Unsteady
Elizabeth York
Copyright @ 2018 by Elizabeth York
First Print June 2018
This is an Partially Edited Advanced Readers Copy
Editing to be completed by Kiri Roeseler in June 2018
All rights reserved in all media. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.
The moral right of Elizabeth York as an author of this work has been asserted by her in accordance with the Copyright, Designs, and Patents Act of 1988.
This is a work of fiction. All names, characters, locales, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination and any resemblance to actual people, places, or events is coincidental or fictionalized.
Contents
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty One
Chapter Twenty Two
Chapter Twenty Three
Chapter Twenty Four
Chapter Twenty Five
Chapter Twenty Six
Chapter Twenty Seven
Chapter Twenty Eight
Chapter Twenty Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty One
Chapter Thirty Two
Chapter Thirty Three
Chapter Thirty Four
Chapter Thirty Five
Chapter Thirty Six
Chapter Thirty Seven
Chapter Thirty Eight
Chapter Thirty Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty One
Chapter Forty Two
A Note From The Author:
About the Author
To one is for Harper:
Neither of us will ever remember what it was you said to me that turned my frown upside down, but whatever was said was just enough to give me the faith that everything would be okay. That I could still be a writer even when everything was going wrong.
You are a light in the dark.
Never lose your humor.
Never lose your words.
It hits those of us you don’t even know are watching you shine.
Prologue
London - Many years ago
“I’m scared,” my voice echoed across the inky night sky. My arms trembled as I hung from the edge of the concrete ledge outside of my window.
“Swing your legs over, latch onto the trellis, and then walk your hands over till you can grab on,” Logan whispered loud enough for me to hear. We only had a couple of minutes before the nuns made their rounds and caught us sneaking out.
I walked my hands one inch at a time across the hardened ledge as sweat sheened my body. My strained muscles were not going to hold me much longer since their idea of physical exercise was doing nothing more than writing notes to Logan every day.
“Logan,” I flinched when a piece of loose cement dug into my hand.
“Let go,” his voice reverberated in the wind as I looked down to see the drop below me. I looked for comfort in Logan’s eyes, but his dark hair was swept across his face as the storm in the distance gained momentum. Dogs barked across the field letting us know that the nuns were putting away the garden tools and would soon be circling the property before they went to bed.
“Logan,” I cried as my hand started to slip.
“Let go, I’ll catch you,” his hushed tones were hard to hear as we tried not to draw attention to ourselves. I winced at the pain and looked back up to see blood running down my forearm. “Drop London,” he quietly yelled as my eyes sought him out. There was a quiet reflection that resounded in my heart seeing him with his arms up waiting for me. At that moment, I put all my faith in him, trusted him completely, took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and just let go.
Before I could scream I felt Logan’s arms as he caught me and we both tumbled to the ground as I slammed into him and rolled away. He immediately crawled over and looked down on me ensuring I was fine without a care for himself, his fresh bruising, and the new dirt he now wore on his jean jacket.
“Are you okay?” He asked as he inspected my palm. I nodded, but a teardrop fled my eye allowing him to know I was lying. My body ached and the gash in my hand was on fire.
“Who’s out here?” Sister Katherine yelled loudly. Logan helped me up and we ran through the field till we passed the point of no return and ventured into the neighboring orchard that had been abandoned. No one could find us here. As often as it flooded we knew no one would come for us all the way out past the tree line by the water’s edge.
“Give me your scarf,” Logan demanded. I pulled it out from my belt loops and handed it to him. “Why do you wear your scarf like a belt?” He questioned me with a curious smirk. I grinned through the aches my body felt trying to find the words. I was finally feeling the full impact of the fall. My smile tried to hide the agony, but Logan could see through me.
“It was something my mom always did,” I explained when I could breathe through the discomfort. He pulled a small piece of concrete out of the tear in my palm. Then he wrapped my hand with my pink scarf as he tried to stop the bleeding. I tried to hide my wince as he tied it tight, but I failed. A soft guilty look slid across his face before he looked down at my hand again.
“I think it’s silly. It’s a scarf, not a belt,” he gave me a half smile as his lips crooked up to show me he wasn’t serious. “Your hand should be good until morning and by then we will have figured out how to explain it.”
“Ready?” I asked as he held out his hand for me to take. I reached out and took his hand in mine like I had done a thousand times before. We walked out to the water’s edge where he had stored some fruit from lunch the day before.
“We have to cut them in half,” Logan explained as he took out his pocket knife and began slicing our contraband.
“Why?”
