“No way, I would’ve noticed if dad was lurking around.”
“Dad’s not like some gangster you see on television. He does things we don’t know about, things that leave no witnesses, and things where it just happens and no one remembers seeing him. He might be a little slower, but don’t underestimate him. That life he hid you from is the only one he knows. If he doesn’t want you to know he’s there, you won’t know.”
“Be realistic,” I scolded Brooklyn, but she merely laughed a little harder.
“I’m telling you as a future parent, I would do it too. Once my baby is born they’ll need a restraining order to keep me away, and even then I’ll be a thousand yards away with binoculars. Alec never leaves dads side. That’s his job, so if Alec is there then where would dad be?
Chapter Fourteen
London - Life Questions
“Do you think the stars in the sky are the angel’s halos?” I asked, as we laid out in the orchard next to our spot by the wall.
“What do you think?” Logan questioned me as he held me tightly.
“I think they are. No matter where you go in the world you can find at least one star shining brightly. You just have to turn out the lights and look. So, my hypothesis is that the brighter ones are arch angels or prophets, those who have earned a brighter halo. The smaller ones are the people like my mom who just want to watch their children grow up. They want to see the people they left behind.”
“What about the North Star?” Logan inquired, as I pointed out each star.
“That is Jesus, unless God has a wife,” I laughed and then got serious. “God is the sun, he is the biggest light of them all.”
“I don’t know if I believe in God,” Logan shocked me with his words. I turned in his arms and rested across his chest. “I mean what kind of a deity takes a mom like yours away from you?”
“One who needs her more than I did,” I replied. “I don’t want to talk about religion because we have to learn it every day, but think about this, if you believe in God and come to the end of your life and there is no Heaven, just an epitome of nothingness. Then you lost nothing in believing. In fact, it most likely made you a better person by setting guidelines in how you treated people. However, if you don’t believe and there is a God, then you will never be able to justify your disbelief, and you won’t ever see me again.”
“Yeah, but,” he started, and I climbed up and sat beside him.
“You don’t have to believe, and I will respect that, but I do believe, and I want the same civility. I have faith that my mom is in those stars looking down on us from Heaven. I don’t want to argue religion, just please understand that right here, right now, I need to believe. I need you to let me believe.”
“I wasn’t trying to dispute your beliefs,” he admitted as he sat up and brushed my hair off my shoulder. “We’re not always going to see eye to eye, but I enjoy discussing those differences with you. It would be so boring if you loved everything I loved like peanut butter,” he laughed.
“Yuck,” I chuckled.
“I believe in you, London, and that is enough for me,” he spoke softly, as he leaned forward and placed his lips on mine. I opened my mouth and allowed him to push his tongue into my mouth.
This was a new kind of kissing and I liked it a lot. His velvety lips were soft as he tried not to push me too far. I loved the fact that he was always thinking of my comfort when we snuck out like this. I had grown untrusting of so many. I blamed it on being secluded to the school and not knowing the real world. Didn’t matter though, because I knew no matter what was happening around us, I was always safe with him.
Like a cloak, I knew he would hide me from the dangers that lurked around. I knew he would protect me as much as he could, but what could I possibly be able to give him? What kind of person was I to drag him into my grief that seemed insurmountable? Who was I?
Chapter Fifteen
London
I awoke with a jolt when I heard the door to the room beside mine slam shut. I tried to calm my racing heart from dreaming about Logan, but since my return, he was all I thought about. He was there every time I closed my eyes. We were just kids in my visions, with the whole world ahead of us. Oblivious to the things we now avoided, like pain.
I picked up the phone, knowing Brooklyn would be heading to bed, but not quite asleep yet. I dialed her number, wondering if I was becoming too co-dependent on my sister.
“You okay?” She answered with a drowsy voice.
“Can’t sleep,” I replied, as I heard her telling Mark it was me on the phone. “Do you believe that two people can be destined to hurt each other? Like purposely put there just to bring chaos and pain?”
“Is this about dad?” Brooklyn asked and I murmured something that sounded like no. “Is this about Logan?”
“I can’t shake him. I can’t seem to find peace about Alec being here. I know it’s possible, but I don’t believe dad is here. My only constant right now is you.”
“London, you are not going to be able to shake Logan. Whether you want to admit it or not, he is the love of your life. The way you light up when you say his name, or when you think about him when you think no one knows is the same way I am with Mark. We all know your heart is broken even though you hide it well, but you are not meant to hurt each other. I think you were put in each other’s path to save each other. That’s what he did. He saved you and gave you a family you didn’t think you could have.”
“Alec and dad?” I questioned, hopeful for some advice on how to let it all go.
“I know dad is nearby. I talked to him earlier, and he is worried about you. He called and asked for a favor. He doesn’t ask for those, so whatever is going on, why don’t you let him help,” Brooklyn continued, as I heard the coffee pot in the background.
“Are you drinking coffee?”
