Avery and I both knew his name had escalated as people soon heard that Michael Pierce had taken out a man pretending to be him. Only Avery and I knew that my dad was the one who took out the man who hurt me. I know he was tortured for weeks, and in the end my dad took care of it. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what went out into the crime pool.
I saw the photos when Brooklyn thought I wasn’t looking at her case files that were behind since Isabella was born. I knew. My dad had forced acid down the bad man’s throat after breaking every bone in his body. He removed his eyes and what was left of his tongue. Then as if it wasn’t enough to let him die like that he cut off his head and put it on a stake on the side of the road with bird seed in his mouth and nose. He was sending a message out to someone I just didn’t know who.
However, when news traveled that Michael had done that my dad let it go. He didn’t contest it, and Brooklyn kept him apprised of the investigation without realizing she was telling the murderer where the police stood in looking for him.
I didn’t hear of anymore rumors of the buying and selling of people, but I did hear that Avery had stolen a large shipment of c4 explosives that were meant to take down the old warehouse in the Meat-packing district. They were preparing to put up a high rise, but construction was delayed due to that missing shipment.
I had no idea what he was up to, but I knew it wasn’t a good thing.
“You ready to go?” Logan asked as I zipped up my bag that housed nothing except lingerie. Sister Katherine had called and wanted us to come out to see the opening of the new nursery. The timing couldn’t have been more perfect, because Logan and I needed time away. We needed to go back to our roots and remember that we loved each other. I needed him to remember that he cared for me while I locked him out of certain parts of my life for his own safety.
The school was expanding with the money Logan’s dad had left for them and hoped to open up an orphanage in front of the abandoned orchard that we used to play in by Christmas.
After Father David found out what had happened to me he didn’t want the money that was left to the school. He felt like it was hush money for the staff allowing what happened to happen. Logan had spoken to him at length explaining that while he hated how it happened he was grateful that his father could do some kind of good from beyond the grave. He was convinced his father was in hell, but thought maybe with a few last kind acts maybe Lucifer wouldn’t set him on fire daily - maybe weekly.
“I’m almost ready,” I told him as I put on a pink flowing skirt. I had a white halter top that would show cleavage the whole way to England and a pink skirt that had enough room I could bury him under it. I was taking Kate’s advice and I was taking what was mine. Logan’s heart was mine, and so was his cock - or at least that is what he told me when I questioned him about why he didn’t touch me. I accused him of cheating even though I knew better. I just didn’t understand why he didn’t want me anymore. If he was mad he would show me he was angry, but this hands off approach was driving me insane.
I wanted to tell him about Avery, but I couldn’t. Whoever I told would wind up like the man who called himself Michael - dead. If I didn’t agree to Avery’s terms then I was in the same situation only I would be playing Russian roulette with my family and friends. How did I find the men who felt the need to force me to do things their way?
“Your dad is coming out too,” Logan smiled as he leaned in the doorway and looked at me. I stared back at him through the mirror he had used to let me watch us. I waited hopeful he would walk up to me, kiss me, or even acknowledge me, but instead his eyes went back to his phone. “He has a later flight, but he will be in some time tomorrow. He chartered his own plane so Brooklyn, Mark, and Bella would be comfortable.”
“Did he ask you to fly it?” I let out a fake laugh.
“He did,” Logan continued. It felt like all this small talk was just more words to bury the questions he really wanted to ask. “But this is our getaway. I’m not flying - we are on Nate’s flight.”
“This is London, London this is the original American bandstand Nate,” Logan introduced me to the heavy set white haired pilot who turned rosy when Logan talked about the music that they both deemed classic and timeless.
We said our goodbyes and walked to our igloos. It amazed me how much calmer I was about being on this flight. Maybe it was because Logan snuck me a parachute on board. Although, from the bag it looked like those rainbow colored parachutes that we played with during gym at school and not something that would save my life.
“You good?” Logan asked and I smiled. “I’m perfect.”
Logan held my hand as we took off into the clouds and never let go even when I knew I was falling fast asleep. I woke up alone with a chill in the air. This was the first time I had woken up alone since the night I was taken. Logan had stayed with me every night no matter whose place we were at or he had someone stay with me if he was on a trip. He never left me alone.
I took a deep breath and stretched. I turned and looked back to see the bathroom doors were shut. I smirked when the idea hit me that I could join the mile high club and it might help some of my anxiety. I walked to the back of the plane only to see the bathrooms were empty and the pilot was snoring in the last row of seats.
Walking back towards the front I formed a knot in my stomach. Had he decided to fly to get away from me? Was this ever going to feel right between us again? Was what we had even worth all the heartache? I knocked on the door and he unlocked it and let me in. I sat in the navigators seat as he turned some knobs so we could talk.
“Why are you flying?” I asked as I took in how much happier he looked in this cock pit than he did in my arms.
“Nate got sick and asked if I could take over for a couple hours. It’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” I shouted. “I woke up alone on a plane and couldn’t find you and its no big deal?”
