by Laura Landon
She pulled back his covers and held out her arm for him to take. He slowly sat, then gingerly swung his legs over the side of the bed.
A pain shot through his back, and he stiffened.
“Not too fast,” she warned.
He shifted his body so he was steady, then stretched to test the limits of his endurance. “See, Hannah. I can manage sitting quite well.”
“I have to admit, I’m impressed. It’s to your advantage that you were in excellent physical condition before Skinner got hold of you.”
The mention of Skinner’s name shifted the mood of their conversation. “You didn’t have to bring up such an unpleasant reminder.”
“Yes, I did. I don’t ever want you to forget his name, or what he is capable of doing. I want you to remember what a danger he is to you. And how the next time you meet, he will not hesitate to kill you.”
“Why do I have the feeling you’re trying to scare me away?”
“Because I am.”
Rafe patted the bed beside him. “Here. Sit.”
Hannah hesitated, then sat.
When she was settled, he reached for her hand and held it. The feel of her flesh against his caused the same reaction as always—a growing warmth that rushed from where their hands touched to every part of his body. “I don’t claim to understand everything Madam Genevieve’s is involved in, and I can’t condone what goes on here, but I admire how you’re trying to help the children.” He paused. “That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? The children.”
She didn’t answer, and he took her silence as a yes.
“I know you are concerned for me. Just as I’m concerned for you. But please save your breath if you think that I will consider leaving you to face Skinner by yourself. I won’t do that.”
She sighed, and her shoulders lowered in defeat. “Why, Rafe? Why, even after you know how dangerous it is for you?”
“Don’t you know?” He took her by the shoulders and turned her toward him. When she faced him, he lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers.
Her kiss was just as he remembered. Heat soared and raced to soothe every aching tendon. His heart tumbled in his chest, and a euphoric energy swelled inside of him.
He loved her. He’d known it for quite some time—suspected it at first, then knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt the minute he saw her walk into Skinner’s trap and feared he might lose her. At that moment, he knew he’d never survive if he lost her.
He deepened his kiss, skimming her lips with his tongue, then delving inside her honeyed cavern when she allowed him entrance. He could never have enough of her. Could never love her completely enough. And he would never allow her to push him out of her life.
Rafe held her closer and kissed her again and again. No matter how hard she insisted he leave her, he never would.
He never could.
Chapter 15
Hannah told herself over and over that she’d never allow Rafe to kiss her again. Each kiss was like the pounding of a chisel that chipped away at the barricade she’d erected around her heart to protect it. Every time he kissed her, he exposed more of her heart and her emotions. Every time he kissed her, he possessed more of her soul.
His arms wrapped around her to pull her closer, and she went willingly. All her resolution and determination evaporated the moment she went into his arms. She’d never experienced an overpowering weakness where any man was concerned. Never felt as if she wasn’t a whole person unless she was at his side.
She met his deepening kiss and pressed harder against him. She wanted to crawl inside his body and be a part of him—if that were possible. He possessed so much of her heart, she already felt as if he were a part of her. Now she wanted to be a part of him—and she knew it would be easy. He’d already told her that he loved her. He’d already proved that he loved her. Loved her enough to give up his life to save hers.
That was the indicator she needed to halt this kiss and not let it go any further. That was the cautionary warning she required to pull her back from the emotional depths of his kisses…to remind herself what would happen if she fooled herself into believing it was possible to have a life with him.
She permitted herself one final kiss, then lifted her mouth from his.
She lowered her head to his chest and listened to the rapid thundering of his heart. It echoed the pounding in her own breast. It made the two of them seem as if they were one. And in several ways, she knew that they were. He was the other half of her heart—the other half of her soul. And she possessed his heart and soul as well.
She pulled away from him and shifted on the bed to put some distance between them.
“Don’t be afraid, Hannah.”
She wanted to laugh. “Of course I’m afraid. Skinner’s—”
“I wasn’t talking about Skinner. I was talking about you and me.”
Hannah turned toward him and focused on the gentle features of his face and the tenderness in his eyes. He embodied all that was kindness and peacefulness. He was the antithesis of her life up until the day she met him. He erased the days in her father’s house, the hours she’d spent on her knees asking God to forgive her for being such a wretched sinner. He removed the horridness of what the rapist had done to her and made her feel as if she were someone capable of being loved. And he wiped away the ugliness of selling her body to men because she hadn’t been strong enough to starve on the streets. He wiped away the foulness of the unthinkable acts she’d committed in order to stay alive.
He was the first man who’d understood the choices she’d been forced to make and didn’t judge her for the life she’d chosen.
“I’m not afraid, Rafe.”
“Yes, you are. But I’m telling you that you don’t have to be afraid of what’s happening between us. The love we feel for each other is a gift. I’ve lived thirty years thinking I’d never find that kind of love—and then I met you. Don’t ask me to give you up, Hannah. I won’t.”
Hannah stood, then walked across the room. The window looked out on the street where fancy carriages drove by. Some of them stopped to drop off a passenger. “You said once that you didn’t have a parish to return to. What did you mean by that?”
