Unsteady

by Elizabeth York

  “Close your eyes,” London demanded, and I complied as I crossed my arms. It was hard to keep myself from looking. I wanted to see her in the dress, but I also wanted to see her face when she saw me.

  I was nervous that she still trusted me to take her out after yesterday afternoon. I should’ve never let us go as far as we had. I had never been as unsteady as I was when I had to tell her it was time to go back. I sat in the tree house for another half an hour with an ache between my legs still able to feel her on my flesh even though she was back in class. Every day we fooled around, and every day I was left in agony.

  “Okay,” she told me to look. I turned to her and my heart skipped a beat. She was gorgeous. Her blue eyes and raven hair were the things of my dreams, but when she put on that dress it made everything complete. She was the woman of my fantasies and everything I ever hoped for.

  “You’re ravishing,” I stuttered, as if the wind had been knocked out of me. “I mean you’re the most beautiful girl I have ever seen.”

  “Are you ready?” she asked as she held her hand out and I nodded. I gave her a wrist corsage and Lady Jones took pictures. Then we got into a horse-drawn carriage that Mr. Marks carried people in for work and he took us away from the school we called home for all those years.

  I wanted to be able to give London everything she would ever want. One day I would marry her and we would travel the world in my plane while she translated languages to be able to get what we needed. The best part of my day was that morning smile at breakfast and I wanted to see that for the rest of my life. I knew we were just kids and it was too soon to be thinking about stuff like that, but when it came to her I couldn’t help it. If I didn’t think of our future together, I would painfully wonder what would come of us apart. Would I be like Romeo and want to die without her in my life? Could it be that Shakespeare got it right? I didn’t know if that kind of love existed until tonight when I saw her in the dress.

  “This is amazing,” London smiled as she took my hand. “In case I forget to tell you later, this night, tonight, is the best night of my life. Nothing will top this.”

  “I bet I could top it,” I confidently responded with a smirk on my face.

  I took her to dinner where we divulged in new types of food and let a man serenade us with a violin. Then we went to a dance studio where they had open dancing for those who wanted to learn. I had never been so territorial as I was when we walked inside. Even with the boys at our school I rarely felt jealous, but tonight, with the other lads and the way they were looking at her, I was overzealous.

  The carriage ride back seemed to take no time at all as my palms began to sweat and my heart raced. I didn’t want this to be the end. Sister Katherine gave me one more hour, but I feared one more hour like this and I would cross some boundary I shouldn’t.

  “You okay?” London asked when the carriage came to a stop and she dropped into my arms.

  “I couldn’t be more perfect,” I kissed her as she laid like a bride in my arms. I eventually let her down and thanked Mr. Marks. Then I took her hand and we walked down through the yards to get to the opening and change back into our clothes before going to bed for the night.

  When we came to the opening, to my surprise, there was a blanket laid out by the water.

  “I thought maybe we could just be us and feed the ducks for a little while before we have to go back,” she informed me, and all my stresses left. I wanted what she wanted - to be a kid again.

  “I love you,” I told her, as the words floated across the night air and the wind blew her hair that framed her face. Under the moonlight she was stunning. I pulled her to me and began to sing a soft, slow song that I had heard a few times. She laid her head on my shoulder while the words talked about love that was made between two people.

  She turned her head and kissed my neck. I licked my lips and tried to continue the song, but she did it again. I felt her hand reach up and untie the bow I was wearing. I tried to find words, but my lips failed to do anything except kiss her back.

  “I’m eighteen,” she breathlessly told me as she came up for air. “I’m old enough to decide what I want.”

  “What do you want?” I inquired, with a deep hesitation because I knew what she was going to say.

  “You.”

  “Are you sure?” I questioned ,and she smiled at me and stepped back.

  “Let’s break all the rules, Logan. Stop thinking about right and wrong. Stop thinking about what the church will say. Stop thinking about all of that and tell me what you want.”

  “You,” I answered, without a moment of thought. She pulled the string on the corset top, the strings loosened enough that it started to fall. I caught it and shook my head.

  “Not like this” I explained. “I want to be the one to take it off. I want to be the only one who gets to touch you, feel you, or be with you like this. Before we do any of that I want to know that, you are sure about this - no regrets.”

  “I could never regret anything with you. I want to celebrate my birthday by experiencing life with you.”

  “I definitely want to celebrate the fact that you are alive and you’re mine. Your birthday does matter,” I smiled and reached into my pocket. “It’s why I got you this.”

  London’s eyes lit up and her mouth fell open as she saw a silver locket that had our initials engraved on the back and a single silver rose on the front. She opened it to see a photo of us from years earlier and a small quote “If I ever lose you stand still, and the world will bring me back to you. – Logan”

  “It’s perfect,” London’s eyes filled with tears as I unclipped the end and walked around the back of her and put it on her. Then I kissed her neck and felt goosebumps flourish her skin as her head leaned back.

  “Lay down on the blanket,” I told her and she complied. I looked down on her with her hair splayed everywhere and saw the love and trust in her eyes. I had no idea what I was doing outside of what the boys at school had said to do, but it didn’t matter because she trusted me.

