Really?
Just wear the fucking boots, Calloway. – Ryke
You want me to ride naked? I usually don’t do that until after second base. – Daisy
I’d rather you wore my shorts. – Ryke
Does it turn you on when girls wear your clothes? – Daisy
I’ll see you tomorrow, Dais. – Ryke
See you tomorrow. – Daisy
That was the newest text.
“Are you okay, Lo?” Connor asks, off my volatile expression. Heat practically radiates from my muscles.
Rose twirls her straw in her margarita. I didn’t even see the waitress come by again.
“I’m great,” I say coldly.
Only a second or so later, Ryke returns to the table with a napkin. He sits right next to me in the free seat. “Got her number and her address.” He pockets the napkin with the scribbled info. Then he reaches over and grabs his water that’s near Rose.
“Does that girl know you just want to fuck her?” I ask, my voice coarse.
Tension spreads through the table, but remorse lies far off—in another realm of existence. In some good guy’s body.
“Yeah,” Ryke says, drawing out the word as he studies my expression. “I think she got the message when I said that I wasn’t into anything serious.” He pauses. “Did I do something…?”
I slide the phone across the mosaic-tiled table and set it right in front of him.
Since his chair is beside mine, he has to angle his body towards me. “You read my fucking texts?” He glowers.
“Why is she flirting with you?”
Ryke runs his hand anxiously through his thick brown hair. “It’s innocent, Lo.”
That’s not what I wanted to hear. “Does she know that?”
“Yes,” he forces.
“How? How does she fucking know that, Ryke? She’s sixteen, and you’re leading her on.”
Rose stops sipping her margarita. “Are we talking about my little sister, here?”
“We should stay out of this, Rose,” Connor tells her.
Rose snaps back at him in French, and they start arguing in the foreign language.
Ryke groans in distress and annoyance. “I’m not trying to lead her on.”
I snatch the phone back from him.
“Come on, Lo,” he complains.
I hold up a finger and scroll through the texts. Then I read: “I’d rather you just wore my shorts. What is that?”
“A joke.”
I glare, two seconds from chucking his phone at his face.
“A dirty joke,” he rephrases. “Okay, I know. It looks bad.” He lets out a deep breath, almost growling. “You have to cut me some fucking slack. None of this is intentional. It’s just how I am.”
I hate that excuse. He always uses it. He blames his personality for everything—like it’s a scapegoat. “I’ve never seen you talk to another girl like this.”
“That’s because other girls don’t talk to me like this. She’s fucking crazy and bold…” His mouth stays open like he’s about to say something else, but then his lips press closed. Rethinking that last statement.
“Finish it,” I snap. He’s going to say she’s hot. She’s sexy. Whatever. It’s written on his face.
He holds up his hands. “I’m done. I don’t know what else to fucking tell you.”
He absolutely sucks at relieving any sort of suspicion or anxiety that I have. “I’m trying to trust you,” I retort.
“Yeah? You’re not doing a good fucking job of it.”
My insides twist. You’re not doing a good fucking job of it—the words blare in the back of my head. It hurts that he’d even think that.
I lean closer to him, my heart pounding in my chest.
“You came into my life in a lie,” I say. “You weren’t honest about who you were, and when you came clean, I still let you take me to rehab. I still hang out with you, knowing that you could be lying about so much more. That is more blind trust than I’ve ever given anyone in my life. So don’t tell me that I’m not doing a good job.” My eyes burn. I’m giving everything I possibly can.
And it’s still never enough.
“You’re right,” he nods a few times and rubs his jaw. “I’m sorry. You have a right to be cautious of me. I just…” He shrugs, not able to find the words. He turns away and takes a swig of water.
Sometimes I just want to shake Ryke so hard until he tells me things straight. No half-lies. No tiptoeing around me.
I just want the cold truth. All of it. Finding out later—that stings ten times worse.
Why does he have such an easy time speaking freely to other people but when it comes to us he hesitates? It’s like our past is so dense that he refuses to crawl through it at times.
