by Bebe Wilde
Bear was in the middle of it, playing, as usual, the cool host. I groaned and shot mean looks around the room, which were mostly ignored by everyone but this loser named Troy who didn’t like me that much. The feeling was mutual.
“Dude, your boss is home,” he muttered.
Everyone laughed loudly. I ignored them and turned to Troy. “Roy, if you weren’t such a loser, I’d say something hurtful and mean but I know you already feel badly enough about yourself.”
“Dude, it’s Troy,” he hissed. “Not Roy!”
“Whatever,” I said.
“Why do you always call me Roy?”
“What should I call you? Loser?” I asked.
“You know what?” he asked, rising from his seat, as if shit was about to get real. “You can be a real bitch.”
“Dude, watch your mouth around the lady!” Bear snapped. “You’re taking your anger out on her and that’s not cool in my house! Now apologize!”
“God!” I groaned and shot Bear a look. He knew how that got on my nerves! “Would you stop calling me lady?!”
Troy glared at me for a second before turning to Bear and saying, “Sorry, Willa. And I’m right about that wave!”
Bear shook his head at him. “Dude, you did not have priority! And I am not getting into this again!” He turned to me and said, like I cared to know or something, “We have argued about this all afternoon.”
“He dropped in on me!” Troy yelled, getting all animated. “I had priority! Me!”
“No, you didn’t,” someone else said. “He was at the break, not you! And he popped up first!”
“He caused me to wipe-out!” he yelled.
“It wouldn’t be the first time!” someone else shouted.
Everyone in the room collapsed in laugher, not realizing they were laughing at the stupidest argument ever. I mean, who cared? It wasn’t a matter of life or death! It was just a stupid wave! Troy looked like he was going to explode, which would have been quite interesting to watch. But he didn’t. Instead, he threw everyone hateful looks before stomping out of the room. He came back in moment later and hissed, “I fucking hate all you losers! I got way more important things to do than hang out around here and listen to all your bullshit!”
As soon as he made his hasty exit, everyone laughed loudly again, telling each other what an asshole he was. It was good that we could finally agree on something.
“He acts like he’s training for Mavericks or something,” someone said.
Again, the laughter over things that just weren’t that funny to most people in the world. Even so, good riddance. “Thank God,” I said and watched through the open window at him stomping down the driveway and looking like a dumbass. Finally! I turned back to the crowd. One down, about eight or nine to go… Then I noticed something. They were watching porn with sound off. Of course, they were. It’s not like I expected them to be sitting around discussing Nietzsche or anything. “Oh, come on! Porn?” I groaned. “Turn it off!”
Bear looked up at me, then glanced around the room. “Willa has issues with porn,” he told them.
“Surprise, surprise,” Nick said dryly.
I glared at him. Out of all of Bear’s loser friends, he was my least favorite. I disliked him even more than I did Troy/Roy. If only I could have gotten him permanently deleted off the guest list, my life would have been complete. He didn’t like me either, mainly because I refused to play into his bullshit. He was one of those guys who didn’t want friends, he wanted worshipers. And I rarely wanted him in my house, even though he’d, on more than one occasion, told me that it wasn’t my house, it was Bear’s house. He was that kind of guy. Not all surfers were cool dudes. Some could be little bitches.
“No, listen,” Bear said. “When she first got to LA—”
“Shut up, Bear!” I hissed. “No one wants to hear this! You’re making me sound crazy and like I’m a prude. And we both know I ain’t no prude.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he said and waved me off. “No, no, let me tell this story. When she first got LA, she met a guy who was a ‘producer’ and, yes, I am using air quotes. He told her she could make some money doing a walk-on. She was thrilled, thinking this was some sort of real movie. But when she showed up, there was about twelve or so naked people walking around.”
“Really?” Trent said. “Dudes or chicks?”
I smiled at him, glad to see he was still sitting on my couch. “Let’s just put it this way,” I said. “Lots of boobs, lots of dicks, okay? Anyway, he tried to get me to stay.”
“Big or small?” he asked.
“Big or small what?”