  I took off my jacket as she kicked off her heels. Then I unbuttoned my shirt and laid it on the bench we used to lean against. I kicked off my shoes and then walked over to her and knelt beside her.

  “Logan,” her voice was just a whisper, but it was also a plea as she waited for me to have her. I climbed on top and kissed her a little harder than I think I meant to, but I was eager to have her. She was with me every step of the way as I stripped her of her clothes until all that remained was her panties.

  “You can stop me at any time,” I assured her, but her eyes were filled with lust and I could see that she wanted me like I wanted her. I leaned down and took her breast into my mouth, allowing my teeth to tug on the hardened nipple. She moaned and I did it a little harder and this time I massaged the other in my hand.

  Her alabaster skin was flawless, but with each moan and sharp breath I noticed a rosy patch lighting up her body. She reached down and took my hair in her hand and forced me to suck on her breasts as she undulated under me. When she finally let me move on my own I traveled down to her navel with kisses as her hands traveled with my head. I kissed just above her panties and she tilted her body up to meet me.

  I took her panties down with my hands and spread her legs open to the most beautiful sight. I had never seen a woman’s entrance, but now I wanted to live here.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing, so if-,” she put one finger over my lips and reached down in between her legs as I watched her rub her wet flesh. I moved her hand and kissed the one spot she seemed to rub the most to find a little nub that made her scream as my tongue reached out for a taste.

  She was like cocaine to an addict. I wanted her flavor in my mouth for breakfast, lunch, and supper. I needed it. I ate at her harder and moved faster as she tugged at my hair and moved me along with her hips. I grew hard as I watched her fight yet embrace the pleasure that only I was giving her. Only me.

  “Logan,” she cried. “Logan,” she plead, a
s her grip tightened on my hair. I pushed one finger inside her like they said in the magazine and moved around until she screamed and began to chaotically move in front of me. It looked like a pleasure exorcism and I couldn’t wait to make her do it again.

  She pulled me up and kissed me, moaning hard as I pushed her legs wider and my hardened length sat waiting at her entrance. She reached down without being able to speak and pushed on my hips telling me to enter her.

  I took a deep breath and balanced myself. I pushed my tip inside and felt her body ripple with spasms from her orgasm. I had never felt anything like that and was about to cum myself. I thought of baseball, cricket, taxes, tea, anything other than sex. It wasn’t working when she whispered those words to me.

  “I want you.”

  “I don’t think I am going to last,” I admitted and she smiled.

  “Feels so good,” she moaned, as I pushed in her a little further, but she was squeezing the life out of my cock.

  “If this hurts,” I tried to say, but instead her hands went to my hips and pulled me in. I let her control how fast and how far, but even when I broke through her resistance she didn’t ask me to stop. Even though I saw her flinch she wanted more and never complained. She wanted all of me and I wanted to give her everything.

  “London,” I groaned as I started to move in and out of her. I was living my fantasy and it was better than I imagined. Her nails carved into my back as I moved faster. I thought I was hurting her, but if I stopped she pouted. I wanted to tell her how amazing she felt, but I couldn’t find anything but breathless noises to leave my lips.

  I moved faster as I felt my balls shrink and my member swell. I felt the edge of a precipice and she was holding me there; telling me to leap. I gritted my teeth and groaned as ecstasy stole my breath and left me reeling to feel it again. I looked down at London with her swollen lips and saw euphoria. I had never seen her so beautiful and I had never felt such bliss.

  “Oh,” I immediately realized there was no condom. “We didn’t use protection.”

  “We’re fine, I’m two days away from my period and I am on the pill to regulate it,” she informed me.

  “I thought the church was against the pill?” I spoke up as I pulled out.

  “My sister sends them. They help with the cramps I used to get.”

  “Did you enjoy it?” I asked, as I reached for her and pulled her to me and we looked up at the stars. I reached over and took my jacket and covered us as best I could.

  “There is nothing better than feeling like this with you.”

  Chapter Twenty One

  London - Three weeks after

  “Miss Montgomery can I speak to you for a moment,” Sister Katherine asked as I was coming out of the bathroom. I nodded and followed her downstairs into the rooms where they counsel people who are losing their faith.

  We walked inside the cream-colored room and there was a man sitting at the head of a mahogany table. He was familiar to me. I swore he had Logan’s eyes.

  “Please sit,” he stood up and pulled out a chair for me. “Would you like some water?”

  “No, thank you.”

  “London, this is George Keenan, Logan’s dad,” Sister Katherine introduced us.

  “I’m so glad you are here to see him. He tries to act like it doesn’t bother him that you left him here, but behind the anger he loves and misses you. You can see it in his eyes.”

  “That isn’t why I’m here,” Mr. Keenan sounded uneasy.

  “London,” Sister Katherine sat beside me and took my hand. “We know.”

  “You know what?” I queried wondering what they were referring to.

  “We know sweetheart. I need to ask you first if Logan pressured you into this,” Sister Katherine softly spoke.

  “What? No!”