I’m stuck in it.
Like quicksand.
“Can you be honest with me?” I ask, remembering how no one told me that I was a bastard. Ryke had these answers for so long. And even when he finally met me, he kept them to himself for months. To protect me from myself, he basically said.
No one even gives me a chance.
They just assume I’m going to fuck up before I actually do.
I don’t want to be blindsided anymore. Not by the people close to me.
Ryke stares at me for a long moment before saying, “I’d never sleep with Daisy.” He’s said as much before.
Rose suddenly rises from the table, her purse on her arm. “I have to go back to work, but next time you talk about my little sister in the context of fucking, be smart enough and don’t do it in front of me.” She drills a glare into Ryke. “She’s reckless and impulsive, and despite those flaws, she’s still my sister. I love her more than I will ever love any of you at this table.” She pauses. “And you should know that I own a gun. I’m also a better shot than Connor.” With this, she spins on her heels and walks confidently to the exit.
Connor never takes his eyes off Rose.
I’m so glad I’m not dating her.
I focus back on Ryke. “Why does Daisy have your shirt and shorts?”
“We rode to a quarry and went swimming,” he explains. “My friend Sully was there. We ended up at her house…” he trails off, putting doubt in my head again.
“You mean her parent’s house?”
“Yeah,” he says. “Just to dry our clothes. It was closer than my apartment.”
“This sounds so sketchy—”
“I know, but it’s the fucking truth. I had to leave early, so I ended up just wearing an extra pair of shorts in Sully’s Jeep. I left my clothes in her dryer.” His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “I promise it wasn’t anything like you’re thinking.” He sets an elbow on the table, angled back towards me. “I know you shouldn’t trust me, but I need you to—I want you to. Please.”
This is a moment that will define the rest of my relationship with him. I can sense it. “I’m going to ask you this one time, and I want you to be completely one-hundred percent honest with me.”
Ryke nods. “Okay.”
“Are you attracted to Daisy?”
He stares directly into my narrowed eyes. And he says, “No.”
I try to breathe a sigh of relief, but this nagging devil on my shoulder says: Don’t believe him. Don’t trust him. Don’t love him.
All he’ll do is hurt you.
“Not one time? She’s a model—”
“She’s gorgeous,” Ryke admits, “but she’s sixteen, Lo. How many times do I have to say the same thing for you to fucking believe me?” I don’t know.
“And when she’s eighteen?” I ask. I’ve never seen Ryke with a girl longer than a few weeks. I can’t stomach the thought of my brother screwing over Daisy.
“No. Nothing’ll change,” he tells me. “I promise you that we’ll always be just friends.”
I nod a few times, letting this sink in, accepting it as the truth. “Okay.” I pass him his phone. “I believe you.”
Don’t believe him.
I’m
going to.
Because he’s my brother, and he won’t hurt me like that.
And if he betrays me—then it’s my fault for letting him in.
{ 5 }
0 years : 02 months
October
LILY CALLOWAY
I lie on my stomach, my canopy net draped around my bed. Too Cute! Puppies on Animal Planet plays, and I try not to flip open the stack of tabloids beside me. Rose told me to burn the picture of me eating a hot dog, but it’s still inside one of those magazines.
Burning one won’t rid them all. Anyway, I think Rose just likes fire.
The door suddenly swings open, and I frantically swipe the tabloids off the mattress. They tangle in the net and hang midair. Uhh…
Lo hesitates in the door frame, his face sharpening as he looks from me to the magazines to the television puppies and back to me. “Okay, this has got to end.” He slams the door and dials a number in his phone.
“What?” I kneel. “It’s not porn!”
He walks further into the room and then slips his phone back in his pocket.
“Who’d you text? I thought we decided that we didn’t need anyone else to deal with our problems.”
“This isn’t about sex,” Lo says, climbing onto the bed and taking a seat beside me. He combs my hair out of my face. “This is about you, frightened to go outside, scared of the fucking paparazzi. You can’t live like this. Christ, I can’t live like this.”