“It’s safer for them,” he smiled that boy scout smile that made me adore him. I couldn’t have asked for a better friend. He was selfless, he dealt with all my craziness, and still wanted to see me all over again the next day.
We sat down and fed the ducks that came out at night to steal food from the orchard surrounding the unmanned lake. As the moon rose higher in the painted sky it allowed light to shine down on the water. A chill filled the air from the storm coming in the opposite direction and I shivered.
“Are you cold?” Logan asked and I nodded. He wrapped his jacket around my arms and pulled me close to him. I leaned over and rested my head on his shoulder ignoring the soreness I still felt.
“I don’t think I would be me without you,” I confessed.
“What do you mean?”
“Before I met you I jumped from school to school because I didn’t fit in anywhere,” I tried to make him understand, but I felt like I was failing to make my point. “This place feels like home because two years ago, you became my best friend. Without you… I just… I just wouldn’t be me.”
He smiled as he pushed my raven hair out of my face and looked down at me as the ducks quacked all around us demanding more food.
“Londi, you’re my family. Not those people who sent us to go to school out here and forgot about us. We may not be b
lood, but we are each other’s everything,” he earnestly spoke as we leaned back against a broken concrete bench that was overgrown with vines and just enjoyed being free. We were just kids, but the pressure they put on us to test off the charts was surreal. I felt like my entire life so far had been buried under the books they made us study while hiding my family name.
“Do you think we’ll be friends twenty years from now?” I asked as Logan chuckled.
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
“What about when we have kids? Do you think they’ll be friends?” I questioned as he smiled. “What happens if one of us leaves the school? What if-,” I started in on my million-word parade of questions.
“I’m not going anywhere London,” he tried to convince me, but I had heard the whispers saying my father was going to be arrested. It was a common rumor. They claimed my father was the devil incarnate – Lucifer with a Russian accent.
While I was used to hearing these alleged things my father had done, this one was different. Bad news traveled fast in the form of gossip amongst the staff. This time they were saying my dad had killed a man, and that he was going to plead guilty. It scared me. I truly didn’t know what would happen to me or my family if they put him in prison. I just wanted to be a kid and not have to worry about any of it.
“My mom used to tell me that she could never forget her first love because she loved him. Do you think because you were my first friend it will be the same?”
Logan looked down at me and pushed the windblown hair away from my face as he smiled. He seemed to be thinking about his answer as his brown eyes showed mischief and enthusiasm. He slowly placed his lips on mine and kissed me. I held my breath not knowing what to do. When he finally pulled away I gasped for a breath and he laughed.
“What was that for?” I demanded to know why he had kissed me. My first kiss.
“Now, no matter what happens to us we will always have this moment,” he cockily replied and when I couldn’t find the words, he sighed. “Now, you don’t have to ask what if because I’ll always be your first.”
“Thank you,” I whispered as I snuggled closer to Logan and placed my fingers on my lips that still tingled from his. “You really are the best friend I could’ve ever hoped for.”
“Let’s make a pact,” he offered, and I was all ears to know what kind of deal we were making. “If one of us moves away or we lose touch, which won’t happen, but if it does then we set a date. On the last day in February when we are twenty-five we meet back here.”
“I like that idea,” I told him, and he put out his pointer finger and we locked them, flipped them, and then wiggled. Our secret finger shake. Anyone could do a high five or shake hands. Even pinky promises were easily broken, but our shake was sealed with our bond.
“I’m gonna marry you one day,” Logan announced as he helped me up. Before I could think of what I wanted to say in response, he ran off chasing the ducks back into the water. I stared so long he had begun to skip rocks and I hadn’t noticed. He was being the kid I so desperately wanted to be but didn’t know how.
“Why would you marry me?” I asked because it had gotten under my skin in a matter of minutes. We were just kids, and the best of friends, but marriage was for people who were ready to have babies and stop exploring. I don’t think I would ever want that.
Being secured on lockdown at the school didn’t allow for much travel. I didn’t even get to go home at Christmas. I never wanted to get married and have kids to send them off like what happened to every kid in our school. I never wanted to reproduce a little me to turn out like my mother and force them to leave or let them turn out like my father who had allegedly killed someone.
“What?” Logan asked feigning that he hadn’t heard me.
“Why would you want to marry me?” I asked as he breathlessly walked over to me. “We’re just kids. You can’t possibly think I’m the girl you will wind up with. How can you think that?” He placed his hands on either side of my neck and kissed me again. I liked his kisses, not only did I feel like a grown-up, but my heart fluttered, and my lips felt him even after he let me go. This time I kissed him back until he pulled away and stared into my eyes with a seriousness I hadn’t seen before.