Logan pulled off his headset and flipped some switches on the plane. Then he wiggled his fingers and told me to come to him. I stood up and then took a step around all the gears to stand beside him. He pulled me too him and placed his head on my covered stomach.
“I’m sorry if I scared you,” he replied as I noticed he was in uniform.
“Why are you dressed like that?”
“I had it in my bag. It’s regulation. Are you okay?” He seemed to think he had done nothing wrong.
“Why was it in your bag?”
“London, I’m flying our flight home. In exchange for the time off I agreed to fly back. I thought you knew that,” he seemed sincere, but my emotions were all over the place because he wouldn’t touch me. That was the moment Kate’s words came back to me.
Take what’s yours.
I pulled up my skirt and I straddled him. He pushed some overhead buttons and then let go of the steering wheel he had in his hands. I reached for him and wrapped my arms around his neck hugging him tightly to me.
“I’d never leave you,” he whispered as he held me. I wanted his hands to stroke my open back, or even grind me onto his hardened cock, but he made no move to do anything. I pulled back and I reached up behind my neck and pulled the string that tied it together and held it up.
“London, I have - they have rules against this,” he tried to stop me and I was losing it. With tears in my eyes I reached for his belt, and pleaded.
“Please break your rule for me.”
“London, I can’t. I don’t do this in the air,” he stopped me and I turned my face from him. “London, I’m flying,” he continued as I kept my hair over my face so he didn’t see how bad his rejection hurt me. I didn’t want him to know how this kind of intimacy with him was the most honest I could be with him.
“I-,” I had no words for him. I couldn’t tell him how I felt without telling him why I was hiding things from him.
“London,” He forced my face to turn and wiped a tear from my cheek. He seemed to be considering something, but then he moved some things around me and whi
spered in my ear as his teeth grazed my ear lobe. “Let’s break all the rules,” I shivered as his breath fell on my skin and he pulled back.
I had said those same words to him the night I first gave myself to him. He was remembering that same night as I was from the look on his face, but then he pulled me in and kissed me. His tongue invaded my mouth and caressed mine as if dancing. I reached over and loosened his tie as I shifted on his lap to feel him beneath me.
“Ride me,” Logan whispered as I opened his belt and unbuttoned his pants. I pulled down his zipper and he popped up like a game of heads up seven up. I lifted myself up and put him in position and then I lowered myself down slowly. He seemed to fill me so completely that when I breathed I could feel him everywhere. It was agonizingly blissful, but I kept it slow because I wanted it to last.
I began to push up and down on his cock as he pulled my breasts into his mouth. I leaned back and surrendered to the need instead of what I wanted. He kneaded my breasts and kissed every inch of me he could. His hands found their way to my hips as he forced me to ride him faster. Within a few seconds I was flailing in the tiny space about pleading with him to let me come.
“Fuck me,” he grit through his teeth when I turned myself around and began to ride him as I watched the clouds pass us by. It was euphoric. With a tug of my hair he pulled me back and bit down on my neck and his hands moved to fondle my breasts. He had missed me, of that I was sure.
“Suck me,” he ordered as he pulled me off of him. I knelt on the side of some gadgets in the tiny space and pulled him into my mouth. I tasted myself and hardened silk. It was like when I kissed him after his tongue found my clit. He grabbed my hair and controlled the pace and speed. I controlled the flattening of my mouth and swallowing down on him whenever he went in deep.
It was a very uncomfortable position, but I wasn’t going to stop. I heard someone from the radio call and then Logan breathlessly answered.
“We are at forty knots and on autopilot. ETA on time,” he told someone as he hit some switch and then let his head fall back. “Get up,” he ordered and I complied. This wasn’t what either of us wanted. We wanted each other not just parts of each other. “Get on me and ride me till you come.”
I climbed over him and moved my skirt as I slid down on him once more. I started riding him as he leaned forward and kissed my neck.
“Fuck me Logan,” I begged and he took over. He lifted up into me as his hands made my hips crash down. I started to scream out in ecstasy when he put his hand over my mouth. I lifted my knees and put them over the arm rest as Logan let out a guttural growl I had never heard before. “Make me come,” I told him as I stared into those brown eyes. His thumb went to my clit and began to stroke me. It threw me off and I crashed into his dash making the plane sink, but he grabbed the wheel and fixed us.
My heart was beating so fast and my breaths were erratic. I wanted to get laid more than I cared if I crashed the plane. Once we were set again I leaned over and ran my tongue across his neck. I toyed with his earlobe until he pulled me into him as I folded up. Then he fucked me until I couldn’t make a sound. My voice had betrayed me and fled before the orgasm that would surely destroy my soul came.
I gripped his shoulders as my mouth fell open and then when it crested everything went dark. When I came back I was pulsing with electricity in every nerve ending in my body. My whole body shook with tremors, and my breathing was something I had to force myself to do.
“Long overdue,” Logan whispered as I nodded and crashed into his chest. It took me a minute to get my bearings as he tied my shirt back up. “Now, I’ve given you what you need. Give me what I need and tell me why you’re keeping secrets from me,” he spoke the words that tore at my soul as I climbed off of him. I stood speechless on the floor while his seed dripped out of me. I should’ve been running to clean myself up, but instead I was frozen and the only thing I could do was shrug and look at the floor. Then he said the words I thought I’d never hear. “I love you London, but I don’t think this is going to work between us.”