“I just wanted to smell it,” she replied and I smiled. No matter what was happening or where I was going, it was refreshing to know some things wouldn’t change. “You want to know if Dad is there then ask yourself one question.”
“What’s that?”
“Where is Alec staying?”
“In the suite next door to mine,” I replied, as I got out of bed, put on my robe, and grabbed my keycard off the table.
“Go knock on the door, keep me on the line,” Brooklyn giggled. “I’m not even there and I’m having fun. I need to get out more.”
“I’m out, it’s not so much fun.”
I walked out of my room and headed toward the double doors to Alec’s room. I knocked and within a minute Alec came to the door dripping wet with a towel around his waist.
“Are you okay?” he asked, his protective instincts going into overdrive as he scanned the hallway.
“How big is your room?” I pried, as I pushed past him. I looked around and saw the same ivory colored living room set.
“It’s inappropriate for you to be in my room at this hour. I just came back from a run, but if you give me an hour I will take you to breakfast,” Alec continued as I noticed the same layout except his room was L shaped. I walked around the corner and opened the door to another bedroom when I heard a familiar voice. I turned like a raging bull and headed straight through a door across from me to see my dad sitting at the head of a long banquet table with his men cleaning their weapons.
Some things never change.
“Moya milaya,” he responded as he looked behind me, giving Alec a wrathful stare.
“Don’t you dare call me your sweet girl,” I spurned, and everyone froze.
“Put me on speaker,” Brooklyn screamed through my phone. I lifted it and pressed the button.
“You’re on speaker.”
“Now dad, you can’t treat her like a baby,” Brooklyn started to talk to him like he was a child or something. I pressed the button and hung up on her.
“Why are you here?”
“Leave us,” he ordered all the men out of the room and they closed the door behind me. “Yo
u know why I’m here.”
“You took on a nun as your partner and drugged me,” I continued as I put the pieces together from the photos laying out on the table. “You thought I would be so distracted by my ex you could go after my target,” I moved some of the pictures and saw my dad was putting together his own bio on Michael. “Unbelievable”
“Michael Pierce, is an infamous faceless arms dealer. He was able to stay undetected and out of camera views for years as he dealt in drugs, murder, and human trafficking. Suddenly, a man shows up claiming to be him at the same time my daughter is put up for auction. I wouldn’t be here if I believed you could take care of yourself.”
“That’s conjecture. Your beliefs are just your opinions. I know I can take care of myself,” I belittled him with my tone and impatience.
“You think it’s coincidental that he’s here when no one knew you were coming except for me and Sister Katherine? You didn’t follow him; he is following you. He was on your plane from New York and you didn’t notice. He was following you into every shop, and was prepared to grab you had Alec not intervened outside the casino. You are not fit for the CIA. You’re not even fit to travel alone. You’re not Brooklyn, she has proven she can handle herself.”
“You’re right. I’m not Brooklyn. I won’t forgive your vindictive way of parenting. I am not going to be some superhero lawyer who gets you out of trouble. The next time you do anything wrong, I will show you exactly who I am when I put you in handcuffs and put you in jail,” I dismissed everything he was saying.
“The only thing you have shown, or will display to the world, is that you are going to get yourself killed and you won’t even see it coming.”
“I refuse to believe anything you say,” I growled as my fist clenched and I tried counting to ten. “Michael is not following me; he isn’t trying to capture me for some trafficking thing. I know all about him. I read his bio. I know he is a murderer and he sells drugs, not people. He doesn’t know me to follow me.”
“No, he doesn’t know whose daughter he is attempting to sell.”
“I don’t need your assistance. I can take care of myself,” I angrily answered even though a new feeling of consternation had taken root in my belly.
The itinerary had been wrong all along, what if his bio was too?
“The fact that you think you don’t need help against someone like him shows how-,” he stopped talking “I cannot remember that word in English. You refusing help shows you’re naivnyy (naïve).”
“Dad,” I started, but he held his hand up to silence me. I tightened my fist till I was sure I was white knuckled and would be lucky if my nails didn’t draw blood from my palm.
“Nikto ne bolit moi docheri,” my dad angrily responded in Russian to say no one was going to hurt his daughters.
“This is my job,” I tried to appeal to the work ethic in him.
“I had you suspended until this matter is dealt with by me.”
“Seriously!” I nearly screamed. “You have someone in the agency?”
“You do not get to be angry. Being here I have learned a lot about my daughter. A lot about why you left school,” the vein in his forehead protruded through his scars. His blue eyes showed something between disappointment and rage. “If I had known,” he started, and I turned away from him.
“Everything I did was my choice,” I sighed. “Nothing you do will ever change my decision. It was the right decision at the time. We were told mom was dead, you were in prison, Brooklyn was in college on her way to being this great person, and I was here. I was left here on my own, and I choose to stand by what I did.”
“Your family would have protected you. It’s what we do, we aid each other. All you had to do was call any of us, and we would have been there for you,” he spoke with a deeper voice than before as the tension in the room thickened.
