside her…peeking at all those shadowy corners she kept hidden from the light. Only years of training kept her from squirming in her seat. She hadn’t felt this uncomfortable since she’d been in boot camp, surrounded by five DI’s intent on breaking her down. Making eye contact with any one of them meant a quick dressing down. Unfortunately, with five of them surrounding you there was no way to avoid the inevitable. Kind of like now.
“I told you before I wasn’t much for verbal foreplay Victoria, just spit it out.”
“I need you to tell me why you keep fighting this.” Victoria gestured between them. “What’s happening between the two of us.”
“I just think it’s a bad idea.”
“You can’t make that decision for me, Ransom. You don’t have that right. Not without a damn good explanation,” Victoria argued. She needed to hear Ransom’s reasons. Those reasons were the walls that had been built between them, each excuse a single block that needed to be torn down until only honest emotion was left.
“It's not a good idea because you are dangerous to me.” Ransom shifted her focus, staring at a point somewhere just past Victoria and off to the left. She couldn’t look at her; it was too hard.
“How?” Victoria asked; this wasn’t what she had expected Ransom to say.
“Dangerous, because you make me draw a fine line between desire and duty.”
“Okay, I respect that, but I have to confess I don’t understand.” Victoria struggled to understand where Ransom was coming from. “One can’t co-exist with the other?”
Ransom stood up, violently enough to send the chair spinning away from the desk. Her eyes flashed, like lightning dancing across Caribbean waters, both beautiful and deadly.
“I can’t afford to find out. This stalker of yours, he’s a dangerous man and I have no doubt he would harm you if he gets a chance.” Ransom’s emotions were all over the place, her anger at Victoria waxing and waning as she tried to put a voice to the whirlwind of emotions flying around inside her. She wanted Victoria, more than she wanted to admit, the desire so palpable she could feel it as a low thrumming sensation vibrating through her body. She paced because she had to, the need to move a poor substitution for the need to move against HER, to move in HER.
“So what you’re telling me is that I distract you too much?” Victoria asked.
“Distract? Oh, yes, you’ve done a good job of doing that.” Ransom smiled past the bitter taste in her throat. “I would be thrilled if that was all it was, but it isn’t. Samuel tasked me with protecting you, with no regard for protecting me from replaying my greatest fear and greatest failure. He knows me too well. He knew that if you came here for protection that I would do it. But he didn’t give a rat’s crap what it might do to me.”
Ransom covered her face, scrubbing at her cheeks and pressing her fingers against the eyelids. The afterimages of a hundred nightmares had left their mark there, etched in the veined patterns of her inner vision. Victoria’s presence had brought back the past with a vengeance, her nightmares returning the first night Victoria had arrived.
“That is the danger, Victoria...I know in my heart that I will protect you from this person who you fear so much. If I have to kill him, I will be justified because he is a bad person who was planning to do bad things.” Ransom stopped, drawing in another ragged breath that burned like fire in her throat. “But, if I fail, if he is better than me, I risk losing you and I risk losing everything I have. I…I can’t lose another person I care for. If this person gets to you, I don’t think I could come back from that, not again.”
Anger that had burned red hot blew out just as quickly, leaving her suddenly empty and cold, like the dying embers of a forest fire after a heavy rain. She shivered against the sudden shift inside her, hoping that Victoria would understand even as she mourned what could have been.
“No, Ransom, NO!” Victoria’s voice was strident, insistent and carried the fire that had animated Ransom such a short moment before. The haunted look on Ransom’s face was the same one Victoria had seen on so many survivors of violence. It was the look of a person who had reached their limit of pain yet knew they would have to endure more if they let themselves feel anything again. “You’re stronger than that.”
“Look, Victoria. I’m tired. It’s a rainy day. Can’t we just let this rest for a little while and try to enjoy a day off?” Ransom flopped back into the chair. This whole thing was exhausting. She was scared to death and there was nothing she could do about it. It wasn’t the nightmares; she had dealt with them for years. They were nothing, something to endure, ghosts from the pasts that refused to rest in their graves. This stalker? She would draw on him in a heartbeat, take him out if necessary.
What really frightened her was the depth of her need for this woman. The other night, the way Victoria looked at her, what she said…it opened a floodgate inside her she had thought was permanently closed. Passion had poured from that floodgate and she had let it sweep her up in its wild current. Endorphin laced excitement that sent her pulse soaring without a single tinge of fear or hate attached to it…that is what Victoria brought to the table. After their fierce and unexpected coupling she had fallen asleep, for the first time in so many years to the sound of another woman’s heartbeat ticking off the time between them.
