“Once I lived in here,” he started, as my pulse quickened. This was not the time or place for this, but Heaven help me I didn’t want him to stop touching me. “I knew. All those years ago I knew you couldn’t love someone the way you loved me. I knew there was no one else when your lip curved when you told me. I knew that night that it was goodbye even though you couldn’t say the words. I knew, but I let you go anyway. I could have stopped you. I could have fought for you. I’ve been so angry and I turned that onto you when it was really meant for me. I was vexed with myself. I let you walk away and when you left you took more than a piece of me with you. You took my child.”
I turned in his arms and saw the redness in those brown bedroom eyes. My lie. The thing I said merely to save him, was torturing us both still today.
“You didn’t know,” I whispered as I put my hands on his neck and forced him to look at me.
“Seems everyone knew except for me,” he sounded angry, but his face didn’t match his tone or stance. He almost looked relieved. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth? Didn’t you trust me to keep you safe?”
“I couldn’t tell you.”
“I don’t believe that, Londi. We told each other everything. Why didn’t you tell me what my father did to you?” he asked, and I swallowed hard as I took a step back, feeling the window behind me and he stepped forward.
“I couldn’t,” I barely got the words out with him so close to me.
“Don’t you think I deserve an explanation?” He asked as his voice deepened.
“Logan, I -,” I started to speak, but my words fell as he put his hands inside my robe on my hips. I swear his eyes turned hazel from the street light that shined through the window on him. The ambience coming into the room said I could trust him, but my heart begged me not to let it get hurt.
“Tell me,” he whispered near my ear as his breath caressed my cheek. “It’s time to stop carrying the barrel of apples alone.”
I licked my lips from the overwhelming feelings I was having. It was sexual. It was sorrow. I was an alphabet of emotions, and through it all, I couldn’t help, but smile at his reference. Sister Katherine had used those apples for baking, and teaching life lessons every day we were there.
“If I told you -,” my voice quivered and my heart raced, but it was time to allow the deep dark secrets to come into the light. “You would’ve gone to war with your dad. He would’ve published the pictures, and my dad would’ve disowned me as he strung you up by your balls. There was no way to win. No matter what we would have done we were going to lose, so I took the brunt of it and walked away so you remained unscathed.”
“Londi,” Logan called me by the nickname he had given me the first day we met and my eyes filled with tears. I could see the questions forming as his brow furrowed and his eyes raked in my naked body beneath the robe. He was fighting the need to have me because mending what was broken was more important.
“I had to protect you the way you always protected me,” I softly cried as my heart longed for him to forgive me. “I didn’t know about the baby until I was already gone. It was too late for me, but I wanted to give her a life away from fathers like ours.”
“Where is she?”
“Her halo shines down on us as one of the most beautiful stars in the sky,” my voice broke as memories flashed back to the doctor telling me that my fall down some stairs had cost me my daughter. I still remember seeing my aunt smirk and mutter how it was for the best when she was the one who had thrown me down those stairs by my hair.
“I’m so sorry, Londi,” he pulled me to him. I let my tears cascade from my eyes down his rippled chest. I let my heart ache for the baby we lost and the time we would never get back. I sobbed for the regrets I had and the poor decisions I had made. He soothed me with his hands caressing my back. I pulled one of his hands and placed it inside my open robe against my back.
At the small of my back his fingers traced the scar left behind by repeated cuts and burns from the tip of an iron. It scarred into a flower. I held my breath as he traced every petal from each burn. I kept my face on his chest and listened to his heart as the place I was hurt most physically was now being caressed with love, and the place I hurt the most emotionally was starting to believe there was life after loss.
“I would have never let you go. I would’ve stood by your side until the very end. I would have rather been castrated than to lose you. I would’ve rather your dad murder me than to live each day without you or our daughter. Didn’t you understand that you were my alpha and omega. You were the beginning and end of me.”
“Logan, I,” I lifted my head and looked up at him with hopeful eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
He leaned down and placed his lips on mine. This wasn’t rushed or an over eager teenager trying to keep from spending his load. This was different. Even though it was a brief kiss, this felt more intimate than anything I had ever felt. As soon as he pulled away, my fingers went to my lips and I felt him there as I always did.
“You don’t have to apologize, Londi. I forgave you the minute I climbed into your room that night. I did it again when I saw you on my plane. I wanted to know you all over again the second I wiped the running mascara from your cheeks. I need you London. I need you in my life. I’m unsteady without you.”
“There has never been anyone else. It was always you. You’re the one,” I admitted in a whisper.
“You just stole my words” he gave me a smile and I chuckled as he pushed my hair away from my tear stained cheeks. I knew confessing had hurt him, but he was hiding it like he always did. The same boy who would have laughed taking a bullet for me so I wouldn’t know how severe it really was. He was putting on the same show for me now.
He began to hum as he wrapped his arm around my back and the other took my hand and placed it on his chest. I looked up at him as I tried to hide my vulnerability, but he saw it anyway. He covered my hand on his chest with his as he began to sing and dance me slowly across the living room. When I tripped up and stepped on him he lifted me and put me on top of his feet as I laughed and remembered two little kids who taught themselves to dance.