  “As you know, your father’s appeal is receiving heavy media coverage.”

  “I’m aware,” I answered Mr. Keenan. “What does that have to do with what you’re asking me?”

  “A reporter was looking for a story, and found one with my son,” he pulled out a folder that had naked pictures of me and Logan. We were intimate, and someone photographed it. I felt violated and insecure.

  “Isn’t that considered child porn?” I asked with anger as I started to tremor.

  “He had been eighteen for months and you christened your birthday the same time you decided to be defiled by my son.”

  “It’s all my fault,” I told them with shaky breaths. “I pushed him for this. I got so caught up in the moment and the romance of us... I wanted him to take my virtue. I wanted it to be him.”

  “You have a couple of options,” Mr. Keenan broke through the emotional sucker punch as I stared at the photographs that were destroying what I thought was both a magical and private moment between the two of us. “We can notify your dad in prison and get consent for you to leave school. You would have to give up that free college education the nuns provide here for those who will graduate in the top of the class. Logan would also have to drop out, get a job, and marry you.”

  “My dad will actually murder him,” I exclaimed.

  “Calm down,” Sister Katherine rubbed my hand. “We’re going to work out what is best for you and then we will help you achieve it.”

  “We could call your sister or your aunt for consent, but both you and Logan would have to leave school immediately. Fraternization between the secondary school students is against the school code and I am a little shocked this was able to happen here,” Mr. Keenan shot a look to Sister Katherine.

  “We have no money, no marketable skills. Where would we live?”

  “As long as the incident stays in this room, the church can give you a place for a month or two,” Sister Katherine offered, but Mr. Keenan’s face was full of fury.

  “You do have another option,” he spoke up and I turned with tears streaming down my face looking for a hint of compassion, but there was none for me.

  “What’s that?”

  “You leave my son.”

  “Mr. Keenan,” Sister Katherine scolded.

  “I’m going to be honest with you. My fortune that I’ve worked so hard for isn’t going to some criminal’s daughter who could just be looking to get pregnant to pay for her dad’s appeals.”

  “We were careful.”

  “Not careful enough,” he angrily tossed the photos at me to see a hand-written note on the back.

  G, looks like you finally have a way to get rid of her. Yours, X.

  “You need to leave,” Sister Katherine ordered as she held onto me tightly.

  “Think about it London. You can walk away and allow him to accept the scholarship he has coming, or you can destroy his life by linking him with your father and he won’t be able to get a job cleaning the loo at Leon’s.”

  “After all these years you do this now? You wait until we are at the top of our classes and getting ready to enter the university together?” I questioned in disbelief as Sister Katherine continued to hold onto me.

  “Your father is a bad man, and he has no business near my son. Being around you puts him in that position. Besides, this is just a crush – a silly love affair. You’ll love plenty of people. Time to start moving on.”

  Sister Katherine released me to push him out of the room and closed the door. Then she sunk to her knees as I unleashed an ocean of tears on her. I was in hysterics. No matter what I decided, I lost.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Sister Katherine asked.

  “No apple in baskets metaphors,” I tried to force myself to laugh, but the ache in my chest refused to let me.

  “No child, this isn’t that kind of situation.”

  “No matter what I do we lose. If I stay here, those pornographic pictures will be released and we will be kicked out of school,” I sniffled as she held my hands.

  “We can have them removed.”

  “Not before the damage is done and those who fund the school will want us out. Not to mention the press wil
l link us both to my dad. Mr. Keenan was right, Logan would wind up one of my dad’s lackeys if they publicize us together,” I did what I could to dry my tears and think logically. I couldn’t decide this with my heart because I would always choose Logan, even if that wasn’t what was best for him.

  “Stop thinking about the what ifs and tell me what you want in life. What do you want to be?”

  “I want to be a linguist. I want to learn all these languages so when Logan gets his pilot’s license we can travel the world and only work when we need money. We never have to be secluded to one place like we have been here.”

  “I once wanted to be a mother, but then I got the message from God that this would be my life. We all make all kinds of plans, but that doesn’t mean that is what will happen. Maybe you and Logan are meant to get degrees and run a little shop. Maybe you and Logan are destined to be next door neighbors, but live with other people.

  “The point is, if Logan is who you want to be with then you need to include him in this decision. You need to tell him what is happening,” Sister Katherine spoke with years of vast knowledge, but none of it helped. I knew what would happen if I told Logan. I knew he would give up his life for me.

  “I think I know what to do,” I whispered, as I cut the emotion out of the decision.

  “You don’t want to take more time and think about it?”

  “No,” I sighed. “People like Mr. Keenan will always believe they can force people to do whatever they want with fear and money. This time he’s right. Look at my dad, after he committed a hundred crimes, he finally got caught. He killed a man and had no motive for doing it. He just took his life. Imagine what he would do to the man who deflowered his youngest daughter. We could run and hide, but the release of those pictures would point my dad right toward us as people – strangers - invade our privacy and lead the way to us. The odds are against us.”

  “This is a really big decision. Don’t you want to talk it over with Logan?” Sister Katherine asked.