“Okay, we’ll stop now, but I’m going to leave you with one last thing before I go,” Victoria said, pulling herself up from the chair. Ransom looked up, expecting to see her heading for the door. She didn’t expect to see her right in front of her, stiff-arming the desk, an inscrutable expression on her face. She tossed her head to the left, in the direction of the drawer holding those damnable letters.
“Yes, I know about the letters. Despite you trying to be slick and trying to hide them from me just now. I noticed you didn’t open them.” Victoria turned away then, and didn’t stop until she hit the doorway. When she turned back, Ransom hadn’t moved a muscle. “I’m not going to ask why you never read them, but I’m glad
you saved them. That means a lot to me. Seeing them did remind me of something important. Emotions can run strong for a very long time, even in someone’s absence. It’s time for me to change my focus. Maybe the stalker is my past coming back to haunt me.”
She nodded towards the desk. “Read the letters. You might be surprised what you find in there.”
“Now, you want me to read them now?”
“No. Whenever you are ready,” Victoria conceded. From the look on Ransom’s face it was all she could do. Right now she needed to get into that computer and start playing junior sleuth. As long as this stalker stood between them, it was going to be damn difficult to move forward.
***
It's not fair. Victoria shouldn’t be allowed to feel safe from me for this long. She needs to feel how I felt, like she felt when she found my presents. The roses were the perfect gift. Black for death, red for blood. Did she tremble when she held them in her hand?
Chapter Nineteen
Ransom didn’t read the letters. She stared at them for a little while, thumbing through the yellowed envelopes that had been and still were arranged by date and clicked off where her location had been in her head. Each time she moved, the letter made it right behind her.
Snail mail was useless when you were in a unit that moved fast and often. She brought the sheaf of envelopes up to her nose and swore she could still catch the faintest taint of motor oil, antiseptic and the rubbery odor everything that ever saw the inside of a sea bag took on. It was the same smell that assaulted your senses when you walked into every Army/Navy Surplus store that ever existed. The back room in Buddy’s store smelled the same way, plus brass, leather and Old Spice.
“Another time,” she muttered, stuffing the envelopes back into their drawer. She stood up and stretched, running her fingers across her scalp vigorously before heading for the door. It was time to find out what the heck Victoria was talking about.
An orange flash appeared out of nowhere like a mobile yellow brick road and led the way, guiding her towards Victoria’s location.
The kitchen was no Emerald City, but Victoria was managing to channel the vaudevillian energy of the good wizard. Whatever she was reading must have been enthralling because she didn’t even notice Ransom entering the room until she popped the top on a cold Pepsi. Then she jumped in her seat, and despite the baleful look she shot her, launched into an excited diatribe about who she thought the stalker might be. When Ransom went to join her at the table, she moved her coffee cup further away from the computer, effectively keeping the evil contents of Ransom’s soda can from coming anywhere near the computer or her notepad.
Ransom snickered. If anyone was going to spill anything today, it was the excited woman talking as much with her hands as her lips bouncing up and down in her chair. Sit or stand already, she thought. The woman looked like a jack-in-the-box suffering from stage fright.
“So, what you’re saying is you think it’s not any of these clients. You think the stalker might be someone from before you came to work for Samuel?” Once Victoria started talking about her idea, she hadn’t stopped, but from what she had gathered that was pretty much the essence of it.
“Yes. Not necessarily the people I took care of, they were the victims. But there was always someone else involved, a boyfriend, an ex-husband, hell, sometimes there were pimps and drug dealers. A lot of these people were violent, and they didn’t like us getting involved in their business.”
“The type to hold a grudge.” Ransom scratched her nose. She wasn’t too familiar with DSS, only that Victoria had worked with families in trouble, usually after something happened or someone called in a report.
“Yes, especially if they ended up in prison.”
“So, assuming you’re right, how hard would it be to narrow it down to a possible suspect?” Ransom leaned over the table to get a closer look at the computer screen, but before she could see anything, Victoria closed the lid on her.
“I can’t let you see any of my notes, Ransom. They’re confidential.”
Ransom lowered her head and raised an eyebrow at Victoria’s sudden bulldoggish behavior. She’d almost got a finger caught in there. “Okay?”
“Look, if I could I would. Don’t you think I’d just call Samuel and have him let the cops have at it?” Victoria asked, actually getting up this time. From the way she paced, one elbow propped on the other, her hand raised ineffectually in the air, Ransom got the impression Victoria used to smoke.
“Jonesing for a cigarette?”