“I never deserved you, but was always grateful for every moment I got to have with you. Even if it was just for a little while, you were my everything,” he whispered as he slowed down and those brown eyes of his showed me the different volumes of our life together. I saw the child he used to be inside the man he is now. “I don’t expect you to just snap your fingers and love me again. I don’t expect you to ever forget what happened and my role in it, but I am hopeful we can try being friends again.”
“Dance with me,” I replied, and he swayed us to a song he sang just for us. It was about a boy who found the love he was meant for, but he was too shy to tell her. The boy confesses his feelings to everyone except the girl who loved him back, but was equally as shy.
“Follow my lead,” he spoke softly as my feet touched the floor once more. He pushed me away and brought me back to his chest. I spun out and then came back only to be dipped and feel his lips near my neck. I licked my lips as he tightened his grip on my hand over his chest. I moved in sync with him as I stared into the hazel abyss that was looking back at me.
“Take me there,” the words left my lips before I even realized I was the one talking. I didn’t even know what the words meant, but Logan did. His eyes dilated and his pulse quickened against my hand. He waited for me to back out of it, or walk away, but instead I leaned up on my toes and placed a kiss on the side of his jaw and then his neck.
Logan picked me up and carried me across my faux hardwood floors over to a gray couch I had and laid me down on it. My robe fell open and his eyes caressed my body. He knelt beside me and placed a soft kiss on my cheek and then another on my jaw. He moved down to my neck as my body pulsed along with my racing heart. He trailed his lips down to my breasts and pulled one into his mouth as I arched up off the couch.
He sucked my nipple into his lips and flicked it with h
is tongue as I panted in need. His fingers parted my folds and caressed the place he had claimed last night with his tongue. My hips danced beneath his fingers, begging for a stronger touch, but he was methodical. He pushed one finger inside me as his palm continued his delicious torture on my clit.
“What?” I breathlessly asked when I saw a mischievous smile cross his face.
“I just realized we aren’t kids anymore. This is the first time we don’t have to worry about being caught, or someone taking pictures. This is the first time in a long time we get to just be us, and we know what we’re doing this time,” he seemed confident, nothing like he had been that night by the lake.
“Speak for yourself,” I let the words drift out in a moan.
“What?” He paused and I nearly screamed in frustration. “You mean?” He asked as I covered his hand with mine and tried to force him to push me over the edge. “I’m the only one?” My same words came back when they left his lips making it all a little more real and not some fantasy.
“Yes,” I shouted when his hand finally started moving again. He seemed more in control now. He was filled with pride or confidence. I couldn’t tell because my body was under his control. His fingers moved faster as his lips found mine. He kissed me harshly and then softened as his tongue mimicked the dance his hand was doing.
“Logan,” I screamed as I gripped his shoulders when the first wave of the bliss hit me. It was like hearing thunder when the sun was shining. I was filled with pleasure that had a bite of pain from being unused all those years. Before I could even come down, Logan was on me. He pushed one leg off the couch as he dropped his boxers. Then he pushed inside me and held himself there as I undulated under him while the orgasm continued to crash into me like waves on the sand.
After I started to catch my breath Logan pulled out and flipped me over on all fours with my knees on the floor and my arms on the couch. He discarded my robe and grabbed my hips.
“I wanted to make love to you, but being as that is all you have had, I want you every way I can have you,” he explained as he thrust into me. I let out a cry as he hit the hilt. The pain stung for a second, but then my body felt the need for him to do it again. I couldn’t explain it, but I felt the stirring starting once more. I felt my body begging him to move as he waited to know that I was okay. One longing look over my shoulder at him and Logan grabbed my hips and thrusted into me over and over again seemingly angry, but as I watched I saw a man with a need to have me, a man on the edge of his control. This wasn’t anger, this was pure passion.
Our eyes locked and he slowed long enough to lean down and kiss my scar. The only place you could see my pain. The only place that told my story whether I wanted anyone to know or not. His tongue traced each petal and I climaxed. Gripping the cushion and turning my head to scream into it, I found that this euphoria was more intense than the last.
“You okay?” Logan questioned, as I felt his cock pulse inside me. He needed to come and I wanted him to. I wanted to feel his release as he had felt mine. There was nothing in the world we couldn’t experience with each other that would ever be new. We had broken each other in many years ago, and in every way I thought possible until now.
“Do that again,” I pleaded, and he gave off a chuckle as he wiped sweat from his brow.
“As you wish,” he winked as I watched over my shoulder. I thought he was going to do it again, but I watched him pull out of me and stand up. I saw his cock for the first time. I was so young before I was scared to look, but now it was the magic remote that controlled him. I instantly wanted to lick myself off of him. I wanted to taste him as he tasted me. I sat up on my knees and turned to grab him, but instead he took my hands and made me stand.
He turned me toward him and then in a flash I was in his arms and against the unpainted drywall that made up a small hallway. My legs wrapped around him, as I felt his crown find my entrance. I held my breath and waited for what I knew would feel like ecstasy.