“No, no one could help me. I was all alone in this. I didn’t grow up a mobster’s princess like Brooklyn. I didn’t get to know my family like you and mom. I was cast aside as a child. I had so much to learn and no one to teach me, so I did what was best for everyone. I didn’t want to leave this place. I loved it here, but I needed to go.”
“No,” my dad bellowed as he slammed a fist onto the table. “What he did…” I turned back to look at him. I stared into those same eyes that matched mine. The same nose. I was half of him and I hated that.
“Doesn’t matter who did what. I needed to stop chasing after some boy I thought I loved,” I lied to him and waited to see if he called me on it. “The right decision was made.”
“You never discussed any of the things I learned about your past with me,” his voice shared more disappointment as the anger faded away.
“At the time you were a prisoner; incapable of being a parent.”
I turned again and walked out into the living room. I took a deep breath and let it go as the men flourished the room where my dad was still standing with his cane in one hand and eyes that wouldn’t leave me.
I left the room and went back to my suite. I put in my ear piece and called out for Avery, but I got no response. I pulled out my phone and sent him a text asking for any and all updated information about Michael Pierce.
I listened to the audio recording where I came up with this insane idea on how to get Michael with the guns, but I drifted off as my voice slurred. My dad and Sister Katherine were in the background talking about how I would be happy with Logan and leave my job. They believed Logan was the only man I would allow to keep me safe.
I laid back on my bed and closed my eyes. No one would just let me be me. They all expected me to be like Brooklyn or like some angelic person. I was neither. I truthfully didn’t know who I was. I wanted to sleep and wake up from this nightmare, but sleep wouldn’t come as my phone rang.
“Hello?” I answered an unknown number.
“London,” a soft voice spoke into the line. “It’s George Keenan.”
Anxiety gripped me. I wasn’t here to help Logan say goodbye. Nothing Sister Katherine said was going to work and neither would this.
“I’m listening,” I patronized him.
“I think it’s time we talk, don’t you?”
“I’m not holding your son’s hand while you pretend to be a good guy,” I explained.
“This is not about him,” his response told me nothing, but the man was dying. That took precedence over whatever I was feeling. I knew what it felt like to think my minutes were my last, and with that comes clarity. Maybe it wasn’t about Logan, maybe it was, but I was going to go and let the man have some peace.
I hung up, looked over at the clock to see it was too early in the morning for all this, and my passport and money was missing from the stand.
Fucking great.
Chapter Sixteen
Logan
The phone rang in the room letting me know my cab was downstairs. Caroline had worked to get me another flight due to the weather. Thankfully, she had called this morning with news of clear skies, and as long as my dad was still breathing after this visit I was on a red eye flight back to the states tonight. I grabbed my leather jacket and keycard then I headed down the elevator. As I stepped out, I saw Sister Katherine sitting in the lobby.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, as she stood up. There was no familiar smile for me. No hug either as she toyed with her rosary. The gold accented lobby was filled with people coming and going all around us, but we stood still. I couldn’t explain the anxiousness I felt until she spoke.
“It’s time to go,” she barely spoke, and I knew from her demeanor it was serious. I nodded, took her arm, and we walked together to the front doors and climbed into the cab.
“Britton Street in Clerkenwell,” I told the red headed driver as he pulled away.
“Have you thought about what I said about forgiveness?” she pried as we sailed toward my dad’s house.
“I can‘t,” I told her as I shook my head. “Forgiving him is like telling him it was okay to abandon me.�
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“When the apples fell from your basket why did you apologize?” she questioned, and I smirked.
“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”
“Why did you apologize?” She demanded an answer.
“Because I didn’t want you angry with me. I felt bad about what had happened and wanted you to know.”
“Child, you aren’t telling him that it was the right thing to do, you’re saying that you absolve him of the guilt he might feel. Today is about letting him pass on with no regrets. It’s about forgiveness.”
“How about we stop and get him his own barrel of apples instead?” I asked as she smiled at me, but I knew from the look on her face my dad had no more time for apples.
“I brought London here,” she surprised me when she said that. My attention was focused solely on her as she continued toying with her rosary. “I need forgiveness for bringing her here, for stealing her passport when I knew she was going to try and fly home, I need forgiveness for keeping you both stuck here for the last week, and I need you to find a way to forgive me for thinking I knew what was best for you. There were also a few other little things.”
“You what?” I asked in disbelief.
“I thought if you two could just see each other then you could work it out, but you’re holding onto vexation as if it’s your reason for living. She is drowning in compunction and lying to everyone because she fears what would happen if she told the truth. You’re both unsteady in life again because you don’t have each other to lean against.”
“How exactly did you get her here? I flew that plane, and you weren’t on it,” I was skeptical about everything she had said because I would have noticed Sister Katherine putting someone on my plane.
“London was sick on the plane?” she asked and I nodded. “Because her father and I drugged her and sent her to the airport. Its why she fell into that passenger when you first saw her.”
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