“Dicks and boobs,” he said.
“Big and big,” I replied.
He thought about that and nodded. “That makes sense.”
“Anyway,” Bear said. “He wanted to pay her twenty-five grand.”
I rolled my eyes. He was exaggerating. It was more like twenty-five hundred. This story would have probably had a completely different ending if it had been twenty-five thousand. I don’t know if I could have turned down that kind of money.
“Hell, I would have done it for free!” some long-haired dirty looking guy shouted from the back of the room.
I didn’t recognize him. But then again, Bear randomly asked people to come to his impromptu parties. Most were cool but some liked to extend their stays and some even stole our stuff. That’s why we didn’t have a blender. I refused to replace it after someone swiped it. I mean, who steals a blender? If you want a smoothie that badly, go get a job! Bear took on the case and interrogated every jerkass he knew, but, alas, he never caught the Blender Bandit, nor did I ever get my blender back. So, we never have smoothies anymore.
“They wouldn’t let you on the set!” someone else I didn’t recognize yelled at him.
Everyone in the room laughed and someone jabbed the new guy in the ribs.
“Anyway, ladies,” I said, addressing the crowd. “I don’t really mind porn, I just really don’t want to see a bunch of losers sitting around my living room watching it. I’ve actually been on a porn set. It’s not that glamorous.”
“It scarred her,” Bear finished.
“It didn’t scar me,” I said, shaking my head. “It just wasn’t my thang.” Why did he even feel the need to tell this story? I wished I’d never told him.
“Willa,” a regular said. “If it was your thang, you’d be huge.”
“Thanks…” I tried to remember his name. It wouldn’t come, so I just smiled and said, “Dude.”
He held up his beer to me.
“Anyway, it’s getting late and y’all need to hit the bricks, okay?” I smiled at them. “You can all leave at the same time, too. That would be preferable.”
“Willa,” Trent said. “Can I—”
“Yes, Trent, you can stay,” I said and groaned. “Have you still not made up with your girl?”
“No, she doesn’t want me back,” he said.
I kind of figured that. She must have regained her senses in his absence. Even so, I ruffled his hair and gave him a nice smile. “You can stay,” I told him, then added, “Tonight.”
“Oh, wine,” he said and looked at the bottle in my hand. “May I?”
“Sure,” I said and handed him the bottle. He got up and went into the kitchen to uncork it.
“Oh, babe,” Bear said. “Did you get my lottery ticket?”
“I did,” I said. “You didn’t win.”
Everyone in the room collapsed in laughter again.
“Wait,” he said, giving me a confused smile. “I don’t get it. The drawing hasn’t happened yet.”
“I know,” I said and patted him on the head, then leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.
Trent came back into the living room with a glass of wine and the bottle, handing me the glass. “Madam,” he said.
“Thanks,” I said and took it.
He grinned, took a swig from the bottle, then pas
sed it to a surfer dude, who took a swig, who then passed it on to the next. I watched as they drank every single last drop of my wine within a couple of minutes. When the bottle got back to me, it was completely empty. Oh, well. I should have known better than to buy good wine. I was so sick of sharing. I handed the bottle back to Trent and gave him a small smile.
“That went quick,” he said, grinning.
“It did, didn’t it?” I replied and took my glass of wine and went into the bedroom and stripped off my clothes and put on a pair of baggy sweats and an oversized t-shirt. Oh, it felt so good to get out of that skirt.
I threw back the glass of wine and when I went out, almost everyone was still in the living room watching the porn. I stared at them, at the mess that was now my house because they were in it, and sighed loudly. This was the really the main reason I wanted to move. I didn’t mind having people over. But all the time? At least three or four days a week? And most days the party spilled into the next morning. And it was Monday tomorrow and I needed to get up early and go to work. I thought about the mess I’d have to clean up after they left and the thought was more than a little overwhelming. It was like we were living in a fraternity house. But without a pool table.