“Exactly that.”
Hannah looked over her shoulder. The expression on his face told her he was serious.
“I preached at a parish in Hertfordshire for a couple of years. Essex a couple of years before that.”
“Why did you leave? Didn’t you like it there?”
“I was very happy there. Both parishes had wonderful people—good people. They did everything possible to make me feel welcome and appreciated.”
Hannah was confused. “Why did you leave?”
The corners of Rafe’s swollen lips lifted. “You’ll think I’m crazy. Thomas did when I told him, but…”
Hannah walked to the chair near his bed that she’d spent so many hours in, and sat. “Why did you leave a parish where everyone loved you?”
“I left because I wasn’t needed. I always felt as though God had something more He wanted me to do. I was simply biding time until He showed me what that something was.”
“You were bored.”
“Yes. I was preaching to a congregation of saints.” He looked at her and smiled. “Oh, there were the occasional funerals to conduct and grieving families to comfort. There were weddings and baptisms, and the old and infirm to visit. But other than that, I spent most of my time fighting off mothers and fathers with eligible daughters to marry. Every Sunday I was invited to someone’s home for dinner. When we finished eating, everyone at the table conveniently had something to do—except the daughter with whom I was invited to spend time.”
Hannah covered her mouth to stifle the giggle that wanted to sneak out. “No wonder you took exception to the girls Caroline invited to partner you.”
He lifted his gaze and looked deep into her eyes. “You were there. I would have been perfectly content being your partner every day of the two weeks.”
“Except everyone knew how impossible that was. They all knew who and what I was.”
“Why can’t you believe that none of that matters? If we love each other enough, we’ll find a way to be together.”
“And what will we do, Rafe? Look down the road five—even two years. What will we do? I don’t fit in your world, and you don’t fit in mine.”
“Then we’ll make another world. A world in which we do fit.”
“What world would that be? You have a gift. I’ve seen you. You open your mouth and people are drawn to what you say. Children sit at your feet in awe. Adults listen to your every word.” Hannah paused. “You have a calling, and it would be a sin to turn your back on what you’ve been called to do.” She sighed. “I don’t belong in that world.”
She lifted her hand to stop him from rebutting what she’d said. “Because of my past, I don’t belong in the same circles as you. We would both live in terror every day for fear that someone would discover who I am—what I’d been. Being the well-known Madam Genevieve is impossible to hide.”
Rafe opened his mouth to speak, then closed it.
“You know I’m right, Rafe,” she whispered. “You’ve always known it, just as I have. We were both given a magical week this summer in which to experience a love we’ve never known before. I will never forget you, or the emotions you allowed me to feel. But here is where it must end. You must heal and get well enough to search for the perfect place in which to use your gift. And I must stay here, where I belong, and where I can use the gifts I have been given.”
Hannah knew Rafe intended to argue, but a knock on the door stopped him from saying anything more.
“Yes,” she said, and the door opened. Dalia stood in the entryway.
“You need to come upstairs, Genny. Delores found one of Skinner’s girls. She needs our help.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Dalia nodded, then left.
Hannah stood, but Rafe’s voice stopped her from leaving.
“What did Dalia mean ‘one of Skinner’s girls’? Surely you’re not risking your life by going out after more girls?”
“It’s not like you think.”
“Are your girls still going out to rescue girls or not?”
“Yes, but—”
“Bloody hell, Hannah! Wasn’t what happened to me enough? Do you want there to be more?”
Hannah felt her temper soar. He didn’t understand. No one understood except someone who’d gone through the same thing. “I have to go. We can talk about this later.”
“You’re bloody right we will.”
She walked across the room, then closed the door firmly behind her.
She needed to leave the room before either of them said words they’d regret later.
On her way up the stairs, Hannah said a quick prayer that when she reached the girl Delores had rescued, she wouldn’t be injured as badly as the last girl they’d found.
She rushed into the room without knocking. A bed was in the corner on the opposite side of the room, and the girl was huddled in a tight ball as far away from where anyone could reach her as she could get. Delores sat on the edge of the bed and talked to the girl. Her voice was soft and sweet, exactly how they’d all learned to speak to the girls they’d found.
So far Hannah hadn’t glimpsed the girl’s face to see how badly she’d been beaten, or checked the other parts of her body to evaluate how badly she’d been abused. But if her torn clothes and how she was protecting herself was any indication, she’d been raped—and probably more than once.
Hannah looked at Delores, who shook her head in answer to Hannah’s unspoken question.
“Look, Lilly,” Delores said in a happy tone. “Here’s the lady I told you would come. Now everything will be all right. She’ll take care of you. She won’t let anyone hurt you ever again.”
Hannah walked to the bed. “Hello, Lilly. My name is Genny.” Hannah sat on the edge of the bed where Delores had been. “Delores, why don’t you go down and have someone bring up some warm water. I’m sure Lilly would like to bathe. Wouldn’t you, Lilly?”
The girl nodded.
She was glad the girl reacted to what she said. That was a positive sign. But then, Hannah remembered how desperate she’d been to bathe. How frantic she’d been to remove the feel of the man who’d raped her. How eager she’d been to feel clean again.