“Because Londi, from the first moment I saw you I always knew you were mine.”
Chapter One
Logan
“Hi Miss Ada,” I knelt in my uniform and smiled for my neighbor's little dark-haired girl who was wearing her favorite purple dress and playing in the hallway of the apartment complex.
“Hello, Captain Logan,” she returned my greeting sternly as I placed my hat on the stair beside me.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked as I pushed her hair out of her face to see the furrowed eyebrows and gritted teeth on her face she made when she didn’t get her way.
“You were late.”
“I’m sorry,” I apologized as I sat down and picked up my yellow teacup, pretending to drink it. “Princess Ada, I beg on the mercy of your court that you do not beseech me; for, I was not in control of the weather that delayed the plane today.”
“Why would I beach you?” she asked as I tried not to smile.
“Beseech, not beach. It means-,” her little hand came up and halted my explanation.
“I know what it means. It means you were late again.”
“I promise I won’t be late tomorrow. I have a one-hour layover and a return trip. Down to Atlanta and back. How about I make dinner on the grill for you and your mom tomorrow night?”
“Steak and mashed potatoes,” she hinted at what she wanted, and I couldn’t help the smile that spread across my face.
“Of course, anything else?” I inquired as she started to clean up her tea party while I pretended to finish my cup.
“Strawberry Jell-O with whipped cream?”
“Is that all?” I chuckled, wondering what else she might want.
“No, I want you to marry my mom,” she confidently spoke, as I nearly choked on my invisible tea. It was at that moment I saw her mom’s dark wavy hair inside the edge of the doorway. I knew she was listening in.
“Ada, your mom needs to marry someone she loves. Someone who will make you both happy,” I tried to explain.
“I love you, Logan. Mom does too,” her words carelessly floated out of her mouth as poison-laced daggers. Each one aimed at my heart as I knew I was about to break hers.
“Ada, sweetheart, I’m not the marrying kind. I work too much, and am never home. Your mom needs to be with someone who deserves you both.”
“Ada, honey,” Lisa finally decided to speak, as she stared at me from the doorway. “Go wash up for dinner.”
Ada got up and went inside, leaving her tea party supplies, as well as her heart, at my feet. Lisa disappeared, leaving me holding a princess cup with the lingering shock emboldened on my face.
Had she actually asked me to marry her mom?
“Logan,” Lisa called my name as she stepped back out of the door. I saw the red sweater she was wearing had Ada’s name on it and laughed to myself. That little girl could make anyone do anything she wanted. “I’ll trade you,” Lisa smiled as she handed me my mail and I gave her the toy cup. I was still speechless that Ada even asked me to marry her mom. I wanted to ask Lisa about it, but I didn’t want to open any closets that may have skeletons hiding in them.
“It’s a phase,” Lisa smirked, as if reading my mind as she sat on the stairs beside me. “Earlier she tried to marry me off to the mailman and an electrician.”
“Kids,” I nervously laughed. I didn’t feel like that was the whole story, but I didn’t want to poke the beehive and wind up stung. “I told her I would make dinner tomorrow night when I get back.”
“Did she demand a five-course meal with cereal and cinnamon rolls?” Lisa sarcastically joked.
“She wanted mashed potatoes with a steak and of course Jell-O,” I returned her banter with a wink.
“That’s my girl,” Lisa pr
oudly stated, as her jean covered legs playfully pushed into mine.
I looked down at my mail when the door to my complex opened up. I couldn’t help but look up when I heard the doorman responding to a familiar voice.
“You okay?” Lisa asked, and I nodded as slow footsteps started up the stairwell. Something didn’t feel right. I instinctively moved closer to Lisa with some need to protect her even though I knew the voice wasn’t a threat.
“Sister Katherine?” I inquired as her face came into view when she rounded the stairs to walk up to my floor. Seeing her in her habit made me a little homesick for school.
“You couldn’t have gotten an apartment with an elevator?” She snarkily replied, with the same attitude that made me smile. Something about a nun being crass always made me laugh.
“I like the exercise,” I smirked. “Besides you picked it out, remember.”
“That was when I was a young hen,” she caught her breath. “You going to help an old woman up, or are you going to sit there and call the senior Olympics and let them know I’m going for the record?”
“Yes ma’am,” I replied, as I stood, walked down to meet her, and tried to take her arm. Instead, she pulled me to her and hugged me. I wanted to believe this was a familiar I love you hug, but the way she held me was as if she was sinking in quicksand and desperate to get out.
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