I didn’t say a word, lest I look too much like a bitch, and went into the kitchen to put the glass in the sink. I thought about my empty wine bottle and sighed. So much for that. Well, okay. I’d just get a beer then. I opened the refrigerator and almost fell over. There was about six twelve packs of beer crammed in there. The jerks had even taken all of my food out of the refrigerator to make room for their beer. I glanced at the counter and saw my deli meats, my yogurt, my milk and my coffee creamer. How long had the stuff been sitting there? Long enough to ruin, that’s how long. I almost blew a gasket. But then I didn’t. This was it. I was moving. Bear could stay here the rest of his life. I was out. I was sick of living like I was in a dorm when I wasn’t even in college! I might not be able to afford that house, but I could manage a nice apartment somewhere. Fuck. This. Shit.
I grabbed a beer and shut the door, leaning against it, feeling that my life was just in total shambles. I had absolutely no control over anything. There was no organization, no rhyme or reason to it. Just random stuff like all my food getting ruined to make space for some asshole’s beer. And they’d already emptied the cupboards. There was no edible food in this house now.
Bear came in a second later and hugged me from behind, kissing the side of my neck. “Man, I am noodled.”
I rolled my eyes at him and pushed him away. Like I cared that the big, poor baby was exhausted after a hard days’ surfing.
“So, how was brunch?” he asked as if he really wanted to know. “I, myself, had an excellent day even though I missed you immensely.”
“I didn’t eat brunch,” I said, turning around. “I ate lunch.”
“Oh, Quinn didn’t want to go?” he asked.
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I didn’t call her.”
“Why not?” he asked.
“I went with someone else,” I said and held my beer out for him to uncap for me.
He uncapped the beer, handed it back and eyed me. “Well, don’t keep me in suspense. Who’d you go with?”
“Jed,” I said. “My ex.”
His mouth dropped. “Are you fucking kidding me? Did you look him up or something?”
“No, I didn’t,” I said and glared at him. “He was at that house I had to get the trash out of.”
Now Bear really seemed pissed off, like really pissed off. His face was suddenly red. “I can’t believe you.”
I eyed him. He never acted like this. “Don’t tell me you’re jealous!”
“You’ve never given me a reason to be jealous!” he said. “What I love about you is the fact that if one of my friends even looked sideways at you, you rip them a new one. And now you’re going to lunch with your ex and expecting me to be cool about it?”
I took a long sip of my beer while staring at him. I said, “I never expected you to be cool about it.”
“I don’t know what to say to you right now.”
“What’s your problem?” I asked. “It was lunch, lunch. It’s not like I gave him a blowjob or anything.”
His mouth fell open as if he couldn’t believe I’d just said that. “Are you serious right now? Do you even have any idea of what you’re saying to me?”
“Yeah, I got a little idea what I’m saying to you,” I said, loving to needle him.
“That really pisses me off,” he said, seething.
“What? That I said blowjob in reference to someone other than yourself?”
His face got even redder. I’d never seen it like that, ever. Oh, yes, I had. When he’d gotten mad at Jed over that movie. But that was about the only time. He was usually really even-keeled. Of course, I didn’t care. He was really beginning to get on my nerves lately and his friends ruining all of my food had really pushed me over the edge. Maybe that’s the way Mother Nature designed it, like after a while your partner just really starts to grate on you so you want to leave and find a new mate so you can spread those genes around. I didn’t know and I didn’t care. All I knew was that I was sick of all this bullshit he gave me to put up with.
“You’re pushing your luck, Willa. You are making me mad!”
“You’re mad?” I asked nonchalantly.
“I’m mad,” he said and glanced sideways at Trent who was coming into the kitchen. “You’re always mad at me and now it’s my turn. How does it feel when the foot is in the other shoe?”
I just stared at him and then said, “I have no words for your stupidity.” I set my beer on the counter and leaned against it.
“I’m not stupid!” Bear exclaimed. “You’re just too much to handle sometimes, you know that?”
I knew that. So what? His friends had pissed me off for the last time. Sure, sure, I still loved him and didn’t want to hurt him too much. I could step back right now and let it go. But, no, I was too pissed.