“It’s getting worse,” I tell Lo honestly. “I feel like every time I go outside with you, there’s another article about how I’m a lying, cheating slut who’s with Ryke.” I shrug. “I figure it’s easier for everyone else if I just stay here.” My eyes flicker to the television. “And plus, the puppies…”
“You can watch your puppies in a park.” Lo searches for the remote underneath decorative pillows.
“Hey,” I say, tackling him to stop. “Baby sloths are coming on next.”
“Then we can go to the zoo. Anything but staying cooped up here, Lil.” He grabs my arms and pushes me back.
I climb on him, channeling my inner-monkey (it helps that Chimps was on prior to Too Cute!) “You can’t…” I wrap my thighs around his waist, his back against the mattress now. And I try to press his arms above his head.
He rolls on top of me, basically pinning me much better than I pinned him. “Look at me,” he says forcefully.
I do. I stare right into his amber eyes that seem to pull my very soul into his heart. It’s so deep, so intoxicating, that I go utterly still and quiet.
“I won’t lose you to anything.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” I whisper.
“Clearly,” he says. “You can handle this. I know you can. You know you can. You just have to start believing in yourself.”
I breathe in his words. “Okay.” I pause. “But just after the sloths…”
Someone knocks on the door. “Is she in there?” I hear Poppy, my oldest sister.
Lo takes the time to reach above my head, grab the remote, and switch off the television.
“Don’t knock,” Rose says. “Just walk in.” And that’s when Rose barrels into our room as she normally does. She barely even acknowledges the fact that Lo is pinning me on the bed.
My cheeks start turning red. Even though we weren’t even close to making out…I think. Who knows where this would’ve ended up after ten more minutes?
Poppy strolls in next but freezes a couple steps inside. “Oh sorry.” She shields her eyes with her hand. To Rose, she says, “I told you we should have knocked again.”
“Why? They’re not screwing. They can’t. It’s the middle of the day. Right, Loren?” Rose asks. Lo slowly crawls off my body and lies next to me, propping himself on his elbows.
“Sure,” he says with a sardonic smile. “You can drop your hand, Poppy. My dick isn’t anywhere near your sister.”
“Okay, but I still feel bad about barging into your room,” Poppy says softly, lowering her hand. She gives me a warm smile. I haven’t seen her much since the media crisis with the scandal. I can only imagine it’s affecting her about as well as everyone else. Her brown hair is still long against her chest, her skin still sun-kissed and she still has that Monroe mole above her lip (not that she can really get rid of that).
At least these parts of her haven’t changed. I can’t imagine what else I’ve missed.
“Have you told her yet?” Rose asks Lo.
I perk up. “Told me what?” And since when do Lo and Rose conspire against me?
“We’ve been talking,” Lo admits.
“What?” I frown and scrunch my nose. “What have you done with Loren Hale?” Although they do sort through the mail some mornings together.
“It hasn’t been fun,” Rose adds.
“For either of us,” Lo chimes in.
Okaaay. “Someone better spill soon.”
Rose stands in the center of the room, hands on her hips. Anyone can tell the difference between my older sisters by their wardrobe alone. Rose wears a black pleated dress while Poppy’s in a bohemian maroon shirt and skinny jeans.
Poppy is probably easier to get along with, pretty laid-back, but I always gravitate towards my fiercest sister. She’d be a lioness on Animal Planet, for sure.
Lo slides off the bed and shuts the cracked door.
I scoot closer to Poppy, who stands by the mattress, and she actually starts braiding my hair.
“You need out of this house,” Rose says.
I can’t refute. I know I’ve been a hermit. Lucky’s Diner was really my last real outing. It just got so crazy after that—and the magazines went wild with theories about Ryke and me and Lo.
As though I summoned the angel to Lo’s devil—Ryke Meadows opens the door and enters the room, dressed in only track pants and what looks like a sweaty shirt thrown over his shoulder.
“What are you doing here?” I ask him, forcing my eyes to stay on his face and not his six-pack.