Chapter Thirty Seven
Logan
“Is she sick?” Sister Katherine asked why London was staying in her room. Truth was since I told her it wouldn’t work she had been avoiding me. I didn’t want to end it. I didn’t want it to come to this, but my heart was in it completely while she guarded hers. I told her everything while she kept secrets. She was no longer the girl from my childhood. She had become someone else.
London had shut me out all those years ago because she felt she had to, but now we’re both adults and there is no reason to. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for her, but I can’t be what she needs me to be if she won’t let me in. I can’t be her sideshow that she pulls out when she needs a date or a fuck, but gives me nothing more.
Fuck me - I finally want more and can’t have it.
“Not exactly,” I tried not to divulge anything that London wouldn’t tell her herself. “The construction’s coming along quickly,” I changed the subject as we walked through the orchard.
“Yes it is,” Sister Katherine narrowed her eyes at me and stood there in her habit as if I was ten years old again and she was waiting for me to confess I had taken the last bit of candy. “What did you do?”
“Who says I did anything?” I grew defensive.
“Logan Andrew Keenan, I have known you since you were a tot, so if I ask what you did its because I know you did something. Don’t make me get Sister Mary’s ruler,” she warned.
“London and I aren’t together anymore. When we return to New York we’re going to pack up our things from each others apartments and say goodbye,” I replied. I thought I saw compassion cross Sister Katherine’s face, but then she grabbed my ear and pulled me across the tree line further into the orchard.
“You’re hurting me,” I exclaimed and she scoffed.
“You’re a grown man,” she narrowed her eyes at me. “You know lying will send you to hell,” and once again she could read right through me. Truth was I’d been saying it hurt since I came to the school, but it didn’t. As long as I moved with them there was minimal tugging. Sister Katherine knew it too.
“Tell me what happened,” she demanded as we reached her favorite bench that sat across from the apple tree where she taught me the value in life with a basket and an imagination.
“She was keeping things from me,” I tried to explain, but saying it out loud didn’t sound nearly as bad as it felt. “I gave her everything and she gave me nothing. On the plane, she -,” I stopped myself. “I can’t talk to you about this.”
“Child, you can tell me anything. Just because I’m a nun doesn’t mean I don’t understand passion, desire, betrayal, or any of those other emotions you seem to think my faith blocks,” she replied as we walked over and sat on the bench together. I turned my head and looked out over the half wall and saw London standing by the waters edge.
“Look at her out there,” I told Sister Katherine. “She’s gorgeous and yet she doesn’t know it. She sees her scars and I see her soul. Watch the way the winds gracefully pass by careful not to knock her over or mess up her silky black hair. Everything that surrounds her is careful not to ruin the beauty she possesses. Even the waters in the lake are trying to match the blue in her eyes so it can be as deep and alluring as the way she looks when she stares at it. I would have given her the world if she had let me-,” the reality had sunk in. Even when I was angry with London I still dreamed about her. I still had hope in us. I couldn’t see past the fury, but on those moments that I didn’t drown in the compulsive need to feel infuriated I wished for her. Now, it was over.
“Logan,” Sister Katherine took my hand in hers. “I don’t pretend to know the matters of the heart from experience, but I do know your heart. You love her.”
“Love isn’t always enough,” I quickly countered. “I’ve been left out, walled off, and completely in the dark from what is happening in her life because she won’t let me in. The small talk is flue
nt, and the sex is amazing, but I had to ask myself what happens in ten years when we’re full of regret and resentment? What happens when the communication stops because there is nothing left in the small talk box? What happens if we put a child with two parents who can’t even be honest with one another? I didn’t just make this decision Sister Katherine she made it for me. I’ll never give up on her, but I can’t be with her.”
“Logan,” Sister Katherine called after me as I started to walk away. “Pick up that basket,” she ordered and I shook my head.
“There are no more apples,” I apologized and said something about my fruit having worms made of lies then I walked down the wall. I found my way into the opening and walked out toward the water as London watched me in the distance. I walked over to her to see her tear stained cheeks and swollen lips. I knew she was crying over us, and it shattered every ounce of alpha in me.
“You shouldn’t cry over assholes,” I joked and she gave me a soft smile as she hugged a blanket tighter around her. “Dance with me?” I asked as I held out my hand. She took it without hesitation.
“Logan, I-,” she started and I put my finger over her lips as I pulled her to me and then I began to hum. She laid her head on my shoulder and cried. I sang her a song about a man who loved a woman more than his next breath, but it continued on that he couldn’t have her there was too much water in the lake they would have to cross.
“I’m going to go back to New York tonight,” I whispered when I was done with my song and she nodded her head that she understood as more tears fell. “I love you London, Hell, I love you more than my own life. I want to give you whatever you need - whatever you want, but I can’t. I can’t allow you to put me last when I hold you first. I can’t be the person you lie to about your day when you come home at night.”
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