“You’re dripping for me,” he growled.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized without understanding what he meant.
“Don’t ever apologize. I want to keep you like this for the rest of your life. There is no one else for me but you and no one for you except me. Fuck what I said, I love you Londi, and I want you to be mine,” he spoke as he slowly pushed into me. My head fell back and I closed my eyes allowing all my other senses to take over. “You’re the one,” he continued as he pushed all the way in. I assumed it was just romantic talk because we were fucking, but then he said the words that hit me right in the heart. “You’re the apple in my basket. You always have been.”
Then he pushed in and out of me as we found lust and love in each other’s arms. It wasn’t long before he laid me down and made love to me. I found my most intimate climax when it was just us. No rush. We took our time, and by the end I only knew how to say his name when I came. Tired, but blissfully sore, I fell into a sex coma with him by my side wrapped up in his arms. He was my apple tree, and I was his orchard. We grew together in harmony, but would it last this time?
Chapter Twenty Five
Logan
The sun had barely risen when I slid out of bed. I quietly got dressed, careful not to wake London who looked peaceful and satisfied with her hair in cascading waves across the bed in her sleep. It was strange to me how easy my heart could turn off the hate I felt for her in an instant. How the anger I had carried for years just vanished when she was cradled in my arms, but that flight back to her - the longest flight of my life - had done the impossible. It made me think about what really happened to her and what my life would be without her and it was worse than the hate I had been carrying all along.
We had decided to start over, but not before spending the last three weeks fucking each other senseless. Tonight, I was taking her on a real date. I had found a way to compact all our lost moments into one weekend.
First, we were going to dinner Lady and the Tramp style and then we were going to dance under the moonlight by the water like we used to. I found a spot near one of the bridges that would work since this was New York and there was always a bridge somewhere. Then, Saturday I was going to take her on the ferry to see the landmarked sites that brought in tourists. It was silly, but it was something we hadn’t been able to do together. When we came back, I was taking her on a carriage ride around Central Park. Then, afterwards I was going to grill for her and woo her with my cooking skills. I couldn’t get the entire weekend off work, so I traded a flight and after I said goodnight to her Saturday night I would meet her at the airport on Sunday morning and we would pretend to run away together even if it was just a short trip to Atlanta and back. Sunday night, when we returned, I was going to take her home to meet Ada. My Ada.
I had a million things I wanted to do for her and with her, but I still had to go back to work on Monday and it was a long flight. I would be gone for three days this time. I wanted her to come with me, but she said she had a disciplinary hearing at work. She explained that they hadn’t even scheduled it like they should’ve so she couldn’t put it off.
Over the three weeks we were together I had finally convinced her to buy a bed, a television, and tell her sister about her apartment. Although, I still didn’t understand why it was such a secret. I knew there were things she couldn’t talk about - like the abuse from her aunt - and I didn’t push the issue, but I hoped one day she would be able to tell me.
I grabbed my shoes and headed for the door. I needed to buy food to make breakfast in bed.
“Where are you sneaking off to at this early hour?” Nikolas asked, disdain dripping from his words as he stood on the sidewalk outside her apartment. It wasn’t unnoticed that there were two coffees sitting on the three steps up to her door that were no longer steaming. They were outside on her stoop all night?
“I’m going to go get London her favorite breakfast,” I replied with snark. I tried to walk away, but Nikolas kept getting in my way. “What do you want from me?”
“Take a walk with me,” Nikolas spoke with command and gave his beast of a man that was standing off to the side a nod. His personal John Cena moved over and sat on the stoop. With his broad shoulders no one could move past him unless he let them.
“I have not been a good отец (father) to London,” he continued his confession. “I thought I was doing what was best for both my girls. To keep them from becoming like me, but they are both brazen like me. They both protect their loved ones as I have protected them. They keep everything inside, as I have done before them.”
“Mr. Markovich,” I interrupted, which was ordinary for me, but not when the man was suspected of killing hundreds of people for whatever he deemed was disrespect to him. My disruption could be what turns me to worm food, but I didn’t care. “I believe you should be proud of how London turned out. She has one of the best hearts I’ve ever known.”
“And have you captivated her?” he asked, as I lifted my arm to try and hail a cab.
“I did once,” I replied with honesty.
“Are you planning to continue your romance with my daughter?” He asked and I nodded. “Then perhaps you should consider asking for my blessing. I wouldn’t want to have to remove you from her life,” he continued.
“You could try,” I countered as my arm came down. I stood stoic and never let him see me blink.
“London is my youngest daughter. She is my detka (baby) and her happiness is important to me. Which is why I am coming to you before I go see her,” his voice deepened.
“I don’t think you are coming to me. From the cold coffees, I think you have been here all night. I think if you’re camping out here it’s because she wasn’t going to let you in. Did you stay here all night to spy on your daughter? Tell me, did you enjoy hearing her scream last night? I know I did,” I pushed my luck as he stood eye to eye with me. I saw a sliver of anger cross his face, and like the winds before a storm, it was carried away and he ignored my comment.
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