“I’ll send water right up,” Delores said, then walked to the door. “And something warm to eat and drink. Who knows the last time the poor thing ate anything.”
When Delores left the room, Hannah slid close enough so she could touch the girl. She knew she wouldn’t want to be touched at first, but eventually she’d want some soft arms to hold her. Hannah brushed her hand down the girl’s tangled hair. “Where are you from, Lilly?”
The girl didn’t respond to her question, but Hannah didn’t expect an answer. She hadn’t asked a question that warranted a strong reaction.
“Are you from London?”
No response.
Hannah smoothed her hand down the girl’s long wheat-colored hair. “Would you like me to send for your family? I’ll find them and you can go back to them.”
“No!”
The girl turned with a jerk, and Hannah got her first glimpse of what had been done to her. Her face was bruised in several spots, and there were at least three cuts across her cheek and jaw where a heavy fist must have hit her. Hannah guessed her eyes were a pretty blue, but they were so swollen it was hard to tell. The only thing she couldn’t miss was the terror in Lilly’s eyes. She was obviously as terrified of returning home as she was of what had happened to her tonight.
“That’s all right, Lilly. You don’t have to go home.” Hannah opened her arms in hopes that the girl would take refuge in her embrace. She did.
With a bound, the girl fell against Hannah. She was small and fragile, and if Hannah were to guess, she’d estimate Lilly wasn’t more than thirteen or fourteen years old.
Hannah held her tightly and rocked back and forth with her in her arms.
“I don’t want to go home,” the girl cried as she held on to Hannah. “Please don’t make me go back there.”
“I won’t. You can stay right here. I’ll take care of you.”
Hannah continued to rock her and, finally, the tears came. Step one of the healing process. She feared most for the poor girls who didn’t cry but held their hurt and pain inside. They were the ones who healed most slowly.
“It’s all right, Lilly,” Hannah said, noticing for the first time her ripped clothing and the blood on her skirt. “It’s all right. No one will ever hurt you again.”
Hannah held the young girl until the last of her tears dried. When the bath water arrived, she helped Lilly bathe, letting the girl stay in the water even after it had grown cold. She would always remember how long she’d stayed in the stream, how hard she tried to scrub away the vile things the man had done to her. Lilly was the same—all the girls they found were. They scrubbed their bodies until they were raw, then scrubbed them some more.
Hannah didn’t have a chance to evaluate how badly the girl had been hurt until she finally crawled out of the water. Hannah put salve on the scratches that were raw and bleeding, and ointment on the bruises, but those were the easiest wounds to care for. The wounds that would take the longest to heal were those on the inside. Those wounds would take years, perhaps a lifetime to heal—if even then.
When the worst of the bruises and claw marks were taken care of, she gave the young girl a cup of hot tea, then put her to bed. She’d sit there until Lilly fell asleep, in case she had nightmares. Then, in a week or two, when the bruises had time to fade, she’d take her to Coventry Cottage. Lilly would be fine there. She would be with others who had gone through the same horrors.
Hannah sat on the bed with Lilly’s head in her lap. The girl had fallen asleep more than an hour ago, but her grip around Hannah’s body hadn’t loosened. It would in time. Hann
ah would sit there until it did.
For some it took longer. The stronger ones didn’t take as long. The more fragile ones…well, they would need more care and comforting.
Hannah leaned back against the bed’s headboard. The first few hours with a girl they’d just rescued were the hardest for her. Especially the hours after the girl fell asleep and Hannah sat in the quiet with her. Times like this forced Hannah to relive the night everything had been stolen from her. When her dreams had been destroyed.
She thought of Rafe and pushed aside the thought of what a future with him would be like. That dream had been taken from her when a man raped her, the same as with the man who had raped Lilly tonight. That man took everything from her and left her with…
One tear after another streamed down her face, and Hannah let them fall. Very seldom did she allow herself to wallow in self-pity. Seldom did she allow herself to think about what had been taken from her, of what she couldn’t give a man.
The most important were children. That ability was taken from her when she lost her innocence and her reputation.
She thought of Rafe and the children he would someday have—children she could never give him. And fresh tears spilled from her eyes.
Hannah breathed a deep sigh and swiped at her wet cheeks. She’d wallowed in self-pity long enough. It was time to forget what she would never have and concentrate on the blessings she’d been given.
She shifted Lilly’s head from her lap to the pillow and quietly stood. She needed to wash her face to get rid of the tearstains on her cheeks before anyone saw her. It wouldn’t do her reputation any good if they discovered she wasn’t as strong as she let everyone believe she was.
Hannah slowly inched backward toward the door, making sure not to awaken Lilly. When she reached the other side of the room, she turned and came face-to-face with the last person she wanted to see her so vulnerable—Rafe.
Chapter 16
Rafe stepped aside to let Hannah walk through the door, then softly closed it behind her. His mind tried to sort through everything he’d just witnessed because he knew it was significant. He knew he’d just beheld a very private part of Hannah’s life.