“What?” Victoria asked. “What gave you that idea?”
“Just an observation,” Ransom murmured, trying not to smile too hard when Victoria’s hand casually sagged down to her side.
With nothing else to do with her hands, Victoria grabbed the back of her chair and frowned at the computer. “All this could be a waste of time. Maybe I just need something to do while everybody else tries to find this guy.”
“So, basically you’re telling me you’re searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack, and you aren’t even sure if the needle is in the stack you’re tearing down.”
“Pretty much. I’m just digging around, seeing if anything jogs my memory. You never know, I might stumble on something.”
“You’re right. You never know,” Ransom agreed. It actually wasn’t that bad of a plan, and if it kept her busy for a few hours every day that was good, too. “Okay, I understand I can’t peek at this stuff. But I do think you should let Samuel know where you’re headed with this. He’s the one up there trying to keep a fire lit under the PD’s ass.”
That so was a job she did not want. Ransom was perfectly happy staying right where she was, even if Victoria was a major pain in her ass most of the time.
“I’m already on that. A lot of my old notes are on flash drives at the office. I’ll need Samuel to send them to me.” Victoria stopped, then looked over at Ransom as if she just thought of something. “What about you? If I’m busy with this?”
“First of all, this doesn’t mean you get out of our runs or a little training…as for me? I can find something to do with my time, you don’t need to worry about that.” Ransom grinned. “Besides, if I can’t see what you’re looking at, I’m pretty much useless. You’re basically sending me to the kiddy table while the grown up’s play for a while.”
“Ransom!” Victoria exclaimed.
“What? It’s all good.” Ransom smirked. Victoria was downright cute when she blushed, even cuter when rendered almost speechless. She would have to remember that. “I’ll just take my drink here, find something bad for me to eat and watch some TV. When and if you find anything you can share, just let me know.”
Ransom was determined to enjoy her rainy day. Like most vets, she had come to appreciate unexpected downtimes and learned to take advantage of them when they popped up. So far, Victoria had managed to keep herself busy, but Ransom had a feeling the enforced inactivity was going to start wearing on her so this new project couldn’t have come up at a better time.
Ransom flipped through every channel on the television and found absolutely nothing interesting to watch. She left it on something boring for background noise and contemplated her options.
An old tattered copy of Leaves of Grass was sitting on the coffee table. She leaned over and picked it up, running her fingers over the creases and worn edges. This was one of her mother’s old books. Too sentimental to leave behind, she had brought it and several other classics when she moved here. They had gone up on a shelf to be forgotten. Until now. Victoria must have found it and left it here.
“Good enough.” Book in hand, Ransom curled up on the couch and started to read. It was heavy stuff, the poem speaking to Ransom in a way it never had as a stubborn and indifferent teenager. She half contemplated putting the book down and finding something else to read, something a little less intense, but she couldn’t do it.
***
After several boring hours of pouring through what records she could find
online and skimming through her emails for any clues about the stalker, Victoria found her mental state becoming more agitated the farther back in time she went. It was just so frustrating to sit and wait while other people acted on her behalf. A quick message to Samuel was another dead end. Oh, he returned her email promptly, but the cryptic and unsatisfactory message he sent back revealed nothing new other than promising to look for her flash drive.
It was as if the stalker had just disappeared from the surface of the planet after chasing her away from her home, her job...her whole boring life. There was no purpose in his actions, and it drove her crazy not knowing what had happened.
At least Bridget missed her. Several e-mails asking how she was doing sat in front of her right now, each one more concerned than the last. She hesitated, then clicked on the last message. The younger woman was beside herself with worry, and no wonder, they told each other everything and she’d been incognito now for what? Over a week and a half? Victoria bit her lip, feeling guilty as hell about doing that to her. She had been helping her with her studies, acting as an unofficial advisor since last year, and she had bailed on her completely.
Sorry, Bridget,
You’ll have to work on that final paper on your own this time. Hopefully my family emergency will be resolved soon and I’ll be back at work. Miss you and our lunch dates…especially my favorite Hoagie. We’ll go shopping when I get back,
Victoria
Victoria leaned back and reread her message then smiled in satisfaction. No mention of where she was or what she was doing. Not even Ransom should be able to find fault with it. She hit send and closed out her programs, then shut down the computer.
Victoria finally left her self-imposed exile after her eyes started to cross and she couldn’t remember what she had just read anymore. She plopped herself down heavily into the small space left at the end of the couch. Ransom pulled her long legs up under her, giving Victoria at least one cushion of her own to sit on.