“I was invited to this meeting.”
Meeting?
“I sent a mass text,” Lo admits.
“Connor is in class,” Rose tells me. “He can’t come.” And Daisy is in prep school. Okay…so that means: This is it.
“Does no one knock around here?” Poppy asks.
Ryke shrugs. “They shouldn’t be fucking. It’s the afternoon.”
Rose pulls back her shoulders. “That’s what I said.”
Poppy stares between Lo and me with a little more concern and then she addresses Rose and Ryke. “You both realize that they have no privacy outside and inside their relationship, right?”
“You tell ‘em, Poppy,” Lo says, leaning against our dresser with crossed arms. He’s smiling in amusement. Our other two siblings look like they could tear out his jugular.
“He’s an addict,” Rose says. “I don’t trust him with our sister.”
“And she’s an addict,” Ryke retorts. “I don’t trust her with my brother.”
Poppy raises her hands, coming in peace. I stay quiet. This is my role in my loud family. “It just seems, to me, that you both have trust issues…and maybe you need to have a little more faith in them.”
“Just so everyone knows, I have a new favorite Calloway sister,” Lo proclaims. He almost looks like he could high-five her.
I do like having someone completely on our side, champions for our relationship. It feels good.
“No offense,” Ryke tells her. “You weren’t there when they were fucking enabling each other.”
“No offense,” Poppy retorts, “but I’ve been here their whole lives. I’ve seen Lily when she’s sad and I’ve seen Lo when he’s angry.”
Ryke just nods a few times, his shoulders relaxing. “I’m sorry then,” he tells her. “I don’t know you that well.”
Poppy looks a little taken aback by his sudden kindness. She says quickly, “Me too.”
I clap my hands. “So if that’s it—”
“Not even close,” Lo say
s.
“We’re going out,” Poppy explains, running her fingers through my hair as she gathers strands to braid.
“Like to a club?” My brows furrow. That doesn’t sound like a good idea.
Rose stares at me like I’ve seriously lost some brain cells inside this room. “No, not to a club. There’s a Comic-Con in Philly this weekend. We’re all going.”
My eyes light up. Yes! I almost bounce to my feet, but Poppy has my hair hostage.
Then my face falls as I seriously consider this. “Wait…I didn’t hear about a convention.” Are they lying to me? “Is this a trick?”
Lo already has his phone out and he passes it to me. I still only have a shitty flip phone without internet, which thwarts any temptations to look at porn, but it also keeps me bored. I cup his phone in my hands like it’s a treasure. And then I quickly skim the advertisement for the small convention.
“Wait. Wait.” My lips slowly rise in a big smile. “The director for the new X-Men movie is going to be there?”
Lo grins. “Yep.”
“Okay, we’re going.” I pause. “Wait. Wait.” My face falls.
“What is it?” Lo asks.
I hand him back his phone. “What about the crowds? If someone sees us, they’ll stop us to take pictures or ask us questions…” I trail off. Conventions are already kind of crazy. But this craziness will surround us.
“That’s where Lo and I have been talking,” Rose says.
“We’re going to dress up,” Poppy cuts to the chase.
Rose glares at our oldest sister. “I was getting there.”
“She seemed antsy,” Poppy refutes, finishing tying my hair off. “Done.”
Rose tilts her head at Poppy. “She looks five.”
“She looks cute.”
“Jesus Christ, she looks fine,” Lo interjects. “Can we get back to the topic here?”
“Wait,” I smile.
“If you say wait one more fucking time…” Ryke threatens, so irritated. I think my voice alone annoys him.
Whatever.
He can’t burst this rare joy. “You’re all going to dress up in costumes? For me?”
Poppy shares my smile. “I think we’d all do a lot more just to see you happy, Lily.”
It’s that kind of honesty that almost brings tears to my eyes. Poppy has her arm around my shoulder, a maternal force that I suddenly recognize in this moment. Even when my mother wasn’t warm and kind to me, Poppy always was.
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