Trent, on the other hand, laughed a little, grabbed a beer out of the refrigerator and then left the kitchen. Someone started to come in but he stopped them and said, “Mom and Dad are fighting,” so they both made a hasty exit.
I turned back to Bear. “Seriously, jealousy doesn’t become you.”
“You went to lunch with that asshole I hate,” he said. “And I do fucking hate him!”
It did occur to me that the reason Bear and Jed started this rivalry had actually transcended the reason they still hated each other. While I had been the raison d'être at the center of their feud, I believe it had eclipsed me.
“You only hate him because he’s so successful,” I said.
“Noooo,” he said slowly. “I hate him because he’s a complete prick.” He shook his head and threw up his hands in mock defeat. “Fine. Fine! I’ll buy you that fucking house!”
“You can’t,” I said. “Jed’s buying it.”
He looked like he was going to explode. “Seriously! He’s buying that house now? I’m not even buying all this shit. Do you expect me to believe that? He just happened to be at that house you wanted more than anything.” He paused and seemed to consider his words. “Here’s what I think happened. I think you called him. Well, I think you looked him up online and then called him. You did! You did that! That’s why you got all dressed up this morning! You never dress like that on a weekend!”
“I didn’t look him up nor call him,” I said, shaking my head slightly. “We just ran into each other. Things like that happen in real life. Like when you’re down on the beach, running into complete strangers and inviting then to spend limitless hours at your house and then the next day, your blender is missing.”
“No, that’s different,” he said.
“It’s not different.”
“But you called him,” he said. “I know you called him.”
“I didn’t call him,” I said and groaned. “But I did
kiss him.”
“What?!” he exploded. “What did you say?”
“Well, that’s not exactly true,” I said and picked up my beer again. “He kissed me.” I didn’t add, and I, kinda, sorta let him.
“Why are you doing this to me?” he asked miserably. He looked caught between rage and tears and well on his way to a mini-nervous breakdown. “Are you trying to kill me?”
“Shut up.”
“No, seriously,” he said. “Why are you doing this to me?”
“Because you wouldn’t go to brunch with me,” I said and looked around him. There were several guys watching us, obviously enjoying the show. Like I cared. I turned back to him. “You cared more about going surfing with your friends than you did spending a little time with me. It was a meal, Bear, that’s all.”
“You said you were going to invite Quinn!”
“That was after you already turned me down,” I said and looked back at him. “I mean, my God, what does it take for me to get you off the beach for a few hours? Seriously. You got some thinking to do, Bear.”
“I’ve got some thinking to do? Me?” he said. “No, you do. Who kisses their ex-boyfriend?”
“Lots of girls,” I said.
“All because I wouldn’t go to brunch with you?” he asked and shook his fists. “I don’t even know what brunch is! I think you made that up!”
“I didn’t,” I said. “And you know what brunch is.”
“I wish I’d never heard of it! I fucking hate brunch!”
“Shut up,” I said, noticing the guys were really enjoying the show. Some of them were chuckling at us.
“Who are you?” he said and gave me an intense look. “Ever since you worked on that stupid house you’ve been acting like a nut! And now you’re kissing your ex-boyfriend!”
He was right. But it wasn’t just the house. I was sick of this lifestyle. I was sick of living like this, of just existing and never doing anything substantial. I felt like he was standing in my way and I knew I’d soon have to make a big decision as to leave or stay and right then, I was leaning in the direction of leaving. That’s how sick I was of everything. Hot sex was great but it wasn’t everything. Love was fantastic but it didn’t make everything all right, not in this case. Common sense was beginning to override the lust and love I felt for him. I mean, we couldn’t even have a private argument without some assholes listening in on it. And they’d make fun of us later over it. They’d all get a big laugh. And I, once again, would be left holding the bag, looking like the stupid, bitchy female to Bear’s laid back, cool guy, a routine he had perfected over the years. And his surfing always came first. That was the bottom line. Now, if he’d been making some money doing it, fine. But he wasn’t and so this was where we were, stuck in this stupid argument I was rather tired of having. What would it take to get through to him? Would anything work? Would anything stick? I had no clue and I was beginning to not care so much.